"Everyone says love hurts, but that is not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love, but in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt." - Meša Selimovic
After another dramatic end to another violent drama Damon has spent about an hour washing off dried blood and has just gotten dressed and drowned his second glass of bourbon. The fire is blazing in the fireplace, the heat prickling his skin even from across the room and for a moment the large library feels so small, the air suffocating, everything just too tight. The fresh memories of the previous hectic days left an impact he hasn't been able to shake off yet. Then there's a light knock, knuckles almost hesitant against the wood, and that's enough to snap Damon out of it.
He opens the door and finds Caroline, still dressed in that white dress stained with her own blood though her neck healed up entirely, though the skin is still red, the blood not completely wiped away. She isn't her normal optimistic, cheerful self. She looks almost defeated, sad in a way.
"Can I come in?" She asks.
Not used to her asking for permission Damon only steps aside and lets her in. She gives him a tiny small, barely even noticeable as she walks past him and into the library, her heels clicking against the hardwood floor.
She sits down in the armchair next to the fire while he does follower at the extent but doesn't sit down at once but goes and open one of the windows, letting the crisp late autumn air in. He then refills his glass with bourbon as well a new glass which he then hands her before he sits down on the couch in front of the fire. With the breeze tickling his neck the fire doesn't feel as suffocating but the presence of another person next to him is beginning to.
He looks over at her and takes her in. He looks at the pearl hairclip that is still holding her hair back from her face, he looks at her eyes and how the gold eyeshadow is glittering in the light from the fireplace and how he notices because her eyes are casted down and staring at her hands, he looks at her hands which were perfectly manicured but have a few chipped and broken now and notices how she twirling the glass in her hand, he looks at the skirt of her dress and on the bloodstains on it and thinks about how he can only smell her own blood on her and how he doesn't really know what happened to her tonight.
"You okay?" He asks her in a whisper though his voice seems loud in the otherwise quiet house.
She nods silently, taking a sip from the drink in her hands. He doesn't push it but knows that she will tell him soon enough. He can't say how he knows it, he just does.
"Why does love always hurt?" She finally asks after a few more moments of silence, looking up, not at him, but into the fire.
"That's not true." Damon mumbles in reply before downing his own glass again and getting up to refill it.
"How can you say that?" She asks, heat rising in her voice, as she turns and looks up at Damon. "You of anyone should agree with me. Love is just pain."
Damon scoffs and pours another drink.
"Love doesn't hurt, Caroline." He tells her, ignoring all nicknames and sarcasm he usually brings. He's too tired for that tonight. It's been a too long day. "Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt."
He sits down again, this time closer to the end, closer to her. She looks curiously at him though still sad. The sadness is clear in her eyes, in her posture. He has never seen her like this. He looks back at her, stares her right in the eye, neither breaking eye contact.
"You hurt me." She finally says, still not breaking the eye contact.
"You didn't love me." He answers shortly.
"I could have."
"I didn't want you to."
"Why not?"
"Cause I could have too."
"Then why did you?"
"Because I couldn't."
"Why not?"
"My humanity was off."
"Then why me?"
That's the question he doesn't really have an answer to, the questions that ruin their little banter. He sighs and finally breaks eye contact, taking a sip from his glass.
"You were convenient to my plans." He answers, a bit worried she would shout at him. But she only sighs and goes back to her original pose, eyes cast down, hands clutching the glass.
"For what it's worth" He begins, cautiously reaches out and grabs her chin, turning her face towards him, making eye contact again. "I am sorry for what I did to you. You didn't deserve that."
Her eyes water and she gives a big smile, a pained smile as she tries to hold back the tears.
"Thank you." Her voice waver a bit and a few tears fall from her eyes.
He stare at her for a moment and even though the tears and the dried blood he can't help but notice how beautiful she still is.
After a few moments he realize that he's still holding her chin and finally lets go, coughing as he stands up and then drowns the drink.
"You can stay in one of the guest rooms if you don't wanna go back to your mom's or the dorms. Elena's probably left some clothes here too if you wanna shower and get out of your dress."
She quickly nods and wipes away the tears.
They don't say another word for the rest of the night and Caroline in gone when he's wakes up.
They don't see each other for awhile after that. Caroline goes back to school and Damon goes back to deal with the mess that is his life. The next time they do see each other Damon is in the kitchen searching for that very specific bottle of whiskey he remembered having hidden somewhere in this house. He's kneeling on the countertop so he can reach top shelves when he hears the door open and she calling his name.
"In the kitchen." He yells back and almost instantly she enters the room, though stop when she sees where he's at.
"What are you doing?" She frowns and takes a seat by the kitchen island.
"Looking for booze." He answers simply, not even bothering to turn and look at her.
"Of course you are. I need your help." She quickly changes the subject and goes straight to the point.
"Why me? I'm pretty sure Bonnie and Stefan are your usual call."
"It's not that kind of help."
"What could you possibly need my help with that they can't help with?" He asks confused and finally turns to look at her and his frown smooths out as he takes her in.
Her normally wavy hair is now straightened and hangs loosely on her shoulder, and she's wearing a pair of jeans, boots and blouse covered by a coat. So simple, yet so beautiful to him. She isn't looking at him though, but focusing on her iphone, apparently searching for something.
"Christmas presents." She tells him and looks up just he burst out a laugh before turning back to the cabinets, moving around bottles to find the specific one.
"I need you to help me with what I'm gonna give Stefan."
"Why don't you ask Elena? She dated him for like three years."
"But you're his brother, you've known him all his life."
"So? Aha!" He gives a triumphant smile as he finally pulls out the bottle from the back. He jumps of the counter and walks past Caroline into the library but she's quickly follows him.
"Will you help me or not?" She asks, back to her normal self compared to that night weeks ago.
"Maybe." He answers and smirks at her just as he opens the bottle.
"That's not helping." She scolds him.
"Well, what are you thinking about getting him then?" He asks while he pours a glass.
"Either a set of Shakespeare's stories or these old vinyls I found online."
"What band?" He asks before taking a sip and practically moaning at the taste.
"It's not a band, it's Jimi Hendrix. Should I leave the two of you alone." She laughs and gestures towards the bottle. "What is that anyway?"
"It's a 2013 Yamazaki Single Malt Sherry Cask. The best whiskey in the world. And I would go with the vinyl. Stefan loves his Jimi Hendrix." He answers both her questions.
"But he really likes Shakespeare too." Caroline argues.
"Blondie, you came for my help, this is my help. Go with the Jimi Hendrix."
"Okay." She laughs and does something on her phone again and Damon glances at her as he drinks from that wonderful whiskey.
When she finishes she stands there a bit awkwardly and he just continues to watch her, not really knowing what to do either.
"You want to taste?" He offers and holds out the glass to her.
She raises her eyebrows, genuinely surprised at his offer.
"You're offering your booze? I thought you hated when we come and go through your stash?"
"It's not the same thing is it. I hate it when you take what's mine, this is mine which I offer for you to taste, not take the whole bottle and get drunk and dance naked on the roof. Though I have nothing against the nakedness and the dancing." He adds with a smirk and she can't help but laugh.
"Sure." She finally says and takes the offered glass and takes a sip.
He waits for her to take in the flavor and can't help but stare at the way her tongue darts out to lick her lips to further take in the flavor.
"It's good." She sounds actually surprised but her smile is bright and he can't help but smile back.
"Of course it is." He changes his smile into a smirk and takes the glass back, his fingers brushing along hers. She laughs again, that beautiful laugh of hers and he smile is back on his face.
"Well thank you for the help. And the drink." She finally says after a few moment of surprisingly comfortable silence follows.
"Anytime." He says and she's momentarily stunned by the genuine tone in his voice but he just smiles back at her and takes another sip from the glass.
Eventually she pulls herself together and leaves, waving at him as she does.
He's alone in the boarding house the entire night as Stefan is out showing his new girl around the town. Damon actually likes her, she seems good for Stefan and as long as it isn't a doppelganger or some random chick, he's happy for him. It's not that he wants Elena or any other doppelganger for himself, recently it hasn't been about that. It's more about wanting the drama and the pain away from their life, and that's what they always bring to them. During that time he was together with Elena he was happy, of course he was, he was in love with her, but things were never going to work out between them. They were never going to be the way that they wanted.
And now things have changed. They have changed. At least he has. He can't just go from that awful dramatics that always happen to them then back to being happy and living his life a few days later. It's exhausting.
Damon sits in front of the fire place and can't help but think back to that night weeks ago when Caroline came over. He remembers the blood, her tears, her heartbreaking smile. She had been tortured that day, betrayed by he man she was in love with, and yet she had come to him that night. Not to the house looking for Stefan but came and sat with him, talked to him, forgave him.
He had never really paid attention to Caroline before. In the beginning she was just a means to an end, then she was a responsibility he left for Stefan, then she was a part in their little group and helping fight everything that came at them, never giving up. Because she didn't give up, on her friends, on strangers, on herself. That's just who she was. Who she still is. And she's beautiful. She's stubborn, big hearted, brave, takes no shit, strong, caring and so so beautiful.
With these thoughts he sit and just wonder. Just thinks over every moment with Caroline. Goes over every snide remark, every fight, every bicker and every single moment.
It's three days later when he searches her out. It's been her going to him these pastimes, he thinks it's his turn to go to her.
It's two weeks until christmas and the air is chilly with promise of snow. Damon walks across the road to the Forbes house knowing that Caroline is there. He's up the steps and about to knock on the door when he hears her. The sound makes him frown and jump down from the porch to walk around the house to the backside. He finds her sitting on an old bench with it's back to the house with tears streaming down her face, trying to hold in the sobbs that still manages to slip out. She doesn't notice him and he doesn't say anything only walks over to her and sits down next to her. She startles in surprise by his presence and tries hastily to hide and wipe away the tears. He only gives her a small smile and cups her cheek, stopping her attempts. Her skin is cold against his hand and he wonders how long she's been sitting here.
"It's okay." He whispers to her and wipe away a few stray tears with his thumb.
"No it's not." She sobs and she sounds so heartbroken, so sad that it hurts in him to hear it.
"What's going on?" He asks, pulling away her hair from her face. He doesn't smell any blood but he's still concerned. Caroline doesn't cry for just anything.
"You were wrong." She whispers out and averts her eyes, staring out at the trees that separate the yard with the neighbour's. "Love is the thing that hurts." she continues and looks back at him.
"No it's not. You're hurt not because you loved but because who you loved hurt you."
"Either way, whatever is it, I don't want it. It hurts too much."
"You're not doing it right if it's hurt." He tells her which makes her breathe out a short laugh that mixes with the sobs. "In reality love is the only thing in the world that covers up all the pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Hurt and pain is what brings you down, comfort and love is what brings you up again. It's not always what you want it to be, not always how you imagined it, but it's love and that's wonderful." He continues and caress her cheek, feeling her shiver at his touch which brings a small smile on his face.
"Why?" She asks after a few moments of a silence filled only with her softening sobs.
"Why what?"
"Why are you here?"
"Because I wanted to."
"Why?"
"Maybe I like you."
She's quick to open her mouth and reply but it takes a moment for his words to sink in and she becomes quiet but with a small smile on her lips.
"Maybe I like you too." She finally says, no more sobs breaking in, and that makes his smile bigger.
"Hopefully you do."
"Why now?" She asks and her smile drops a little and he can just see how the wheels turn in her head.
"Because I see you." He answers simply but doesn't let her reply in her turn in their little banter but continues at once. "Because you're here and I see you. And I could."
"Could what?" She asks, her smile back.
"Love you."
The tears come new to her eyes and she smiles bright.
"I could too."
He shifts closer to her and she brings her hands up to his face and they kiss. They kiss because they can, because it feels right, because it could be love. It's probably not gonna be easy, nothing with them never is, but there's hope and feelings and time.
Both their lips are cold but they sit there kissing long enough to bring warmth to them. Warmth to their hearts too, warmth that heals the hurt in a way they've been longing for.
I wrote this day in two days while I was also writing an assignment due in school the same day as I publish this. The inspiration to this was too great so I couldn't ignore it. The inspiration comes from the quote in the beginning which I also used for some of the conversation.
Please review!