A/N: This is a compilation of a desire to help on top of personal frustration from spending hours writing concrit for people and having them ignore it. This can be applied to any fandom, I just used Naruto characters because it's my oldest fandom.

Warnings: This is full of personal opinions. Also, I refer to myself as the 'Omnipotent Being'- this is a joke, because as the author, I have full control over the story and thus I am 'all powerful'. It was a way of inserting humor so that I didn't wind up too frustrated.

Above all, though, this is a guide, and is intended to aid writers when writing fanfiction.

Shikamaru sighs, slouching with his hands in his pockets as he stares out past the Fourth Wall. "Do I have to do this?" he whines, then frowns and continues, "I do not whine."

A mental slap from the Omnipotent Being gets him back on track and he grumbles and says, "Troublesome. Welcome, writers, to:"

A Fanfiction Writer's Guide

The Four Basics:

Step 1: Come up with an idea.

"Now," Shikamaru begins, hunkering down into lecture mode. "A key to having a popular story is the premise that the story is based on. The story itself doesn't have to be completely original, per se, but it has to be written in a way that readers like it and remember it."

"In fanfiction, it's hard to be original. But, story ideas can come from just about anywhere. The Authoress of this fic-" Shikamaru pauses to point at the Omnipotent Being past the Fourth Wall, "-gets a lot of her story ideas from things she learns in classes or from dreams. You know that scene in Excuses where Kakashi and Naruto are running on the ocean and a giant shark swims underneath them? Yeah, the idea for the shark came from a dream. For example, here is a dream she had just recently:"

Omnipotent Being is a kunoichi, living undercover in a suburb in America with her shinobi husband and kids. Suddenly, Team Hebi starts wreaking havoc amongst suburbia and the American government discovers the existence of shinobi and their unnatural abilities are discovered- a state of emergency is declared, and the military is out in search of any shinobi. Omnipotent Being must now find and neutralize Team Hebi while trying to keep herself and her family alive.

"When she wakes up, The Authoress will ponder over the dream and see if she can make it into a plausible plot. First she'll ask herself 'what-if' questions." Shikamaru expounds, " This particular dream led her to wonder just what would happen if the Elemental Continent really did exist and was recently discovered. What would people think of such a militaristic, feudal society? How would they feel about the superhuman abilities of the shinobi? Would countries try to take over the continent for colonization? Would drug cartels start trying to import illegal substances, and considering the paranoid realm of the shinobi, would they be successful? (Omnipotent Being suggests that they would not be successful; especially since, if a shinobi wanted to hallucinate, they would only need genjutsu which has significantly fewer side effects.) And it is when she finds the answer to these questions that she will be able to form a story idea."

"Basically," Shikamaru finishes, "you can get a story idea from just about anywhere, as long as you keep your mind open."

Step 2: Write your story.

Scratching his head, Shikamaru takes a minute to sit down in the grass. "Where'd the grass come from?" he mumbles, but doesn't complain lest the Omnipotent Being takes it away and gives him a bed of ground glass instead.

"The way a story is written is very important." Shikamaru explains, wishing for some clouds to gaze at. "Good grammar and spelling are a must. Frankly- no1 iz gonna look agin at stroy whoze wrtng lookz lik dis." Shikamaru coughs and clutches his throat, giving the Omnipotent Being a dirty stare for making him look like an idiot. Omnipotent Being is busy staring at the plethora of red spelling squiggles that pepper that last sentence in the quotation- a positive sign that something is spelled wrong.

"Also, please make sure to use varied lengths of sentences. It's really annoying when sentences look like this. Because there's no variation to the pace. And it starts to get boring. It's like being stuck in a clock." The chuunin punctuates. "Or when sentences look like this and there seems to be no end to the sentence, and the reader really just wants to move on, but, all the author is doing is using commas and the reader feels like they're running out of breath, and eventually the sentence gets so convoluted with ideas that they can't remember how it began and they can no longer tell which idea goes with what, and that's really annoying as well because then the reader has to go back to read the sentence again which just wastes time and eventually drives them away from the story." Shikamaru gasps, finally able to catch his breath after the horrendously long sentence.

"A sure way to get past such hurdles is to get a proof-reader, a.k.a.: a beta; someone to read a story through and point out mistakes so that you can fix them before posting. Some of the best writers in the fanfiction world have anywhere up to five or six of them, if you look. It's not fool proof, but it works 99 percent of the time."

"Also," Shikamaru continues, "a good writer not only knows how to write well, but also how to keep the characters in character in the context of the story and still have the story fit what the author wants it to be. Making a character OOC can be done, but only if there is a plausible reason for it. More often than not, though, a story is more enjoyable to read if the characters are themselves. Seriously," Shikamaru gives the reader a stare, "would you want to a read a story where I suddenly decide I want to be a professional clown- one of the ones that are happy? And it's not a humor/parody? Obviously, that doesn't work." Shikamaru gives everyone a look that says, 'You'd better not.' "Readers read fanfiction to see familiar characters, not unfamiliar ones that are just wearing the faces of their favorite characters."

"Naruto, here, is usually pretty cheerful," Shikamaru motions to the fidgeting blonde, who gives a happy wave. "And strong and hardworking. He's also very impulsive. If he were unbelievably OOC..."

Naruto sniffled, rubbing tears off of his whiskered cheeks- he couldn't understand why they didn't like him anymore. What did he do wrong? He couldn't stand it, he couldn't take it anymore. He just wanted it all to end!

"Why do I have to do this, again?" the blonde whines, lowering the kunai he was about to use on himself. Omnipotent Being gives him a pat on the head, taking the kunai and changing his black clothes back into their IC orange. "If they left-!"

"Yes, yes, we'll show them in the next example..." the brunette drawls, interrupting his fellow ninja, before motioning Naruto to begin again.

Huffing, the blonde stomped around his apartment- he couldn't believe them, those jerks! If they didn't want to be friends, they should have told him instead of just dragging him around. It hurt that they didn't feel the need to tell him, but it also pissed him off! But... they were his first friends... He'd get them back! He wouldn't just let them leave, after all, he didn't let Sasuke- the bastard- leave, so what makes them think that he's just going to let them go?

"As you can see, the difference is clear." Shikamaru concludes, shoving the promised bribe of a bowl of ramen into the blonde's hands before shuffling him off the page.

"Along the lines of characters being OOC, is the topic of character bashing," Shikamaru says. "Like I said previously, it's fine if you want to make a character OOC- as long as there is a plausible reason for it. Making a character OOC simply because you hate them is NOT a plausible reason and more often than not detracts from the story, making people like it less. If you don't like a character, you can still make them an antagonist in your story, but try to do it in a believable way- making them whiny, self-centered bitches is not believable, and frankly, it's annoying too."

"Right!" says Sakura, brandishing a fist. Omnipotent Being sets up the scene, making Sakura's arms flabby and her skin silky smooth and unblemished. "And it's damn well annoying being cast as one as well!"

"Sasuke-kuuuuuun!" Sakura squealed, but huffed when he ignored her to have a sparring match with Naruto. "Damn that Naruto-baka! He's my Sasuke-kun! I'll just have to keep them apart! Then Sasuke-kun will pay attention to me!"

She headed home after practice, pulling on a tiny mini-skirt and a ridiculously low-cut top, so that she could seduce the man of her dreams!

"And cut!" The brunette chuunin orders, causing Sakura to sigh in relief mumbling something like 'Thank God'. Redressing the rose-haired girl in her usual kunoichi outfit, Omnipotent Being makes sure she has her developed muscles back and some scars as a veteran from shinobi battles. "As you can see, it's irritating reading something like that. Now, if Sakura were a true antagonist, it would make the story really interesting."

Sakura clenched her fist, frowning at the calluses on her knuckles in her frustration. Why? Why wouldn't he look at her? She'd tried! Tried so hard to be strong and courageous, she'd worked so hard to become the best- she'd given up almost everything for him! But still, he refused to look at her, look past his rivalry with their blonde teammate and see her as worthy of his attention.

But... if he wasn't going to look willingly, she'd make him see her. Naruto was a strong teammate and she cared for him, but the affection she held for him didn't hold a candle to what she felt for Sasuke... She would have to make a sacrifice, it seems, to get what she wanted.

Resolved, she pasted on her usual tolerant expression as her blonde teammate came running up to her. She would make sure Sasuke could only have eyes for her.

"See the difference?" Shikamaru asks, while Sakura gives a bow before running off the page.

Shikamaru stands up, shaking snow off muttering to himself. "Crazy woman, why can't she just make up her mind?" Suddenly, he's standing balls deep in snow in only his cliche cloud patterned boxers. "Great." he groans.

"Continuing on," he says, crossing his arms and ignoring his freezing toes, "Unless it is a poem, a story relies heavily on descriptors. Witty dialogue, and only witty dialogue no matter how amusing, does not a good story make- unless descriptions are provided via dialogue, like one might do in a play (and often, the dialogue isn't as witty as you might like to believe). In real life, things are going on around people and the people themselves will be doing things while they are speaking- the world doesn't suddenly melt into nothing but two people's voices. On that note, it is always a good thing to indicate who is speaking. Without some kind of indication as to who is saying what, readers will get confused- they cannot read your minds and see everything about the story that you do, and are depending upon you to fill in the blanks."

Naruto was doubled over, laughing his ass off as Kiba nursed a sore cheek. "I can't believe you didn't dodge that!"

"Shut up, blondie!"

"Seriously, when that branch swung around to hit you-!"

"Hey, I told you to shut up!"

"Make me, dog-breath!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"Oh you're going down!"

"Please, you couldn't take down a balloon!"

"Grrr! Take that!"

"Ow! You ass!"

"Ha! You just wi-oof!"

"Who's laughing now?"

"I'm going to claw your eyes out!"

"I'd like to see you try!"

"Oh please, bite me!"

"I'd rather not."

"Che, just who kicked whose ass in the Chuunin Exams?"

"Uh, I believe that would be me- kicking your ass."

"And it would be right about now that readers would be scratching their heads, thinking, 'Alright, who is saying what?'. If they have to ask themselves that, then the entire point of the scene is lost." The chuunin points out. "You use descriptors to differentiate between speakers to give readers a sort of sign post as to what direction the scene is going, as dialogue only implies so much. As far as we know, they could either be joking around or trying to murder each other; we have no way of knowing from what's given."

"However," Shikamaru interjects, shuffling his feet to generate some warmth, "do not get hung up on things like physical descriptors of the characters. Most people already familiar with them and what they look like, so giving lengthy page long renditions of their 'moonlight eyes' and 'raven black hair' and 'aristocratic features' bores the reader, and turns the prose so purple that some people want to vomit."

"You need some help, Nara?" Sasuke asks, walking up to the brunette and then-

Sasuke paused, running a hand through his dark, ebony black hair, his fierce glare making his eyes look like black diamonds. He haughtily tilted his head, the sunlight causing his moonlight pale skin to glow luminously, and his cupid's-bow shaped lips pulled up into a smirk, while his long lithe body canted to the side, causing his slim hips to thrust out sharply...

Snorting, Shikamaru shoves Sasuke off the page. "And on and on it would go, and the entire action of the story comes to a screeching halt while the author composes a lot of long run-on sentences about nothing that is important to the plot. And, in case you didn't notice, a lot of the descriptors are painfully redundant; like Sasuke's hair, 'dark' 'ebony' or just plain old 'black' by themselves would suffice as a descriptor- as the saying goes 'a rose by any other name smells just as sweet', a.k.a. 'ebony' and 'black' mean the same damn thing. And, I'm not quite sure just how eyes can look like 'black diamonds' since there are no such things as black diamonds. There is a black carbon crystal, which is almost diamond, though..."

"Also, leaving out such detailed descriptions gives the reader a measure of control over the story- what they want the character to look like- and thereby allows them to enjoy it more. Really, hair color, eye color, and height are all that's really necessary unless the character has a distinguishing feature like a scar."

"In other words," he concludes, "always write with your readers in mind, because they are the ones you are depending on."

Step 3: Posting your story.

"Now that you've got your story written," Shikamaru says, rubbing sweat from his forehead as he lounges in a sauna. "You need to post it to a place where people can read it. In this, too, you must keep your readers in mind, especially when writing the summary."

"The Authoress-" Another point at the Omnipotent Being, "-makes sure to post short warnings in the summary, to alert- and possibly entice- readers who are thinking of reading her stories. This is a fairly common practice amongst the fanfiction community when posting pairings- especially for yaoi/slash stories."

Shikamaru dumps a ladle of water on the heating stones, causing steam to rise up and fill the room. "Now, when writing the actual summary, one should do it in as succinct a manner is possible without giving the plot away- what's the point of reading a story when you already know what is going to happen from the summary? The best lines should only be a single sentence. A good summary is one that snares a reader's attention: for example, the old summary for Kiraya and Bard Linn's fic, Butterfly Effect, was something like, "A single event can change the course of history."- and it worked extremely well," Shikamaru emphasizes. "The Authoress will spend hours agonizing over a summary line, in order to get it just right."

"A good summary for the aforementioned idea about the Elemental Countries being discovered by modern civilization might be:

For centuries they've lived in obscurity, developing their abilities. Now, they've been discovered, and must deal with modern societies and their moral ideals.

It does a good job of giving out the idea of the story, but avoids being too long and giving out too much information about the story. You don't need more than a sentence or two to get people to read a story- anything longer than that, or that which requires such labeling as 'Full summary inside' in the summary bar is overkill."

"Also, when writing a summary, you should not depend on questions to catch a reader's attention," he points out. "More often than not, it creates what The Authoress calls 'false suspense' and seems almost mocking to the reader- a question like, "What will so-and-so and what's-their-face do when this and that happens?" is redundant to ask; after all, isn't that the point of the story? To find out what they will do in a given situation? It's like a bad movie advertisement."

"There are some questions that can be used well in a summary," the brunette adds, fidgeting with his towel, "But in those cases, it is up to the author to determine whether such a usage would be the best path."

"But really," the brunette chuunin adds, "any summary is better than the 'I can't write summaries, but I swear the story is really good! Plz read and review!' cop out. That's not going to get people to read your story, and some advice- if you can't think up a summary, you can ask someone who has read your story- like your beta- to think of one for you."

Step 4: Feedback.

"If you are lucky, after a story is posted people will leave feedback- reviews." The lazy chuunin starts off, "If you're really lucky, a reader will give you a sentence or two, even some constructive criticism. On the other hand, a reader may give you such a scathing review that you'll burst into tears and looking at a Word window is emotionally painful. Most often than not, though, a review will look like this:

'Update, plz!'"

"Not the most helpful of reviews, but at least it means someone is giving your story the time of day." Shikamaru drawls. "But contrary to popular belief, reviews are not the be-all, end-all of fanfiction feedback- yes, they make you feel loved, but they are not the most important aspect. The biggest feedback factor is when your story is added to another person's favorites or a c2. Why? Because it spreads your story around so that more people can read it, and thus, you get more reviews. Also, the more fav. lists a story is on the more people will want to read it, because that means the story is good."

"Get it?" Shikamaru asks, tucking his hands into his pockets and slouching. "Probably the most important key point throughout this whole article is: The reader makes or breaks the story."

Turning to the Omnipotent Being, he grouses, "Can I go now?"

Omnipotent Being drops him back in the Naruto universe, where he can be a lazy bum and stare at clouds all day.