A/N: My muse for my other story seems to be on a break but I wrote this - my first true foray into song-fic and it's dark. I got the idea after hearing the song, "My Skin" by Natalie Merchant. Originally I suggested that Mrs. Elizabeth Gibbs listen to it because it seemed right up her alley. Then I listened again and got my own ideas for a one-shot. It's set near the end of Season 5 so needless to say it does not have a happy ending. And one final FYI: Some of it repeats a bit too much, so I removed those paragraphs of the song.

***JIBBS***JIBBS***JIBBS***

Take a look at my body

Look at my hands

There's so much here

That I don't understand

Terminal. The word and all it meant flattened her. Jenny knew she had to come to terms with the doctor's diagnosis, but how could she be dying? Sure, some strange things had been happening lately that she couldn't explain - but dying? Ducky confirmed. The sadness in her friend's eyes made it even worse… and more real.

Your face saving promises

Whispered like prayers

I don't need them

When you learn you're dying, all the BS falls away. Often it's replaced with clarity and regret. She knew without a doubt that she still loved him. No man had ever come close to the grip he had on her heart. But she couldn't tell Jethro. She didn't need his pity. And she knew that's all it would be now.

I've been treated so wrong

I've been treated so long

As if I'm becoming untouchable

He not only had stopped loving her, he had stopped trusting her and their interactions were pained at best and downright heartbreaking at worst. Well, her heart - not his. The only comfort and the only joy Jenny had felt in ages from Jethro - came from the dog of the same name. He'd been facing death as well. They understood each other.

Contempt loves the silence

It thrives in the dark

With fine winding tendrils

That strangle the heart

He finally cornered her and asked the big question. She lied. For some reason, it was easier to accept his anger than his pity. She was used to his antagonism. She'd been staring it in the face since he returned from Mexico. Could she really place all the blame on his shoulders? She hadn't done anything to mend things between them. She'd shut him out during her quest for vengeance. Perhaps it was that unyielding pursuit for revenge, the secrets it forced her to keep from him all these years, that caused the sickness within her. Did she bring it upon herself? Would she have been saved if she engaged in love rather than vengeance?

They say that promises

Sweeten the blow

But I don't need them

No, I don't need them

Jenny knew if she told Jethro, he'd be there for her. But not in the way she wanted for him to be there - it wouldn't be love. And if it was, it wouldn't be passionate love. Paris was over. It was her fault. She left him. If she told him she was sick, he'd never leave her. He'd stay with her to the end. But she couldn't bear to see his face as he watched her die. She couldn't do that to him. He'd already survived so much. She'd seen him broken. The way he cried in the hospital over Shannon still haunted her. She looked down at the letter she'd started… "Dear Jethro…" She shook her head before she buried it beneath some papers.

I've been treated so wrong

I've been treated so long

As if I'm becoming untouchable

The cutting edge therapy she tried in Europe left her feeling lonely, shaken and… still dying. Even if there was any ounce of him that nonetheless wanted her, how could he now? Jenny's body felt foreign to her. She barely recognized herself.

I'm a slow dying flower

Frost killing hour

The sweet turning sour

And untouchable

Had she imagined their affair being that special? If it was, how could she have walked away? How could he not come after her? She was rescued from her thoughts by a ringing telephone in the middle of the night. Decker. Grief overwhelmed her.

Oh, I need

The darkness

The sweetness

The sadness

The weakness

Oh, I need this

Mortality. It was everywhere around her. It made her own more real. She would do this for Decker. She would go pay her respects. Would Jethro join her? She needed him to join her. William had been his friend and co-worker too. The three of them in Paris… so many memories of each other tied together.

I need

A lullaby

A kiss goodnight

Angel sweet

Love of my life

Oh, I need this

He turned her down, and the hole in her heart widened. It was decided that Ziva and Tony would accompany her to Los Angeles. Maybe it was for the best. Away from everything else, she may have given in. She may have told him. One look in his blue eyes, and she knew her resolve to spare him would melt away. It broke her heart, but better hers this time.

I'm a slow dying flower

Frost killing hour

The sweet turning sour

And untouchable

Mike Franks. Irritating man. Now he knows. Not that it matters. It will more than likely all end here anyway. And that would be better. Her terms, her way - saving the man who made Jenny the woman she was - a woman made to be with him.

Do you remember the way

That you touched me before

All the trembling sweetness

I loved and adored?

Mike's words sent her mind reeling. Could Jethro still have feelings for her? Was it possible? The mere thought brought a kind of peace to her aching heart. Maybe what they had in Paris was as special to him as it was to her. Maybe it was real. It was the closest thing to love she had ever experienced. No man had ever made love to her, possessed her - taken over her thoughts like he had. If she closed her eyes, she could still feel his arms around her, telling her everything would be all right. They would survive this fight, this mission. She could feel his soft lips on hers - saving promises whispered as prayer.

Well, is it dark enough?

Can you see me?

Do you want me?

Can you reach me?

Or I'm leaving

Just the thought that Jethro's heart wasn't completely cold and indifferent to her gave Jenny the strength to end this here and now. She had to protect him. She had to do for him what he'd always done for her. It was her time to step up. It was her turn. Here they come.

You better shut your mouth

Hold your breath

Kiss me now you'll catch your death

Oh, I mean it

Oh, I need this.