And I Could Not Look Away…
Rodney McKay, during Common Ground.
I do not, and never will own Stargate Atlantis. Neither do I own the dialogue from Common Ground. I borrowed it for this fic, courtesy of Gateworld. On the spoiler front, anything and everything prior to Common Ground is fair game, though I did include one brief reference to The Game. See if you can spot it.
/\\
In all the confusion following the ambush on P2X-445, Rodney is the first person to notice that John is missing.
Elizabeth is tied up with Teyla, getting a report as to exactly what happened on the planet. Carson is there; Ronon got grazed during the retreat and is being as stoic and stubborn as only he can be in the face of medical treatment. There's so much chaos and confusion all around with everyone wanting to know what's happened at once that it's perfectly understandable that, if only for a moment, no one seems to be aware that someone is missing, that the gate disengaged after Ronon ran through, without disgorging John as well. No one that is, except Rodney.
"Where's Sheppard?" he abruptly asks the room at large, heart in his throat.
Ronon stiffens at the question, jerking away from Beckett's impatient grasp to stare wildly around the embarkation room, as if John were merely hiding somewhere. "He was right behind me," the Satedan growls, hand already reaching again for his gun. "We were heading to the gate, he should have been just a stride or two after me."
Rodney doesn't hear the rest, doesn't hear the immediate babble that arises, sound drowned out by the relentless tide of blood rising in his ears. "Elizabeth…" he can't finish.
She understands. "Take two teams and go." No question. Just action. We don't leave our people behind. The gate is already dialing.
It hasn't been long, maybe five minutes since the wormhole first disengaged when they return to the planet, but it's clear as soon as they step through the gate that they're too late. Search though they might, there are no signs of Sheppard, or their attackers. Which means that whomever they are, they have what they wanted, and that they know how to hide their tracks.
Even knowing that its more than likely hopeless, knowing that Sheppard's kidnappers likely dialed a series of proxy planets to throw them off the trail, knowing that even at best it's the mere ghost of a long shot – but hey, it's the Pegasus Galaxy, sometimes those pay off – Rodney downloads the DHD's record of the last fifty gates dialed.
It's not much, but it's something, and anything is better than having no place to look at all. More than that, it's something he can do, something he can focus on, something with which he can hold back the screaming panic that is beginning to uncoil in his belly. Familiar panic, the same panic he feels every time John flirts with death, every time the idiot faces what should be impossible odds, only growing exponentially worse.
John's come back from what should be certain death every time to date, but far from making him feel better, that only makes Rodney's unease worse. Because this time John doesn't have Rodney at his side, doesn't have Rodney's big brain to spit out ideas about how to suspend reality and the laws of physics long enough to get them all out alive.
They go back, empty handed except for a tablet full of data that will no doubt turn out to be completely worthless, returning to Atlantis to find that while they've been searching for John, Elizabeth hasn't exactly been sitting on her hands either.
Based on the fact that the Genii are the one of the few people in Pegasus that use firearms, and that they were lured into the ambush by the Genii IDC, she's invited Ladon Radim to Atlantis. Part of Rodney wants to scream at her for that, wants to tell her she's making a terrible mistake. He doesn't, because the other part of him knows that this is likely the only way to find John in time. He doesn't question the sense of urgency he feels, the unshakable conviction that Sheppard is on a deadline – one that's quickly running out. He hasn't been on a gate team for over two years now, much less Sheppard's gate team, without developing a highly developed danger sense, a little quivering oh shit detector that tells him when things are about to go down the tubes faster than you can say "Wraith."
Ladon arrives, and even though he's making every effort to cooperate, Rodney's in no mood to be charitable. "Despite the fact that it was your incompetence that led to his capture," he snipes when Elizabeth makes some diplomatic noises about how concerned Ladon is for Sheppard's safety,
He ignores Elizabeth's restraining "Rodney!" and bulls on ahead. "I'm sorry, but there is no disputing the fact that it was a code we provided the Genii that was used to lure us to the planet where we were ambushed."
To his credit, Ladon doesn't bother to deny it. It doesn't cut any ice with the team. Ronon's all ready to break out the knives and start torturing the bastard right there in the embarkation room, and not even Teyla seems all that inclined to stop him. Fortunately, or unfortunately (Rodney isn't sure which), Elizabeth drags Ladon to her office for a private chat before a decision can be made on the torture front one way or another.
Less than half an hour later, the gate starts dialing with an incoming wormhole. As soon as the wormhole forms, Rodney checks for an IDC (technically that's Chuck's job, but Rodney's never let anything like that stop him), but there's nothing. Just an analog video signal that for some reason fills him with dread.
Elizabeth races out of her office, Ladon on her heels just as Chuck announces his standard "Unscheduled offworld activation."
"Identification code?" she demands.
"None," Rodney admits, without tearing his eyes from his laptop. "But we're receiving an analog video signal."
She nods, turning toward the main screen at the back of the control room. "Bring it up."
Rodney nearly looses his lunch when the image of Kolya forms on the screen. Of all the people who could have Sheppard…Kolya is without a doubt the worst. If it were the wraith…well, they would have known if it were the Wraith because Teyla would have sensed them, and the Wraith wouldn't have used bullets to lay an ambush. But anyway, Kolya…Kolya means that things are…very bad,
"Dr. Weir, if you're receiving this, please respond." Kolya says from the screen.
Rodney's on his feet before he realizes he's moved, staring at Kolya, mouth agape in horror. Despite everything he's gone through since, he still sometimes has nightmares of Kolya, of the storm, of the pain in his arm as Kolya asked him – in that frightening, calm and above all else, reasonable voice – just how he expected to save Atlantis. Of breaking under that knife, and afterward, moving to that place beyond fear, to that place where he could stand up to the monster with that too calm voice and lie, and be believed. He'd told John everything, once when they were both too drunk to really know what they were saying in the wake of the Michael disaster, told him everything that had happened with Kolya that Sheppard hadn't been witness to, both in the city and on Dagan.
"Who the hell is he?" Ronon asks; breaking Rodney out of the mini trance he'd fallen into at the sight of that hated face. Of course, Ronon wouldn't know who Kolya was, the last time they'd had the misfortune of meeting the bastard, Ronon hadn't yet joined the team.
"Acastus Kolya." Teyla murmurs back, her voice only just strong enough to reach Rodney's ears. "A Genii military leader who once tried to seize Atlantis. Ladon was a member of his strike team," she adds with a pointed glance at their guest.
"I do know you're there Doctor." Kolya calls out, tauntingly. "The existence of Atlantis is no secret among the Genii. It would be pointless not to answer."
"Open a channel," Elizabeth tells Chuck without completely taking her eyes from Kolya's face. Once the channel is open, she squares her shoulders and says, "This is Dr. Weir."
Kolya smiles, in that falsely pleasant way he has that makes Rodney's spine crawl every time. "Oh good. I wanted to be certain you were there to see this."
Moving aside, he reveals what he'd been blocking with his body. John, tied to a chair, a thick scarf wrapped around his head in a crude, but effective gag. The sight lurches something in Rodney's chest, as if a tangled knot of some unnamed emotion tightens, then makes a bid for flight, as if trying to jerk itself right out of him. Before he knows what he's doing, he's demanding, "What have you done to him?"
Kolya's smile changes to a slight smirk at the question, one that does nothing to lift Rodney's growing sense of unease. "Nothing whatsoever, Dr. McKay."
"Let me rephrase that: what are you planning to do?" In his chest, the knot is so tight he can scarcely breathe…
The smirk widens. "It's quite simple," Kolya says with false good humor. "I'd like to make a trade.
Elizabeth interrupts before Rodney manages to say anything that could backfire painfully on John. "Before we continue this conversation another second, I want to speak with Sheppard.
Unbothered by her demand, Kolya merely raises an eyebrow and motions toward Sheppard's captive form. "Be my guest."
"We'll rephrase that too: we'd like him to be able to speak to us." Why oh why can't Rodney keep his mouth shut? Kolya has John at his nonexistent mercy, as soon as the bastard tires of the game he's playing, things would get very unpleasant, very fast.
For now, it seems like Kolya is still amused, and indulgent. With a careless "Very well," he nods to one of the two guards stationed behind John.
The instant the gag is pulled from around his mouth, John explodes. "On my command authority, whatever he asks, don't do it, even—"
The rest of his words are cut off as the gag is wrestled back into place. Kolya, the bastard, is chuckling, as if the situation were too funny for words as he turns back to face the screen. "Well, as you can see, he's his usual charming self."
"Explain your terms, Kolya." Rodney has only rarely heard Elizabeth's voice so cold. Even Doranda hadn't roused her to this particular level of fury. If he were in Kolya's place right now, he'd be shaking in his boots.
Kolya, however, is unmoved. "I have heard the familiar voices of yourself and Dr. McKay, but there is one person I know is there who has yet to speak. Ladon Radim is with you, is he not?"
All eyes in the control room dart to Ladon, standing so silently at Elizabeth's side. Elizabeth slowly turns back to watch the screen. "Why would Ladon be here?" she asks, stalling for time. Rodney isn't sure how much good it will do. Kolya's obviously through playing games: whatever it is he has planned, it will happen soon.
"Why, to preserve his precious alliance with you Doctor, so that the Genii might remain in the favor of Atlantis." Kolya states matter-of-factly. "My sources have already confirmed this, so there's no point denying the fact. Turn him over to me, and Colonel Sheppard will be released immediately."
She considers it, spending a long moment looking directly into Ladon's eyes, before nodding slightly and turns back to the screen, catching Rodney's eye as she does so. "I'll need time to consider your offer," Elizabeth temporizes. Good, good. They need to stall, need to buy as much time as possible so they have a chance of rescuing Sheppard before it's too late.
Kolya, however, doesn't want to wait. "Allow me to help expedite your decision."
Turning away from the camera, he gives a small, nearly invisible signal. The camera pans to cover the door to the chamber as it opens, revealing another pair of guards supporting a human, no humanoid figure with bedraggled white hair, ragged black coat, skin color indistinct in the dark lighting yet some how the wrong shade to be completely human… The conclusion is so startling that it takes several seconds for Rodney's brain to process exactly what the guards are bringing into the room.
"Oh my god…" Elizabeth breathes. She's obviously figured it out as well. Kolya has a wraith, and no doubt intends to have it feed on Sheppard while they watch.
"Sheppard could have left you to rot down in that hole when we last met Kolya!" he's shouting, begging, pleading with Kolya to call it off. "He does not deserve this!" On the screen, Sheppard's gone pale, tense, trying to hide how seriously freaked he is – not that Rodney can tell all that much given the horrible video quality and the tight nature of Sheppard's bonds. It's still obvious, not that he blames John in the least, though Rodney wonders how much of his insight comes from his own terror at the prospect, and how much comes from knowing John as well as he does.
Kolya glances sidelong toward the camera, expression serious. "Let us be clear, Dr. McKay. No one does."
"Don't do this." Elizabeth begs as one of the new guards unlocks a metal glove covering the wraith's feeding hand, another pulling John's clothing aside. The wraith's arm jerks, wanting to feed, but the guards hold it back. "Don't do it."
Kolya is utterly unmoved by her words, gazing unflinchingly at the screen, as if he were staring her down. "The choice is yours, Dr. Weir. Do we have an arrangement?"
Elizabeth can't move; she can't speak either. Neither can Rodney, nor anyone else in the room. All of them hoping against hope that Kolya is bluffing, that he won't actually go through with this.
Kolya stares directly into the camera for a full three seconds before clearly coming to a decision. "Very well." Turning, he gives a short nod to the guards holding the wraith, who relax their grip on the feeding arm.
It surges forward, faster than a striking snake, snarling in what no doubt passes for ecstasy or triumph among its kind as its talons dig into John's chest. Rodney's gaze is locked on John's face, on the agony clearly visible on it. He'd been on a gate team with John for over two years now, and had witnessed the suicidal idiot injure himself in a multitude of ways. Sheppard had always glossed over any injury he sustained, no matter how severe, as if it were nothing, even if it wasn't. It had become almost immediately obvious with the iratus bug incident that it was up to the team to notice and evaluate just how severe an injury was, because Sheppard simply wouldn't tell them if he didn't have to. For John to react like that…
Elizabeth is screaming. "Stop! Stop!"
Kolya listens. "Enough," he tells the guards.
One guard hits the wraith with something that looks like a riding crop, but is obviously electrified from the way the wraith recoils from it, allowing them to pull it off John and replace the metal glove over the feeding hand. It hasn't been that long, less than a minute really, though it felt far longer. For John, it looks like it has been at least five years. Thankfully the damage doesn't appear to be too severe, merely some crow's feet around his eyes, and a bit more grey sprinkled in his wild black hair, but it's horrifying all the same. Just as horrifying as John's eyes, dull now with pain and shock,
For a long moment, everyone is utterly still, struggling to comprehend the enormity of what just happened. Even Kolya takes a moment to stare at Sheppard, his back to the camera, so Rodney can't see his face. Then he turns back.
As if his movements trigger some automatic command, everyone in the control room unfreezes from their shock. "You just crossed a line, Kolya." Elizabeth says, her voice still breathless, but going hard.
Kolya doesn't appear to be impressed by the implied threat. "We've found that a minimum of three hours between feeding sessions is crucial to ensure the body has sufficient time to recover from the trauma. That's the time you have to decide. Three hours. "
The transmission ends. The wormhole collapses.
Rodney runs from the room to be completely, thoroughly, sick.
/\\
Later, sitting around the conference room while Ladon goes on and on about what had brought Kolya to this point, Rodney only barely restrains himself from throwing up a second time, this time at the backstabbing nature of Genii politics.
It seems the story goes like this: after the failed assault on Atlantis, Kolya had lost Cowen's confidence and favor. He'd planned to overthrow Cowen in revenge for his loss of status, but Ladon had betrayed those plans, gaining Cowen's trust while plotting a coup of his own, which had succeeded. From Kolya's perspective, Ladon had stolen what was rightfully his.
Rodney couldn't have cared less about how one went about grabbing and holding power in the Genii government, except for one, small, tiny little detail, which dealt with the fact that John had been the one dragged into the mess. They couldn't even trade Ladon to get him back, because that would trigger all out civil war among the Genii.
Ronon isn't all that impressed by that argument either. "So what? I say we turn him over and let 'em fight it out."
"We can't do that." Rodney says automatically.
"Why not?"
"Because." Rodney stops short, seriously thinking about it. It would make everything so much simpler. "Well…can we?"
"Colonel Sheppard has already ordered us not to," Teyla states with finality.
"At this point, it's not his decision." Elizabeth says firmly in the face of Ronon's unvoiced protest. "There's still time for us to find him and launch a rescue operation." She turns and looks at Rodney. "Has there been any progress?"
There's been some, but not much of it. "We have a list of planets where recent Genii activity has been documented, but we'd have a much higher margin of success if Ladon," he emphasizes the name deliberately, "were willing to point out firm locations of Genii safe houses and shelters – maybe even hidden wraith-infested torture chambers," he adds snidely.
Ladon seems ready to protest as Elizabeth looks to him for confirmation, but Ronon chooses that moment to deliberately move up behind him. After a quick nervous glance over his shoulder, Ladon nods his agreement.
Five minutes later the two of them are alone in one of the stellar cartography labs, going over reams of data concerning the Genii that Atlantis had managed to gather over the past two years. It's tedious, exhausting, painstaking work; with Ladon having to look at and evaluate each potential gate address they'd listed as Genii in their database. In addition, Rodney's set up the tablet of addresses he'd downloaded on the P2X-445 to cross-reference with their list of Genii worlds in the vain hope of finding a match. Rodney also has Radek working with some of their brighter minions in another lab to try and extrapolate a gate address from the point of origin gathered from Kolya's transmission. He doesn't have much hope that they'll succeed; after all, such a thing has never been done in all the years the SGC has been in operation. But it's still a possible lead, and as such, has to be investigated, no matter how slim: they can't just give up, not with Sheppard's life on the line.
After they'd been working in near total silence for approximately 15 minutes, Ladon speaks up. "You do know that I never meant any of this to happen."
Rodney keeps his eyes on the screen and stays silent, though only with an effort. Undeterred, Ladon continues, "Truth be told, I always imagined that if Kolya felt the urge to strike out at me for taking control of the Genii leadership, he would do so without intermediaries, and took precautions accordingly. I never thought he would involve Colonel Sheppard—"
"Congratulations, you were wrong." Rodney interrupts before Ladon can continue, still not looking up. He doesn't want to hear this. Not now. Not when it's taking up valuable time and concentration that could be used scanning the database for clues to John's location. Not when nothing Ladon says can bring him back.
Ladon sighs and tries again. "I was only trying—"
Rodney cuts him off again, looking up from his laptop to catch Ladon in his most severe glare, the one he normally reserves for morons about to get people killed out of utter ignorance and sheer stupidity. "I don't care what you were trying to say. I. Don't. Care." He enunciates the words slowly and clearly so that there can be no misunderstanding. "As far as I'm concerned, if Kolya actually manages to kill Sheppard, you'll be just as responsible." Unspoken is the sentiment that Atlantis as a whole will no doubt echo Rodney's opinions, rendering any possibility of further alliance with the Genii moot.
It may even be correct, not just his knee-jerk reaction born out of fear for John's safety. According to Ladon's own words, Ladon had provoked this whole episode when he'd sacrificed Kolya in pursuit of his own plot to overthrow Cowan. Likely the only reason Kolya had taken Sheppard in the first place was because, even with his highly-placed informants on Ladon's staff, Ladon had managed to block all the ways Kolya could get at him. Kolya's own history with Sheppard had only made this turn of events all the sweeter for the sadistic motherfucker.
Rodney continues speaking; his words jabbing like daggers into Ladon's air of barely-ruffled regret. "By both your own admission and Kolya's, the only reason he's doing this is to get to you. That makes you just as guilty in my eyes. The only way you might, might, be able to redeem yourself is if you help me find the bastard before it's too late!"
Ladon narrows his eyes; clearly thinking over what Rodney just said. After a minute he nods, decisively. Without another word he returns to his task, only speaking up to offer commentary on why this address might be a better possibility than that one.
He also reveals the location of at least thirty new Genii strongholds Atlantis hadn't previously know about. Rodney isn't fooled about the motives behind this apparent act of generosity. It's a goodwill token (he's sat through enough of Teyla's negotiation sessions to know what it is when he sees it), a gesture of good faith intended as a stopgap measure at best. The real kicker will be Sheppard: whether he lives or dies will more than likely be the deciding factor in whether or not Atlantis decides to maintain relations with the Genii.
Correlating the various addresses takes time, and time is one thing they do not have an excess of. There are only 45 minutes left on Kolya's deadline when they finally find the information they're looking for. It fits all the criteria they've put together; out of the way, isolated, not only on both Rodney's and Ladon's lists, but also one of the addresses retrieved from the DHD and it's in the general spatial group Radek and his minions managed to trace the point of origin to.
As soon as the final confirmations are in – 43 minutes to go – Rodney races for the control room, Ladon on his heels. "Dr. Weir!" he shouts as he bounds up the stairs. "We've got a match. Between our list and Ladon's, there's only one potential location that makes any sense."
Elizabeth doesn't hesitate. "Go."
Rodney barely bothers to acknowledge that he's heard her, having already dropped the tablet with the gate address on Chuck's console, and is already on his way to the ready room to gear up. He's on his radio before he takes ten strides, telling the rest of the team the good news. Ronon takes over from there, calling two teams of marines for back them up when they bust John out. Everyone expects a fight when they catch up to Kolya, and no one plans to disappoint.
Mere moments later, Rodney's pacing behind two teams of pissed off marines as they noisily check their weapons prior to departure. "Ok people, let's do this one by the numbers. We get in, we get our man, we get out. Stay sharp and stay alive." He has no idea where the words came from, but they sound like what Sheppard would say if he were in Rodney's place. Since Sheppard's not here, maybe it's appropriate that Rodney says them instead.
Maybe not. Ronon and Carson are both looking at him as if his skin had abruptly turned blue when they weren't looking, or something equally bizarre. And while he can't see the reactions of the marines, it's likely that they feel similarly. Only Teyla appears to understand.
Just before he steps through the gate, Rodney glances up to where Elizabeth stands on the control room balcony. Even knowing that time is rapidly running out – 34 minutes left—he takes the time to meet her gaze and offer a thumbs-up.
"Just bring him back." She tells him, emotion naked in her voice. Unable to respond, he steps through the shimmering surface of the event horizon.
Once on the planet, it takes them 23 minutes to stealthily make their way from the gate to the Genii hideout. They don't want Kolya to have warning that they've arrived, after all. Ronon takes point, breaking the glass on the front door, and tossing a flash-bang grenade inside. It goes off, and they're in. They have just over ten minutes to find Sheppard before Kolya's deadline expires, but that shouldn't matter now, not this close to their goal. Still, time is on everyone's minds as they systematically clear the warehouse they've found themselves in.
Except, the place appears to be deserted. Apart from a caretaker, and a truly monstrously sized rodent of some kind, there's nobody here, and no evidence of any tunnels that might lead to another, even more secret facility. No guards, no wraith, no Kolya, and definitely no John.
They're in the wrong place.
What's worse, Kolya's deadline hits just as the realization strikes. There's nothing they can do to stop John from being fed on again. They can only report the bad news to Atlantis.
/\\
As soon as they get back to Atlantis, one look at Elizabeth is enough to tell Rodney that Kolya came calling while they were gone. Rodney doesn't even stay for the official report; he barely even takes the time to properly store his gear before plunging back into the data, desperate to find that one missing clue that has to lead to John's whereabouts. When an hour and a half of searching turns up nothing, he switches locations, joining Radek and his team as they struggle to come up with a gate address. Normally, dissecting the idiocy of other so-called 'scientists' is a form of stress relief, but not now. Not when John's life hangs in the balance. Now their utter incompetence and lack of comprehension of basic principals drives him so crazy that Radek finally evicts him from the lab with half an hour still on the new deadline, claiming that he is hindering, not helping, their efforts.
Rodney distantly hears through the grapevine that Ladon has requested permission to return to the Genii, and that Elizabeth flatly refused. Tensions are running high throughout the entire city as the clock ticks down on Sheppard's life. The SGC can't understand, not really, just what Sheppard has done for the city: except for the new arrivals fresh of the Daedalus, there's not a single person here who doesn't owe Sheppard their life several times over. The only thing keeping Ladon from being mobbed and thrown through the gate for Kolya's mercy are Sheppard's express orders not to give in. But even that might not save him much longer.
There's nothing, nothing that can keep Rodney out of the control room when the three-hour mark comes up again. He stands there, frozen, unable to move or speak as Ladon attempts to bargain with Kolya, offering amnesty among the Genii in exchange for John's life. Kolya only laughs. "Please Ladon. I taught you better than that. There are things that cannot be undone."
"That's not true." Elizabeth argues, desperate to change his mind. "You can end this."
"Strange, Doctor." Kolya says. His voice is iron hard, without the slightest hint of wavering. "I was just about to say the same thing."
The wraith is brought up and unchained. "Take your fill." Kolya tells it.
Rodney wants to look away, but he can't. Others of his team don't have that problem. Elizabeth stares helplessly at the ground, Teyla turns her face away, unable to look directly at the screen. Ronan simply can't stay put, storming from the room with a scream of helpless rage, unable to even listen. He has no attention to spare for Carson, or Ladon's reactions. All he can see is the wraith, feeding, and John, caught in a spasm of excruciating agony.
Then, for some reason, it stops; the wraith pulls away of its own accord. Rodney wants to close his eyes in relief, but he can't. His gaze is locked on John's, looking so old, wrinkles all over his face, hair no longer black but gone completely grey, shuddering in the aftermath of indescribable pain.
"Who told you to stop?" Kolya demands sharply.
The wraith looks at him. "He is near death." It says. "Shall I finish him?"
Rodney can see that Kolya's tempted by the prospect. He can see Kolya wavering, debating with himself, before abruptly coming to a decision. "Get it out of here," he snaps at the guards.
The wraith is secured, than dragged away. Kolya steps closer to the camera, blotting out Rodney's view of John. "Now it's two hours," he informs them coldly before the transmission cuts out.
They all hold it together long enough to reach the relative privacy of Elizabeth's office. Once there, Carson lets out a heavy breath. "If he's fed upon again, he's as good as dead," the doctor says pessimistically.
"We don't know that." Rodney protests automatically, unable to meekly accept that fate.
"Aye, Rodney, we do." Beckett corrects him sadly. "He may already be past the point of no return. We know that a large percentage of those who survive a partial feeding die anyway, due to complications as a result of strain on the system. What appears as physical aging is actually a by-product of a complex process we barely understand." He pauses, than delivers the rest of the bad news in a single breath. "I can't imagine him surviving another session, whether it's two hours or ten hours from now."
Ronon's returned, and he's furious. Barging right into Ladon's personal space, the ex-Runner backs the Genii leader into a corner, snarling, "If you were half the man Sheppard is, you'd volunteer to make the trade yourself."
Ladon, to his credit, doesn't give Ronon any ground. "The truth is, I'm not sure if I would have made the trade if our roles were reversed." Appealing to Weir, he continues. "So I ask you, allow what you have done for me to be worth something. There's nothing more I can do here, but I can get you the information you need to find Sheppard if you allow me to return and interrogate the men who stole the codes from me."
He makes sense. Rodney doesn't want Ladon to make sense. But, curse it, Ladon's also right. There's nothing more he can do on Atlantis to find Sheppard. There's nothing more anyone can do here. There's nothing in either their database or what Ladon provided them that leads to John's location, dialing each address from the DHD would take too long (and that's assuming that Kolya dialed his destination directly from P2X-445 instead of dialing a series of proxy planets to throw Atlantis off the trail) and Radek's hit a dead end in his research. This could be the break they need. But…
The Genii simply cannot be trusted. Time and time again they have demonstrated that they simply would not deal honestly with people, starting with their "simple farmers" façade that had fooled generations of trade partners, leading up to their current situation. By his own admission, it's Ladon's fault that all this is even happening. And Ladon wants them to trust him?
Rodney doesn't know what to say, doesn't know what to think, which is a rare occurrence for a genius of his caliber. All he knows for sure is that he's glad the decision isn't his to make. It belongs to Elizabeth, who looks just as lost and confused as Rodney feels.
In the end, she decides to let Ladon go. She's given him a new IDC, so that they'll know it's him when he has information to report. Rodney watches the process with deep misgivings. Up ahead, Ladon is telling Elizabeth that he lacks the words to thank her for what she's doing.
"I didn't do this for you," she informs him coolly, her tone and expression diamond hard.
Ladon's only phased by her icy reply for a mere second. "Well, nevertheless, I'll be in touch the moment I have the information you need."
"Thank you."
With no more fanfare than that, the Genii are leaving, stepping back through the gate. As they leave, Rodney can no longer contain himself, and moves to stand at Elizabeth's elbow. "Why do I have this sinking feeling we've just made a terrible mistake?" he mutters to himself, just loud enough for the team and Elizabeth to hear.
Ronon's reply is short and to the point. "Because we have." He stalks away, Teyla trailing after him. Rodney watches them go from the corner of his eye, already wincing in sympathetic pain for the marines who'll have to bear the brunt of Ronon's temper in the gym, given that Ronon's preferred target (Rodney isn't sure if it's Kolya or Ladon at this point, likely both) isn't around to be a punching bag.
Elizabeth says nothing, only stands there silently, long after the gate shuts down behind the Genii.
/\\
Everyone knows the only reason Elizabeth let Ladon go is because there are no more leads to pursue on Atlantis. There's nothing more they can do but wait for Ladon to send word. Knowing this, Rodney doesn't attempt to lose himself in the data for a fourth time. Instead he retreats to his private lab – the one where even Radek can't find him easily, though John never seemed to have any trouble – and locks the door behind him. He wants to be alone right now, wants to have no witnesses for what he's about to do.
Before he starts however, Rodney makes sure to program his tablet to sound an alarm 15 minutes before Kolya's new deadline is up. No matter how painful it is, he can't take the chance of missing Kolya's next transmission, not when… not when…it might be the last time….
He can't complete that thought. Can't allow himself to consider the fact that the possibility exists. Not after what Sheppard's already survived. When compared to suicide missions, iratus bugs, turning into a bug, tangling with the IOA and certain psychotic ex-teammates…it almost doesn't seem possible that anything could take John Sheppard down after all that.
But he hadn't come here to torture himself imagining progressively worse fates for Sheppard. Rodney had come here to fix the hotshot daredevil pilot, who had made all of Rodney's dreams come true, simply by sitting down in the wrong chair, in his memory. To recall the secret math geek, the one who had driven him to distraction for nearly three weeks straight last year by sneaking into the labs after hours and correcting his math. Rodney had been reduced to physically staking out the labs to find out who was behind it, because with Sheppard's gene, the idiot had no problem messing with the security camera footage. He wanted to remember the friend who played that stupid ancient strategy game with him between crises, who had flown an F-302 onto a wraith hive ship traveling in hyperspace, simply because Rodney was still trapped onboard. who had done so many impossible things, beaten so many impossible odds, that it was impossible to list them all. The friend who was now facing almost certain death, unless by some miracle, Ladon managed to find the planet where John was being held before the two-hour mark was up.
And even if that happened: what then? Chronologically, John Sheppard is 39 years old, give or take six months. Subjectively, after three wraith feedings, Rodney has to guess that Sheppard's body is in his late sixties, possibly even early seventies (it's not as if tracking the progression of wraith feeding is an actual science): certainly too old for active duty in a war zone, which no one denied Atlantis was, even if the IOA was slow to get the picture when it came to personnel allotment and supplies. Even if they managed to bring John back alive, he wouldn't be able to stay on Atlantis. The SGC would order him shipped back to Earth, where he'd either be given a desk or quietly discharged, to spend the rest of his life in a nursing home. Of course, all such speculation will be moot if John doesn't make it through this alive.
Rodney covers his face with his hands at the thought; trying to ignore the creeping wetness he feels beginning to trickle down his palms, grateful beyond words that no one is here to witness this. He doesn't want to think about John dying, not for any reason. Not when they'd finally managed to get their friendship back to where it had been before Doranda. Not when John still owes him three bags of high quality espresso in payment for a lost bet. Not when it's John's turn to pick the movie for Team Night, which is scheduled to occur in the next few days. The idiot had apparently been planning his selection for weeks, but had been annoyingly smug and closed mouthed about just what it was. Not when Rodney had still to exact revenge for Sheppard calling him into the labs the other day to deal with the latest crisis of the week, right when Rodney had been about to go on his first real date with Katie Brown. Not when they had plans to go to Vegas the next time they were both on Earth. Not when…
Lost in his thoughts, the alarm he'd set abruptly jolts Rodney's awareness back to the present. In exactly fifteen minutes, Kolya will dial Atlantis, asking one last time for Ladon Radim to be turned over to him. When Elizabeth refuses – she has to, she can't give Kolya what he wants now, not when Ladon's left the city – the wraith will feed, one last time. And John Sheppard will die; slowly, painfully, right before their eyes, all of them helpless to stop it. As he slowly makes his way to the control room, Rodney remembers Beckett's words on Sheppard's chances and has to ask himself: which will be the more painful? Watching Kolya kill John before their eyes? Or watching him die anyway, unable to prevent the end, after managing to take him back?
/\\
The appointed time comes, and goes, with no word from either Kolya or Ladon. The silence steadily eats away at Rodney's nerves; the inactive gate the focus of each furtive look. While there is no way, under any circumstances that Rodney is looking forward to Kolya's transmission, the creeping uncertainty is, in many ways, worse. Much, much worse.
Finally, unable to stand it any longer, Elizabeth drags Beckett and the rest of the team into her office, so at least they're no longer getting in the way of the people who need to do their jobs, but still stay close enough to be able to react instantly when someone finally does contact them.
After several minutes of nerve-wracking silence, Rodney finally blurts out the first thing he can think of. "Kolya's late." Exactly l hour and 43 minutes late, not that he's been keeping a constant eye on the clock.
"That is not like him." Teyla agrees.
No, it's not. For as long as they've known him, Kolya's always liked deadlines, and been annoyingly rigid in keeping to them. For him to miss this one…something's gone wrong. Rodney's just not sure whither that's a good or a bad thing.
"And we haven't heard from Ladon either," he continues, mostly to distract himself from the direction his thoughts keep going. It not true, it can't be true…
Elizabeth is confident. "We will."
"Is it possible they were in on this from the beginning?" Teyla asks her.
Elizabeth appears startled by the question. "No, I don't think so. Why would Ladon come here in the first place?"
"Throw us off the scent." Ronon offers as he restlessly moves about the small room.
"And what kind of plan would that be?" Rodney hears himself ask scornfully.
"Genii."
Ronon does have a point. "True."
"Either way, there must be a reason why Kolya has not contacted us." Teyla says, determined not to let this devolve into a snipping contest.
There's a pause as they all think about what Teyla just said. Finally, Carson speaks up. "Perhaps he knew it would take Colonel Sheppard more time to recover?" It's a fairly weak response, and they all know it. Kolya doesn't care about Sheppard's well being in the slightest or he wouldn't be doing this.
A second, even longer pause. Finally, to break the unbearable quiet that has settled over them all, Rodney speaks up. He has to say it, has to get it out into the open. Even if… "None of us are saying what we're all thinking here." That the reason Kolya hasn't contacted them, is because John is already…
Elizabeth doesn't pretend to misunderstand him. "No Rodney, we're not." She says it firmly, as if her words can keep it from coming true, even though they all know it's the most likely scenario.
With that statement, a third silence falls over the group, one that no one seems willing to break, each of them hoping against hope, that by not voicing John's probable fate, they're preventing it from becoming a reality.
/\\
After two more agonizing hours, Chuck finally announces an incoming wormhole. All of them are on their feet and moving toward the control room before the words are fully out of his mouth. When Rodney hears that they're receiving the new Genii IDC, he's half convinced his heart has stopped. "Ladon." Teyla breathes in what might be relief, Rodney isn't sure. He also isn't sure about his own response to the news.
Elizabeth doesn't waste time. "Put it on the screen," she snaps as she moves toward the back of the room, the rest of them trailing behind in her wake. Unspoken is the order to open a channel as well, but Chuck follows it anyway.
"Are you receiving me?" Ladon asks from the screen.
"We were starting to get worried." Elizabeth confesses. Rodney almost wants to scoff. Worried? They had passed 'worried' a long time ago, left 'frantic' in the dust as well and were verging on full-blown suspicion. Ladon's interrogations had taken five and a half hours, and while they hadn't heard from Kolya in that time either, it had been more than long enough for the people on Atlantis to start seriously doubting his sincerity.
"Yes, I'm sure you had doubts." It could just be Rodney's imagination, but Ladon almost looks sheepish. It's more likely a consequence of the bad signal quality. "The truth is, the interrogations took longer than I'd hoped. We've secured the location of Kolya's base. I'm forwarding the dialing coordinates right now."
A quick glance at Chuck has the gate tech giving Rodney a thumbs-up, saying without words that he has the address. Relived, he turns back to the screen just as Elizabeth asks, "Are you certain?"
"Certain enough to send a full brigade through the gate." Ladon instantly replies. "It will take us an hour to marshal our forces." His voice lowers, softening slightly, "I thought you might want that time."
After all the fear, and apprehension of the last few hours, it seems almost too good to be true. Rodney barely hears Elizabeth ask what they'll be up against. Ladon's reply, "Nothing one of your cloaked jumpers and my good friend Ronon couldn't handle," is balm to nerves worn threadbare with apprehension over Sheppard.
Ladon's next words however, bring Rodney up short, sparking a wave of almost protective fury. "I ask only that you leave Kolya for my own forces to find." Rodney only barely keeps himself from snorting aloud in derision at the ridiculous notion. Fat chance of that happening, he thinks vengefully. When Atlantis catches up to Kolya, far from leaving him for the Genii, they are going to make the bastard pay for what he's done.
Elizabeth is on the same page. "No promises." She says it lightly, but there is an edge to her words, making it clear that she won't budge on this issue.
"I understand."
Once the wormhole that carried Ladon's transmission winks out, Elizabeth turns to them. "Alright, get a cloaked jumper and a team of marines." Rodney is already moving, not waiting to hear if she has anything else to say, heading first to the ready room to gear up, and then to the jumper bay to get it ready. And maybe he's not as good a pilot as John, no one on Atlantis is, but he's spent more than enough time in the pilot's chair to handle this mission. Not to mention, the mere thought of staying behind... he can't even comprehend it. Not with this much at stake.
Less than five minutes later they are in the air and on their way. Kolya has men guarding the gate, but their combined firepower isn't enough to even dent the jumper as it soars overhead, cloaking as it does so. A brief thought brings up the HUD, showing not only what has to be Kolya's facility, but a number of life signs several miles away.
"The facility is straight ahead." Teyla murmurs speculatively, her eyes fixed on the symbol denoting it.
It's obvious that she wants to head straight there, but Rodney isn't so sure that's what they should do. "We're detecting life signs on the surface, miles from the bunker," he reports.
"How many?" Ronon demands. In the absence of Sheppard, he's running this op, and no one in the jumper is prepared to challenge him on this. Lorne might if he were here, but Lorne's unavailable, back in the Milky Way on personal business, something to do with his old gate team. He doesn't even know what's happened yet, much less the fact that with John down for the count – more than likely for good – he's Atlantis's new military CO.
Rodney pushes the pain of that thought away, and concentrates on the display, frowning as he tries to interpret the data. Trouble is, it doesn't seem to want to settle for him, the display changing just when he thinks he has it figured out. Finally he reports, "When it first came up, it was eight, then four. I don't get it – now it's just the two."
Carson, sitting in the copilot's seat next to Rodney sputters in confusion, "What's going on down there?"
Rodney wants to know the answer to that as well. "Well, one of them is definitely Sheppard, his subcutaneous transmitter is still broadcasting," he elaborates, not allowing the confusion he feels at the puzzling display to bleed through his words.
The subcutaneous transmitters are a new development; thanks to the work Rodney had done with Ronon's runner implant a few months back, when they were trying to find where the Wraith had taken him when he'd been captured. Rodney had made some modifications to the design, but the transmitters were still based on the same principle, if calibrated to a specific frequency only detectable by Ancient scanners and invisible to the Wraith. Also, the transmitters had a feature that self-destructed if they were removed or when their host body died, rendering their signal inert. If Sheppard's transmitter was still working, that meant that he was still alive.
Alive for how much longer is the question they all want to know. Everyone in the jumper can feel a renewed sense of urgency, now that their goal is in sight. "Could the other one be Kolya?" Teyla speculates serenely, as if it were merely an idle thought, her eyes now locked on the life sign blinking so innocently next to Sheppard's.
Ronon gives a grunt. "Let's hope so." Clapping Rodney on the shoulder, he says, "Land a hundred meters to the south of their position," before moving to brief the marines waiting in the back.
Minutes later they're crawling through the underbrush. Ronon's on point, Rodney and Teyla flanking him; the three of them followed by Beckett with the marines bringing up the rear. They're almost there when Ronon abruptly halts, signaling them all to do the same. They wait, hunkered down in the brush, waiting for whatever it was that had alerted the former Runner.
Up ahead, someone screams in agony. Rodney feels what blood he has left drain from his face. He knows that voice, though he's only rarely heard it scream before. John. Ronon lunges forward, forgetting them all in his haste to move, leaving Rodney and Teyla to coordinate the marines as they close on Sheppard's position.
Ronon gets there first, clearly recognizing the figure bent over the fallen body as the wraith, ripping it away and preparing to fire. Before he has a chance, however, a voice Rodney never thought he'd hear again calls "Wait!", freezing Ronon in his tracks. They all stumble to a halt, weapons up and aimed at the wraith, as what has to be an apparition appears before them.
John, young again, as if the horrific feedings never happened, is telling Ronon to stand down. "Leave him." When no one moves, Sheppard snaps, "That's an order!" bringing all attention back to him.
Carson blinks, obviously bewildered by this turn of events. "I don't understand. We all saw what he did to you."
"He just undid it." John's voice holds the same incredulity as Carson's, but is also laced with iron determination. "Lower your weapons," he demands, with just enough bite to his words that everyone knows he means business.
Slowly, reluctantly, they do so. No one is entirely happy about it, but John's presence, unmarred by the unnatural aging of the feeding process, combined with his determination, makes them give in. That doesn't keep Teyla from asking, "How is this possible?"
A question Rodney wants to know as well. But John has no answers for them. "Don't ask me," he says, his eyes fixed on the wraith.
The wraith stares back at him, clearly ready to fight, or flee, surrounded by their guns. It speaks, "The gift of life is reserved for our most devout worshipers…" before anyone can express their revulsion at the thought of John becoming a wraith worshiper of all things, it continues "…and our brothers."
Sheppard's nodding slowly, as if he understands what the wraith is babbling about. If so, he's the only one. "Well, I guess there's a lot about the wraith we don't know."
The wraith furtively glances around the wall of guns that stand between it and freedom. "Sheppard gave me back my life." It hisses. "I merely repaid the debt."
"What debt?" Rodney explodes. "Are you kidding? I mean, he looks younger than he did before!" He really does, to Rodney's eyes at least. Not than he's ungrateful or anything, but could someone please warn him before upending all his notions about what is and isn't possible?
Ronon's mind has already jumped to other matters, the issue of John's recovery apparently dealt with to his satisfaction. "What about Kolya?" he asks.
John's mood changes in an instant; quickly patting down his body, he curses and darts to where a Genii radio lies abandoned on the ground. Activating it, he growls, "Kolya, this is Sheppard."
A beat of static. "Kolya?" John continues, "I figured you'd run! Next time, I kill you on sight, you hear me?"
In reply, the radio issues a second hiss of static that's abruptly cut off. Kolya apparently has either cut the connection, or had it cut for him. John tosses the radio to the ground with a sigh. "Let's get off this rock."
Ronon indicates the wraith, still hemmed in by guns. "What about him?"
John turns back toward the wraith, a peculiar expression on his face that Rodney can't read. "We had a deal, right?" he asks it cryptically.
The wraith chuckles briefly, sounding almost chagrined. "I did not truly expect you to honor it."
Ronon solemnly hands John his gun. As the one who'd suffered, it's Sheppard's privilege to personally end his tormentor. Rodney watches, still mute with shock over this strange turn of events, as John lifts the gun and shoots the wraith, point blank range. It stiffens, than collapses, landing in a heap at Rodney's feet.
Ronon grabs the gun, glaring at the setting. "You didn't kill it." His tone is accusing.
"No, I didn't." John admits. He turns to the marines. "Get him in the jumper. We're going to drop him off somewhere."
They obey, reluctantly. Rodney isn't sure what to feel, horrified by what happened, confusion at the strange events that have just occurred, relief that John is okay and seemingly none the worse for wear after what he's gone through… It doesn't look like John knows what to feel either, retreating into himself and biting off increasingly sarcastic replies when he has to talk to someone.
This all doesn't make any sense! But there's nothing Rodney can do right now to make sense of everything. All he can do is (mostly) keep his mouth shut until the wraith has been disposed of, in whatever manner, and they get back to Atlantis.
/\\
Three quarters of an hour after they've returned to the city after dropping the wraith off, Rodney is hiding in his private lab again, sitting on the floor, head between his knees, hyperventilating and doing his level best not to black out. It's just stress, he tries to tell himself to no avail. Stress, and low blood sugar, that's all it is. He hadn't been able to eat much with Sheppard missing, and the horror of exactly what was going on had caused return trips for more than one meal so far. If he can bring himself to at least eat a Powerbar (he has several stashed here for similar emergencies), he'll be fine.
That is, assuming he can get his mind to stop running a nonstop replay of Kolya's broadcasts, sometimes with extended bonus footage of what could have happened if Sheppard hadn't broken himself out, if the wraith hadn't decided to honor their deal and revive Sheppard, if it had simply drained him and headed to the gate on its own, if…his imagination fails him, the number of horrific endings for this truly abominable day too many and gruesome to contemplate for long, but he can't banish them completely from his mind. Not when he knows that if not for that 'gift of life' thing the wraith was nattering about, at least one of those horrific endings would have been reality.
The wraith's miraculous trick cannot banish Rodney's memories however, cannot reverse time and erase this last excruciating day as easily as it had erased the marks of its feeding. Rodney will have to live with the memories, just as he lives all his other memories, of the times he thought were unendurable, yet somehow made it out the other side anyway. The storm, Gall, that first encounter with the iratus bug, the retrovirus incident, being walled up in a hive ship, the last time they'd ran into Ford and Rodney thought his entire team had died, the…
Abruptly, he's on his feet and on his way out the door, his feet leading him automatically to the Infirmary. Beckett had sequestered John there immediately upon their return, by way of a gurney ride straight from the jumper bay, discounting any and all claims of being 'fine' by reminding Sheppard of what everyone, not just him, had endured. Rodney had thought, while making his own escape, that Carson had definitely learned a few things when it came to dealing with Colonel 'Stoic' Sheppard during the nearly two and a half years he'd been CMO. In this case it least, it works to Rodney's advantage, because he doesn't have to think to check on John, all he has to do is move.
By the time Rodney arrives in the Infirmary, John's already dosing, more than likely knocked out by Beckett's drugs, twitching faintly in his sleep despite the medication. There's a guard on the Infirmary doors as well, no doubt posted by the Scottish bulldog to keep well-meaning busybodies from gawping at John's revival. Apparently, the restriction doesn't apply to him. The guard admits Rodney without question.
Inside, apart from John and the reduced Infirmary staff, Teyla and Ronon are the only ones there. Teyla is gently stroking one hand laid out on the bedclothes, while Ronon is propping up a section of wall by John's bedside in what is unmistakably a guard stance. Neither of them so much as twitch when Rodney slides into a seat across from Teyla, his gaze instantly locked on John's face.
It is a sight he's seen countless times over the last two and a half years, ever since he ran into a room to find a bewildered flyboy sitting in the wrong chair. It's a sight so familiar, and suddenly so precious that it abruptly takes his breath away.
Rodney can chart in his memory every year that had settled across John's familiar features with heartbreaking swiftness, every stolen decade etched into his nightmares. He hadn't looked away, not once. The rest of the team can't say the same. They hadn't been able to watch, to stand there and helplessly chart the passage of time as the wraith fed.
Rodney isn't sure if he should be proud of that accomplishment, or horrified. Maybe both. It's not a pleasant prospect either way. The idea of being proud because of being the number one witness to the excruciating torture of a friend and teammate is a nauseating one. The horror comes from the same source, directed not at Kolya (though Kolya has always been the target of plenty of unpleasant emotions, and the number has gone up after today), but at himself. Rodney's knows John well enough to know that he wouldn't have been able to watch the entire thing if Kolya had captured him instead of John. Or maybe he could have. Maybe he would have forced himself to watch the entire thing, determined to bear witness, as if it were the last thing he could do. Rodney will never know.
He'll never know because a situation like this is never going to happen again, not if he has anything to say about it. Ever. With that thought firmly in mind, Rodney lets his mind drift into a light doze, knowing something profound about himself now.
Perhaps its one of the rare downsides to his genius: when faced with the choice of knowing and not knowing, he will always, always choose knowing, no matter how heart-rending and impossible that knowledge is to bare. He'd proved it to himself today – well, yesterday, he amends with a quick glance at his watch – when he'd found it impossible to look away, no matter how agonizing it was to watch, when he'd made sure he was in the control room in plenty of time for what would have been Kolya's final transmission, the one that never came; the one that would have certainly showcased the painful death of Rodney's closest friend.
Holding that knowledge tightly to him, holding it where he kept the image of John Sheppard's miraculously unlined face, Rodney finally allows himself to slip into dreamland. It's safe; Ronon's standing guard over all of them and Teyla's dozing across from him, waiting her turn at watch. They'll wake him if something happens. And if anything does, he knows that he can face it head on, stare whatever it is straight in the eye, and never look away.
/\\
I think this story takes the cake for odd inspirations: I came up with the idea for it after watching a Youtube video of all things. It was about Common Ground, and I couldn't help but notice that McKay was the only member of the team that never looked away, even though that was not the focus of the vid.
Writing this was an adventure. First I had to make the dialogue follow the script, and invent new dialogue that would blend in with the script for those scenes that weren't part of the episode (even if they should have been). Secondly, I had to make sure I didn't use any information from scenes that McKay hadn't been present for, which was harder than it sounds. Watching the episode over and over again, reading and rereading the script, dialogue sticks in the mind, even if you know that the character who's POV your writing from, isn't around and wouldn't know anything about it.
Finally, I had a new writing tense to try out, and the battle to stay consistent. If you've read my other work, you can see that I've never written anything in this tense before, for a long time I wasn't even sure I was using it correctly. It got even more complicated when I would abruptly shift into my normal tense, and then having to constantly go back and fix things… well you get the picture.
Again, would love your feedback and as well as any other thoughts you might have on this story in the form of reviews. I don't think I've tried something like this before, following the POV for one particular character for the length of one episode. I might have to try this again sometime, that is, if you like it and I find another episode that I want to delve into.
The more reviews I get, the more generous my muse, which, in turn, means more stories for you to enjoy.