"Another false lead on the stone, Fullmetal?"
Edward scowled at the colonel's amused tone. After having to undergo the difficulties of this particular mission, needing repairs on his automail yet again (meaning he'll have to deal with Winry's wrench coming down on his head), and coming back with disappointment, dealing with Roy Mustang's sarcasm was the worst part of it all. He gritted his teeth, wishing he could knock that smug look right off Colonel Mustang's face.
"I'd like to see you do better." Ed muttered as he dramatically crossed his arms across his chest with a quiet 'humpf'.
"Oh, but I have." Roy smirked devilishly as he leaned back in his chair. "I've managed to acquire quite a bit of information regarding the Philosopher's stone, but-"
"Well why the hell didn't you say so in the first place!?" Ed demanded as he slammed his hands down on the colonel's desk. "Hand it over!"
"Not so fast, Edward."
Ed's flesh hand balled into a tight fist, his automail one having a bit of difficulty functioning properly from the damage done.
"What do you mean, 'not so fast?' Do you know how long the search has been going on? It was just starting to feel like a wild goose chase, but with your information we could-"
"Suck my dick."
"...What?" Edward's hand loosened as his eyebrows squished together in confusion. Did Mustang really just…
"You heard me correctly. If you want the information so badly, you're going to have to pay for it using that mouth of yours."
"I…"
Ed paused, studying the colonel's expression. Mustang was joking… He had to be, but there was no hint of joking to be seen. He swallowed hard. It was simple to, or at least seemed simple enough… and he'd only have to do it once. Then, with the new information, Al and him could continue a more hopeful search and maybe even get his brother's body.
"Okay." He hesitated a moment before walking around the desk and approaching Colonel Mustang. His heart was pounding in his ears, hands shaky and palms damp with sweat as he knelt down between Roy's legs, reaching to unbutton-
His hand was swatted away as the chair squeaked from being forced to slide backwards and clattered as it tipped over.
"Fullmetal! I was joking!"
"You… YOU WHAT!?"
Ed jumped to his feet, grabbing a fistful of Mustang's uniform top and screamed at his superior's flushed face.
"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD JOKE ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THAT! YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING DOG! YOU'RE LUCKY I DON'T SHOVE MY BOOT DOWN ON YOUR DICK TO SEE HOW THAT WOULD SUFFICE INSTEAD! I'M SURE THAT WOULDN'T FEEL TOO GOOD! YOU WERE PROBABLY-"
"Edward! Calm down! I'm sorry, okay? I didn't think you would actually…"
"Well why the hell would you even suggest such a thing?" Ed's voice lowered to a growl, but his body stayed tense and face flushed with anger.
"I was testing you. I wanted to see just how determined you are."
"From the start I've been saying I would do anything to get my brother's body back. And if that was the only way I could get that information on the stone, then I would of."
There was a moment of silence between the two of them as they stared intently at each other, then…
"...I was also lying about the information."
"YOU BASTARD!"