Closet Spaces
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She doesn't know where they are headed and she sure as hell doesn't know if they will even last. But when Miley kisses her gently on that spot right under her ear, she loses the ability to think and everything is driven out of her mind and all she can feel is pleasure run riot through her body. It's a mind-blowing experience and she has never felt so alive in her life. And she's the adrenaline junkie who surfs high waves and skates dangerous turns just to feel that thrill of living for the moment.
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She never thought she'd be the one for a relationship carried out under the covers of darkness and in the cramped spaces of closets and broom cupboards but when she finds herself waiting on the edge for the next secret meeting, she thinks maybe; this is her kind of relationship. Hidden, forbidden and ohsofuckinggood.
Sometimes she wants to throw off this veil of secrecy which weighs down like a grindstone on her thin shoulders but then Miley holds her hands and looks into her eyes and everything is okay once more.
It does strike her that it's pathetic how pliable she is in Miley's hands but she can't help it because it's her feeble beating heart which always betrays her at the last moment. When Miley's honey coated voice washes over and soothes her she can't help but go with the flow.
Sometimes she wonders how long this will last, this constant game of cat and mouse she and Miley play with everyone in their lives. But she soon stops thinking about it because thinking about it makes her realize that everything isn't forever and all things must come to an end. Besides it's always nicer to believe that things last forever because hope will keep you going even when everything ends. She's at least counting on it to keep her alive if not going.
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She tries really hard to be this disinterested partner – the one who's in the relationship only for the lust aspect of it. But as the meetings in the closets increase she finds her heart skipping a beat or two at the sight of Miley. Lust is being replaced by love and that scares her because she's falling in love and setting herself up for heartbreak but somehow the sight of Miley sitting on the pier and her hair blowing in the breeze makes it feel worthwhile.
Don't ask her to explain it though.
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She feels guilty about hiding this aspect of her life from Oliver. Because Oliver is her best-friend on a level that Miley is close too but will never reach. And she has always told him everything, even things that Miley doesn't know.
And when she sees his brown eyes looking at her thoughtfully her stomachs churns and heaves because she's breaking the cardinal rule of her friendship with Oliver. She's hiding something from him. She knows all of his secrets, even the ones he doesn't think anyone knows, though he has a vague idea that she knows. And in turn he knows all of hers, even the unspoken ones about failure, guilt and shame. He holds them close to his heart and she holds his close to her heart and both of them know that each other will never reveal the other's secrets despite whatever happens. Their trust in each other is nothing short of infinite.
It's the way they have always been and she knows Miley feels jealous of them because she and Oliver have something that Miley will never be a part of. And Miley hates being that person who's on the outside looking in. Sometimes she likes to think it's because Miley loves her, that she feels jealous. It's just a delusion but it's a good one.
But despite the overwhelming guilt, she doesn't tell Oliver because this her secret and for once she wants it to be only hers because there's a good chance that Miley isn't hers. She blocks out the treacherous voice in her head that says that Miley will never really be hers.
Sometimes being naïve is a good thing.
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Lately she's been having doubts about Miley, about them and most of all about her. Saying she'll be fine with heartbreak is a different thing when compared to actually being heartbroken. She doesn't feel like she can handle it. Most of all she doesn't know if she can live without Miley. And this scares her more than anything else because she has always been independent and strong , even if it's only on the outside. She knows that if Miley leaves, that carefully repressed dam will break. And she's just not ready to face all her flaws just as yet. She's simply not.
So she tries to tell Miley those two words she always imagined Miley saying, it's over, but the words just won't come out. When tears well up in Miley's pretty gray eyes, her own cloud and sparkle with tears and she finds her self taking back everything and wondering what the hell was wrong with her.
And when Miley draws her once more into a closet, all she can think of is, screw heart break, she's going to live for the moment.
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i had this idea bugging me forever and finally decided to write it down today. i added a little bit of loliver friendship cause i believe those two will be friends till the end.
anyhow it thrills me that i didn't condemn them fully to the land of angst galore. i did come close though. one day, i swear i'll write a liley which is actually fluff and lovely cotton candy clouds.
until then it would be nice if you could review and tell me what I need to improve upon. so please do review and tell me what you think. :)