I felt something
BY MELSKIM
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. This is for entertainment only.
Rated G
Date Written: May 2009 – August 2009
Summary: Set right after Amphipolis under siege, XA story.
"Why do you continue to deny us? Tell me you didn't feel something, back in the temple?"
"I felt nothing" She replayed with bitterness in her voice, but I saw the sadness in her eyes. Yes, I saw it. I was watching everything all the way. Like always, looking out for big bro.
My brother remained silent, I felt something braking in him, listening to her. The same sadness was in his eyes. They were there staring at each other intensely.
All the sudden, the silence was broken by a huge explosion, by him, he had form a large bolt and had thrown it to his own temple. When he regain his voice he uttered a few words, and Xena felt broken.
"How could you? After all these years, after all the nights, after what we had once, I…"
He went silence for a moment, he was speechless, nevertheless he continued, his voice had started to quiver "I loved you… you know that if you had ask I would had help you, no strings, you know I would never hurt you, not in the things that matter…"
It was too painful to watch. I'm love, and I felt the emotions in them, the ripping pain, the hurt, the disappointment, the love…
Gabrielle snorted at him, she was about to say something, when she was cut off by him. "I know this was your idea" he said in an angry low voice.
I was afraid for her, I'm sure Xena was too. My bro could easily unleash his wrath on her… but I knew the warrior babe wouldn't allow it.
Xena was speechless, so he continued, "… you know that I love you… you used that. You can deny it if you want, but you know." She was sad and ashamed, she saw the hurt and the pain in his eyes, in his voice, but she remain silent and stoic, as the proud warrior he had made of her, but I knew better, I saw her eyes, she was ashamed and regretful. He vanished after holding her gaze one last time.
"I felt something," she whispered to herself "… I'm so sorry," She muttered under her breath, looking to the sky, trying to hold the tears back and hoping he would listen.
"What?" Gabrielle asked. I knew she was in total bliss and for the first time I hated her.
"Nothing Gabrielle" Xena managed to restrain herself.
"You said you felt something, I heard you" the bard coaxed again.
"That doesn't matter anymore, let's pick Eve, we have to get going" losing her patience.
I was furious with her, I was furious with my brother, but I was more furious with Gabrielle. Why they had to do everything so difficult? I had to do something, so that night I went to her.
****
It was late, they were finishing their meal, I wait until the baby was sleep, I didn't want any interruption to what I had to said.
In a burst of pink lights I made myself visible to them.
"Aphrodite" Gabrielle said, standing up, reaching her sais.
"Low you weapons Gabrielle" Xena said not meeting my gaze. Oh! She is ashamed!
"You know what you have done? How could you, Xena?" I was firm in my words, low tones in sadness. She notices.
"Dite, pleeease" She said meeting my eyes for the first time, begging me not to continue.
"You know what you've done?" This time, my words came as a statement more that the question before. "You have to apologize"
"Xena doesn't have to apologize Aphrodite…" the bard jumped on me.
"Gabrielle don't" The bard lunched a bewailed look to her friend.
"This time, he is not going to forgive me, Dite" She said in a quite voice focusing in me once more.
"He still loves you, sister" I said leaning into her, to take her hand in mine, forgetting about the bard.
"I crossed the line I never believe myself crossing; he won't forgive this time…"
"You think he won't! He loves you more that anything in this green earth, he has loved you; for what, 15 years" Xena looked at her and a shadow of a smile appeared in her face.
"Fifteen years, two season and eight days" The proud warrior said sighing, looking back to her daughter.
"Xena! After all he has done to us over the years… how many times has he hurt you, or tried to kill you? You can't believe him" The bard inquired angrily.
"Gabrielle, don't" Xena tried to cut off her friend, she didn't know, no one could know. I step in, Gabrielle was my friend, but what she had pushed Xena to do, was unspeakable.
"Gabrielle, my brother had never really hurt Xena, he had exploded many times, he had put you both through a lot of nasty things, his games, I never had approved of them, but he had never meant to hurt Xena."
"How could you say that, I understand he is your brother, but he had tried to kill her, kill me, post as Xena's father, drove her insane and joined Dahak"
"But he couldn't, even if he wanted, he couldn't." I was trying to reason with her, but she was as stubborn as Xena was. I turn my head towards Xena and asked her.
"Xena, you know why he joined Dahak, don't you? He formed the consequences of that alliance by himself, he never said anything to you, right?" She just nodded and brought her daughter to her lap, she was starting to wake up.
"What? There's another reason than being a convenient bastard? Xena you don't have to listen to this, you don't have to feel guilty, Ares never felt guilty when he was hurting you, and I don't believe he is hurt… this is just another one of his plots!"
"Enough Gabrielle!" Xena shouted. The bard kept looking at her with surprised astonishment. She paused for a moment and in a normal voice, she continued to speak.
"He joined Dahak after he told me to destroy his temple, something I didn't do, and look what happened. He joined Dahak, because Dahak was after me, he was protecting me! That's why I couldn't kill hope. That was part of the agreement. I couldn't interfere; Ares sacrificed his freedom to protect me, he was sent to Tartarus a year for protecting me… and I have betrayed him once again. My son is dead because I was too stubborn to listen. I could have stop Dahak then and look what happened." Xena was full of regrets.
"Dite, he won't forgive me this time, he has been hurt too many times"
"Xe, he will, he loves you, and he understands that you did it for Eve. You know he cares for her too"
"No Dite, I know him. He forgave me when I went to sea, he even forgave me when I left a moon before the wedding. He forgave me the whole Dahak fiasco, but this time is different. I bet you saw his eyes also, he was not just angry, he was hurt and disappointed of me."
"Xe, please, just talk to him, he is really hurt. He doesn't know what he's doing…"
"Yeah, I bet he is redecorating his halls, trashing everything in the way, fucking and killing some priestess" Xena said with bitterness.
"Xena, don't you dare to say that! You know he had never done that, well not since he found you! He is sitting in his temple looking at nothing" a pained look crossed the face of the warrior.
"I know, it just, he has been so cruel these years, I know he always planned an escape from his plots for me, but still they hurt. He didn't seem to love me, he had said so many things…"
"Xena, are you considering, going to him? Gabrille asked. "You said that you believe he is not going to forgive you. He will kill you if you go"
"No, he won't. He can kill me if he wants; the truth is that he has the right to kill me, right now, in his very spot, without being here, just a bolt, I was… I am his chosen Gabrielle, I'm the Chosen of War; betrayal is paid with death. When I left him he could have killed me and he didn't. He is not going to start now, is he? But he won't because as Dite was saying he loves me"
"I can't hear anymore of this, I'm going for a walk" Xena and I saw the young bard walking away into the forest.
"She's just upset because she doesn't know, she'll return" I said turning my head to see her.
"I know" said Xena.
"Xena you know what he wants, don't you?"
"Yes, a child by chosen to carry his linage, to be immortal. I can't give…" she was cut off by the goddess.
"No Xena, he wants to be with you, he wants a family, you heard him, he rather die in you arms…"
"… than lived a thousands years without me in his… Yes I know" The warrior woman stay still for a long moment, lunching glances to her daughter's sleepy form and her godly friend. "Can you stay here with Gabrielle, I don't want her to be in danger and could you give me and Eve a ride to his temple?"
"Sure babe" I was waving my hand to make them disappear when I heard her say "Thanks, sis" I think my work was done, at least for Xena's part, now is time to convince my little bard.
Hearing the whoosh of the vanishing act, Gabrielle returned to the camp, only to find me instead of her friend.
"I can't believe it, you convinced her, why?"
"When did you become so hard Gabrielle? Try to understand sweet pea, they love each other"
"Yeah right! War cannot love"
"Of course he can!" I was beginning to lose my temper; she could be so blind "I want you to watch something"
I created a window with my powers to show her the past. "Look" I said.
The first image was of a young Xena laughing, with her sword in hand and blocking an incoming blow, The swords dash and we see the god of war smiling at her, in praise. We see the swords dropping and she kisses him passionately.
Other image appears. It's of Xena sleeping, an arm around holding her, her head resting in his chest. "I love you" we hear him mutter kissing her hair.
Once more the image disappears and other one can be seen. Is dark and Xena is holding a baby in her arms. Ares appears next to her, she had tears in her eyes. "Don't worry it's for the best, he will grow to be a good man, Xe." He said and she leans her head to rest in his shoulder. "I know, but I'm not sure if I can do this" he passed a finger on the baby's cheek.
"You must, if you don't, he will become a target and will see thing a child is not meant to see. I will go with you. Or he can come with us…" She looked into his eyes "No, this is something I have to do by myself" She kisses him slightly and then kisses her baby, walking away into the dark of the woods.
The image drifts to sometime later that night. Xena is crying and he is holding her, they are in silence, but the god speaks after some time. "I promise you I will keep an eye on him, the centaurs will not be disturbed by anyone" He kisses her in the forehead.
Then another image appears. Is night two funeral piers are burning, we see Xena and Gabrielle, they are standing apart. Behind Xena is a man in a hood, his arms around her waist and she is slightly lean into his chest. We see Gabrielle walking away after they talked and Xena disappearing into the nothing.
The image morph to Xena crawl into Ares arms, he is carrying her to a bed in a luxurious chamber. "Ares" she said opening her eyes. "I'm here, it's alright, I'm here love" He placed her in the bed, changing her clothes to something more comfortable. He start to walk away to a chair in the other corner of the room, when we hear her "I'm cold" her eyes are red with tears and pleading to him. He walks to her, changing to silk pants, and laid next to her in the bed, she moves and wraps her arms around him. He does the same, stroking her hair with one hand, holding her tightly.
"And I could show you more images like those, over the years even if they wanted to kill each other, they always were there for each other, Gabrielle." I said turning to see her face and reaction; she had tears in her eyes and a sad expression. "War can love, he does love her"
She looked up at me and said nothing, but I knew she had understood.
"I'm going now, I will put a protection around the camp tonight; Xena asked me. "Be careful girlfriend" And with that, I vanished leaving my bard friend with her thoughts.
*****
Mind while, Xena appears outside greats doors; richly decorated in black oak wood. Eve was in her arms, she pushes the doors to enter. The halls were dark only lit with black candles and torches in the walls and tables. She walk pass the main hall to the altar and throne room. A priestess was there, cleaning and collection all the weapons pieces from the floor. 'I was expecting more holes and burning' she thought to herself.
"What are you doing here, the temple is close since this morning, you can make your offering next week"
"I don't have a week, I'm here to see your boss"
"Who do you think you are? My lord Ares doesn't appear to anybody just like this"
"I don't have time for this, my name is Xena, and if you excuse me I have a meeting to be at" She walk pass the inner doors to the hall where she knew Ares bedchambers were. The priestess just looked at her. She knew Xena was the name of his master Chosen. But she worked here and she was not be insulted in her temple. "Beware the dogs, you cannot enter there" she said with a smirk.
Xena gave her a bored look and continue on her way, while she said patting the heads of the two large black dogs in the flanks of the halls "Don't worry, Amis and Lika know me, right girls" Under the astonish face of the priestess she continue down the hall. She enters the room she knew was Ares's silently. What she saw broke her heart.
There he was, sitting in the back of the bed, his eyes hard closed, in his hands a necklace, one Xena recognize as her own, from her old days. The proud and strong god was in pain, and hurt. Eve made a noise under her sleep, and he look up, searching the room for the origin of the sound. "I WAS NOT TO BE DISTURBED!" he roars. My heart jumps for the anger hear in his voice.
Nevertheless, I step in, in the light, forming a shadow, once again he looks at me in disappointment "What are you doing here, Xena. Come to gloat?" He sighed, "I'm not in the mood, leave".
The warrior went to one corner of the room an place her daughter in a divan there, to let her sleep. Then she turned to face the god. He had not parted his eyes form her, watching her very move in the room. She walked to the bed, where he was, and knelt in front of him, looking into his eyes. "I'm sorry. I never mean to hurt you" She placed her hand in his, but he shoved them away. "Xena, go. Don't worry; Athena is not going to attack you in a month. That's how long her mourning will take, now go" His voice was low and sad, he never made contact with her eyes, he was too calm for her taste, she felt guilty she had reduced the secure and proud god, to this.
"Ares" She said in a whisper.
"I said GO!" He roared once more.
"No, I'm not leaving, and don't yell. Eve is sleeping. I came to apologize." He looked at her. His proud and determinate warrior. His love and world. She sighed and started speaking.
"I'm sorry, I didn't want to do it, but I had no other choice, you pushed me into a corner and I did what I knew, what you taught me to do; survive. I couldn't be with you just for the sake of a deal Ares." Finally, he looked into her eyes.
"Xena I know. I know I handle you all wrong, I shouldn't have put you under that situation. I should just help you. But I'm not used to this; you know that, for centuries if I wanted something I just took it and with you… I didn't know who to handle you. I know I hurt you so many times. Guess this was pay back." A small bitter smile crossed his lips.
"No; no pay back." She shook her head, taking his hands, rubbing them with her fingers, bending to kiss his fingerprints. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done it. I'll leave." She felt miserable, she stood and walked to take her daughter, a hand stopped her.
"I'm sorry" He said standing up from the bed, pulling her into him "I'm sorry for everything. I shouldn't have pushed you. I should have offered my help no strings attached, no deals…" He said breathing the words in her face, she felt shivers running all her body, he didn't know the effect he had on her.
"No, you shouldn't, but what is done, can't be changed" She said near his lips, breathing in his sent.
"But future can be… stay with me Xena. Let me help you, I won't break my promise, Eve will be safe. I swear on Styx, I will protect her and you from the other gods."
She remained silent, Ares was being sincere. After all had happened, can she trust him? A voice in her head told her He loves you, you change, give him the same chance to prove himself. "Ok Ares, I'll let you help us, but under my terms, no more deals, no more games, got it" He was looking into her eyes intensely, yearning, joyfully, he took a step to her and kiss her cheek, she involuntary leaned into his touch.
"No more deals, no more games, got it." He said leaning into her, capturing her lips in a brief kiss. The kiss became more passionate and she took her arms and placed them behind his neck, pulling him closer, while he encircled her around the waist. The sound of Eve's sobs broke the kiss and they both smiled. Xena was about to pick her up, when a hand stopped her. "Let me." He walked to the baby and picked her up in his arms "Hey Evie, do you remember me?" The girl stopped the sobs at the sound of his voice and clapped her tinny hands around his pendant.
"You two know each other." Xena said with a smile. A little surprised of how her daughter had reacted at the god, she was afraid of the presence of the other gods, but with him, she didn't fear him.
"I never told you, mainly because you would have run me through. But since the day she was born I've kept a closer eye on you two. Let's just said, some nights when she started to cry…. I didn't want her to wake you ok…"
"It's ok Ares I understand," She said walking to reached up and capture his lips. "So what are we going to do?"