I have no memories of childhood or youth, no recollections of dreams... My first memory was born out of pain, as hundreds of pieces of glass cut my skin…as I fell upon the cold, stone floor in the darkness. The birth of my mind had no nurturing arms to embrace me. Packages of knowledge burned into my brain as they unfolded… I twitched upon the floor bleeding, alone…
The name upon my titanium cradle was Yazoo S841 and I took it as my own.
The reflection of my face, in the remnants of the glass gave me definition of myself. Was I beautiful? What was beauty? What were the words in my mind whose definition somehow eluded me?
A pale light drew my eyes and I found my brothers… or better I say… I felt they were my brothers. In serenity they slept floating in the shimmering liquid that denied me, spilled me onto the world.
Then the voices came… They intruded upon my young mind, loud, defined, overbearing… Filling the emptiness the dead place around me created. They gave me the strength to stand and taught me…
I set my brothers free. The one called Loz S945 could barely walk and the youngest of us, Kadaj S1024, slept for many days after his release.
We did not speak; in the beginning, our thoughts spoke for us… Unlike the younger I felt we were not human…not kindred to the beasts of this world. I didn't have the heart to tell them and burden their minds with my suffering. Slowly I heard you, as you would whisper us to sleep.
Mother. The meaning of this word was foreign but you made us love you. The other voices fell silent, the sanctity of our minds was pure…at least as much as you willed it. There was kindness if we were ruthless.
We became your soldiers. We were proud. We believed you were proud.
There was pain and suffering and madness dripped into our dreams as payment. I failed you… my eyes opened I knew we were only vessels for the soul of your lost son. Your only son.
And when your shrieks blinded us forever, enslaved us in a maze of your dreams we found our actions were guided by your thoughts... Like three souls existed and I struggled, I struggled so long…but your voice mother and the voice of the madness you brought were so strong and so persistent that I shattered time and time again.
Silently I longed for the moments we would find our true brother who at first was a vessel as we, but who proved strong enough to defeat you. I hoped he would show us the way!
Our brother did not help us, he fought against us in belief we were the enemy. He failed to understand our choices were bound to your thoughts. He fell from glory in my eyes. He failed us.
You killed me mother by making us puppets hanging on the strings of your thoughts…body of thoughts…that could be forgotten...
In the end, I dreamed. I dreamed of silence, of darkness… I dreamed and you were not there to listen, to scream, to speak…
Her voice guided me… in brilliance of light upon the horizon… She brought me peace.