A Goodbye Is The Beginning Of Tomorrow
~A Kurama/Suuichi Minamino Dedication~
All Yu Yu Hakusho characters are owned by Togashi Yoshihiro/Sheisha, Fuji TV, Pierrot, and FUNimation.
My eyes settled on her, my body flooded with emotion. She had done so much for me, stood through so much on my account… I lowered my eyes slightly. I always felt unworthy when I saw her, now. I was the one who didn't deserve someone to care for me so much, but she did, and had, for so very long… It must have been so stressful, dealing with me when I had acted supior, when I was so much less than her in so many ways. I felt confusion bubble to the top of my emotions and looked up again, into her dark, clear eyes.
"Mother?" My voice caught suddenly, and I knew. We did, at moments, have complete understanding of one another. This was one of those times. A small, sad smile lit her delicate face, worn by age, but not lessened.
"Tonight, my son, Suuichi. You know how I wish to be there for you always, but, age takes it's toll…" My insides turned cold, and her smile only widened, as though she could see what pain I was in. "I will not regret it, you know. I just wish… She stopped and sighed, deeply. "I do not regret having a son, only whishing to be there for him more, when I could have gotten up and come with you, on so many occasions. I am sorry, always sorry to leave someone behind, but now, it's not something that can be changed." She smiled from where she stood in the doorway, between the kitchen and the dining room, food in hand.
She had asked me to invite a few friends over, with out any explanation, and now it was clear. "Whether joy or sorrowful, the heart needs a double, because a joy shared is doubled, and a pain that is shared is divided." It happened to be her favorite quote, from Ruckett, and she used it often, and it came into perfect play now. We sat and ate in silence, companionable, soft silence. They arrived around eight. Yusuke and Kuwabara came in first, exchanging few pleasantries before attacking my DVD collection and relaxing in the couch. Yukina, Shizuru, Keiko, Botan and Koenma showed up after that. I shot Koenma a questioning look, but he didn't give an answer, but I knew why Botan was here, in my situation, who could not? Genkia, followed closely by Jin, Chuu, Rinku and Touya, who I guessed I would need to talk to before the night was out. Genkia quickly explained that the four of them had gotten lost on the way and were knocking on random doors looking for "Kurama". Mother didn't ask, either about the name or their strange appearances (especially Jin with his horn…). I brought out some food and drink, and it wasn't until near ten that Mother asked me to walk her to her room. I got up and dashed to the stairs instantly, going slowly beside her. She smiled again, no regrets paining her face, as she lay down in bed. I knelt beside it, my hands around hers as her eyes closed.
"Remember, Suuichi Minamino, Youko Kurama, a goodbye is the beginning of tomorrow, right?" She asked softly. I contained my surprise at what she had called him, and nodded solemnly, as her breathing deepened, slowed, and stopped. Only the did the pain come. It wracked my body, and placed my forehead to her hand as every single memory of her burst through my consciousness all at once. I could feel her hand grow slowly colder and colder, and begged the warmth of my own hands to heat hers, but they did not, nor would they ever. Slowly, after what seemed like hours but could have been no more than twenty minutes, I lifted my still dry eyes to her peaceful face, and only then did I notice the silhouette. I took a deep, painful breath and stood, not turning around.
"This is why, isn't it?" I asked him softly, the pain being replaced by a numb feeling in my gut. "Why you don't attach yourself to humans? I envy you there, Hiei." He did not respond, as there was nothing now to say. I stood like that for a long time before I raised my head to the door, just as it opened. Yusuke came in very slowly, followed by Kuwabara and Touya, the former of which shot a angst-filled look at the bed, while the latter came down on one knee to pay respects. Yusuke came immediately to me, gripping my should in one hand as we gazed at the still bed.
"She's the one who told you to invite us, huh?"
"Yes, she is. She knew, too. About Youko. About Kurama. About the rest of my life."
"And didn't flinch, I bet, when she added it up."
"No… "
"Why would she?" Kuwabara asked, his voice carrying the tired depression Kurama felt. "To her, it was just another name to the same person, it didn't matter too much, huh?"
"Not at all."
"Courageous, to live with a son like that, and not worry about herself." Touya added softly. They all gazed at the bed, before Kuwabara came to Kurama's other side and gripped his shoulder. Touya stayed in the same standing position, gazing down at the remarkable woman.
"A Youko for a son, and she thought it was no more than icing on the cake."
That was the first coherent thought in Kurama's head when he awoke. It was midmorning, and the house was empty. The line must have been the last thing he had… wait. I'm speaking in third person. The line must have been the last thing I said last night, when everyone was leaving. Koenma, or maybe Botan had informed them, so there were no laughs when our small precession came down.
There was nothing for me here, in this human world, now. Just a few other humans, which I could visit just the same as a demon. Yet, it was where I had learned so very much…I sat up, my eyes registering the end of the ugly red couch Mother had always said she would get rid of, but never did. She was techniquely fond of it, but never said that aloud, sort of like Keiko and Yusuke. Keiko and Yusuke, Kuwabara, Yukina, Genkia, Hiei, Touya, Jin, Chuu, Rinku… There was that, the people here I cared for, but… I stood slowly, my consciousness taking full effect, and I stumbled once, then walked normally, coming to the door, and opening it, walking through to the warm sunlight. Hiei stood there, his back to me, staring into the sunrise.
"I was wondering how long you would mourn, fox."
"Mourn…" My eyes followed the red and blue colors of the sky for a moment before I answered. "Yes, I am finished. Our goodbye's are over." I paused, the numbness finally melting. I had a new life to live, in her name. Shiori would want me to do what I could for these people. The next day of my life had begun, and I was about to step in and be swept away.
"It's a dangerous business, going out your door, and stepping onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to," said Bilbo Baggins.
My eyes landed on Hiei.
"It may hurt, when you tie yourself down as I did, but it's still worth it, you know." He shot me a funny look. "Maybe you should try it sometime."
"What, having a mother die off? Hn, foolish." I only laughed.
"Not exactly. You'll see, though."
"You're going to do it again?"
"Of course."
"Stupid fox."
"We should go say goodbye to the others, too."
"I thought you said-"
"Just with Shiori, not with everyone else."
"Like I said, stupid fox."