I was kind of looking over moments that Kaatang has had throughout the series, and obviously, Aang is usually the one who makes the first move. In fact, 90% of the time Aang is the one who makes the first move. But there's always that spark inside of Katara that she's never been able to put out no matter how much she pushes away. So I decided to write about her devotion. It's kind of short and covers everything all at once, but I feel like I've captured the major revelations and I hope you think so, too.
I remember when it happened. The moment that I realized that I had fallen in love with him. For some reason in the back of my mind, I had always thought of a revelation that drastic to come a little less…calmly. Since I was a little girl I had thought that once you fell in love it would hit you as hard as bricks. But this just seemed so normal. So natural. So subtle.
And I had to wonder what had taken me so long to make up my mind.
Man, sometimes I forget what a powerful bender that kid is.
Wait. What did you just say?
Nothing. Just that Aang is one powerful bender.
I suppose he is.
I wanted to take five thousand steps backward when I first felt my heart pull. I wasn't in love with him then, that's for sure. But I looked at him differently than that day on. Aang wasn't just some sweet, goofy little kid. He was the Avatar and he was destined to save the world.
Of course he was still Aang and he was goofy and he was sweet…but he didn't bear the same childlike innocence I always known him to have. It was as if someone, like Sokka – without intending to, took me by the shoulders and shook me awake really hard. And I wanted to like it, I really did. But I couldn't.
Aang being the Avatar meant that his life was at risk at all times. He was wanted by the Fire Nation. For what? For just being himself. For having a life that he never asked to have. It was something he was born into. Kind of like the rest of us. It was what it was. And if someone were to get ahold of him who shouldn't, such as Zuko, that could be the end of it. It would all be over.
But slowly I could feel myself letting in. I didn't do it intentionally and I didn't even realize it at first. There were just little moments that I would feel in the pit of my stomach or in my heart that just struck me more than the should have. More than they had before. When we were stuck in that cave and we were told to let love lead the way. Sure I loved him, but I didn't love him. Not consciously, anyway.
Every time I held him, every time I was next to him, every step we took beside each other I could feel it growing stronger, I could feel it. Every time he stared at me without realizing what he was doing. Every time his cheeks blushed. Every time he showed us all how powerful and how amazing he truly was. I could feel it.
When Azula shot him, I felt it.
I felt every single ounce of agony and pain and fear that I had ever held back come rushing to the surface of my being and I felt myself losing it. He wasn't waking up, he wasn't breathing, he wasn't staring at me. He wasn't saying that he was okay like he always would. He wasn't winning. He was gone.
He was falling. But how could he fall? He'd catch himself, he had to. He always did in the past. He always did in the past. But that moment wasn't the past. It was the present. And he wasn't coming out of the state he was in. His eyes weren't opening that time around. He wasn't viciously cushioning his fall with the air around him. So I had to. I had to catch him.
I thought that the spirit water was a lost cause, I really did. Even after he stared at me again for those brief moments before drifting back into a state of unconsciousness I thought it was still over. But I kept at it. I kept healing him. And I told everyone else it was because he was the Avatar. That it was because if the world was to survive, he'd need to be alive. And that was true. That was very, very true. But mostly it was because he was Aang. And if I were to survive, I'd need Aang alive.
I promised myself I'd never give into those feelings again. Not yet, anyway. Not until it was all over. Because if I were to give in even a little and I lost him again, I don't know what I'd do. I don't know what I'd do.
When is the right time?
…
After the war. After the war was over would be the right time. No matter how painful it was, no matter how much it broke me to see him break, I couldn't do it. Not again. I had to focus. He had to focus. He had to focus on winning this fight because I knew that I wouldn't be able to do this without him. Not anymore. So I made sure to keep my distance. Just like after the Invasion. I had to.
But the more I watched, the harder it became to keep that promise I had made to myself what seemed like so long ago. Every time I watched him train or laugh or speak or even meditate, it just became so much more difficult. And that's when I knew. One hundred percent. It didn't hit me, it just…was there. All the love that I had, all the passion, all the energy. It had always been there but it was just too hard to keep back anymore. And I wanted to tell him, spirits did I ever.
Aang won't lose. He's gonna come back. He has to.
He has to. The moment I saw the airship at our rendezvous point back in front of the White Lotus camp I knew it. I knew it was them. I knew he'd be there.
I'd hugged him before. So many times. I'd embraced him, asked him if he'd was okay, made sure he wasn't bruised or scarred or hurt. Once I was in his arms, I'd cry. Not very much. Just a few tears of relief or joy.
Never had I ever started crying before I saw him. Never had I ever started wholly weeping at the pure sight of him. Never had I ever almost tripped running towards him or almost knocked him over once I got to him. Not ever. Not until then. Never until then.
The last time I had cried that hard was at Chameleon Bay after I had given Aang yet another healing session. I removed myself from everyone around me and let my back slide down the wooden wall of one of the ships, collapsing from grief and sobbed for what felt like hours. I remembered waking up in my bed the next morning, Sokka sitting beside me with a pitcher of water next to him, waiting for me to be okay again.
He's going to be okay, Katara. You're healing him. You're doing the best you can. But you need to rest, too. We need you to be okay, too.
In that moment I knew that I had to tell him. It wasn't fair to him if I didn't. It wasn't fair to myself, either. I'd held back before and it had almost destroyed every single ounce in my being. I knew that Aang had let it all go, had let the Avatar State go, just for me. Iroh had told me himself. Him and Aang had apparently had a few conversations in the past. He chose love instead of power. And what had I chosen? Fear. Indecisiveness. Distance.
Looking into his eyes I knew that none of that even mattered anymore. None of the doubts or the worries or the 'what ifs'. The war was over. My excuses were gone. My walls were shot and my heart was bleeding from how open I'd pulled it. So without any words, I kissed him. He didn't question it. He just pulled me as close to him as he possibly could.
I knew I loved him but in that moment it was so overwhelming, so overpowering…I didn't know what to call it. Surely there had to be something out there greater than love. Greater than what love felt. Because I knew that I loved him. This felt different. It was stronger than love. It was stronger than any feeling I'd ever felt. Agape. Pure, selfless, unconditional, divine, celestial love.
Love was standing by Aang when he needed me.
Trusting whatever decision he thought was right when made in the clearest of mindsets.
Knowing that if the four nations really had to be separate in order to restore balance, then I'd have to let him go.
Love was finding that he knew he wouldn't have to leave us.
Love was saying yes to him in his most frightful moment, devoting my life to his.
Love was looking at the little ones who decided that our sleep wasn't a viable option anymore.
Love was seeing the man he'd become. The Avatar he'd become.
Love was knowing when the time was to really let him go. Knowing that no form of healing could save him.
And love was promising to teach her all that I'd taught him.
I DID IT!
I knew it wouldn't take you very long. You've done it a thousand times and I've seen it before. You truly are a Waterbending master, Korra.
Love is feeling it reborn into new love. Seeing it reborn into a new nation and a new era. I can see now how love surpasses lifetimes. I know now that no matter how much you try to suppress it, how much you try to hide it or ignore it or leave it aside until you feel things are safe, love never ends.