Disclaimer: I do not own Tales of Symphonia, cell phones, oil, or anything else I may mention. Only this plot line. THIS IS A PARODY! IT SHOULD NOT BE TAKEN SERIOSLY! I was sitting, eating ramen one day when I thought about what would happen if TOS happened in a modern day background. Anyway, everyone is out of character (I am sorry if any of you have been considered any of these mentioned. I am not making fun of you.) : Lloyd is the class loser who had a hot girlfriend who dumped him for a foot ball player. Colette was once Lloyd's girlfriend, but now she's a cheerleader who loves to text message. Genis is a hippie. Raine is the abusive teacher who thinks Lloyd has a mental issue CSD. Kratos is like a agent for the government. Sheena is well, Sheena (not exactly her character but I can't really explain how she acts). Zelos is Tethe'alla's pop idol that happens to be the chosen. Presea the kid who does whatever she's asked (bad example). And Regal is… emo. So is Mithos. Ready..? BEGIN!

Chapter 1: Text Messaging Woes

Prologue:

Once upon a time, there was a giant tower that was the source of oil. The creation of SUV's however, caused this oil to dry up and we went into a war to get more. Grieving over the loss of oil, the president disappeared into the white house. The president left his cabinet with this edict: You must wake me, for if I sleep, we'll run out of oil. I don't really see why they couldn't just wake him up themselves, but, so it goes. The chosen needs to use her magic powers to give us oil.

Now, to class…

"Lloyd! Lloyd Irving wake up! Lloyd!" Seeing that Lloyd wouldn't wake up, Raine threw the textbook at him.

"Wait!" shouted a FBI agent who just happened to run into the room. "That's child abuse! You could get arrested!"

"Oh yeah!" shouted Raine. She was then taken away in handcuffs.

"Gah," grunted Lloyd. "Is class over?"

"Not yet!" shouted Raine. "I just paid bail! Lloyd, see me after class!"

"Why?"

"Because I think you may have CSD!"

"CSD?"

"Compulsive Stupid Disorder! You should get pills for that!"

"We shouldn't take pills," said Genis who had his hair extremely long and was wearing a tie-dye shirt. "We should like, live natural with out pills. That would be like, groovy man."

"Stupid hippie," said one of the cheerleaders in the back. "Come on, let's try out our new cheer!" All the cheerleaders grouped together and started cheering.

"8, 6, 4, 2, we're much better than you!" they shouted.

"Oh, pretty light!" shouted one of them who had blonde hair. She also wore a bright pink miniskirt and a white tank top. "I'm going there."

"Have fun," said Raine.

"Oh, but I need an escort," said the cheerleader. "I'm the chosen one to bring oil back to this world."

"Fine, fine, Genis, Lloyd, take Colette there," said Raine. "I'd go myself but, I can't since I'm and authorized child abuser."

"OMG!" shouted Colette. She grabbed her cell phone. "Hello! Brittany! I need to travel with my ex, you know the one that dumped me right before the prom!"

Lloyd stared at her. She had dumped him before the prom. Outside the schoolhouse, Frank ran up to them, "OMG Daddy!" shouted Colette. "Lloyd won't take me in his car to see the pretty light. He says I have to walk!"

"That's because gas is about $10 a gallon!" shouted Lloyd.

"Oh my poor daughter!" gasped Frank. It's okay; daddy will buy you a new Mercedes. To go with your other ones."

"Okay," said Colette. Frank went away. "We better stop at Starbucks on the way!"

"Are you kidding me?" shouted Lloyd. "All my money's going to gas! I can't afford Starbucks!"

"Man," said Genis. "You should try the cup holders with the green star on them. They make you feel happy."

"WHAT!" shouted Colette. "Derrick always buys me Starbucks!"

"I'm not your boyfriend anymore!" shouted Lloyd. "Starbucks will make you fat!"

"What!" shouted Colette. "Did you just call me fat?"

"Fine!" shouted Lloyd. "What do you want?"

"Oh, how about a Grande double caramel, double chocolate, double vanilla bean, and triple whip cream mocha?" said Colette.

"But that takes up all my gas money!" shouted Lloyd. He and Genis then dragged Colette. As they were walking to the Macy's that the bright light had come from, Colette chatted on her cell phone.

"Oh, yeah? I know. Carol is so mean. She totally saw that I was buying that swimsuit. She totally wore it to Derrick's beach party. She can like, not forgive me for like, taking her ex boyfriend. Oh Derrick? He like never buys me presents anymore. I mean like, totally, he like, forgot my kitty's birthday. I am so breaking up with him. Like, tomorrow." She hung up. "Oh, we're going to Macy's? Totally cool. I like, totally am hot for their t-shirts."

At the front, some gangsters were giving some department store owners a hard time. At the front was a brown haired man. "These t-shirts are ugly," he said. "We gangstas have to look cool when we rap. You are totally rip us of. Oh, and where is the chosen?"

"I'm right here!" shouted Colette. "And I think their t-shirts rule! It's their make up that they need to work on!"

The man turned. "You think these are cool?" he demanded. "Seriously yo, we can not be seen with these."

"I won't let you ganisters get away!" shouted Lloyd. He pulled out two pistols. Genis pulled out a bazooka. Colette pulled out her pompoms. "Are those weapons?"

"No," said Colette. "I'm going to cheer for Macy's."

"Gyah!" shouted Lloyd as he started shooting his pistols.

"Stand back," said Genis. He pulled out his bazooka and shot several of the gangsters. They fell down dead. "Groovy, right man?"

"Get out of the way," said a man. He carried a hunting rifle. Colette stared. She rapidly started text messaging.

"OMG! Krista! We were like, dying and this totally dreamy guy came to my rescue." She took a picture of Kratos. "He is totally going to be my new back round. I'm so totally going to put him on myspace."

"Um, Colette, the battles over," said Genis.

"Thank you so much," said the Macy's employee. "Here, you go inside and pick out anything you want. You can have it for free."

"OMG!" shouted Colette. "Miniskirts here I come!" She ran inside before anyone could stop her.

"What's this?" asked Lloyd. "It looks like a pretty cool ring. I'll take it."

"OMG!" shouted Colette. "Who are you?" Everyone ran after her. She was looking at a man in black.

"I am Remial," he said. "I come from the government. Colette, when you release seals, oil will flow to our world. I present you with this cell phone." He handed Colette a red cell phone. "When you visit each seal, the phone will gain more cool features such as a mini jetpack! There, is the tower of oil. Head there when your journey is over. Oh, and that cell phone comes with 900,000 free minutes so talk all you want."

"OMG!" shouted Colette.

End of Chapter…

Next chapter: Welcome to the state prison where people make steroids to strengthen people. Marble works day and night making these. And Genis hugs a tree and won't let go. Plus, will Colette stop saying OMG? Find out next time.