Senseless

"Light…"

Someone is saying my name? He sounds familiar…. I can't get up, I'm too weak.

"Light, are you alright?"

I open my eyes and look around, searching for the person speaking, but I can't see anyone…or anything. It's all just white…completely blank.

"Can I offer you a strawberry?"

What the hell? Why would I want a strawberry? Wait…L? It must be him…only he could be so crazy as to ask something like that. Well, and Matsuda, but I'm getting off topic.

"Here," L says, "take this."

I try to back up, but I suddenly smell strawberry…. It's such a sweet, yet bitter smell. It reminds me of him too…. Speaking of which, isn't L dead? What am I asking, I know he's dead! How is he talking to me? Oh…wait…did I die? No, I just being silly now, I can't be dead. If I were dead, wouldn't I be in a place where only Death Note users go? L never used the Death Note…did he? Damn…what's going on?

I finally manage to sit up, blinking a few times before jumping a bit because of L right in front of me, a creepy smile on his face, "Back up…!"

"It is good to see you, too."

I bring my knees to my chest as I look around in hopes of finding out where I am. It really is just blank everywhere, though.

"It's not like I'm not happy to see you, L, but where are we?"

L's smile wavers, but remains, then he slowly stands and backs away a bit, "You don't remember, do you?"

"Don't remember what?"

L turns to face me, his face so…I've never seen him so sad, "You died."

"I…I did…? Of…of course I did."

Somehow, I knew that that was true. I had died. I look down, thinking.

"So, I imagine you know what this is."

I shake my head, "Death?"

"Something along the lines of that..."

'Something along the lines of that…'? Really helpful, L... And why isn't he gloating about how right he was about me? None of this is making sense….

"So, you were right…"

L looks at me while raising an eyebrow, humming slightly before asking, "What do you mean?"

"I'm Kira."

He nods and walks over to sit next to me on…white flooring?

"It is no longer fun though. Before, it was…interesting…and more importantly, I enjoyed your company. Only sixty percent of me thought that chaining us together would help me find out if you were indeed Kira. The other forty percent just liked having you close."

I swallow hard as I remember our so called friendship. I know what he means…it was a thrill…a game. I had not been in control throughout the whole game though…saying that I am Kira is inaccurate. Kira took control of me.

"I'm sorry…"

L looks over at me, his dark eyes less tired than I had ever seen them, "I know it wasn't entirely your fault."

"It was fun, though."

He smiles back at me, "It was."

We sit like this for some time…and then he was gone again. The whiteness, the blankness, and the happiness are all gone. I'm alone…I'm suffering…I'm in pain…I'm tired…I miss my friends and family…I wish this isn't me….

I still think I was chosen…for the Death Note, I mean. I think I was supposed to get the Death Note to make a difference….

I wonder…did I make a difference? Or did I just…fail?

I guess I'll never know.