My eyes slowly open, a blurred figure standing in my peripheral vision through the smoke. I sense my cage lifting yet I'm so dazed that I can barely lift my head. I don't have the motivation to ask where I am or who's trapped me here because I already know the answer before I even question it. Each time I awake it's the same routine and I know what to expect. No matter how hard I fight it, it always ends the same.

All I can do is wait.

I'm falling in and out of consciousness. One moment I'm being unhooked from my machine, the next I'm being hoisted up by two men who smell of cigarettes and sweat. My body falls into them and they drag my weakened body with heavy breaths.

I'm drifting again. For a moment, this isn't happening. I can't feel pain or anger.

All I feel is tired.

I sometimes try to remember about before. Before what I am now. Every once in a while, when I'm under, I can vaguely make out a scene or a person that feels familiar. Maybe I can visualize certain colors that went along with a place or the smell of someone I once knew. Some reds and greens and blues. The smell of homemade pie and freshly cut grass. Laughter in the streets. Soothing voices. Snow. What hurts is that they don't stay for long. Even now, as my thoughts desperately swim for the memories I recollected, reaching for something to latch on to, I feel them drowning in their efforts.

I'm thrown into an uncomfortable leather chair and I sense my arms and feet being tied down. I refuse to open my eyes. I choose not to object in an effort to keep my attention on my thoughts. Gleaming lights shine down on my hardened face and my chair leans back. My breathing steadily gets heavier as a contraption presses against both sides of my face. My head is going to burst. Forcing myself to keep my eyes closed from the horrors around me, I hear a gruff voice whisper and I know what's to come.

It's becoming harder to breathe.

It'll be quick, I lie to myself. I shut my eyes tighter and hear a machine buzzing beside me. I'm trying to hold on to those memories, I truly am. I think… there was food cooking… some mountains… laughter…

I start screaming. And I just can't stop. My body shakes and the electricity jolting my body bursts every cell in me. My eyes roll back into my head and my hands grip the arms of the chair the best they can. Hot sweat burns my eyes. I'm struggling to catch my breath. My mind can't focus on any one thought.

My mind is melting and there is nothing I can do.

An eternity passes and the hurting stops for a moment. I'm gasping for breath, my heart is racing, and my body hurts. I'm searching for anything to ease the pain in my mind with no luck. A voice behind me speaks before I've had the time to fully catch my breath.

"Longing."

My heart sinks. Please. No. Not those words.

The contraption squeezing my head releases its grip on me. I'm shaking and I can't object because I can't breathe. My throat tightens up.

"Rusted."

Please stop. I'll do anything, please stop.

My heart feels like its about to burst.

"Seventeen."

My face contorts in anguish and a whimper escapes my chapped lips.

"Daybreak."

I just want it to stop.

"Furnace."

My breathing is slowing and I'm beginning to forget why I'm scared.

"Nine."

I've forgotten.

"Benign."

I am calm.

"Homecoming."

I am…

"One."

I'm… The Winter Soldier.

"Freight car."

I am ready to comply.