Disclaimer: K-ON is not owned by Chao! You're thinking of Kakifly!

Punching Bag

You smile. You laugh. You tease. You fall.

You hid. You pretended. You denied. You endured.

You were the sheer power, practically the Energizer Bunny, that made the group dynamic what it was because you were strong-willed and you had taken the responsibility of the club into your own hands. It weighed on your shoulders, but being the Atlas that you were it didn't bother you in the least. The light-hearted atmosphere in the room was all thanks to you, with the help of a certain Private but of course, and you were often proud of it. You weren't the most responsible of the group, yet you tackled it head-on knowing what you were diving into. But then again, you weren't the smartest of the group either.

You had no idea that in the three years that you were to attend Sakuragaoka High that you would fall in love with your best friend. You knew forming a band would be magical, in its own way, but not like this. What made being in high school with Mio Akiyama any different from being in grade school or junior high with her? You wanted to know the answers, but you could never ask. You were never one to dwell on anything serious or depressing, so you knew that no one would take you seriously if you admitted your unrequited love. The person in question, your best friend, didn't even take you seriously so why should anyone else?

She believed in fantasy, fairytales, and her Prince Charming. You believed in reality, truths, and your own RoMio. You two were so different, so why was her face the only thing you could see when you looked up at the night sky? She was the only star in your solar system. If you were upset, you tried not to show it or you simply covered it up with a lie or with an excuse. You bottled things in, and it enraged you because you knew it was the cause behind the pain in your chest in the middle of the night. You knew it was the reason behind the nightmares that sent shivers up your spine and jolted you upward in a cold sweat.

When she playfully insulted you, how many of those feigned sobbing fits held some truth in their tears? You had lost count. Like the ever-present bump on your head, your heart was bruised and beaten by the one you cared for. She didn't know what she was doing, you would once tell yourself, but it never kept the pain from pulsing throughout your body. You never really believed in falling in love while growing up, yet how ironic it was that you be the one to fall flat on your face.

You teased her because it had become routine since you two were children. Mio would know something was wrong if, out of "mercy", you suddenly stopped whispering in her ear about barnacles, ghouls, and horror flicks. You knew you couldn't bear the interrogation and the possibility of coming out to your friend who was as straight as a board, so you kept on bothering and teasing her. You began to realize that it brought her attention to you and you were even rewarded with fist-upon-head contact, which was as close to a hug you would ever get from her. You were a masochist because, despite the pain of knowing her orientation and that the bumps on the head were due to annoyance rather than affection, you wanted more. You wanted more of Mio, but you could and would never get more. You didn't believe you deserved her anyway.

You were lucky enough to have her to yourself. Yet when Nodoka, unknowing but wise Nodoka, stepped in one fateful day to invite Mio to lunch, realization dawned on you. Mio wasn't yours, she never was, and she had the freedom to hang out with whoever she wished, without you. Jealousy had coursed itself through your veins like blood that day, and you stupidly acted on it. You almost lost her because of overreacting to a simple lunch invitation. It didn't matter in the end, because she came back to you to tell you how she and everyone else missed you, and you realized how much you loved her all over again after she had blushed while you giggled. She had those awesome tsundere moments that couldn't be passed up, that you knew Nodoka could never trigger on her own.

But enough was enough. Graduation was around the corner, and the reality had finally begun to settle in. She was straight, you were gay, she thought of you only as her best friend, you thought of her as the center of your universe, she was unaware, you were completely aware, and that was it. Stress and heartbreak were much heavier than responsibility, and you were no longer the Atlas you once were and you found yourself breaking down. There was no one to turn to, not the kitten, not the Private, not the teacher, and not the dreamer who always sat with that twinkle in her eye whenever Mio reacts to your teasing. You were stuck in a pit without hands to help you get out.

You hid behind your Cheshire grin.

You land on the floor, having fallen from your seat beside Mio. She stands above you, fist still in the air and her eyebrows narrowed in aggravation. You really did it this time, because you had made fun of her recent high-strung behavior as a result of her monthly gift from down in the depths. If you cried and started to bleed, would she actually care for once about her constant punching? You can't help but wonder. You fake a grin and a whimper as you stand back up, the secret emotions flooding your throat, while the others simply sigh, laugh, or stare at you with a confusing expression of bliss. Rage suddenly devours your being.

It isn't funny. How dare they laugh and enjoy your pain? Were you just a performance to them? Mio wants to begin Act II, it seems. Her fist comes back for another round.

Your palm shoots up, your bangs shadowing your face from view while you stare at the ground, as you grab her fist. You are surprised at how weak and fragile her fist feels in your own hand, and you take a moment to relish in the fact you had the strength to stop this charade the entire time. You were the strong and invincible Tainaka Ritsu, and you could halt the world if you set your mind to it, and Mio was your world. The room falls silent, and you know that their expressions probably consist of shock and bewilderment without needing to look up. Had this "show" become such a pattern that you couldn't defend yourself from a flying fist without receiving a row of confused faces from your closest friends? You let that happen; and you are pathetic.

"Ritsu, wha – "

That familiar voice stops as you gently squeeze her fist, one last desperate attempt to convey your feelings no matter how simple it seems, before letting your hand fall from her own. Her fist lowers slowly as you turn toward the door. The silence drags on, not awkward but somehow resolute, as you walk toward the door without looking back at anyone else. Your face does not reveal itself, and even you do not know what one may find on it. Were there now wet droplets on the wooden floor where you had just stood, or was your jaw set and hard as rock? You do not know, and you want to escape before finding out. You leave the room of the light music club, bag in hand, bound to return but not as the same girl you were moments ago.

If she understood, she would come. If she cared, she would come. You trusted her. You loved her.

Your body leads you to the front entrance of the school. You hesitate a moment before stepping out into the sun, wondering if you will melt or maybe burn as its rays kiss your skin. Perhaps what you feel is just a phase that will end by college. You don't know and you don't care right now. You refuse to be pushed around. You stare into the sky, your thumb subconsciously bending on its own will at each passing cloud.

Footsteps echo through the halls from behind you. You resist the urge to show the sun your silliest grin. You know those footsteps, you recognize those footsteps, and you always did.

Whether she comes to care as a friend or to love as a lover, it does not matter. It was clear now that she understood, on some level. She knows now that she hurt you, and you are happy that the pain will finally stop because you know she is running to you to apologize, hopefully with a hug that you have always wished for. She must now realize that you were always there for her to cheer her up, and now she might do the same for you. You are no longer her punching bag. Your confidence slowly surges through you like it once did long before love entered your life, you feel proud to be you again, and you feel as though you have the right to be full of yourself once again!

You smirk at the clouds as the footsteps come to a stop behind you. You wonder why it took her so long. After all, you are Ritsu Tainaka, pimp of the light music club. Mugi knows it was inevitable, you realize. You know Mio Akiyama can no longer resist you.

The End

AN: Minus the very last bit, which was added only because I've been hearing and seeing her pimpness lately, I understand it was a pretty depressing story. Forgive me for that, because I needed to vent out some frustration I was feeling today. Look what happens in one hour and a half when you're in a gloomy mood. XD Inspiration! I've had this idea, but it wasn't originally meant to be so depressing, for a while.

Quality-wise, I'm not so proud. I just wanted to vent. Also, because of my mother's praise of my second-person prologue for an original story I wrote for an English project, I wanted to write in second-person again. Yay for experimenting! Ugh, on the DocManager, it was being annoying with underlining "The End" and the title, so I'm sorry for that lack of underline. I tend to be a slight perfectionist. XD Excuse my bad tense-use! I'm not good with present tense, so I may have melted back into past-tense a lot of the time! And perhaps the other way! Either way, I'm still new with second person, so forgive meh!

Thanks for reading!

Review? :)