Sheldon poured himself a cup of tea and took a seat at his dining room table. It was cloudy and raining in Manhattan with the day somehow copying his mood. It was times like these that he would look back on his life and try to figure out where it went wrong. He had met his biggest goal years ago and had become a Noble laureate, but once upon a time where that had been enough it was only cold comfort now, for he was alone. He was 68 years old, and found himself wondering what was he going to do with the rest of his life?
He was alone, with neither close family nor friends. His mother and Mee-Maw had both passed away, his brother George who had left home for cigarettes only never to return, abandoning his wife and kids for a 17 yr. old fast food worker. George was currently traveling with her on the carnival circuit, she read fortunes and he worked games of chance to people who actually believed in that hokum. His nieces and nephews found him strange and weird, making their relationship one of the obligated birthday and Christmas presents once a year (at least until they had reached the age of eighteen and received a graduation present thus ending his uncle's obligations).
His sister was on her second marriage and had become an even bigger religious zealot than their mother. Religion did very little to hide the pain of being unable to have children or the reality of her marriage to a man that made their father look like a teetotaler.
He gave a heavy sigh, not that he was every really close to his siblings, but he wondered at their family dynamic, destined only to get together for funerals or weddings, the last time being 12 years ago at their mother's funeral.
His relationship with his friends had fared no better than the one he had with his family. Raj with his inability to talk to women, had succumbed to his mother's demand to come home and marry a girl of his family choosing. They had run into each other a few years ago at a conference, Raj had been married to Manjulah for 25yrs., and inexplicably still haven't overcome his silent infliction. They had two sons which made it all the more baffling to him. Raj worked in London at the University teaching physics, no longer in research, but relegated to trying to inspire labradoodles to embrace the world of science.
Howard and Bernadette had gotten divorced years ago, in the aftermath of their only son death who had been hit by a car. Both unable to get past the pain and blaming each other and themselves, drifted apart. He had run into Bernadette a couple of years ago and learned she had remarried and was a stay at home mom. She had no information on Howard, except that he was living with his mother once again. He wasn't surprised upon hearing of Howard new living arrangements.
Amy had given him an ultimatum, either they would have a realrelationship with sex or they were over. He had at first refused, but two weeks later Leonard and Penny announced that they were getting married. He felt betrayed and hurt but didn't understand why until he came home one day and found Penny looking at a magazine by the mailbox, when she showed him a picture of a wedding dress she was admiring. It was the image of her in that dress walking toward Leonard and not him that hit him with pain and regret so deep he could hardly breathe. Penny had asked him was he all right, but he had a suspicion he would never be all right again.
He wanted Penny, in fact was in love with her, and probably had always been. He, homo-novus, was in love with a waitress from Nebraska and who had no understanding of the most elementary aspects of physics. He had mumbled that he was fine, and after thrusting the magazine back to her, ran upstairs trying to outrun the sudden pain at the realization that his Penny was lost to him and would soon be marrying his best friend. Only Leonard really wasn't, in fact that moniker belonged to Penny, who had proved to be a better friend than Leonard had ever been.
He was in love with his best friend, who was engaged to his roommate and he was unable to stop the train wreck he knew was ahead for both of them if they would go through with this abomination. Even the comfort, of sitting at 0,0,0,0 had not been enough to stop the maelstrom of emotions he had just realized.
He had no idea how he made it through those following days, after wondering how the situation could be any worse, Leonard asked him to be his best man. He had wanted to scream that he was unable to watch Penny make the biggest mistake of her life and wanted no front row seat for this debacle. Instead he gave an excuse that Howard was more qualified for the position due to his own married state and his familiarity with the customs of the bachelor party. Leonard quickly and happily agreed, making him suspect that Penny had made Leonard approach him in the first place. The days leading up to their wedding were hard for him; he had even abandoned his schedule to escape the talk of the upcoming nuptials.
The Saturday night, a week before the wedding, Penny had shown up in the laundry room as he was finishing his folding. Even he could sense that something was wrong with her and he immediately invited her upstairs for a hot beverage, knowing Leonard was still out with Howard and Raj for the night. She had looked lost and anxious at the same time, making him want to take her in his arms and tell her everything would be okay.
After sitting a few minutes, sipping at their tea she finally asked him "Was she making a mistake, was Leonard the GUY or could it be someone else?"
She had talked to her mother and girlfriends who all assured her Leonard would take good care of her and he was a whole lot better than Kurt. But she was thinking maybe there should be more than that to a marriage, than settling for someone who was better than the last guy she dated? He was frozen into shock. Finally a chance to tell her, yes she deserved more than a pseudo-life with a second rank experimental physicist. A chance for them to be together, and whether he lost his friends or his schedule, he didn't care because Penny was all he ever needed and wanted. Leaning into her space and taking her hand into his to tell her what was in his heart, he was suddenly interrupted by his roommate, friend and associate untimely return. They both quickly jumped apart, but the tension was soon picked up by the newcomers in the room. Penny claimed to have an early work day and left, giving her fiancé a peck on the cheek making her way to her apartment. The new occupants of the room felt the tension only rise at her departure had turned to look at him. Leonard had asked him to catch him up, what was it that he had said to Penny that obvious had her upset. He too was upset at the interruption, had stood up and stalked to his bedroom, slamming his door behind him. He heard Leonard tell the guys no movie tonight because he had to see what the whack-a-doodle did to upset Penny, leaving and failing to return home that night.
Penny had avoided being alone with him after that night, either her having second thoughts were calmed down by Leonard or she no longer had them. If anything she seemed to be more determined to assure everyone around her that she couldn't wait to be Mrs. Leonard Hofstedar, striking him as ringing false. The days before the wedding he still was unable to get Penny alone to talk, because she had chosen to spend those days leading up to the big event living at Amy's apartment.
In the end he watched the woman he was in love with marry an inferior, lactose intolerant homunculus. It was too late to tell her that he should have let her known that he was interested in her when they first had met and scoffed at Leonard when he had called dibs on her, or better yet he should have kissed her instead of giving her a hug for the greatest Christmas present he had ever received.
It was after the reception and getting drunk, that he told Amy he was ready to accept her clause on intimacy in their relationship if she was willing to reinstate their former agreement. She had agreed and led Sheldon to her hotel room, where they had engaged in coitus. He had found it as messy and unaspiring as he believed it to be, at least with Amy. It was only his imagining that it was Penny that made him follow through with the sexual act.
After the wedding he fully resumed the relationship he had with Amy the only difference being coitus was scheduled on Thursdays and Sundays from 8:20pm until 9:00pm, with ten minute being attributed to foreplay and/or until the conclusion of the aforementioned sexual act was completed.
Unable to cope with seeing Penny every day, he offered the apartment to Leonard and her, citing it was bigger than Penny's which they were residing in and he had found an apartment closer to campus to rent that would better fit his needs. After moving he went weeks without seeing his friends, only seeing Amy as agreed upon four times a week, two of those days being not only date nights, but for coitus. The other two days could be actually dates or Skype interactions, his preference usual being the latter.
It was a few months later that Amy pushed for them to make their union legal and binding, much to his chagrin. He emphatically made his position known on the subject, he had decided not to reproduce, and therefore the need for him to get married was moot. She again gave him an ultimatum, which he refused to buckle under this time. They again called their relationship to an end, with Amy stating the only compromise she would be willing to make is a long engagement. He knew he didn't love Amy, but felt strangely adrift when his last tie to Penny's everyday life had been severed.
Only with his work left to offer him any consolation, he threw himself into it. More and more of his articles and theories came into the attention of the science community. He was asked to collaborate with some of the world's top physicists and even doing his own ground breaking work that afforded him a year abroad to prove his theories with the Hadron Collider. He jumped at the opportunity to leave his heartache behind, and determined not to dwell on what he had given up due to his unwillingness to see what was right in front of him. He resigned his position at Cal-Tech leaving his old life behind him once and for all.
It was when he ran into Raj at that conference he learned that Leonard had left Penny for a younger and prettier graduate student. Raj had kept in close touch with everyone, even meeting up with Leonard and Howard for an occasional Comic-con or Sci-fi convention. Raj, had admitted to him that the marriage was doomed before he had left for India, with Leonard pointing out all of Penny shortcomings and her nonexistent acting career driving her to drink more and more. She had been to rehab twice before she got pregnant, which made her temporarily stay on the wagon. It was during her pregnancy that Leonard had first started to cheat, complaining to his friends that Penny was neglecting him. Later Leonard had confided into Howard and him that he no longer found her sexy or desirable, and she made no attempt at all to understand his work. Raj, had heard from Howard later, that he did little to hide his infidelities and Penny became more and more reliant on alcohol, her daughter being her one bright spot in her life. It was when they dropped their daughter off at her first day of college that he had let her know he was finally leaving her for good. She soon left Pasadena, after their divorce, going back to Nebraska to take care of her aging, sick mother and no one had heard from her since.
Disgusted with his trip down memory lane, he let out another long exasperated sigh and decided to turn in early tonight. Though retired he still traveled and gave lectures on his award winning work and tomorrow afternoon he was schedule to give one in Chicago and traffic at JFK was hectic regardless the time one left for the airport. Besides it did little good to dwell on things he couldn't change, he had let a life with Penny slip through his fingers and now he had to live with his life's biggest folly; not letting Penny knew what she meant to him when he had the chance.
Hindsight truly was 20/20.
His last thoughts before falling into a fitful sleep, if only he could do it all over again he would do it right.