The elevator dinged, causing Damara to stir from her daze. She was vaugely aware of movement as Kirrahe and the other salarians helped the wounded to the medical bay. Kirrahe paused in the elevator door, turning towards her and saluting, "We will never be able repay you, Commander. You have the thanks of the Salarian STG... and my personal gratitude."

Shepard forced herself to smile and nodded tiredly, slowly limping towards her quarters, figuring Chakwas would have her hands full helping the salarians. It's just a sprain... what's a sprain to the "great" Commander Shepard? She scoffed bitterly, glancing over towards the medical bay, watching as the good doctor ushered the non-injured and non-medical salarain team members out.

As much as she didn't want them to, she felt her eyes slowly drifting to the right, coming to rest on the lockers and feeling her chest twinge painfully. Screwing her eyes shut she turned slowly, letting out a shaky sigh, "Chief..." she looked up at Ashley, forcing her voice to stay even, "Have everyone get cleaned up... we'll have a debriefing in half an hour."

Ashley merely nodded, picking up her helmet and turning to leave, gently pushing past Garrus on her way. The turian had an expression that, although Damara was still learning to recognize turian emotions, seemed sympathetic. "Shepard, are you going to be alright?"

Damara wanted nothing more than to say something sarcastic, witty... hell, even a simple 'yes' would be preferable to the verbal impasse she seemed to find herself at. She simply shrugged her shoulders, "Do I have a choice?" she spoke simply, feeling her voice shake ever so slightly as her facade began to crack. She spun and punched her door panel, willing herself to stay calm. Not here. Not in front of the crew. You're their leader, you need to be strong.

The door hissed closed, beeping as the lock engaged. Damara began shedding her armor, fumbling with the latches and snaps as her vision clouded and her thoughts began to wander back to that decision she had made no more than half an hour ago. She tried unsuccessfully to release a latch on her chestplate, becoming more angered and frustrated with each failed attempt.

She fell backwards against the wall, sliding down it and letting her tears finally escape her eyes, a strangled sob working its way out of her throat. Kaidan... her chest panged again, prompting her to draw her knees into her chest, burying her face into her arms as she lost it. Her mind filled with images of the Lieutenant: their first meeting as she joined the Normandy's crew, his earnest apology after the incident with the prothean beacon, the rage he showed when the council dismissed her accusations outright...

I failed him... She brought one arm up over her head, running it through her bright red hair as a fresh round of tears fell from her eyes, he trusted me and I failed him... I'm so sorry Kaidan... I'm so, so sorry...

She managed to wrestle the rest of her armor off, slowly crawling to her feet and peeling off her underclothes as she stumbled to the sonic-shower, resting her head against the wall as it cleaned and disinfected. Kaidan always hated these things... she chuckled, remembering how he would choose his shore-leave hotels based on their shower ratings.

Staring blankly at her dresser of mundane, Alliance Issue clothes, she felt her eyes dampen once more, remembering his excitement regarding the shore-leave that would certianly follow the defeat of Saren. I'm sorry Kaidan... I should've... been better... stronger... something...

She punched the dresser angrily, gritting her teeth as her mind raced for some way, any way, she could've saved him. Sent the Normandy to pick up Ashley and stayed with the bomb. Dropped the bomb from the Normandy after everyone was on. It all seemed to make sense now, it was blatantly obvious. Kaidan's death wasn't unavoidable, it was a result of her failure as a Commander. She shut her eyes tight, balling her hands into fists, just like Pepper on Elysium...

Letting out a furious scream she grabbed the framed Star of Terra on her dresser and heaved it across the room, shattering the case on the door. The force of the throw knocked her off balance, forcing her to fall back onto her bed and back into a round of tears, these fueled by anger towards herself.

A few minutes later, her omni-tool beeped, drawing her out of her trance and back into the world of being in command. She wiped her eyes roughly with her pillow, checking herself in the mirror and adopting a neutral expression as best she could. As she moved to leave, a reflection drew her attention downward: the Star of Terra, lying amidst the remnants of it's case. She scowled darkly, kicking it out of the way and storming out of the room, feeling anything but the "Hero" that damned medal made her out to be.