Kill the beast! Cut his throat! Spill his blood! Kill the beast! Cut his throat! Spill his blood! Kill the beast! Cut his throat! Spill his blood!
Ralph shuddered; the chant still rang in his mind, over and over. Images ran through his mind. He watched Piggy falling from the cliff and Simon crying out as the other boys in Jack's tribe encircled him, trapping him before… he didn't finish the thought. In the corner of the room a conch shell glistened, he'd picked it up on the beach as they walked towards the boat. He had clutched it to his chest, much like Piggy had. The officers on the ship had shown him to his room and he hadn't left since, he had just sat on the bed, silent and still. Jack and the others were talking to the staff but Ralph hadn't said a word since he had first met the officer on the beach. He spent his time thinking about Piggy and Simon, what were they going to tell their families? How could they explain? He regretted everything that happened on the island. Their deaths were his fault. If he had just kept everyone together, none of this would have happened.
A pang of guilt hit him as he thought about how Piggy had asked him not to leave his side and yet he had. He could have protected him and yet he had let himself forget about his most loyal friend, the boy who had stayed with him even when the others had left. He thought about the savagery and cruelty everyone had shown on the island. At the time he had felt above it all, like he was innocent in all this but now as he sat there on his way back to civilisation he realised that he too had resorted to barbarity.
All of them had been in a craze; they were so caught up in the moment they hadn't stopped to think when they thought the beast had come to get them. In a moment they had lost all civility and attacked. They had beaten him to death despite his cries, despite his attempts to get away. Simon was killed because they had let their inner insanity come out; a force that was inside every human. Every single person on earth contained an inner cruelty but their learnt behaviour kept it hidden. Though, it now dawned on Ralph, the behaviour learned through rewards and punishments may not be as heavily reinforced, as they had believed. When the people in control were gone their inner instinct ran wild, driving them to insanity and savagery.
He himself contained this cruelty as he too had experienced the rush as he had joined in the hunt dance with the rest of Jack's tribe. He too had felt the thrill as they ran forward hunting the sow. Kill the beast! Cut his throat! Spill his blood! Kill the beast! Cut his throat! Spill his blood! He remembered yelling the words himself before they had killed Simon, before he had killed Simon. He had himself participated in the attack yet he still felt inclined to believe himself above it all. He was just as guilty as any of the other boys. He leapt to his feet but crumpled under his own weight as his legs had gone numb as he sat there. He struggled to his feet and staggered towards the door. He pushed it open and climbed up to the deck. The first thing he noticed was the smell, the salty air pervading his nostrils. He felt the warmth of the setting sun on his back and he heard the laughter of the other boys coming from a cabin down below. He walked over to the bow and stared out at the sea. He watched the waves ripple along the side of the cruise liner. He tried to clear his mind of the depressing thoughts about Piggy and Simon but the more he tried to push them out of his mind the more he focused on them.
He glared at the ocean like it was to blame for his problems. He heard a snicker behind him; he spun on the spun and saw Jack leaning casually against the wall. He wore a sarcastic smirk on his lips and his eyes glimmered with cruel humour. Ralph looked at him, studying his expression. He tried to remember Jack before their time on the island. He had always worn his odd uniform; strutting around the corridors like her was better than everyone else. He would tell off the other boys with their tie lopsided or their shirts untucked, he would look pleased with himself – then again he never heard the names they called him behind his back. Now his hair was dishevelled and he wore a jumper the crew had found that hung loose and made him look like a child in his fathers clothes – but that face.
His mouth seemed curved into a permanent sneer. His eyes held the biggest change, where before they had a look of youth and innocence, they now held nothing but hate. Jack glared. "Finally decided to join us then?" Jack spat. He walked over to the edge and Ralph had a sudden urge to push him. He hated himself for even thinking such a thing; it only proved what he thought about his inner evil. Ralph could still see the traces of the war paint on Jack's face, worn away and smudged. As he looked at the face of the boy had hunted him like an animal, he couldn't help but blame him for the deaths of his friends. He felt anger rise up within himself, but he contained it because he knew Simon and Piggy would have done the same.
He turned to leave but Jack grabbed his arm. "Isn't it good we're being rescued. If my hunters and I hadn't kept the fire going." Jack smirked at his comment, showing no attempt to hide his pride. Ralph's fury bubbled over the surface at Jack's snide comment. "You let the fire go out. We could have been saved when the first ship went by but you and your hunters," he spat the word, "let it go out. Piggy and I kept the fire in check until you stole the fire we would have gladly given you. Then you burned the whole island down." Ralph exclaimed while he struggled to get his rage under control. "If it weren't for Piggy the fire never would have been lit in the first place. We were rescued thanks to him but because of you and Roger he will never go home."
Jacks face contorted with red-hot rage, "Piggy was killed by a boulder, a freak accident. You only blame us because you can't handle the guilt of knowing you failed him." Ralph wanted to yell back, he wanted to scream but he couldn't. He knew the boulder was no accident but he couldn't find the anger he felt mere moments before. He desperately wanted to blame Jack for everything but it was too late, he realised he was just as much to blame. He had made promises and he too had broken them. If Jack was too blame for the deaths on the island then so was he. Overwhelmed by guilt he felt tears well in his eyes. He ran back into his bunk, ignoring the cries of the crew as he sped past.
He slammed the door and crumpled to the ground. He rocked with the rhythm of the waves crashing against the ship. The tears poured down his face. After he composed himself the best he could, he picked himself up off the floor and walked over to the conch shell. He picked it up and admired the bright colours reflecting of the smooth surface of the shell. He hugged it to himself and felt the ridges digging into his chest. He squeezed it tight. He drew a shaky breath. He body convulsed and quivered, he stood alone, clutching the conch shell. He shuffled towards the door of his cabin. He wandered around the empty halls, looking for something—someone. Some one he would never see again.
He felt the movement of the boat beneath his feet. He walked to the edge of the bow and leant over the bars. He held the conch so tight it pierced his skin and his hand began to bleed. He ignored the pain as it held no comparison to what he was feeling right now. He climbed up onto the rails. He felt them shake as he struggled to keep his balance. He lifted himself up and he sat on the edge. The water lapped at his feet, chilling him to the bone. The wind pushed at his back as if it knew what he was planning, and it was egging him on. The waves seemed to swirl and a familiar face stared up at him. Piggy's face peered up at him from the waves. Ralph saw his friend beneath the waves and refused to let him die again. Ralph dived into the water, swimming deeper and deeper until the bright corals and colourful fish surrounded him.
A gasp escaped him when Piggy returned to stare at him followed by Simon winking next to him. He moved forward to hug them. He struggled to contain his joy at seeing his two friends again after what seemed like forever. He released the conch and reached out for his friends and it was then a fish swan through Piggy's face. The image was distorted momentarily before his smile readjusted and Piggy returned to the grinning comrade. Ralph barely registered the abnormality. He felt his eyes well up even under water. His lips moved to form a word but it came out as a series of gargles. He tried again exclaiming, "I'm sorry".