He was standing with his nose just inches away from a line of coke. In his brain the eternal battle was taking place. There was one voice that said: Just fuck it all and do it and the other one. The one that he was surprised to discover it sounded identical with Matt's voice. It said: Don't do it, you're stronger than this, you have been so good for 11 years! Just… don't.
Ooops… too late…the other voice retorted.
Danny leaned back on the couch. For a moment he looked around. This was that last moment of consciousness that he always had before the drug would reach his system. And in this moment he would always look around and try to recognize the surroundings and how he had gotten there. In this moment he would always realize how stupid he was and regret taking the cocaine. But as the little voice in his head had already said, it was too late.
And then the moment was gone. All that there was left was sweet oblivion; a swirl of colors mixing with emotions; the past intertwining with the present; blurry faces passing in front of his eyes. Driven by euphoria, he would prepare yet another line of coke. It was, after all, a vicious circle.
'Danny, Danny, can you hear me? Danny, wake up, please wake up!'
He heard a voice calling his name and he felt a pair of hands slapping his face. His head was weighing a tone and his eyelids seemed to refuse to open. In his brain there was a mixture of images but he couldn't quite place them or tell them apart.
'Danny!'
The voice sounded desperate. Almost scared. Also, it sounded familiar. With a huge effort, he got his eyes to open. He was instantly blinded by a very bright light. His vision was blurry. He felt sick to his stomach.
'Danny, thank God! Come on, man, keep your eyes open! Stay with me!'
He felt someone sitting him up with his back against the couch. Once again, with huge efforts, he tried keeping his eyes open and focusing on the face that was only inches apart from his.
'Come on, drink this, it will help.'
He felt a glass being put in his hand. He drank it all. It was just ice cold water and he was rather surprised that he managed to drink it. He thought that he would throw it up. His vision became a little clearer. He recognized the face in front of him. It was Matt.
Pangs of guilt started flooding him. Suddenly, he started remembering bits and pieces from the night before. His head started feeling even heavier. He wasn't very sure he could articulate a sentence.
'I'm… sorry!' he heard himself say. Well, turns out he can speak after all. But he wasn't very sure why or even who he was apologizing to.
'What? No… don't apologize. I mean… you shouldn't… what the hell happened last night really?' Matt asked at a loss of words, maybe a little harder than he intended the question to come out.
Danny could hear it though. IT. The unasked question. He was awake and conscious enough to read Matt's voice. He could hear the disappointment. The real question was: why? Why now, after 11 years of being clean?
'I don't know, ok? I just… don't know… I'm sorry…'
'Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, too.' Matt sighed.