Story Notes: A request of EternalSunshine83. Because these are the sorts of nightmares I deliver when the commissions head my way. Sorry it's monstrously long, but it truly is a one-shot in nature. Separating it into chapters felt very wrong, somehow. Uploaded to Ao3 for easy download.
Warnings: Beware! Ahead lies non-con, semi-graphic sexual content, emotional/psychological/physical abuse, brother/brother incest, underage shenanigans, drug abuse, religious imagery (not shown in a very flattering light), internalized homophobia, and heaps of angst and drama.
Pairings: Sirius/Regulus (non con) James/Regulus (very non con) James/Regulus/Sirius (do the math)
"Have you said your prayers tonight, Regulus?"
When Regulus was nine, his brother left for his first year of school, and for the first time, Regulus was alone to bear the majority of his parents' attentions. It was odd to him, and frightening to feel not Sirius, but instead the tall form of his father flush against his back, arms heavy over his shoulders, hands clasped over Regulus's and maneuvering them firmly. The light from the altar candles was always hot against Regulus's skin, making him sweat. But still he shivered when the commanding voice in his ear was not Sirius's whispered encouragements, but instead his father's coarse commands.
"The water, Regulus..."
"Yes, Father."
"What have you been praying for?"
Regulus dipped his fingers gently into the situla. He could almost feel the piercing glare from his father, who was surely remembering the aspergil Sirius had broken the previous Easter.
"On the candles."
Regulus tried to focus, but the constant murmuring from his mother as she ghosted about the small basement chapel was swirling his thoughts. He could feel his parents' frustration. He should know how to do this all by now, his father shouldn't have to guide him. He wished desperately that Sirius were here to help him, but Sirius had not returned home for the Easter break, electing instead to remain at the school with his new friends.
And their parents had been unable to force Sirius to return home. Regulus wished he had such bravery.
"Give me your hands and close your eyes. I'll tell you what to say."
"Regulus!"
Orion's sharp words pulled Regulus from his thoughts. The edges of the tiny room were almost painfully dark, with the flickering candlelight cloying sickeningly from the table's altar.
"I'm sorry," Regulus whispered. And he tried to do better. He took the vial his father handed him with trembling fingers, spilling some and earning a light smack on the head for his troubles. He brought the potion to his lips and drank deeply, as he always did. The next few hours were miserable. Regulus tried to handle the overwhelming magic of the affair, tried to remain upright without crying, but as it always was, it was useless. He fumbled his lines and couldn't perform the rites properly. His weaknesses seemed to dampen the whole room, dulling the candles and making everything cold. The more Regulus worried, the worse it got. His father seemed less angry than resigned. Another Easter ruined.
When his parents finally released him from their attention, Regulus sneaked off as fast as he could. Legs shaking and mind still foggy, he slinked into his bedroom and closed the door. He had a few hours before he would have to return downstairs for dinner. He curled up by himself at the head of his bed, praying for his brother to return to lay beside him as he always had—not because Sirius was ever kind, but because he was familiar. Regulus's bedroom felt cold without Sirius's constant fire.
Regulus's prayers went unheard.
Sirius came home that summer, somehow more confident and headstrong than ever. Regulus watched, wide-eyed from the top of the stairs as Sirius bickered with their parents. He hadn't even set his school trunk down yet and the arguments had already begun. But there was such a flippancy to Sirius's voice that Regulus began to shake. Orion and Walburga would not take this behavior for long, surely. Regulus bit his lip and dashed back to his bedroom.
And like Regulus knew he would, Sirius joined him some minutes later. Regulus felt a warmth spread out to the corners of his room. He sat up in his bed and tilted his head questioningly.
"Have you missed me?" Sirius asked with a wolfish grin.
Regulus nodded.
"Good boy," Sirius said, slipping off his cloak and flinging it onto Regulus's desk chair. "Have they been terribly mean to you?"
Regulus shrugged. "I'm fine," he said. Sirius raised an eyebrow.
"Have you said your prayers tonight?"
Regulus nodded again and Sirius's eyes swiveled to the empty vial by the headrest.
"And what did you ask for, Reggie?"
Regulus didn't respond. He slumped back into his pillows—a defeated gesture. Sirius circled his bed, toying with his watch and waiting. "Did you pray for me to return to you?"
Regulus eyed his brother with some exasperation. "No," he said sullenly. "Get out of my room."
Sirius chuckled. "Because I'll always come back for you," he continued as though Regulus had not spoken at all. He blew out the lamp flickering on Regulus's bedside table. The room was briefly submerged in darkness before Sirius threw back the curtains and the moonlight came spilling in.
"Look, Reggie, a full moon," Sirius commented. He began to fiddle with the latch on the window.
"I don't want to go outside, Sirius," Regulus said dully.
Sirius pushed the window panes outwards, and a gust of wind pulled the curtains almost violently out with them. Above the sound of the curtain rings rattling, Regulus could hear his brother's soft laugh.
"We'll get in trouble."
"Mum and Dad won't find out."
"Not with them," Regulus whispered, more to himself than to Sirius.
Sirius smiled. He pulled Regulus up and wrapped him in a cloak. "Don't worry," he whispered silkily in his brother's ear. "When we come back, I'll lead you through your prayers again, Reggie, and make it all go away."
Regulus did not like James Potter. Whenever Sirius spent time with him, at school or on holidays, he always returned meaner. Where a younger Sirius had been coarse, he was now cruel. Selfishness had given way to heartlessness, and Regulus blamed Sirius's friends for it. By the time Regulus finally met James Potter on the Hogwarts Express two years later, he had created in his mind a monster. A dark specter that had taken ahold of Sirius and shook all his cruelty free. Regulus imagined James Potter was mean-tempered and ugly, like the villains from his storybooks. Regulus assumed James Potter would speak harshly, yell even, as Walburga and Orion Black always did.
What he had not predicted was to be approached by a charming boy in bloodred robes, whose glasses shone and whose smile was infectious.
"You must be Regulus," the boy said, and he took Regulus's hand in his own. "I'm James." He pulled Regulus close until the smaller boy bumped against his chest. "Sirius says I'm to be nice to you."
Regulus knew his parents were still watching him from the edge of the station platform, but he found he didn't care. James smelled nice to him, almost overwhelmingly of sweet cinnamon and soap. And he was warm. Warmer than even Sirius and Regulus felt his legs begin to tingle.
"Sirius is saving us a compartment," James continued, and to Regulus's dismay, the older boy released his hold. With no excuse to stay close, Regulus took a step back and stared dumbly up at James's handsome face.
James laughed nervously. "Don't you speak, Baby Black?" he asked. "You're acting like you've never seen another wizard before."
Regulus swallowed the lump in his throat. James wasn't too far off. Regulus had met few people outside his family: Occasional business associates of his parents, the one or two muggles that he and Sirius had run into during their midnight wanderings, his cousin Bellatrix and her two younger sisters...but no one like James.
Before Regulus could compose himself, James was prodding him forward by the shoulders and the train's whistle was blaring through the air.
"Your luggage is on board already, I presume?" James asked, and Regulus could only nod numbly in response.
"Good, then let's go meet your brother. Sirius says it's your first year. You're going to love it there..."
Regulus didn't fit into Hogwarts too well. The Sorting Hat placed him in Slytherin, a respectable house that he knew would please his parents, but he never got on much with his classmates. Even those from pure backgrounds gave him a bit of a wide berth. Regulus wondered if Sirius's behaviors and reputation had preceded him. Regulus didn't prove himself to be a terribly adept student. He had a penchant for flying and the more arcane aspects of magic, but with a wand in his hand, he was pretty useless.
His brother didn't seem to have much time for him at school, but Regulus was more focused on James, anyway. He found excuses to cross the other boy in hallways and sometimes turned up to watch his Quidditch practices, behaviors that James Potter did nothing to discourage. He seemed to bask in the attentions. By the time the winter holidays rolled around, Regulus Black had developed a very fierce crush on James Potter, and Sirius had noticed. Regulus knew he had been too obvious, staring longingly at the older boy from his corner of their compartment on the Hogwarts Express. When James got up to go check on Peter and Remus, who were in the next car over, Sirius kicked his brother in the shins. Regulus whimpered and recoiled from him.
"Looking forward to Christmas, Reggie?"
Regulus rubbed ruefully at his leg. He shook his head, not wanting to make eye contact with Sirius because doing so often provoked the worst behavior out of his brother.
"What do you want for Christmas, Reg?" Sirius leaned forward, resting his chin in his hand. "James?"
Regulus choked on his own breath.
"W—what are—what do you—? No..."
Sirius let out a bark of laughter. "What a sinner you are, Reggie. There may not be prayers enough in the world for you to make up for this." He laughed again at the terrified look on Regulus's face, and then he slumped back in his seat, eyeing Regulus with a dark shadow about his face. "Don't hold your breath, Reggie. You'll need to do a fair bit of growing up before James'll touch you."
Regulus stared at his brother reproachfully. Ears burning, he hastily fished a book from his bag and buried himself within a random chapter. He'd not been hiding behind the musty pages for ten seconds when Sirius unceremoniously jerked the book down by its spine so he could once again stare brutally into Regulus's eyes.
"Looks like you're still mine for a few more years..."
When he was no longer distracted by schoolwork, his friends, and the allure of a great distance between himself and Grimmauld Place, Sirius Black's focus shifted back to his brother. Regulus was unsurprised that Sirius's attentions came back in full force over the Christmas holidays, and part of him almost welcomed the return to normal. At least now he knew he was to be led around by the wrist again. Gone was the uncertainty he'd felt at school, and the terror of existing outside his family.
"Let's go see the tree, Reg!" Sirius had barely stepped over the threshold of Number 12 before he'd unceremoniously dropped his bags and pulled Regulus to him by the collar. With a yelp, Regulus dropped his bag, as well. As Sirius tugged him down the hallway, Regulus could hear his parents griping at Sirius as they stumbled over the discarded luggage.
The Christmas tree stood as it did every year, tall and splendid in the first floor drawing room. Around its skirt already was lain an entire cavalcade of gifts, most for Sirius but a few shining with tags for Regulus, as well. Sirius knelt down and started to examine the finely wrapped boxes.
"Young master isn't to open anything until this weekend," Kreacher said grumpily. Regulus turned to see the small elf had appeared from behind the couch.
"I'm not," Sirius lied as he prized one open, anyway. Inside it was an elegant rune watch.
"Sirius." Their father had arrived, a disapproving look on his face. "Leave those for after the party this Saturday."
But Sirius was already fastening the watch to his wrist. Regulus leaned closer to look at it. He was far too afraid of their parents to brazenly open one of his own gifts, so he wanted to enjoy Sirius's presents vicariously, instead. "Can I have my name engraved on this?" Sirius asked in a demanding voice. "In runescript?"
"Sure," their father said in a bored tone. He coaxed them both from the room and sent them upstairs to get dressed for dinner. "Be down at the bell," he reminded them.
Grimmauld Place was large and labyrinthine. Many rooms and some entire wings had been added after the house had been violently acquired from its original muggle owners. So now it had expanded to a size well beyond the original intent and wouldn't fit in the space occupied by three normal houses without Orion and Walburga Black's magic to contain it. Regulus felt he'd walked a mile before he finally got to the landing where he and his brother slept.
"Have you been good this year, Reggie?" Sirius asked, pushing Regulus onto his bed before joining him. Regulus hated being in Sirius's room. It was much larger than his own, Regulus had no happy memories of this space.
"I've got presents, haven't I?"
Sirius laughed. "They're all really mine, anyway. If it's yours, then it's mine."
Regulus glared at his brother. "That's not true."
"Yes it is, Father told me." Sirius leaned down over his brother, running his fingers up and down the side of Regulus's throat. "Told me that I'm the heir and everything will be mine. The house is mine, the magic is mine...and you're mine, too."
Regulus shifted about uncomfortably. "G—get off of me, Sirius," he said weakly.
Sirius only continued to lean closer. "You didn't let your prayers lapse while you were at school, right? You didn't run out of your potion did you?" Sirius's breath was warm and gentle against Regulus's neck.
"No," Regulus whispered. "Of course I didn't and...I've plenty left."
Sirius sat up a bit, grinning. "You know why that stuff's red, don't you?"
Regulus shook his head.
"'Cause it's full of blood," Sirius said sincerely.
Regulus jerked free of his brother's grasp, scrambling to the edge of the bed. "No it isn't!" he screamed. "Don't say that, Sirius!"
Sirius only laughed. "But it's true!" he insisted. "It's the blood of all the muggles and mudbloods that Mum and Dad have come across. They're feeding it to you to weaken you. Dilute your magic until you're nothing but a squib!" Regulus tried to storm from the room, but Sirius stopped him. He pulled Regulus flush against his chest and refused to let go. The more Regulus struggled, the more Sirius dug in his nails.
"Let go of me, Sirius. Don't be disgusting! It's not blood, it's datura! It's the moonflower essence, and it brings me closer! It lets me be heard!"
"Yes, and it's been mixed with a big old helping of platelets to infect you," Sirius said, throwing Regulus back down onto his bed. Before Regulus could move, Sirius had him pinned again. "It's so you can't usurp me," he added.
Regulus thrashed about frantically. "I wouldn't do that! You're lying! Mum and Dad wouldn't poison me!"
Sirius pinned Regulus's hands together above his head and pressed their foreheads together. "Oh yeah?" he asked smugly. "Then why are you the only one who drinks it?"
"I...it's because I've always done so poorly with the rituals. Dad said it was just...helping me get some things right. Just until I learn to be as good as you, and..."
Sirius laughed. "You think I still bother with bedtime prayers?" he demanded, and Regulus remembered how distant his brother had been lately when it came to the marked holy days.
"Will you be with us for Christmas Mass?" Regulus asked.
"Of course not. I'm not staying here all break. I'll be at James's."
"Do Mum and Dad know this?"
"Of course," Sirius shrugged. He seemed a bit calmer now, relaxing his grip somewhat. "They're poisoning you, Regulus, admit it."
Regulus couldn't read his brother, couldn't tell if he was lying or not. Perhaps he was just tormenting Regulus like he loved to do...or maybe…
"I shan't take any more," Regulus proclaimed. Sirius sniggered.
"Too late to quit now, Reggie, you're addicted to it. Stop taking it for a week and see what happens."
"I—I...I shan't," Regulus whispered, but Sirius was far past listening. He placed a warm hand over Regulus's mouth and another to the base of his throat.
"Hush," Sirius said. "Speak when I tell you to. Breath when I tell you to."
Regulus stayed in his bedroom for the next few days, only emerging at the behest of Kreacher on Christmas Eve.
"Master Regulus is needed downstairs now," Kreacher said slowly. "Guests will be arriving soon. Dinner is in three hours."
Regulus staggered downstairs, tugging uneasily at his sweater as he went. He'd had nothing but water to drink the last few days, and he felt incredibly weak. In the basement kitchen he found only his father, rummaging through some papers at the table.
"Regulus," Orion said sharply, looking up. "Where is your brother?"
Regulus bit his lip. "He has left for a friend's house, I believe," he murmured.
Orion scowled, seemingly perturbed that his oldest had slipped out without his notice. "It'll be that Potter boy," he muttered. "Very well. We will not set a place for him tonight."
Regulus could hear the anger in his father's voice. No doubt it would be an embarrassment to explain Sirius's absence to the rest of the family tonight. Regulus, sensing his father's foul mood and propensity towards hyperreaction, tried to quietly leave the room, but to no luck.
"Come here, Regulus."
Regulus gritted his teeth and approached his father, who stood up immediately, towering over his youngest son.
"What is this?" Orion asked, reaching out to thumb the long bruise that ran the width of Regulus's throat. When Regulus didn't respond, Orion took a light but threatening hold of his neck, forcing his gaze upwards.
"Did Sirius do this to you?"
Regulus's eyes began to water, and suddenly a faint hope filled his heart. This was his chance to be heard...not by a higher power, but at least by his father, who had the ability to set things right. Regulus remembered what Sirius had said about his elixirs and he hesitated.
"Regulus?"
Regulus took the leap. "Yes," he whispered boldly. "All the time. He actually—"
"Good," Orion said absentmindedly. He took Regulus's chin in his hand and turned his head, examining his face. "At least he takes some part of his duties seriously."
Regulus began to tremble. When his father released him, he thought he might fall. He grabbed the back of a chair to steady himself and looked up at his father with wide, questioning eyes.
"You'd do well not to cross your brother, Regulus. He may be a bit unpredictable, but he is still the heir to this family." Orion's voice was stern and unmoving. "You don't forget that. I hear you two arguing a lot. In fact, I heard you screaming at each other just a few days ago. When your brother wants something from you Regulus, I expect you to obey him."
Regulus dropped his gaze to the floor. Orion placed a hand stiffly on his shoulder.
"I know it must seem unfair, but this is your purpose. You are not my heir, and you are not strong with magic. Sirius has a lot of expectations on his shoulders, and sometimes he struggles to accept them all, but he is still the future head of this family. And I'll not have you disappearing off to the islands like my own sister did. You will stay here, by your brother's side, and you will not refuse him. You have your own, separate responsibilities, Regulus. I trust you will not shirk them."
When he was finished talking, Orion Black swept his papers back up and left the room. "Your mother and I expect you in the drawing room to welcome guests shortly," he added before vanishing off down the hallway. Regulus stood there numbly for a few more minutes until Kreacher returned to continue his dinner preparations. The clattering of dishes shook Regulus from his reverie and he scrambled from the room, desperate to return the sanctuary of his bed.
His father's words were ringing in his ears. Part of Regulus had always held onto the small hope that his parents would reign Sirius in eventually, that they would sever the parts of him that had become so frightening in recent years and then only the good would remain. Regulus had always thought that his father would finally say no to Sirius if it meant keeping Regulus safe from his sharper edges. Yet he'd been silent for so long partly because he had feared this very reaction: that his parents would not care. That they knew how cruel Sirius was becoming and that they had no intention of stopping him.
Perhaps they really had been poisoning him after all. Regulus prized a deep red potion out from the bottom of his school trunk. It was certainly the color of blood, a bright, pure red, but it was far too thin. As light as water...and surely blood this thin would be diluted in color as well?
But Regulus didn't care at the moment. His anxiety was fluttering down from his head to his throat, clamping around his airways and soon it would move to his heart. True to his rash promise, he'd not taken his elixir since his fight with Sirius, and to his horror, he could feel himself craving it.
Regulus drained the whole bottle in three swallows. It was more than he'd taken before, and faster, too. Within moments, he'd slumped to the floor, room spinning. But there amongst all the nausea and pain was a fierce sense of relief and of lightness. He could almost float. And through the haze of his mind, some things were so very clear. He could remember his recitations word for word. The prayers spilled easily from his lips. If God were listening, he would surely hear him now.
Regulus blinked in and out of consciousness a few times, repeating the same desires with each new awaking.
He wanted to leave. He wanted to courage to pack up his things and go far, far away. He wanted someone to come get him and take him away from his family. Someone safe. Perhaps...perhaps James Potter would save him. Yes, maybe James Potter would sweep Regulus away and they could both leave Sirius Black behind.
Regulus could see Sirius kneeling next to him, but when he tried to push him away, his hands struck only air. Of course Sirius was not there, he had left hours ago...but Regulus could still remember him. He could still feel Sirius's hands on his waist and his mouth on the skin of his neck.
The heat from his bedroom fireplace was almost scorching, but part of Regulus was tempted to roll right into it. He let his eyes roll back and tried to imagine James Potter instead. He imagined James's hands would be kind, and not so white hot. And slower...gentler…
Unconsciousness finally took him after minutes or hours or possibly days. Regulus couldn't fight it. He saw each point of light in his room slowly dim and then blink out around him, one by one, like Cold Death.
Regulus's second year at Hogwarts started out much as the first had. Regulus arrived at King's Cross station alone with his parents, who quickly vanished from his side to mingle with some acquaintances. Regulus climbed onto the train and set about finding his own compartment. Then, just as he had the previous year, James Potter pulled Regulus into a compartment he was sharing with Sirius. This time their two other friends, Lupin and Pettigrew, were in the compartment, as well. Regulus was too nervous to say much, and instead watched the four others play games and talk, occasionally suffering through bouts of overenthusiastic affection from Sirius, who seemed to like showing off to his friends in this manner—pretending to be very protective of Regulus.
To Regulus's surprise, Sirius (who had always enjoyed ditching him as soon as the castle was in sight) pulled him from the hall midway through the welcome feast.
"Come on, Reggie," he said energetically. "We're having a party to kick off the new term!"
"Where?" Regulus asked.
"Up in the towers, come on!"
Sirius led him to the Gryffindor dormitory, shunting him inside despite his protests. Regulus had overwhelming anxiety about being somewhere he was not allowed, but true to Sirius's word, there was already a raucous party getting going, and no one paid Regulus any mind.
It seemed to be mostly older students here, which made Regulus feel even more conspicuous.
"Ah, excellent," Sirius beamed, grabbing a bottle handed to him by a girl who looked to be at least in her fifth year. "Major pain sneaking this in the luggage, but worth it, I think."
Regulus recoiled slightly. It was a bottle of alcohol. An off-brand version of Firewhisky, it seemed. Regulus had seen Sirius buzzed off cocktails at family parties before, and he'd never liked what it had done to Sirius's already volatile disposition. When several of Sirius's friends started chatting with him, Regulus tried to make his escape. Whoever was in charge of the music had finally gotten their system going, and was cranking the volume up. Regulus immediately felt a headache coming on as he weaved through the crowd and back towards the portrait hole, aiming to escape.
But he wasn't halfway there when someone snagged him by the arm.
"Uh-uh-uh, Baby Black," James Potter said as he pulled Regulus back into the thick of things. He had to shout to be heard over the bleating music. "I'm under pretty strict orders to make sure you stay here and have some fun with us."
"But why?" Regulus begged. James pretended not to hear him. He returned him to Sirius like a lost puppy and then disappeared back into the crowd. Regulus was sad to see him go.
"Reggie! There you are! You disappeared on me there, you naughty child. What would Mum and Dad say if they knew I'd lost track of you?"
"They'd yell at me for upsetting you," Regulus muttered, but with all the noise, Sirius didn't hear him.
Sirius tugged Regulus around for a few hours, using him as a conversation piece when he thought it would impress pretty girls and shoving him out of sight when he wanted to joke around with his friends. As the party got drunker and louder, Regulus managed to worm his way into a free armchair in the far corner. He knew leaving the tower would upset his brother and that such a transgression would come back to haunt him later. From here he could watch his brother and return to his side whenever he noticed him looking around. Regulus waited until he was needed. And when that need was met, he disappeared from sight again. He thought bitterly of how proud his father would be.
Sometime later, Sirius tired of snogging older girls and snacking. He finished his last drink and approached Regulus on unsteady feet. Regulus breathed a sigh of relief, looking forward to getting back to his own dorm and falling promptly asleep.
But Sirius had other ideas. He slung an arm around Regulus and tugged him up a tight, winding staircase. Regulus trotted along in confusion.
"Where are we going?" he asked, but the answer was shortly revealed: Sirius's bedroom.
This must have been where the fourth year Gryffindor boys slept. Upon closer inspection, Regulus could see Peter Pettigrew's nameplate on one of the bed frames.
"You 'ave a good time, Reggie?" Sirius asked, hugging Regulus from behind. His words were slurred and he smelled like a bar. Regulus shifted uncomfortably.
"Yeah, wonderful," he said stiffly. "Sirius, I'm tired. Thank you for inviting me, but..."
"Shh," Sirius slid two fingers over Regulus's lips, silencing him. "Shut up." Then he pushed Regulus hard, sending the smaller boy tumbling backwards onto one of the beds.
"Sirius!"
"Qui-et," Sirius whined. He crawled on top of Regulus like he was so fond of doing, only this time he didn't pin him by the throat, didn't hit him, didn't smother him…
He kissed him. And Regulus only laid there, frozen in shock. And that brief moment of hesitation cost him his only chance to escape, because an instant later, Sirius Black had his brother's arms pinned above his head with one hand and had the other tight around his neck. Regulus looked into his brother's eyes and saw drunkenness, yes, but less than he would have liked. There was a feral glint to Sirius's dilated pupils that made Regulus's stomach knot.
Sirius kissed him again on the lips, then the cheek and the throat. Regulus felt teeth scrape against his jaw and he flinched.
Sirius leaned back to re-situate them, tearing Regulus's shirt free of its buttons, and then his hands were roaming everywhere and his mouth found its way back to Regulus's lips...to his shoulder, his chest…
Regulus tried to roll out from under his brother, muttering weak protests, but Sirius took ahold of his hair and twisted his head to the side so quickly it made Regulus's eyes water.
"You move when I tell you to," Sirius ordered, and Regulus stilled. It was habit by now, ingrained into him for years. This was how it always went. Sirius wanted cooperation from him, and Regulus would refuse at first, but in the end he would always give in just in time to save himself from whatever vengeance Sirius would enact were he forced to take what he wanted.
"Tha's better. There's my good boy."
Regulus wasn't sure what he'd expected, but Sirius didn't stop lavishing him with wet kisses, moaning softly against Regulus's skin and leaving bright red marks all over his body. Sirius ground down on him hard and slow at first, and Regulus flinched when he felt his brother's erection. Then Sirius's movements became more frantic, and his weight was painful against Regulus's hips. Regulus bit his hand to stop his tears as his father's words from the previous Christmas repeated themselves inside his head.
"You will not refuse him."
Sirius shuddered and finally stilled. His breath was coming in ragged gasps, but still he found moments to kiss Regulus and Regulus let him. He let Sirius wrap his arms around him and leave even more wet trails along Regulus's heated skin.
"All mine," Sirius whispered and Regulus nodded. This was twisted and wrong, which meant it was right at home in his family. "Need you first, before he tries to steal you...
"You're shaking," Sirius observed. Regulus tried to calm down, but he was too scared, too exhilarated, and too hurt. There were sharp pains popping up all over his body. He was half hard and Sirius had drawn blood from his neck. But Regulus didn't say anything, he only tried to hold still.
Because Sirius hadn't told him to move yet.
Sirius laid down beside him, mumbling a few last words before he passed out on his stomach with his face pressed against Regulus's neck and his arm slung heavily across his chest. Under the weight, Regulus found he couldn't move well, and breathing was difficult. But still this felt as right as he supposed his life would ever get. Not comfortable, but right. Regulus fit here, a twisted up pile of limbs and dark hair, snugly bound to his brother. His father was right, this must be his natural place. So he belonged to Sirius, at least that meant Sirius would take care of him. Regulus was certain that no one else would deign to do that.
Regulus closed his eyes and started to let sleep take him. He awoke, however, to the feel of a blanket being roughly thrown over him and his brother. Regulus jerked back awake and his eyes snapped open. Sirius didn't move.
James Potter was standing over them, a glib smile on his face. He glanced towards Sirius and Regulus felt heat rise to his cheeks. He wanted to explain himself, or to come up with a believable lie, but he couldn't. He waited for James to be horrified or disgusted, but the Gryffindor only laughed.
"Look at you two, cuddling together in the afterglow...well, Sirius's, at least."
Regulus was mortified. He wanted nothing more than to vanish into thin air. James, to the contrary, seemed calm and almost chipper. He fussed with Sirius's blankets a bit, tucking the two brothers in. Then he leaned in very close and Regulus could feel the other boy's body heat...could smell his particular brand of soap and also the faintest traces of alcohol. James brushed Regulus's fringe to the side and whispered almost forlornly. "You're so cute like this. I almost can't stand it. Oh, how I wish that selfish brother of yours would share his things once and awhile."
Then he straightened up abruptly and left for his own bed. Regulus stared at the ceiling and took deep breaths, his heart swollen with excitement.
Over Christmas Break, Regulus sent out for a set of tarot cards from the back pages of a magazine he'd swiped from his Father's study, to be delivered to Grimmauld Place. And just after New Year's, they finally came.
"Regulus, a package has arrived for you," his mother called on the morning of January 2. Regulus dashed to her and swiped it from the owl's talons.
"Thank you, Mother," he said with a curt but respectful nod of his head. He tried to dash off but his mother stopped him.
"What is it that you've got?" she asked.
Regulus cowered slightly. "It's...my Christmas gift from Sirius. He's late."
Walburga sniffed. "Perhaps your brother should be here, where he could have given you your gift in person." But Regulus could tell from her tone that she didn't believe his lie. Regulus made his escape while his mother was distracted by the reminder of Sirius Black's recent misbehaviors.
Regulus opened up his cards and immediately began to study them. The accompanying book was as thick as his arm, and he threw himself into it with enthusiasm. He had important questions to ask these cards…
And that was how Regulus spent his free time during the majority of his second year. He practiced with his cards and he spent every free waking moment researching, or plotting further research. He approached the Divination teacher, eager to begin study into the subject early.
It was not uncommon for Regulus to spend his evenings holed up in the library, surrounded by tomes of tarot knowledge and crystal balls borrowed or stolen from the Divination labs. And it was one of those evenings around mid-March when a fourth year boy from Regulus's house approached him with an enraged look on his face.
"You!" the boy screamed and Regulus jumped. In the silence of the library, the boy's shout cut like a knife.
"Huh?" Regulus just managed to catch the nearest crystal ball before it fell to the floor. He held it close to his stomach and looked up at the approaching boy in terror.
"...Snape?" Regulus asked desperately. He was close to certain that was the boy's name. "W—what's wrong?"
Snape had taken out his wand and was holding it steady in front of Regulus's eyes. Regulus could see a curse forming on the boy's lips. He braced himself for the spell to hit him but it never did. Severus had been swiftly disarmed by the librarian, who was storming towards them with a look of fury on her face.
Snape swore and picked up his fallen wand, which he placed sullenly into his pocket.
"What is going on here?" the librarian demanded in a stern voice, her wand still raised. "Explain yourselves at once before I summon the headmaster."
Snape seemed to have regained his senses. "Nothing," he said quickly, not allowing Regulus the chance to speak. "Just an argument. It won't happen again."
There was a pregnant pause before the librarian relented. "Very well. See that it doesn't."
When they were alone again, Regulus began to slowly round up his things. He move cautiously, aware of Snape staring at him.
"Sorry," Snape admitted. "I didn't mean to lose my temper. It was a stupid idea, anyway."
"What idea?" Regulus asked quietly. He held his bag close to his chest and was poised to run away should things turn south again. He had never spoken to Severus Snape before, and knew him mostly by reputation and from hearing Sirius and James talk about him.
"I was going to hurt you, I guess," Snape said with a shrug. He picked up one of Regulus's tarot cards. "You forgot this," he said, handing it to him.
Regulus bit his lip. "What did I do?" he asked in bewilderment.
"Oh, nothing," Snap admitted, a sour look on his face. "It's just that idiot brother of yours...I was so angry with him and then I saw you and thought...but nevermind. Like I said. Wouldn't have worked anyway; Sirius Black isn't going to shed any tears over you."
Regulus kept his mouth shut, unwilling to argue with Snape should the other boy revisit his idea of violence. Instead, Regulus snatched his nine of cups from Snape's grasp and dashed off from the library.
He'd thought that was the last he'd hear from Severus Snape, but as fate would have it, Regulus's insistence on getting an early start to his Divination studies led the professor to pair him with an older student for study sessions. And that student happened to be Severus Snape.
"Didn't have you pegged for a Seer," Snape said off-handedly while the two of them awkwardly sifted through Snape's class notes.
"I'm not," Regulus said shortly. "But you don't have to be a Seer to make use of Divination."
"What future events are you so hell-bent on learning, anyway?"
"Wouldn't you love to know," Regulus muttered, and to his surprise, Snape chuckled.
"I really hate your fucking brother," Snape said suddenly. "You know?"
Regulus gave the other boy a half smile. "Me, too," he said.
Regulus and Snape developed an uneasy friendship. Snape was often unkind and not particularly sociable, and Regulus had the habit of disappearing for days on end and not explaining himself. So the two fit together remarkably well, and by the end of May, Snape was now Severus, and Regulus no longer had the lingering fear that his newfound friendship was all in service of some plot against Sirius.
Perhaps it was more of a symbiotic relationship than a traditional friendship. Outside of Divination, the two didn't spend much time together, and neither was about to take a curse for the other. When James and Sirius took to Severus in that cruel way that they so often did, blasting him about with hexes in the corridors and taunting him with all manner of pranks ranging from distasteful to dangerous, Regulus found he could only stand back and watch. Part of him was aching to yell at his brother to stop—to stop harming the one friend Regulus had, but he was always too cowardly. He was afraid that Sirius would retaliate against him, and he was afraid that James may no longer like him.
Regulus was disgusted with himself that he would value a few kind words from a cute boy over his friendship with Severus, but the other Slytherin never seemed to expect Regulus to stand up for him, and was never particularly surprised when he didn't. And so when the jinxes started flying, Regulus would hang back a safe distance and cower, occasionally making nervous eye contact with James and Sirius's sickly friend, Remus Lupin.
That summer, Regulus and Sirius were supposed to spend several weeks at his family's summer home off the western coast of France. Regulus and his brother were to spend the last half of August lounging about the isolated beach house, swimming in the Bay of Biscay, trotting about in the nearby towns and "getting their fill of breathable air" as their Uncle Alphard had described the experience to the boys' parents. Walburga and Orion had consented almost immediately, and Regulus's anxiety had instantly begun to compound with dread.
Regulus did not relish the idea of time alone with his brother in a foreign country. In previous trips to the mainland, Sirius had been even less controlled. Even with their parents as chaperones, Sirius had still felt comfortable taking on an increasingly cruel demeanor, pushing and pulling Regulus along with him.
But two days before their scheduled departure, Regulus was granted a reprieve. Sirius strolled down to breakfast and boldly announced he was going to a concert with his friend Remus Lupin, and that the two of them were meeting with James Potter's family shortly afterwards, and going on a brief Holiday to Spain.
Regulus had expected the idea of going to France to be canceled immediately, but his parents seemed intent on showing Sirius that his selfishness was not so powerful as to disrupt plans made by Orion Black. To Regulus's surprise, his father announced that Regulus would be going to the estate with one of his friends from school, and then everyone in the room turned to look at him expectantly.
"What friends?" Sirius asked, breaking the hanging silence.
Regulus felt his cheeks burn. He blurted out in anger, "Severus Snape!" Regulus saw Sirius's eyes widen and he smiled vindictively.
"No," said Sirius sharply. "You can't go with him. Mum, Dad, you can't let him stay at our estate, in...in my room!"
But the decision had already been made. Regulus owled Snape that evening, halfway hoping the other boy would refuse. He'd really only mentioned him because he knew how much it would upset Sirius, and his parents were clearly thinking along the same lines. Severus Snape was far from a pureblood, but they didn't even seem to care.
And Snape agreed to be there, surprising Regulus somewhat. He arrived at Grimmauld Place the next day, much to Sirius's chagrin. It was obvious from a mile away that not only did Sirius Black detest Severus Snape as a person, he was also irate that his brother would deign to pay attention to someone else. But there was nothing Sirius could do. He left for Remus Lupin's minutes after Severus's arrival, stomping his way out the door and not giving Regulus so much as a goodbye.
Regulus didn't enjoy the beach, but he pretended to. The ocean had always been too big for his liking. Too dark, too unpredictable, too softly violent. Like Sirius.
But there was a certain appeal to this particular Black summer home. Biscay Bay may have been visible through their windows, but really they could have been anywhere. Other homes and potential visitors were mostly kept at bay by some powerful magic, and so Severus and Regulus had the whole visible coastline to themselves.
Severus had a deep fascination for the expensive Black Family Crests that emblazoned every hard surface of the home. His admiration of everything from the silverware to the many formal portraits of each Black Family branch annoyed Regulus.
"Let's go outside," Regulus said, prompting Severus to finally tear his eyes away from the tome he was holding. "Go for a walk or something."
Severus shrugged. "There's a fallen tree about a half mile down the coast that I saw yesterday. I suppose we could go and check that out."
So the two of them ditched theirs shoes and trudged out through the sand. The large tree Severus had mentioned was partly consumed by the tide, so as they walked down the broad, fallen trunk, soon they were above the surf. Regulus pushed his inherent nervousness down and the two of them settled on opposite branches.
"Here," Severus handed him the bag of snacks he'd brought from the house. Regulus carefully took a cracker and then turned towards the wind, staring through his whirling fringe at the sparkling sea before him. Jets of water and ocean spray occasionally struck out at the two of them.
"Why do you spend so much time Seeing?" Severus asked. "You're not a Seer, so it must be arduous. What are you so hell-bent on learning?"
Regulus shrugged. "Just...curious," he admitted. "It's all I've ever really been good at, so I guess..."
Severus looked at him quizzically. "You're not a squib, you know," he said firmly. "I've heard people talk about you and I know you worry about it. But you're not. You're from one of the most powerful magical families in the world. There's no way you aren't just as strong as them."
Regulus scoffed. "Tell that to my parents. Or to Sirius."
Severus grimaced at the mention of Sirius's name. "The fuck would that prat know?" he demanded. "He's never looked into a crystal ball and seen anything other than his own reflection. I'm sure you're a way stronger wizard than he is. Something is just holding you back."
"Yeah," Regulus said. "Me. I'm just useless at most things. I guess...I just can't be a failure at Divination, too."
"You're not," Severus said.
"But that's not enough," Regulus admitted. "I need to be amazing. It needs to make up for...everything else."
Severus nodded in defeat. "Okay," he said pensively. "So you're chasing your very own White Whale in the depths of a deck of Tarot cards. What are you going to do when you catch it?"
Regulus tilted his head, a bit confused by Severus's metaphor.
"Tell me what question you're so desperate to have answered," he explained. "Because you're absolutely obsessed."
"Oh," Regulus said. "I've just wanted to know...if...if a certain someone had the potential to...ever like me," he finished quietly, a bit embarrassed. But Severus didn't laugh at him.
"So you've spent the last two years asking the stars to tell you if your love was unrequited?"
Regulus shrugged. Love seemed like a strong word, but he realized that he'd been hoping for it to be appropriate this whole time. "Something like that."
"Have you talked to this person?"
"A few times, mostly I've just run into him in passing," Regulus said without thinking. When he realized what he'd said, he looked up at Severus in horror.
Severus certainly looked a bit surprised, but when he saw the absolute terror in Regulus's eyes, he quickly said, "Calm down, Regulus, it's fine."
"I didn't. I misspoke."
"No, you didn't," Severus said firmly. "Relax, I'm not about to out you. I know how your parents are."
"You don't know the half of it," Regulus said bitterly. "I'm going to hell," he admitted. It was something he'd always known, but had never had the courage to utter out loud.
"No you're not," Severus laughed. "Don't be ridiculous."
Regulus looked at his friend like he'd just cast an Unforgivable. Severus raised an eyebrow.
"You're family's really into that stuff, aren't they?"
"Why shouldn't they be?" Regulus asked curiously. "Don't you? Go to church, I mean?"
"I've been a few times," Severus admitted. "But regular churches are a far cry from the stuff the Sacred Twenty-Eight gets up to. It's a whole lot of...interesting practices to put it politely."
"It's weird how much you know about my family," Regulus said bitterly. "It's like you know more than I do."
"It's because I'm looking from the outside," Severus insisted. "Everything's clearer from the outside. It's why you gaze into your crystal ball from the other side of the glass to See, you don't stick your head into the fog."
"Have you ever kissed anyone?" Regulus asked. Severus was quiet for a moment before he nodded.
"I haven't," Regulus admitted. Off in the distance there was movement at the surface of the water. A group of animals were occasionally breaking over the waves, dolphins perhaps. One lagged behind the others.
"Well, you're a bit young still," Severus said. "So don't—"
"I've been kissed, though," Regulus said softly.
"How...was that?" Severus asked. He seemed slightly confused. A tiny bird landed on the tree branch next to him and he reached a hand out to it. The bird fluttered away, chirping.
"It's scary," Regulus admitted, and while Severus insisted that he understood, Regulus couldn't help bur feel like he didn't.
"Will you tell me who it is you're so intent on wooing?" Severus asked with a hint of a smile. He seemed to be trying to inject some levity back into the morning.
"Not in a million years," Regulus said snarkily. He had no intention of alienating the one friend he'd managed to land. He prized a bit of bark off his branch and chucked it into the ocean where it floated for a few moments before being swallowed by a crushing wave.
"Well, do you feel better now that you've told someone, at least?" Severus asked with a chuckle.
"Yeah," Regulus admitted. "I do..."
As the end of his short vacation with Severus loomed nearer, Regulus began to feel anxious again. His heart started to beat irregularly whenever he failed to distract his brain from the fact that in a few short hours, he would be apparating with his mother back to England and back to the real world. Soon he would start his third year at Hogwarts, and he would be back within the thorned proximity of Sirius Black.
Regulus couldn't find sleep that final night. He sat straight up in bed and stared through the darkness, peering intently at the other corner of the room until his eyes finally adjusted to the small pinpricks of light coming from the skyline out the window and he could make out the shape of Severus sleeping soundly. Breathing shallowly, Regulus stood up and swept a cloak around his shoulders. Then he quietly crept outside onto the sandy dunes. The roar of the ocean was overwhelming.
From the pocket of his cloak, Regulus withdrew a small vial and poured the contents down his throat. He knew he shouldn't do it; he'd already taken a large dosage earlier in the evening, but he needed this. Regulus let the empty vial thud to the sandy ground as he felt his muscles weaken. A cloud consumed his mind, and Regulus staggered to the shoreline, twitching with occasional bursts of magic that sent his heart racing. He sank to his knees on the last dry patch of sand before the waves. Feeling weaker and more vulnerable than ever, Regulus did the only thing he could think to do. He prayed.
He prayed for something to change. He let the potion work its way through his system.
"Drink this, Regulus. Every night before bed, every night before you say your prayers. Drink, Regulus, or you won't be heard."
His heart began to beat erratically, with no pauses for Regulus to catch his breath, and he began to panic. Things would smooth out...they always did…
But it was taking longer and longer for Regulus's potions to bring him to the calmness they had always brought before. And he found himself taking more and more. Water lapped at Regulus's clothing and he yelped. Somehow he had moved much closer to the water.
Or the tide had come in. How long had he been here? Regulus fell to his side and watched the stars against the watery horizon as wave after wave reached just far enough to tap at him. And as his heart and mind finally slowed down, almost too slow, he continued to pray.
Regulus prayed for a change. For anything to change. For something to come and save him. Anything to pull him back from the dead drop coming up in front of him. He prayed for something to divert him from this current trajectory, a life path that was feeling more and more unstoppable…hopeless. As the water got deeper, Regulus pushed himself to his knees, feeling pleasantly warm. He was terrified of the ocean, but at the moment it seemed so warm and inviting. Should it ask him to, Regulus thought he might let it sweep him away.
Time passed. Perhaps an hour, perhaps a minute, perhaps the whole night. Regulus wasn't sure. But he was soaked to the skin and the ocean waves had gently crept to his torso. The stars had moved well across the sky. There was no moon.
Something solid bumped into Regulus's waist. He jerked and fell sideways, head barely above the water. Then again, something large and solid smacked against him, this time skidding across his stomach as it retreated with the waves. Foul water swarmed into his mouth. Regulus screamed and tried to stand. His hand struck something soft and then something sharp. Panicking, Regulus staggered to his feet only to be knocked down by a slow but solid wave. Again the object struck him, and for a few seconds, Regulus was positive he was being dragged out to sea with it.
Flailing, Regulus managed to drag himself from the waves. He spat disgusting water from his throat and felt bits of sea plants slide from his hair and clothing. His stomach heaved and he brought up everything onto the rocky grass. He felt unable to move, and his vision blinked in and out. His head was still spinning from his potion, and it was a long time before he could stand steadily. It had started raining, and each drop felt like a shock to his face. He clambered back into the cottage, falling to the floor in the sitting room and hugging his knees.
He stayed awake the until daybreak, shaking and waiting with baited breath for the potion to leave his system...for his senses to return. He listened to the warm rain batter the windows, part of him still terrified that the monster from the ocean would find its way to him and take him...drag him to the depths of the sea.
When Severus awoke the next morning, it was to find Regulus, exhausted but dry and dressed in his good robes, sitting at the kitchen table and staring deeply into a cup of tea.
"You look like you've been hit by a train, Reg," Severus commented. "You feeling okay? Are you ill?"
Regulus shook his head and stood up. "I've packed everything. My mum should be here any minute."
Severus looked to the door. Sure enough, Regulus had folded and packed all their clothing, leaving out only a set of robes for Severus to wear. "Okay," Severus said uneasily. "What are you looking at?" he asked, for Regulus had moved to the window and was staring intently through the glass.
Regulus could see down to the shore, where he had lain last night. A large sea mammal was lying in the drying surf. The morning sun was beating down on it, drying the once living skin to a dark grey. From the short distance, Regulus could see bits of bone showing where they shouldn't, could see the grotesque shape the mouth had taken on...could almost feel the corpse contorting as it decayed.
"Reg?"
"Nothing," Regulus said shortly. "Just going to miss the seashore, is all. Let's go, Severus, I think that's my mother outside."
Severus threw on his robes and dashed after Regulus, who was slinging his bag over his shoulder and reaching for the front door.
"You're shaking," Severus observed. "Reg, did you have a nightmare or something?"
Regulus looked at his friend with sunken eyes. "Yeah." He nodded. "A real bad one."
Severus shifted awkwardly. "Well...you'll feel better when you get back home."
His friend's words made Regulus feel even worse. Even more alone. He had become so close to Severus recently, but even his housemate didn't understand...couldn't see...wouldn't see.
Walburga Black unlocked and opened the door with a wave of her wand. She stood as tall and intimidating as she always had. And in a surprise that made Severus twitch, she had brought Sirius Black with her.
"Ready to go home, Reggie?" Sirius asked brightly. He ignored Severus and reached out to tug Regulus by his arm out the door. "I'm sure you've had enough fun for now."
Home was Regulus's nightmare. And now he knew just how far it was willing to follow him.
Regulus's third year brought with it a small amount of freedom. His curfew had been extended to nine o'clock and he had finally begun Divination class proper. He had an immediate aptitude for the subject, much to the delight of his class adviser, Professor Slughorn, who had often expressed concern at Regulus's lack of prowess compared to the talents of his brother. Regulus Black, who had never successfully transfigured an object in his life nor completed so much as a simple potion without at least one explosion, was a waste of a good set of Slytherin robes as far as Slughorn was concerned.
Third year also brought with it the promise of Hogsmeade visits, something that Regulus was very much excited for. He didn't eat sweets and he had no desire for the prankster paraphernalia to be found at Zonko's, but he was intent on buying himself a new broomstick from Quality Quidditch Supplies to give himself a bit of an edge at tryouts. He'd been too shy to try for a spot on the team last year, but the Slytherin seeker had graduated last June, and Regulus felt he had a good chance.
There was also, of course, the opportunity to buy more Seeing supplies. Regulus had worn his first pack of tarot cards to the point of illegibility, and he was fast tiring of stealing or borrowing crystal balls.
So Regulus set off for his first Hogsmeade weekend with a lot of gold in his pockets and a swell of tentative excitement in his heart. It was a beautiful fall day, the cold of winter still safely at bay and the sun beating down brightly. Regulus lagged behind the rest of the walking students, not eager to make conversation and perfectly content to be on his own. He had promised to meet Severus at the apothecary store around midday and that would be enough human interaction for him.
The village of Hogsmeade was as relaxing as Regulus had thought it would be. It was nice to be free of the castle, which had in recent years begun to feel to him as cloying and dangerous as Grimmauld Place. Regulus put money down for a new Cleansweep model from the Quidditch store, paying extra to have it delivered later the next week with some extra customizations. He was on his way to look for a new deck of tarot cards when someone grabbed him by the back of his collar and yanked him from the sunny street and into the shadow behind a vacant shop building.
Regulus was too surprised to even yell out. Before he knew what was happening, he was being spun around and pushed until his back was flush with the brickwork. In the dim lighting, it took Regulus a moment to recognize the face of his assailant.
"J—James?"
"Fuck, Baby Black, I've been looking for you all week! You sure are sneaky when you want to be."
Regulus squirmed in the older boy's grasp. "I haven't been hiding," he insisted. "I just..."
"Even Sirius didn't know where you'd disappeared to. Said you were probably holed up in the library again with your fortune cards and tea leaves."
Regulus didn't respond. It was true that he had been spending even more time speaking with his Divination tools, but he'd not been using the library as a refuge anymore. Now that he was officially enrolled in Divination, he'd been frequenting the Divination study rooms and even the teacher's personal office. Professor Delphian had taken a liking to Regulus, and was more than happy to let him hang out in the Divination towers. He knew enough to leave Regulus alone most of the time, and didn't mind when Regulus showed up in a potion-induced, arcane haze. In recent months, Regulus had discovered that the higher doses he'd been taking, while they'd not aided him spiritually, had actually been a huge boon to his Foresight. Things looked clearer to him through the fog of his potions, and he'd long since set aside his reservations about their aftereffects or potential ingredients. Regulus's elixirs untethered him from reality, and let his cards speak to him with greater clarity. It had been risky the first time he'd been caught by his Divination teacher, but the man was so excited about Regulus's obvious gift for the subject, that the methods he took to get himself there were of secondary concern.
Since James and Sirius did not take Divination, they hadn't been bumping into him as much lately as they had in years prior. And Regulus had been too obsessed with his burgeoning clairvoyance and growing fear of Sirius to ever seek out James's attentions like he had when he'd been younger. He'd assumed James wouldn't be bothered by Regulus's diminishing attentions towards him.
Apparently he'd been wrong.
James was pressing up close against Regulus, allowing his lips to just barely ghost over Regulus's face and neck, never quite touching...just barely hesitating.
"Look at you, starting to grow up," James observed. "You're getting more handsome by the day, you know. Sirius always brags about you."
Regulus shifted in discomfort. The feel of James flush against him was as tantalizing as ever. With just the smallest movement, Regulus could lock their lips together and finally have what he'd wanted. After all, he'd prayed for a moment like this. He'd asked his tarot cards so many times about James, he'd begged his crystal balls for clues. And he'd always gotten incomplete but half-promising answers, difficult as romance readings were.
But always in his mind James had been kind. Soft and warm, slow and sweet, the antithesis of Sirius's greedy movements. But now, with James crushing Regulus's shoulders against the wall, muttering lewdly about his body and keeping an iron grip on his arms, Regulus was reminded of his original assumptions about James Potter: that Sirius had gotten so much worse after meeting him, that the last vestiges of Sirius's sweetness had disappeared with the arrival of his Gryffindor classmate.
Because in front of him now, one hand carding roughly through his hair, was not the James Potter Regulus had always protected in his mind. This was Sirius Black wearing another's skin.
"James...let go," Regulus whimpered. He tried to twist his arm and reach for his wand, but couldn't quite grab it. It wouldn't have done him any good, anyway, useless as he was with the thing. "I—I'm supposed to meet Severus. He'll be waiting for me!"
"Shush. Sirius is taking care of him, don't you worry."
Regulus felt his heart sink. James and Sirius had been even more viscous towards Severus since Sirius discovered he and Regulus were on friendly terms. Regulus knew it was his fault for taking Severus to France the previous summer. One day, Sirius Black was probably going to kill the other boy.
Then James kissed him in earnest, and instead of the romantic gesture of his fantasies, Regulus was only reminded of Sirius. James took a long draw from Regulus, only stopping when Regulus's legs began to weaken from a lack of oxygen.
"Where you going?" James asked with a terrifying false sweetness. He pulled Regulus's sagging body back up. He rested Regulus's weight against him, holding him lightly and letting the boy gasp for breath against his shoulder. "You're not trying to run away from me, are you? Me, of all people?"
Regulus took another deep breath. His legs were tingling painfully but he could at least hold his own weight again. "I don't..."
But James was kissing him again, swallowing Regulus's protests before they could fully form. Less cowed by James than he was by Sirius, Regulus pushed at James's chest with as much force as he could muster. When James didn't relent, Regulus struck out blindly, hitting James's face and knocking his glasses askew.
James deftly caught Regulus's hand when he tried to swing again. "My, you're a handful today. Sirius did say you were getting a bit bolder." He leaned in to kiss Regulus again. Regulus threw his head violently to the side, but James settled for biting and licking at his neck instead. The pressure against his throat made Regulus instinctually still.
"You taste even better than I thought you would," James said silkily. He flit his fingers up the bend of Regulus's throat before grabbing his chin and prizing his jaw down. "Open your mouth for me, love. There we go."
James began to grind his hips against Regulus in time with his kisses. He reached a hand down to the waistband of Regulus's trousers and for a brief moment, Regulus was terrified he was going to do it.
But James stopped. He sighed in resignation.
"J—James?" Regulus asked slowly. The other boy stepped back from him and flashed that cheeky, crooked grin of his.
"I'd love a bit more of you sometime," he whispered, reaching out and lightly stroking Regulus's face. Regulus flinched. "And I'll get it, but Sirius will lose his head if I beat him to his amoris."
James left him alone after that, and Regulus cowered in the small alleyway for almost an hour before he finally gathered the courage to walk again. He walked quickly through the village, ignoring the last few stores he'd wanted to see, and when he was free of the town, he broke into a sprint that he didn't relax until he was standing in front of the entrance to his dorms, heaving so hard it was a further ten minutes before he could utter the password.
Regulus's intake of his elixirs doubled at that point, and he spent even more time frantically absorbed by his charms and Divination cards. Only he was no longer asking his Sight whether or not James Potter would ever really notice him. Instead he was checking his readings daily, desperate to know if today was the day when James Potter—or Sirius Black—would come back for what they wanted.
Regulus spent the rest of his Third Year with increasingly dulled senses. He was so consistently doped up on potions that he was often unaware of his surroundings. He drifted through his class schedule, barely passing the majority of his exams (Divination excepted). His brand new broomstick sat, untouched, under his bed for the entire year.
Sirius spent the summer on holiday with James's family, and Regulus once again had Grimmauld Place to himself. Occasionally his parents would summon him for dinner or tea, but they looked at him with great disinterest. Most of their conversations revolved around Sirius. Orion and Walburga Black wanted to know how Sirius was doing, and what kind of company he kept. Regulus answered them listlessly, sometimes telling the truth and sometimes fabricating vast myths about Sirius's activities at Hogwarts.
In mid-August, Regulus ran out of his potions again, but Sirius had not yet returned to give him more. So Regulus approached his father, instead.
"Your datura solution?" Orion asked skeptically. "Your mother's not brewed you any for years."
"What?" Regulus asked. "W—why?"
"Because it wasn't helping you any," Orion said shortly. "Your mother and I finally came to terms with your abysmal magical skills. Still we've always prayed for a miraculous recovery, although if your marks last term are anything to judge by, those prayers went unheard."
"My...magic?"
"Yes, you idiot boy," Orion snapped. "Why did you think you were taking it? When you proved yourself so inept during church ceremonies, we knew right away that you would underperform elsewhere. A wizard should never have so much trouble handling the rites. But there you were, staggering around and vomiting with pain. It's a blessing you weren't a complete squib."
"But Sirius has been giving me more of Mum's potions for years."
"Whatever Sirius has been giving to you, I neither know nor care. I suggest you take it up with him."
The rest of the summer passed in a pained haze. Without his elixirs, Regulus began to feel achy and cold. His muscles were prone to spasms and he found he could barely keep any food down. He stole several pain potions from his parents' bathroom cabinet, but they had little effect except to finally still his heart long enough to fall asleep for a few hours each night. Regulus went days without venturing from his room, not even opening his window. He found the slightest noises and any amount of light were likely to split his head with pain.
To Regulus's surprise and immense relief, his brother returned home a few days before the start of next term, to be Regulus's fourth and Sirius's sixth. Sirius seemed to know immediately what was ailing his brother.
"Been refusing your medicine again, Reggie?" Sirius asked smugly. He had thrown open Regulus's bedroom door and marched inside without warning, flicking on lights with his wand as he went.
Regulus only moaned.
"Is it hurting you terribly?"
"Sirius," Regulus cried.
"Oh, you do look a mess," Sirius commented. He threw his jacket onto the floor and sat next to Regulus on the bed, stroking his shaking chest. "Have you missed me this summer? ...Have you been praying for my return?"
"No," Regulus spat. There was a venomous hatred in his heart for Sirius Black at the moment. "You've done this to me."
Sirius raised an eyebrow. "I see. So you won't mind if I leave, then?" And he started to stand. Regulus sat bolt upright, grimacing in pain, and flung himself forward, grabbing Sirius's sleeve to stop him moving.
Sirius grinned. "Can I do something for you, Reggie?"
"Where is it?" Regulus asked. "Where do you keep it?"
"Keep what? This?" Sirius withdrew a vial, half the size of Regulus's others and held it up to the light where it shone with a fierce gleam.
Regulus reached out, but Sirius pushed him back. "This is the last that I have at the moment, I'm afraid."
"What?" Regulus cried.
"Hey, this isn't tapwater, you know. There are complicated ingredients in here. Perennial ingredients. The next batch isn't ready yet, I'm sure."
"Where does it come from?" Regulus asked desperately. "Where do you get it?"
Sirius laughed. "None of your concern, little one," he said firmly. "Now, I'll let you have this to tide you over if you behave for me...will this even hold you over until next month anymore? You've been going through it so fast lately."
Regulus held out his hand. "Give it to me, Sirius," he ordered. Sirius shook his head at him.
"Not so easy. I came back the Grimmauld Place just to give you this, you know. I could have stayed with James another day or two, but I had a feeling you were in a spot of bother." He cupped Regulus's face in his hand and touched their foreheads together. "So I think you owe me a big favor, Reggie."
Regulus shied away from his brother. He was panting with need for the bright potion in Sirius's hand, somehow having it so close to him was making everything worse. But even that intense need was overshadowed by his apprehension of his brother. Whatever Sirius was planning, it couldn't be good, and Regulus knew it wouldn't be worth the small amount of elixir in that vial...but goddammit, he needed it so much.
"What do you want?" Regulus asked slowly, his eyes never leaving the vial.
Sirius's face lit up with a cruel grin. With a wave of his wand, he closed Regulus's bedroom door. Regulus heard the lock click and he grimaced.
"Come here," Sirius said, crawling to the head of the bed and holding his arms out. "I've been gone all summer and I've missed you. Almost took you with me, you know."
"Right." Regulus rolled his eyes.
"James would have loved to have seen you."
At the mention of James Potter, Regulus stiffened and he eyed his brother cautiously.
Sirius was giving him a knowing look. "Thought you'd have a little fun, did you?" he asked simply.
Regulus shook his head. "I don't know what—"
Sirius pulled Regulus into his lap. He took his face in his hands and said very clearly, "You're mine, Regulus Black, just like everything else in this house. Mine. Mum and Dad made you for me. You go to James when I tell you to.
"Do you understand me?"
Regulus nodded mutely.
"Then show me," Sirius commanded. "You want your potion? You want me to forgive you for running around with my best friend? Then come here and apologize, little brother."
Regulus felt his veins turn to ice, either from fear or withdrawals, he wasn't sure, but he didn't have the bravery to resist when Sirius maneuvered him downwards. Regulus tried to close himself off from his senses, attempted to enter that loose state that his potions always threw him into. It was little comfort and soon Regulus found himself bent double in Sirius's lap, breathing heavily.
A horrible realization clicked in Regulus's mind.
"Are—Are you going to order me to James?" he asked incredulously. Regulus refused to look his brother in the eyes. Instead he stared resolutely at the bedsheets, hyperaware of Sirius's strong grip on his hair. Somewhere in his bedroom, he could hear the frantic ticking of his clock. Each second was so much longer than it should have been.
"Maybe I will...I'm a damn fine friend, after all. And he's taken such a liking to you." Sirius relaxed his grip, electing instead to trace languid trails down Regulus's face and neck. "And isn't that what you've been wanting all these years?
Regulus felt several hot tears fall from his eyes. How could he have been so stupid? He'd fallen for it, he'd fallen for everything. How could he have ever thought that James Potter could have been anything other than cruel? He and Sirius were symbiotic. There was no separating them. Regulus felt every nerve in his body tingle with discomfort. Was there any way to go back from this? Regulus saw Sirius's small vial resting on the nightstand and felt his chest constrict again.
There was nowhere to run.
Regulus had never been intimate with his brother before. The closest he'd come was that fateful night in the Gryffindor Towers. But here, as Regulus felt the Sirius force himself past his lips, he knew he was tumbling off a cliffside, and that there would be no climbing back up.
"Fuck," Sirius whispered. Regulus could feel his brother jerking against him. Regulus couldn't have been doing a good job; he was mostly relying on Sirius to move him. But Sirius didn't seem discouraged by Regulus's inexperience. If anything, he was getting off on it. The more Regulus gagged and whimpered, the deeper Sirius's moans grew.
Sirius finally stilled after what felt to Regulus like an eternity. Regulus pulled back from Sirius's slackened grip and collapsed over the edge of the bed, sputtering and coughing, desperate to get everything out of his mouth, horrified that he could feel it sliding down his throat, instead. Something managed to sneak into his airways and Regulus's throat truly started to heave.
He rolled onto his side and his breath slowly came back to him. Panting, Regulus looked up at Sirius. His brother was lounging against the headrest, watching him with a curious expression. When he saw Regulus begin to push himself up off the floor, Sirius held his arms out again. This time, Regulus climbed up into them willingly. He fell completely limp against Sirius's chest, pressing his face into his brother's shoulder.
"Sirius," Regulus moaned. "It hurts."
Sirius rubbed comforting circles up and down Regulus's back, murmuring to him. "I know, honey. I know."
"Sirius!" Regulus sobbed. His teeth were clattering together noisily as he began to shake all over.
Sirius pushed the potion vial into Regulus's trembling hands. "Here," he said, his voice tinged with something like concern. "Take this."
Regulus threw the cork from the bottle and before Sirius could stop him, he'd drunk the contents in one go.
"Easy, Regulus!" Sirius yelled. He took Regulus by the arms to still him but it was too late. The vial was empty and Regulus was already starting to slump forward. For a few horrible seconds, all his symptoms got worse, but then the relief came. And suddenly Regulus didn't care that Sirius had withheld the vial from him. All at once it no longer mattered that Sirius had assaulted him. In fact, as wave after wave of light-headed bliss started to sweep over Regulus's body, he realized he would have gladly sucked Sirius off again, right then and there, if he'd been asked to.
Regulus pushed himself back against Sirius. Touch felt really good at the moment. He'd never taken his potions around other people before...he'd never noticed how the warmth of another's skin was so electrified, nor how comforting it was to curl around another body. Regulus clung to Sirius like a limpet and muttered, "Thank you."
And there he fell asleep, content to cling to Sirius like he hadn't done since he'd been five years old. And for those remaining hours before the sun rose the next day, Regulus was blissfully untethered from his pain and his fear of Sirius Black.
Sirius kept his distance from Regulus after that night. It was actually Regulus who finally initiated contact with his brother again.
After the dose he'd been given that night at Grimmauld Place, Regulus's mind had cleared considerably and he'd felt normal for awhile. He'd come back to himself somewhat, and had had the presence of mind the detest Sirius for what he'd done, and he'd harbored that anger for several weeks. But then the next term came and he was back at school with his brother and the ever-present threat of James Potter. The nerves that James gave him just by glancing his direction over breakfast in the morning were enough to send Regulus into a fit, and his lack of potion refills was starting to get to him by October.
And so Regulus had approached his brother. By Halloween he'd been feeling so poorly that he knew he needed Sirius's help again, no matter how vehemently he'd sworn to never speak to his brother again.
Regulus crept up to the Gryffindor towers around 9:30 the night of October 31. He let himself in and traipsed past the few students in the common room (one of whom was James Potter himself) and entered his brother's dorm room. Sirius was lounging against his headboard, a large square of parchment in his hand, nudging his wand across what looked to be a map of sorts. He hastily put his parchment away when he noticed Regulus enter.
Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin looked to be out somewhere. Regulus was acutely aware of how he was once again alone with his brother in his bedroom.
"Well, look who we have here, Reggikins. Don't you look just dashing in your new Fourth Year robes."
Regulus scowled and walked stiffly forward. "Sirius," he murmured. "You have to give me more of my elixir."
Sirius raised an eyebrow. "I told you I..." he stopped in mid thought and then continued again. "Why should I?"
"Because I'm falling the fuck apart," Regulus admitted. "Sirius it's worse than ever before. I can't do anything. Even the few spells I was able to manage in the past don't work for me anymore." He rolled up the sleeve of his jumper and showed Sirius a long red mark. "I was so frazzled this morning that I burned myself in potions. I haven't slept for three days. Sirius, I...I'm even losing my ability to See. The one thing I'm good at, I don't even have anymore!" Regulus was hysterical by this point, nearly crying. Sirius sat up straighter, looking alarmed.
"Shush," he urged. "You'll rouse the whole tower. How did you even get in here?"
Regulus wrapped his shaking arms around his chest. "Overheard a first year blabbing the password at lunch," he admitted. Sirius shook his head in exasperation.
"Come here, you desperate little thing. I told you you've been taking too much."
Regulus approached his brother on wobbly legs. "Why did you do this to me?" he asked weakly, sitting down on the bed and hanging his head. "It's destroying me."
"It's not my idea," Sirius said. "You know it was Mother and Father who—"
"Father told me everything," Regulus snapped. "He said Mother hadn't been making datura elixirs for me for years. He was completely unaware you'd still been giving me anything."
"He's lying to you," Sirius said immediately, but Regulus cut him off again.
"No, you're lying to me! You're making me like this on purpose, and I don't understand why. Sirius, are you trying to kill me?"
Sirius took Regulus's face in his hands. "Hush, honey, no. Don't say that. I would never...when have I ever hurt you? You're my very favorite."
"Sirius, please. I need my Sight back, I..."
"Easy, Regulus," Sirius cooed. He placed a gentle kiss to his brother's cold forehead. "Divination's not that important."
"But it is!" Regulus shrieked. "I need it to know!"
"Know what?"
"When to hide!" Regulus screamed. "I have to know when he might...where he might..."
Sirius shushed him again and pulled Regulus into his arms.
When Regulus quieted some, he noticed Sirius had snaked a hand up his shirt and was rubbing his back languidly. Regulus twitched. "Where...where are you friends?" he asked.
"Well I imagine you saw James in the common room, he's pulling an all nighter for an exam tomorrow."
"I meant the other two," Regulus said.
"Oh, Remus and Peter are in the hospital wing. We had an...eventful night last night."
Regulus shivered at the realization that no one would likely be walking in on them that evening.
"Please give me my potion, Sirius," Regulus begged. "It's been months. I...I'll end up in the hospital wing at this rate. And if they find out everything that's going on...I'm afraid they might expel me." Regulus's lip began to quiver again. Sirius gave him a soft kiss to still it.
"Well I don't know," he said softly. "You've certainly been avoiding me lately."
"You've been avoiding me," Regulus insisted. Sirius only shrugged. Regulus began to cry again. "Why have you done this to me?" he demanded.
"Because you're mine," said Sirius simply.
"But you're supposed to love me!" Regulus sobbed. "Not wreck me!"
"If you're going to dissolve into tears every five seconds, then you can just leave," Sirius commanded, pointing to the door. Regulus immediately stilled, breathing raggedly.
Sirius gave him a little push. Regulus's eyes widened in panic.
"NO!" he said loudly. "I'm sorry. Sirius, I'm sorry. I'll be good, I'll do whatever you ask, just please give me the rest of my elixir. It wasn't even a full vial last time!"
"You'll behave yourself?" Sirius asked incredulously.
Regulus nodded. "I'll do whatever you ask of me," he promised. There were still tears falling from his eyes, but at least now they were silent.
An evil grin spread over Sirius's face. "Then come here," he said swiftly. "And take off that ridiculous green jumper. You're wearing far too much clothing."
With weak, trembling movements, Regulus undressed himself. Somewhere in his mind he knew where this was leading, but he was too defeated to care. Sirius pushed him flat onto his back and covered him with his body. Like a deadweight, Sirius held Regulus pinned firmly to the blankets. Regulus could barely move. Sirius's shirt was harsh against his skin, and his hair tickled Regulus's neck as he went in for kiss after kiss.
"I do love you, Regulus," Sirius said against the skin of his shoulder. He scraped his teeth lightly down Regulus's clavicle, making him jump. "I've loved you since the day you were born. "You're mine and I will always take care of you."
"A—always?" Regulus asked feebly. It seemed to him that Sirius would never commit to him in that way. Regulus was certain his brother would outgrow him, leave him behind one day at Grimmauld Place once he'd had his fill. And if Sirius Black left for good, Regulus would be nothing but a shaking mess, slowly deteriorating into nothing. A pitiful pile of anxious, broken magic.
And it would have been Sirius Black that broke him. Just because he could. When Sirius said he loved him, Regulus did not believe him, but it hardly mattered in that instant. Regulus was desperate for Sirius's consideration at the moment, and he tried to appease him as best he could. When Sirius kissed him, Regulus kissed back. Regulus fisted a hand in Sirius's hair like he'd seen actors do at the cinemas his brother used to sneak him to on hot summer nights. He ran his fingers down his brother's back. Sirius crooned and eventually sat up, panting.
Face flushed and hair damp with sweat, Sirius unbuttoned his shirt but didn't remove it. He undid the front of his trousers, as well, but didn't slip out of them. Regulus tugged at his brother's waistband, but Sirius seemed uninterested in stripping any further. Instead he fumbled a hand into his nightstand drawer, removing a small bottle. Regulus's heart rose and his pulse quickened, thinking it was his elixir, but it was only a clear lotion. Regulus looked at Sirius quizzically as he poured the substance onto his cock and hands. Sirius chuckled.
"So innocent," he whispered. "You really are all mine, aren't you? It's lubrication, Reggie," he added, placing a slickened hand around Regulus's cock. Regulus's body jerked at the cold sensation. "So I won't hurt you."
"Y—you're not going to hurt me?" Regulus asked incredulously. Sirius slid his cock against his brother's, pumping gently with his hand.
"Of course not, baby," Sirius whispered. "You're precious to me. And I need you to last."
Regulus shivered. His prick and abdomen felt hot thanks to Sirius's rhythmic grinding, but the rest of him was still feverish with chills from his withdrawals. He jumped when he felt Sirius's fingers pressing inside him.
"Easy, calm down," Sirius said, swallowing Regulus's cries with his mouth. "I'm just getting you ready."
"For what?" Regulus asked breathlessly. His face and neck were damp with sweat, and his hair was plastered to his skin. His whole body was starting to heat up now, wracked with a fire that wouldn't ease.
"I'm going to make you mine," Sirius insisted.
"I'm already yours," Regulus said in a panicky voice. "You don't—"
But Sirius was not dissuaded. He eased himself inch by inch inside his brother. Regulus began to fitfully protest, but another sharp pain of withdrawal wracked his forehead and neck, canceling out any thoughts beyond his overwhelming need. He needed his elixir...but Sirius was stroking him again, and rocking gently...and Regulus keened, confused and thinking maybe he needed Sirius, too.
"Is that...as far as you're going to go?" Regulus asked nervously after noticing Sirius was only halfway inside him. He felt immense relief when Sirius nodded. Regulus honestly hadn't been sure he could have taken much more without the cloudy haze of his mind bursting out into severe pain.
Sirius rolled gently against him, still paying close attention to Regulus's cock, and to his chest. When Sirius's fingers grazed over his nipples, it sent little pangs of pleasure piercing through the clouds behind Regulus's eyes. He couldn't hear anything but Sirius's voice, couldn't feel anything but Sirius's shirt tapping the sides of his chest, couldn't see anything at all…
"Yes," Sirius told him. "I don't want to break you. You're so fragile, Reggie, so perfect. This is enough for now. I've a lifetime to take you more thoroughly."
It seemed to Regulus that the evening was lasting forever. A ferocious wave of need had built up inside him, and he was desperate.
"Please, Sirius," he said weakly. He let his head fall to the side, sliding up and down with his brother's thrusts. "Please, I need it...I need you to..." Regulus was no longer sure what he was asking for, the vial or something more.
"Oh, why have you done this to me?" he gasped yet again. Sirius kissed the underside of his jaw, humming against his taut skin.
"Mm, because I love you like this. You're perfect, Reggie...say it again. Say that you need me. Beg for me!"
"Please!" Regulus gasped hoarsely. "Sirius, please, my heart it...everything's heavy, I can't...I can't breath, please!"
And Sirius finally gave in. He pulled on Regulus's cock much more harshly than before, prizing Regulus's release from him. Regulus could only gasp and sputter as he came between them. He tightened around his brother, and Sirius took in a sharp breathe. He pulled out of Regulus with a groan and climbed up his pliant body.
Regulus's eyes were closed, but he felt Sirius's come land hot against his neck and chin, and he knew what Sirius wanted next. Regulus opened his eyes and leaned weakly up onto on arm. He took Sirius's head in his mouth and swallowed him as far as he could. Sirius ran his fingers through Regulus's hair with desperate strokes.
Then Sirius collapsed next to him. He was breathing as though he had run a mile, and there was a smug satisfaction to his smile. After a moment's rest, Sirius righted his clothes and sat up. Regulus, completely out of energy, just lay there panting. He could feel a dull throbbing in his arse that he knew would hurt much worse later on.
"Sirius," Regulus said, his voice barely above a whisper.
"Hush, not now," Sirius insisted. He put a finger to his brother's lips, but Regulus pushed his hand away.
"Please, Sirius, I've been good. Where is it? You promised..."
But Sirius ignored him. Regulus pulled himself up so he was at eye level with his brother. "Wasn't I good enough?" he asked him.
At the sound of Regulus's completely heartbroken voice, Sirius seemed to deflate a little. He stroked the side of Regulus's face gently, cooing at him, telling him how good he was, how perfect he was, how handsome…
"Maybe it's better if you don't have any tonight," Sirius said evasively.
"Sirius, please, I can't. Not right now." Regulus took his brother's hand and placed it over his chest. Sirius's eyes widened when he felt how fast Regulus's heart was still beating.
"I feel like I'm dying," Regulus said. "And I can't go back out there another day without being able to See...without knowing what—when...it...Sirius, please. Why are you punishing me? Give me my elixir!"
Sirius was silent and Regulus, still panting something fierce, widened his eyes in understanding.
"You...don't have any!" he accused. "You LIED to me!"
Sirius tried to calm his brother, but Regulus threw himself from his grasp. Unable to stand, he tumbled to the floor, shaking. "You fucking bastard," he whimpered.
"I told you Regulus, I'm waiting for that shit to be in season again. This isn't a potion that can be whipped up with summer or fall ingredients. I need ingredients that only thrive in the winter! If you hadn't been taking so much, then the last batch would have lasted you through the year and you wouldn't be like this!"
Regulus's cheeks burned at the scolding. He stood weakly and reached for his clothes, dressing messily and fast. "I hate you," he muttered. "I fucking hate you. I wish you were dead. I can't believe you did this to me. I...I let you...I gave...you were supposed to take care of me!"
"That's enough!" Sirius yelled. "Don't you talk to me like that!"
"Why the fuck not?" Regulus screamed. "You're a monster! You're a liar. You coward!"
The insult had been random, but it struck a chord with Sirius, and he slapped Regulus so hard he stumbled sideways, having to catch himself against the nightstand and knocking papers everywhere.
Sirius stood tall over him and raised his hand again. Regulus buried his head in his arms. "You said you weren't going to hurt me," he whimpered.
"That was before you deserved it!" Sirius insisted. He didn't hit Regulus again, but instead pulled him up by his collar and brought him back to the bed.
"Get in," he ordered, pointing to the blankets. Regulus was shaking his head and backing away.
"Regulus, if you disobey me one more time, I swear I will hit you bloody, now get in."
Regulus looked at his brother, horrified. What had happened to the affectionate behavior from before? Where were the kisses and the sweet nothings from just five minutes ago? The Sirius Black standing before him now was all cruelty and sharp edges...and the softness before had just been camouflage, something to hide the true darkness of Sirius Black's desires.
Regulus cowered when Sirius advanced on him again. "I'm sorry," he said quietly before stripping to his boxers and clambering into the bed. "Are you going to...what are—what are you going to do?"
Sirius rubbed his palm against his forehead. "I'm going to sleep," he said gruffly. "It's late and I've an exam tomorrow."
"Then why—"
"You're sleeping here with me," Sirius said simply. "You're going to have to get used to it sometime."
Regulus felt a shiver go up his spine. "What are you talking about?" he asked carefully.
Sirius undressed and slid under the covers. "What?" he asked roughly. "Where did you think you were going to live, Regulus? On your own?"
Regulus nodded slowly and nervously. "Y—yes," he admitted. "In one of the estates in the countryside...whichever one you didn't take."
Sirius laughed harshly. "What? You thought Mum and Dad were going to let you scamper off to the country to spend your days riding horses and returning to London only for soirees and business dealings?"
Regulus was silent for a long time. Then he whispered, "I assumed I was to be married eventually. And that my wife and I would take residence on a Black family property where we would be out of everyone's way."
Sirius nearly choked on his own laughter. "You?" he sputtered. "Married? Reggie, don't be ridiculous. I am the one who will marry in about eight or ten years. You will never. You are not Father's heir, Regulus. Any children from you would be useless."
"So what, then?" Regulus asked. There was now such an all-consuming pounding in his head that he felt he might pass out at any second. "What is my future if it isn't that?"
"How many times do I need to remind you, Regulus? You. Are. Mine."
Regulus stared at his brother in shock. "You are to be married!" he insisted, eyes wide.
"You don't know much about how marriages go in the Sacred Twenty-Eight, do you, Reggie? Haven't Mum and Dad told you anything?"
"No," said Regulus bitterly.
"Reggie, when have Mother and Father ever shared a room?"
Regulus bit his lip. "Well..."
"And yet you and I are both here, aren't we? They were together for the sake of an heir and a spare, Regulus, and beyond that they may as well not even see each other. I'm certainly not going to be spending my evenings cuddled up with some bird I don't even like. I'll tell you once more: you are mine, and you will always be mine."
"There's no one in Father's bed," Regulus insisted. He needed to find some flaw in Sirius's logic, anything to convince himself this wasn't real. He couldn't live his life under Sirius Black's control. Not like this. He could not spend the rest of his days at the mercy of Sirius's temper, constantly in a state of pain from withdrawals and self-loathing from sinful events.
"You must be too young to remember," Sirius said softly. "Oh, Reggie." He softly ran his fingers through Regulus's hair, an action meant to be calming, but which Regulus shrugged off.
"You don't remember all the fighting, do you? Reggie, Aunt Lucretia used to live with us. She ran away. Married some Prewett and the two of them fled the city. They went to one of her husband's properties and they've been there ever since, warded to the gills and hidden from everyone."
"But...Aunt Lucretia came for Christmas just two years ago..."
"Things are different now," Sirius shrugged. "Father's given up trying to bring her back. Every time it was the same: he'd drag her back, kicking and screaming, and she'd stay for a day or two. Then she'd manage to sneak up on him and hex him to within an inch of his life, or else her husband would arrive and get into a skirmish with Father, and either way she'd slip out again. Father couldn't control her, she was too strong, magically and mentally. Eventually, he let her go, albeit bitterly."
Regulus could only stare in disbelief. "Do I have to hurt you to get you to let me go, too?" he demanded.
Sirius laughed loudly. "Oh, Regulus..." he said. "You can't fight me and you know it. You can't hex your way out of a paper bag. What are you going to do? Punch me?"
Regulus balled his hands into fists, but even the action felt wrong. Sirius raised an eyebrow and Regulus deflated. His brother would never be taken out by someone as scrawny as Regulus; he was simply too strong.
"And besides," Sirius continued, leaning over and locking lips with his brother once again. "You wouldn't be able to bring yourself to hurt me. You love me too much, you naughty little thing. And you need me."
Regulus felt the razor-sharp discomfort sprint up his spine once again, reminding him of how desperately he craved that blasted potion.
"You look delicious whenever you're mad," Sirius said fondly. "Now come here and cuddle with me, Reggie. It's time to get some sleep."
Regulus awoke the next morning to a throbbing, transient pain that worked its way up and down his body, eventually settling in his head. Sirius was laying tangled in the blankets, hot and heavy across Regulus's body and pinning him down. With some work, Regulus was able to detach himself from his brother and get dressed.
He paused for just a moment, part of him so unbelievably angry that he considered striking out at Sirius's sleeping form, but he knew it would be useless. Sirius would just wake up and overpower him.
Regulus rushed from the Gryffindor tower and back to his own dorm where he hid for the rest of the day, too sick and upset to go to classes, even Divination.
Regulus was increasingly miserable over the next week, and by mid-November, he couldn't trust himself to act calmly. The slightest things sent him into a rage so bad was his pain and the cravings for his elixirs. He knew the school had surely written to his parents by now about his attendance, and he couldn't care less how he was going to deal with that fallout.
On one of the last sunny Saturdays of the year, Regulus managed to drag himself from bed and traipse outside. He had futile hopes that some fresh air might make him feel better. He walked aimlessly about the grounds, the frosty grass crunching beneath his feet as he made his way down to the lake.
It was there that he ran into his brother. He heard Sirius before he saw him.
"Nice one, Prongs!"
At the sound of his brother addressing James Potter, Regulus stumbled and looked around frantically. His eyes found Sirius, plus all three of his friends, gathered down by the water's edge. James Potter seemed to be engaged in some sort of scuffle with none other than Severus Snape. James had the Slytherin dangling just above the water's edge, hovering inches from the surface. By the look of his clothes and hair, he'd been dunked at least once already.
Severus was screaming profanities so foul that Regulus's skin twitched a little. James and Sirius were laughing like lunatics. Their chubby friend Pettigrew was dashing about frantically, egging them on, and Remus Lupin was sitting on the shore, resolutely looking at his hands. Regulus cautiously approached, mostly unnoticed.
"Perhaps we should just drop him," James observed, but Sirius shook his head.
"And pollute the water?"
"You're right," James agreed.
"Knock it off!" A Gryffindor girl was sprinting down the slope with a look of pure contempt on her face. She'd dropped her books to the ground and skidded to a halt next to Sirius and James, positively spitting with rage. "Let him down!"
"Oh, hi, Lily," James said with a smile. "I was wondering when you'd finally come over."
Lily blinked. "You're disgusting," she hissed. "Are you doing this for attention?"
Sirius shrugged. "Seems to work," he commented. Lily snarled and pushed past Sirius to get closer to James.
"Bring him back to shore and set him down, Potter," she commanded. "Or I swear I will see to it that you spend every remaining Saturday of your academic career in detention."
"I'm shaking," James said sarcastically. "But if you're not busy next Saturday, Lily..."
"Drop dead," Lily snapped. James pretended to be affronted, clutching his hands to his chest in an overexaggerated motion. This broke his wand's hold on Severus, and the Slytherin shot down into the lake.
"Whoops," Sirius called. With a wave of his own wand, Severus was once again dragged from the lake, water cascading off him. He thrashed and coughed, spitting out water and calling Sirius every name under the sun.
Lily took out her wand and pointed it straight at James's face. "Lay off my friend, Potter," she said firmly.
"Oh ew, Lily, you can do better than Snivellus! Have you ever heard what he calls you? I mean, people like you?"
"That's between the two of us, Potter, and frankly, it's none of your concern who I spend my time with. And in case you were about to ask, no, I will not be wasting any of my upcoming time with you. If you had any respect for me, you'd acknowledge that."
"Ouch," Sirius muttered, glancing at his friend.
Lily had since rounded on Remus. "You useless idiot," she said harshly. "Stand up for once and reign in these two maniacs!"
Lupin was gripping his textbook so tightly his knuckles were white. "I'm not—"
"Honestly, you're worse than cruel," Lily said bluntly. "You're a coward. How are you even in Gryffindor if you can't stand up to the people who purport to be your friends?"
Lupin looked desperately up to Sirius, who only shrugged.
"No matter," James said flippantly. "You'll come around, Lilikins. And when you do, I'll—"
"No," Lily cut him off. She had her wand trained on Sirius again, nodding her head towards Severus, her intentions clear. She continued to address James while never taking her eyes off of Sirius. "You're revolting, Potter, and I'd sooner live the rest of my life completely alone than ever touch you. Even if you started behaving yourself, because the fact that you keep pressuring me no matter how many times I say no is more than just annoying, it's frightening. I'm not a prize to be stolen, Potter, you absolute cad."
Sirius whistled. "No matter, James," he said placatingly, because James looked like he was going to advance on Lily. "Sweet Lily here will change her mind one day, and in the meantime, I've got someone lined up to keep you company."
James relaxed, a smirk tugging at his lips. And that was when Regulus lost it. He knew damn well that Sirius was referring to him, and he had no intention of accepting this news quietly. This was what he had been stressing over. This exact scenario, promised so casually by Sirius, was what Regulus had been frantically combing his Sight for clues about...for warning. This fear was what had kept him up for countless nights, even before he'd run out of potions. And to hear it brought up so flippantly...so...easily.
Regulus charged forward and before anyone even noticed him, he was at the lakeside.
"Oi!" Remus Lupin yelled in warning but it was too late. Regulus collided head-on with his brother, sending both of them sailing into the lake. Free from Sirius's spell, Severus fell down into the deeper water.
Regulus felt Sirius squirm against him, struggling to stand back up in the waist-deep water. Regulus, hyped up on pure adrenaline, got to his feet first, but Sirius wasn't far behind.
"Regulus?" Sirius asked, spitting out lake water and rubbing at his eyes. "What the fuck? You little prick!"
"You bastard," Regulus said, glaring. He was vaguely aware of how freezing the water was, but he didn't care. He saw Sirius fumbling for his wand and, knowing he'd stand no chance if Sirius were armed, Regulus took a swing at his face. "Why do you have to be like this? Just leave us alone!"
Sirius staggered and Regulus leaped at him again, snarling. James caught him, though, and dragged him, thrashing and screaming, from the water. Sirius stumbled after them, prying off his sopping cloak. Severus had managed to crawl out from the lake, and was being helped to his feet by Lily Evans.
"You little—" James swore at Regulus and threw him to the ground. "Where did you come from?"
"Regulus," Lily yelled. She dashed over to him. Through his watering eyes, Regulus could see a whole crowd of students had formed. Lily put a hand on his shoulder and shook him lightly. "That was really brave, thank you!"
Regulus swallowed a mouthful of water.
"I knew there had to be someone decent in the Black family, after all!"
Regulus blushed a little at Lily's praise. Over her shoulder, he could see James Potter seething.
"You little fuck!" James yelled. Regulus felt Lily stiffen beside him.
"Stay back, James Potter!" she said, and this time she did more than just raise her wand, she uttered a curt spell and James was knocked off his feet. Lily pulled Regulus to her and turned her wand on Sirius, who, still dazed from his tumble into the lake, held up his hands and backed away.
"Come on, Regulus," Lily muttered. "Let's get going. Severus, come on!"
"No," Regulus tried to slip from her grasp. "I shouldn't..."
"I'm not leaving you here with them," Lily said severely. "Severus, let's go!"
Severus joined Lily, flanking Regulus on the other side. As they limped away from the scene, Regulus spared a glance back at his brother and what he saw chilled him to the bone. The look on Sirius's face was pure venom. James was talking to him frantically while they cast drying spells at one another.
"Come on, Regulus, don't pay them any mind," Lily said, gently hugging Regulus closer to her. As her arm enclosed his damp shoulders, Regulus saw James Potter's eyes flash with a dangerous gleam and he shuddered.
"Where are we going?" Regulus asked.
"Let's go to the Gryffindor Towers and get you two warmed up by the fire," Lily said. "Don't worry, I can get you into my dorm."
And so Regulus spent the evening with Lily and Severus, snuggled up in front of the stove in the center of her dorm. Lily's roommates were as good about the whole affair as Lily was, more than willing to shield the two Slytherin refugees from the firestorm that was Sirius and James.
"I swear, those two are a public menace," Lily griped, handing Regulus and Severus each a cup of hot cider. "And you should hear what they get away with up here. I lucked out with Marlene and Alice, but there are some girls in the years below us who won't hear a word against them. And of course it all goes to their heads. One of these days, they're really going to hurt somebody."
Regulus sat there in bitter silence. Lily was right. She didn't know how right she was.
But he couldn't tell her anything, not without outing himself, and what if she told him the same thing he'd always heard?
When your brother wants something from you, Regulus, I expect you to obey him.
But perhaps Lily would be different? She seemed to have no illusions about Sirius and James, she wasn't taken in by James's charm or Sirius's station. Regulus actually opened his mouth to speak.
But then he closed it again, remembering how disgusted Lily had been by the idea of touching James Potter. Regulus shivered. She would be disgusted by him then, too. No, it was better that he keep silent.
Regulus took a slow drink of his cider, trying to imagine it was his elixir, but to no avail. For the rest of the evening, he was able to pass off his shivers as lingering trauma and adrenaline from the events by the lake. Then, around 7 pm, Professor McGonnagall arrived and pulled Regulus and Severus aside for a deposition. They gave their half of the story and their teacher seemed satisfied. She assured them that James and Sirius would spend the night in detention. It was little consolation to anyone, and when Lily heard, she was furious, but Severus only shrugged.
"Nothing to be done," he admitted. "There's Quidditch practice tomorrow. Did you think McGonnagall was going to make Potter miss it?"
Lily's face fumed as red as her hair, but eventually she calmed.
"Well, I suppose you're right. There's nothing we can do. Just...be careful you two. And Severus, don't go provoking any trouble, okay? I know how you get."
Severus rolled his eyes but made no promises. He and Regulus finally left Lily's room. "Listen, Regulus," Severus said as they paused in the Gryffindor common room. "That was a stupid fucking thing you did, but thanks, anyway. It was pretty bold."
Regulus smiled a little.
"Your brother's going to murder you, of course," Severus added. "He's been on me about being friends with you for months. It's probably killing him that you confirmed it in front of everyone like that."
Regulus shrugged. "Like you said, there's nothing we can do."
"Okay, don't let him give you too hard of a time."
Regulus tried his best to keep a neutral expression on his face. "He won't..."
Severus nodded curtly. "Let's go back to the dorms, then."
They hadn't made it down one staircase before it happened. Sirius and James, looking exhausted and angry, were on their way back to the towers, presumably having finished their detention with McGonnagall.
"Shit," Severus said in a low voice. Regulus began to shake. All his fervor from earlier in the day was gone, and he had to resist the urge to lay himself prostrate before his brother and beg for forgiveness.
"There you are," said James in a casual voice, stuffing a square of parchment into his pocket. "We were worried you were going to sneak back down to the dungeons before McGonnagall let us off. Snivellus," he added flippantly. "Sod off, I'll find you later."
Severus pulled out his wand, but Sirius and James had him outnumbered.
"Don't even try it, Snape," Sirius warned.
Severus glanced questioningly to Regulus, clearly wondering why the younger Black wasn't leaping into the fray.
"Don't expect any help there," Sirius laughed. "Regulus's wand is about as useful to him as a tree branch."
"Don't lay a hand on him, Black," Severus said.
"Don't lose your knickers, Snivellus," Sirius said. "I'm not going to hurt my brother. But he does need to come with me so we can...talk."
"So fuck off before this becomes a fight you're going to lose," James added. Regulus had never seen James turn down the opportunity to hex Severus before, but it was becoming clear to him that James wasn't that mad at Severus Snape…
...he was angry with Regulus.
"Go on, Snape," Sirius said in a tired voice. "It's late. Reggie, come on, you're sleeping up here tonight."
"What makes you think I'm going to let you lot just drag him off?" Severus demanded. Sirius shot him a dangerous look.
"Because it's not up to you. And besides, I don't have to drag him anywhere. Regulus, come on."
And Sirius gave Regulus such a look that everything he'd said about Regulus's inevitable future came flooding back. Regulus felt a shiver crackle up his spine.
"I don't w—want," he started, but Sirius cut him off.
"I've got your stuff in the dorm," he said, pointing back towards Gryffindor Tower. "Came in last night, I just hadn't had the chance to get it to you yet."
Regulus felt his throat tingle. Was Sirius lying? Possibly. Probably. But there was the slight chance that he wasn't, and that was more than Regulus could stand. The constant need that had been coiled in his belly all day was once again rising up into his chest.
"Reg?" Severus looked at him skeptically.
"Is it—is it really there, Siri?" Regulus asked in a small voice. Sirius nodded, smiling warmly.
"Really really, Reggie," he promised.
"What are you talking about?" Severus asked.
"Nothing, Snape, just Regulus's...Divination supplies."
Snape didn't seem entirely convinced, but Regulus could tell he was remembering Regulus's recent performance issues with the subject.
"All right...I'll see you tomorrow," Severus conceded. He stared at Regulus for one more moment, giving him the chance to say something, but when Regulus only nodded, Severus left them alone, trotting off towards the dungeons.
With Severus finally gone, the warmth left Sirius's face, and the relaxed arm he'd thrown over Regulus's shoulder became very rigid.
"Let's go," he said curtly. He pulled Regulus up the stairs, James following behind them. Regulus didn't resist.
"Is it really here, Sirius?" he asked weakly.
"I just said it was, didn't I?"
"Are you going to give it to me?" Regulus's voice was desperate.
Sirius paused outside the portrait that would grant them access to the Gryffindor commons. He rounded on his brother.
"You think you fucking deserve any after what you pulled this morning?"
"Please," Regulus whimpered. "Sirius, it...I don't know what came over me today. I was just so high strung from not having my elixirs. If I'd just had some, I would never have done it. Sirius, please!"
Sirius clapped a hand over Regulus's mouth. "Shut up," he said. "You're going to come with me, and you're going to come with me quietly. And then, after we've dealt with you, we'll decide if you get anything to drink. Regulus, do you understand me?"
Regulus nodded and his brother released him.
"Now are you going to come with us quietly? I won't have you screaming bloody murder in the common room."
"Yes," said Regulus in a small voice. "I'll be good, Sirius, I promise."
"Yeah, you will," Sirius scoffed. James opened the portrait and the three filed inside. True to his word, Regulus walked obediently behind his brother, and followed him up to the sixth year dorms with no fuss, but he walked with the air of a man on the way to the gallows.
Lupin and Pettigrew were in the room, sitting on the same bed and poring over a transfiguration textbook.
"Out," James said sharply, pointing at the door behind him. Lupin and Pettigrew looked up.
"Hi guys, how was detention?" Pettigrew asked, but at the look on his friends' faces he quieted. Lupin tugged at his arm and the two of them scurried off, closing the door behind them. Regulus was sad to see them go. Lupin was by far the most reasonable of Sirius's group, and Regulus had been holding onto a sliver of hope that the pale boy would be able to talk some sense into his friends.
But Lupin was gone, and Regulus knew he wasn't planning on coming back. He supposed there was a slight chance that Lupin would tell a teacher something was amiss in the boys' dorm, but he didn't hold out much hope.
"S—Sirius?" Regulus asked.
But Sirius, who was rummaging around in his trunk, ignored him. And to Regulus's horror, James was advancing slowly. James pulled Regulus into his arms and began to play with his hair. "Here, let's get that off of you," he whispered, popping Regulus's shirt open and pulling it off of him.
"James, I..."
"Is it me?" James asked. His voice was coarse, and he pushed Regulus roughly onto the bed. Regulus marveled at how he could ever have been tricked by this demon in front of him. James held no concern for Regulus, and he never had. He'd been toying with him. And now Regulus had wounded his ego, had embarrassed him in front of half the school and James was going to punish him for that.
"Am I what you see when you gaze into that fucking crystal ball of yours? Am I who you try to read with your tarot cards...?
"...Is it me that you pray for?"
Regulus curled up on himself, breathing raggedly.
At James's prompting, Sirius tossed him a small bottle and Regulus bit his lip. He crawled to the head of the bed, away from James, but James simply kicked off his shoes and climbed up next to him.
"Find me a tie, Padfoot, and a belt."
"What for?" Sirius asked suspiciously.
"For making sure your fucking brother finally learns to behave himself. You've been too fucking lenient all this time, and now look what he's done."
Sirius was silent.
"You don't have control of him, Sirius. He wants to run from you! Let me make sure he doesn't."
Regulus shook his head frantically. "N—No, Sirius," he insisted. "Sirius, listen to me, I won't leave you. I belong with you, I understand that! I'll stay with you always, just...don't let him hurt me!"
But Sirius's eyes had hardened somewhat, and he pulled from his trunk the items James had asked for.
"There you go," James said. He pinned Regulus down effortlessly with one arm. Regulus was tired, half-drowned, and so strung out from potion withdrawals that James could have held him down with a stern look at that point. "Hand them here, Sirius. I'll get him ready."
"Sirius, he's lying!"
"Shut up, you little snake," James hissed. "Look at you, trying to manipulate your way out of this, but it won't work! Your ours, Regulus Black, and the sooner you accept that, the better it'll be for you."
Regulus shook his head wordlessly. He did not belong to James Potter!
"I know what you're scheming inside that little Slytherin head of yours. Befriending Snape just to ingratiate yourself to Lily, thinking she's going to pull you away from here, run off with you into the sunset like some fairytale romance. Did you think she'd save you from your real home? Did you think you could just run away like that cowardly aunt of yours?"
"That's not true, James," Regulus said. He squirmed as James pulled roughly at the rest of his clothes. "Let go of me, I don't belong to you!"
"You do until your brother gets his head back. Now give me your hands."
But Regulus refused. He knew James wanted to tie him up. Desperately he kept moving, trying to keep his hands just out of James's reach. James growled. "Sirius, hand me that belt!" he yelled.
"No, James, what are you—stop!" Regulus shrieked as James brought the leather down hard on his stomach.
"Give me your hands."
"Stop!" His side.
"Now."
"James!" His back.
Regulus couldn't roll any further away, James had him pinned with his legs. Regulus closed his eyes, convinced James would aim for his face next.
"Hey!"
The blow never game. Regulus opened his eyes and saw Sirius had take a step forward.
"Ease up, mate," Sirius said sternly. "You don't need to hurt him so much."
James gave Sirius an incredulous look. "You back down too easily," he said. "A few whimpers and you're ready to cave. You said yourself that he deserved it harsh for that stunt today."
"Yes, but just...don't hit him anymore, okay? Look at him...that's enough."
James turned back to Regulus, who was quietly crying. His eyes were red and his breath was coming in shallow gasps.
"Fine," James relented. "You're really lucky, Baby Black, that your brother has such a secret soft spot for you. Now quiet down." James kissed Regulus deeply. "Let's get you nice and ready, okay."
Regulus couldn't bare to look at James while he was tied tightly to the bedpost. Instead he locked eyes with Sirius.
"Siri..." Regulus begged.
"Oh no, no, no," James crowed. "Sirius gets you to himself all the time. Tonight, you're mine first."
Regulus tried to appeal to his brother again, but James was done with waiting. He silenced Regulus with a kiss and continued to prep him.
Was this what he had to look forward to in life? Regulus wondered. He'd come to terms with his fate being bound to Sirius, but he had not yet conceded his future to James Potter. As the Gryffindor chaser bottomed out in him, Regulus found himself desperately praying for someone something anything
"James," he gasped. "Stop, it's too...too much!"
"Mm, is it?" James thrust deep inside the Slytherin. Regulus saw stars and lost a bit of feeling in his limbs. "If you beg me prettily, I might go slow and gentle. What do you say, Baby Black? Do you want me to make it good and sweet? Just tell me you're sorry."
There was a buzzing in Regulus's ears, and he didn't register all of James's words, but he still caught the gist.
"Fuck you," Regulus coughed. In truth he was tempted to cave and tell James whatever he wanted to hear. But he also knew that doing so would seal his submission, and likely do little more than fuel James's ego. As if he were actually going to slow down no matter what Regulus promised!
"As unruly as ever, I see," James said. He twined his fingers harshly in Regulus's hair, pulling his head back and slamming into him again. Regulus gasped and whined, a low, destitute sound.
"It's this attitude that earns you this kind of discomfort, Regulus, I wish you understood that. Sirius would treat you like a prince if you'd only do as he says."
"I do," Regulus insisted. "I do!"
James scoffed and shook his head. His pace had gotten somewhat erratic.
"Fuck, I'm not gonna' last long," he said. "He's quite a prize, Sirius."
Regulus buried his face in the pillow, unwilling to look at his brother. As James stilled inside him, moaning lightly, Regulus felt the bed dip to one side. Sirius had sat down beside them. James pulled out of him a moment later, muttering about how he was looking forward to building up his endurance for these sorts of activities. Regulus shivered. He felt the bed shake as James collapsed beside him, panting lightly and covered in a fine layer of sweat.
Regulus braced himself, expecting Sirius to pick up where his friend had left off. But to his surprise, Sirius was untying him. Regulus's arms were numb and his shoulders cramped, but still his release brought welcome relief.
James raised a questioning eyebrow.
"I don't want your sloppy seconds," Sirius said shortly, without making eye contact with his friend. "I've got other uses for Reggie."
Regulus's vision blacked out for a second and he blinked furiously. When his eyesight returned, he saw he was looking into Sirius's steely grey eyes. Regulus flinched and looked down.
Sirius kissed him sweetly on the cheek. Regulus felt sparks jump from Sirius's lips, tickling his face and making him twitch. Sirius ran a hand down Regulus's back and another up his leg, swiping through the mess James had made of his thighs. Regulus felt such a warmth from Sirius's hands that the rest of him seemed almost unbearably cold.
"You know what to do, honey," Sirius prompted.
Regulus let his brother bend his aching body until he was headfirst in Sirius's lap. Regulus took a deep breath.
"S—Sirius?" he asked in a small voice. "My...my elixir. You're going to give it to me tonight, right? Because I'm really scared that I'm dying."
Sirius glanced nervously at James before turning back to Regulus. "You'll get your elixir when I say you do," he said curtly. "Now suck me before I change my mind about fucking you."
Regulus shuddered but did as he was told. He took the head of Sirius's cock clumsily into his mouth. At Sirius's prompting, he tried to take the rest, but choked. Terrified that Sirius would shove himself down Regulus's throat any second, Regulus took the base of his brother in his hand, hoping to distract him. He sucked and stroked for all he was worth, praying that Sirius would be pleased with him, that he would give him what he needed.
To Regulus's immense embarrassment, the moans and sighs his brother made were turning him on somewhat. But Regulus would rather die than come from this experience. In one last desperate attempt to satisfy both his brother and James, who was watching lazily and stroking himself, Regulus swallowed Sirius's come with gusto. It was bitter, and he gagged, but he kept it down this time.
Shaking from adrenaline, half hard and feeling ready to pass out, Regulus pushed away from his brother and fell to his side at the foot of the bed, trembling.
Sirius took a moment to come down from his high, and when he did, he pulled Regulus back into his lap. Only this time, he wrapped Regulus up in the blankets and began whispering something comforting into his ear. Regulus was drifting in and out of consciousness, but he still heard James remark loudly:
"You goddam poof. He's going to need to get used to worse than that."
"Yes, but not yet," Sirius hissed. "Give it time. Here Reggie...drink this..."
"Please, God..."
"Yes, Reggie, give me your hands. Now drink this, and then I'll help you lead your prayers. Drink this so you can be heard..."
Regulus felt a vial press against his lips. He drank greedily. The effects of the elixir were different this time. The relief came, but it was less drastic, and Regulus was still chilled. He still shook. He still hurt. He was still...tethered...to the pain and the hurt and the misery.
Regulus began to panic that he'd finally hit a point of no return, and that his potions would no longer work for him. With his fate now inexorably sealed to the whims of the two Gryffindors, Regulus supposed he no longer needed his Sight. After all, one didn't need to be a Seer to know that James Potter would be after him weekly, if not daily, after this. Regulus could have cried.
But at least his heartbeat had slowed a bit. He no longer felt like an explosion within his chest was imminent, and after much coaxing from his brother, Regulus Black fell into a deep sleep.
When Regulus awoke, Sirius was pressed against him, arms wrapped protectively around Regulus's torso. Regulus was sore. His head was pounding and he still felt sick. His arse was throbbing like mad and his mouth felt dry and disgusting. He wanted nothing more than to take a hot shower, but even thinking about moving hurt, and Sirius was holding onto him too tightly for him to escape without waking the older Black.
"Up early, I see," James Potter said. Regulus jumped.
James was sitting on the edge of his own bed opposite the Black brothers. He was dressed already, straightening his tie with slow, deliberate movements. When he noticed Regulus was awake, he stood up and approached Sirius's bed. Regulus instinctively shrank back into his brother.
"Look at you, so loyal once you've been disciplined a bit. Now why can't you behave so well all of the time?"
James reached down to pet Regulus's silky black hair. Regulus glared.
"Still a bit of an attitude, I guess," James admitted. "Don't worry. I'm sure I'll be able to...work it out of you."
Regulus tried to bury himself even further within Sirius's arms.
"You really lucked out, Baby Black. Sirius spoils you."
"Sirius has me fucking drugged," Regulus argued. "I'll always need those damn elixirs. Who knows how long before they fucking kill me."
James tapped Regulus between the eyes. "You watch your mouth," he chided. "And don't be so gullible. Sirius Black is far too much of a softie to let anything bad happen to you. Like I said, you done lucked out, you little snake."
Regulus scoffed. "Yeah fucking right."
James raised an eyebrow and Regulus knew he was in for an earful. James Potter hated being wrong.
"You think I'm lying?" he asked skeptically. James gathered his wand from the nightstand and pulled a piece of parchment out of a drawer and slipped it into his pocket. "Sirius has been trying to get you off of those elixirs since he realized how much you've been taking. You really scared him, you know, drinking them by the pint like that and going completely crazy when you had to go without for a few weeks. Silly sod's been sick with worry over you."
"Sure," Regulus rolled his eyes. A sharp burst of pain sprouted at the base of his neck, taking him off guard and making his eyes water.
"If it were up to me, I'd have knocked you from the stuff cold turkey, but Sirius seemed frantic that you were going to die if he did so. Or suffer or some such nonsense."
Regulus glanced at the empty potion vial on the nightstand and James laughed.
"That's a calming draught with some food coloring. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some plans for today with Remus and Peter." He opened the door, but then turned back with a look of fake thought on his face.
"Oh I almost forgot." James waved his wand and Regulus felt the bonds from last night return to his arms, latching him once more to the bedpost. Regulus whimpered and tugged frantically, no longer caring if his movements jostled Sirius.
"You shan't be going anywhere for a few days, I'm afraid. Sirius's orders. He wants you here where he can keep an eye on you while you continue to detox."
"James!" Regulus yelled. "Let me go!"
"I do hope you behave a bit better for your brother when he wakes up. I wouldn't test your luck too much, little one. Even Sirius's patience will wear thin eventually." James smirked. "When he wakes up, you really should thank him. Fucker's head over heels for you. Took me years of convincing to get him to share."
Then with one final laugh, James left, slamming the door behind him and Regulus tried tugging futilely at his bonds. They held tight. He debated waking Sirius up, but he was still feeling lousy and didn't really want Sirius adding to his headache. Instead Regulus settled down as best he could with his arms so awkwardly tied up. Sirius's body was warm and inviting, and Regulus felt a little calmed by the rise and fall of Sirius's chest against him.
Regulus wondered if Sirius's plan to free him from the hold of the elixirs would work, or if it would kill him. If it did work, would Regulus maybe stand a chance of escaping his brother's hold?
But Regulus thought glumly of his father, and the stories Sirius had told of their aunt. Would Regulus have the fortitude to withstand a similar battle? Likely not. And besides, Regulus Black had no one to come to his rescue every time Sirius dragged him back home. Regulus shuddered.
Elixir or no elixir, he was trapped. Regulus pressed his face into Sirius's chest, breathing evenly for the first time in weeks. It was disgusting and it was depressing...but he loved his big brother. And if Sirius wanted to share him with James, then there was nothing Regulus could do to stop him. Sirius was his comfort. Sirius was his brother.
Sirius was his home.
And while they laid there in peaceful silence, naked bodies wrapped around each other and a look of adoration on Sirius's sleeping face, Regulus prayed.
He prayed for Sirius Black to drop fucking dead.
And he hated himself for it.
/signedTenkuroi