With the ordeal at hiramreshal over with and the Qunari war avoided Jasper finally let himself take the time to grieve. For himself, for his friends, for his home and for Iron Bull. In his chambers at the rebuilt Haven Jasper felt the pulling of a sob at the thought of the Qunari he loved, that horrible moment when on Visaranis order turned and attacked them. He gripped his hair with his only hand fighting the tears that wanted to fall.

It hurt, it hurt him so much having to kill Bull, having to kill his heart his love, the one you had hours before that whole mess agreed to marry him if Jasper wanted.

Was it all a lie?

Was it just the Ben Hassrath all along, that there never really was an Iron Bull?

Jasper gripped his hair tighter hoping the pain would lessen the hurt in his heart, but the tears fell anyway and a chocked gasp left his mouth

"Why Bull why?"

With a stuttering breath he pulled out the necklace he rarely took off, the gleaming dragons tooth shown red in the hearths fire. Was Bulls terms of love, acceptance all lies did Bull ever love him?

With a pained yell Jasper ripped the necklace from his neck and throw it towards the fire, the pain of the leather chord snapping ignored as he watched the tooth blacken and the leather chord burn.

Jasper stared into the flames as it crackled the memories of the past flashes behind his eyes. Everything that had happened to him everything that lead him to where was today was just a case of being at the wrong place at the wrong time. None of this would have happened if he had gone to the conclave. And yet the world would be that much closer to destruction if he hadn't gone, hadn't wandered the conclave dating his curiosity about Andraste's supposed resting place.

Jasper gave a out a bitter laugh staring at his lone hand. The world was under threat again, by one of his old friends even, one who was of the ancient elvhen race. How were they supposed to prove that the world could be saved when there has been so much proof that the world was corrupt and cruel.

Jasper fell back onto the cot resting his hand on his forehead, he was useless as a mage with one arm useless to his remaining friends to lead whoever chose to stay by his side. He closed his eyes, everyone had something they could do something to fall back on, a purpose. What purpose did he have now that he disbanded the Inquisition? He had nothing to push him, he was thrust into this situation put on a ducking pedastal for all of Theda and Orlais to gawk at. And now, Bulls face smirking at him from their bed, now he had no one.

He rolled onto his side wishing the memories could fade and be forgotton. Time was all they had now, how much Solas didn't say but with Lelianas network bringing in news about disappearing elves, that time might not be much.

Clenching his hand into a fiat Jasper steeled himself, it didn't matter how he felt what did was finding a way to save their world. He was forced into this, he did what he could and Maker help him to do it again. So as Jasper let his eyes close for him to rest, no one would see the tears that fell without stop or hear the breaking of his hear. He was once the Herald of Andraste, the leader of the great Inquisition he did not break he did not falter, for this he will not falter not let the past rule him.

Jasper curled into himself, he shall learn from the past and use that to strengthen him for the battles ahead, be it mentally physically or emotionally, he will learn and he will win.