This "story" does not as much contain chapters as it does stories. In this document, you will find warriors shorts, rather than an entire book. Other than that, sit back, relax, and enjoy the show...er...book.

Why Cloudpaw Shouldn't Go On Missions

Cloudpaw surveyed his surroundings. Marshes and dead trees littered the ShadowClan camp. Eagerly, the young apprentice looked over at his mentor and clan deputy, Fireheart. The tom's ginger pelt glinted in the last light of the day. Firehearts's emerald eyes were so focused on the camp, Cloudpaw wasn't even sure if he had blinked all day!

Cloudpaw sighed, this mission to spy on a ShadowClan meeting was sooooo boring. They had been sitting for nearly five hours already!

With one final sigh, the impatient apprentice yanked out a small, hand held game. Stuffing it under his glossy white coat so his master couldn't see, Cloudpaw began to play.

As the evening droned on, Cloudpaw became more tied up in his game.

Soon, the long awaited arrival of the ShadowClan meeting began. Tigerstar strutted up to a enormous boulder and leap effortlessly atop the massive structure. A hush fell over the warriors that had gathered in the clearing.

Fireheart shifted his weight and cocked his ears, desperately trying to catch every word.

Tigerstar started his speech. "The reason why I have called a top secret meeting, is because we are having a major baked bean blight".

Gasps and mummers of worry roes from the hoard of cats, as well as several choruses of "Beans, Beans, the Magical Fruit".

Tigerstar held up his paw for silence. "Yes, yes. I know it is a disaster", he continued, his voice full of disappointment, "But believe it or not, we have bigger issues. ThunderClan".

Fireheart strained to hear the words that could be the down fall of his home.

In a low whisper, Tigerstar started to tell of his plot. "I plan..." he continued, "...TO-".

His sentence was interrupted by a triumphant yell. "YES! I BEAT MY HIGH SCORE!"

Heads darted in Cloudpaw's direction. The young apprentice, who was completely oblivious to his surroundings, was happily playing the hand held game mentioned earlier.

Fireheart took off, tail between the legs, back to ThunderClan. Cloudpaw wasn't so lucky. He found himself being snapped back to reality by a dozen or so angry, angry paws. Before you could say...well...anything, Cloudpaw was slammed in a dark, dank prison cell.

Cloudpaw had to bite his lip to keep from trembling as Tigerstar approached.

"Well young apprentice", the great warrior gloated, "your mentor got away, but I still have you".

Cloudpaw's voice shook uncontrollably as he spoke, "Wa...whaaat...yo, yo, you gonna do taaa...meeee?"

"I WILL...", the leader paused, then whispered to the nearest warrior, "What should I do to him?"

Hastily, the warrior whispered back a reply.

"AH-HA", Tigerstar exclaimed, "I WILL HAVE YOU TRAMPLED UNDERFOOT, BY 50 BABY EARTH WORMS!"

Gasps of horror filled the camp. Queens covered kit's eyes, and apprentices ducked behind each other. Young Cloudpaw himself was parilized with fear.

Tigerstar rubbed his hands together devilishly, and stalked away laughing.

His mentor, his mom, all gone. Cloudpaw rolled into a ball, and cried himself to sleep.

Cloudpaw awoke expecting to hear the earthshaking snores of his room mates. Silence. He glanced around, then remembered where he was. In a jail, a prison. He was a lone polar bear, rooming the vast, lifeless plains of the Arctic.

Suddenly, there was a hollow scratching sound. A small hole appeared in the roof. Slowly is grew, expanding till it showed the smiling face of...FIREHEART!

"Come young one", Fireheart cooed.

Cloudpaw grinned and prepared to jump. The apprentice lept, but fell short. He tried again. The same results.

"Stubby", Fireheart joked.

"Am not", Cloudpaw hissed.

The two toms broke out into a whisper war.

"Are too".

"Are not".

"Are too".

"Are not".

"Are too".

"Your mother is a kitty pet", Cloudpaw insulted.

Fireheart gasped at such rude language, than remembered his mother was a kitty pet. "Oh-ya! Well, you mother is a fat, lazy mouse brain".

"Uhhhhhh, Fireheart, that's your sister you just insulted", Cloudpaw replied smugly.

The very mature warrior answer with a very grown-up, "Are too".

"Are not".

"Are too".

"Are not".

"Are too".

"Are not".

"Are too".

Finally, Cloudpaw lost it. "ARE NOT!"

Dozens of warriors crammed into the cell, trying to seize the intruder.

"Later losers!", the deputy cried, disappearing from view.

Hours turned into days and days turned into unicorns...oh, sorry...and days turned into weeks, my bad.

Cloudpaw spent most of his time sleeping (like usual) and staring blankly out a window that didn't exist.

Then, one summer evening, a frimilier face appeared in the hole in the roof.

"I'm coming Cloudpaw", Fireheart assured him. The great warrior heaved himself to his feet, and leaped down into the hole. Now the hole was big, but not big enough to allow a full grown warrior to pass through it.

Cloudpaw glanced up to see his mentor's lower half, jammed up in the ceiling. With a heavy sigh, the loyal apprentice heaved the rest of the body down into the cell. "Your fat", he mumbled.

Fireheart narrowed his eyes, rubbing his sore abdomen. "If anyone around here is fat", he shot back, "it's you chubby".

"It's all this fur, it makes me look poofy", defended Cloudpaw.

"Fat", Firestar concluded.

"Poofy".

"Fat".

"Poofy".

"Faaaaaat".

"POOFY!" Cloudpaw screamed.

As Fireheart had a hard enough time getting down, it was physically impossible for him to get back up again before the hoards of warriors closed in around him and Cloudpaw. Before you could say "mouse brain", apprentice and mentor were shoved into a new jail, and a very grumpy repair cat was sent to repair the holed roof.

Fireheart shot a menacing glance at Cloudpaw "You have got to stop yelling", he concluded.