God, I was such a paradox. All I wanted was to be happy… and although I pretended that I was, I could never quite get myself to believe those feelings. They knew I was totally over Cam, they just didn't know why I had never quite managed to move on to another guy.
I should have seen it coming. All of my friends, except Alicia, had had their own respective crushes on him. I had secretly been excited when he and Massie had broken up: that meant I may have a shot at going out. But then I remembered. I was that girl who wore Keds and Gap, and I was nothing like his gorgeous ex-girlfriend.
I secretly hated myself for thinking he might like me as more than just a friend. He had definitely never made any excuse to get to know me. We were both off-limits to each other. I had to deal with that someday… maybe I could.
Then I realized, iIt's over. I'm done of worrying about what other people might think. How did I lose myself, the person I was before moving to Westchester? I've never been shy around boys. I glanced up and saw Massie outside of my bedroom window, talking with Dempsey. Humpty Dempsey. Even Massie had moved on… I just felt sorry for myself these past few weeks. It was time to tell him. And I had the perfect day in mind.
There was some party at his house. It felt weird to be invited. Massie hadn't, Alicia hadn't… it was just Kristen, Dylan and me. If I had ever envied them before in my life, it was overshadowed by my feelings tonight. They could talk to their crushes. Their crushes hung around them all night, simply keeping them company.
Then I saw him. When had green and blue stopped being my favorite colors, and when had brown began? His eyes were warm and friendly, like hot cocoa on a winter's evening. And that's when I knew. I had to do what was best for myself.
I walked up to him, shyly at first, then with more determination. I was not going to back down. I just had to know what it felt like.
Once I reached him, I stood on my tiptoes and put all the longing I could muster into that kiss. I began to blush and pull away… until I realized his hand was in my hair and he was kissing me back.
I pulled away and smiled, breathing a sigh of relief. Life was perfect.