First Jerza fic! I don't own anything, Mashima owns Fairy tail, and this chapter was based from Jaimie Roberts' Redemption Epilogue.

Anyways, enjoy!

The Happiest Fucking Man Alive

"Jellal!" I heard her scream. "I'm going to kill you!"

I turned to my son, Siegrain, and yanked on his sleeve. He was getting really big for a boy of only nine. "I think we're in trouble, Sieg. Maybe we should split?"

Sieg smiled at me. "Yeah. Mom gets scarier when she's pregnant."

I winked at him and we both made a move to run, but it was too late.

"Where do you think you two are going?" By her side, little Rosemary was giggling as she clutched onto Erza's dress. She was my little ray of sunshine. At only four-years-old, Rosemary was just as feisty and beautiful as Erza. She had Erza and Erza's mom, Irene's scarlet hair and chocolate brown eyes. Over time, Sieg's hair color had grown dark blue like mine, but Erza's stepdad, Acnologia, insist that it was more like his. Rosemary was adorable with her tight scarlet waves cascading down her little rosy cheeks.

My little Rosey giggled harder. "Mommy found out her strawberry cake is missing a slice." She looked at me and pointed. "You're in big trouble, Daddy." She giggled again.

"And you find that funny? Rosey, I'm disappointed in you. Have a little heart for your father."

She giggled again and Erza huffed. Man, she looked pissed…and sexy. She was five months pregnant with our third child. A boy. We would name him after Simon, of course. I also wanted to try for another girl after this one was born, but Erza threatened to chop my dick off. I kind of relented after that.

"Rosemary knows you've been naughty, Jellal. Don't start twisting it, or I'll twist something of yours." She glared at me. I almost reached for my crotch.

I bent down and whispered into Sieg's ear, "What shall I do?"

Sieg quickly turned his head to me, his eyes wide. "Say you're sorry. Say you're sorry…quick."

I straightened and looked at Erza. "I'm so sorry, Scarlet. Can you ever forgive me?" I gave her my best apologetic face and nudged Sieg. "How was that?" I whispered.

"Great, Dad." He smiled.

"Don't think I can't hear you." Erza smiled and placed her hands on her hips.

My eyebrow rose. She knew exactly what that did to me. I had shown her often enough.

"Sieg, would you mind taking your sister to her room for a moment? I need to have a little chat with your mother."

Sieg smiled a little and shook his head. "I don't mind." He patted me on the shoulder. "Good luck," he whispered before taking Rosemary's hand and leading her up the stairs.

As soon as I knew they were gone, I went in for the kill. Erza stepped back, but her back soon met the wall. "Hmmm… Just where I want you."

"Don't touch me, Jellal. I'm still angry with you."

I trailed my finger down her cheek and watched as she shuddered. It made me smile that I could still have this effect on her even after all these years. "I'm sure I can convince you otherwise." I nibbled her ear a little and heard her breathing speed up.

"I hate you sometimes," she whispered.

"And I love you all of the time." I kissed her neck tenderly and gently brushed my thumb over her nipple. It was rock hard, just aching for my mouth to be on it. I wanted to oblige, but not with our son and daughter only a few feet above our heads.

"Jellal, you're not playing fair," she moaned as I cupped her breast in my hand and squeezed her nipple.

"When it comes to you, Erza, I will never play fair. You should know that about me by now." I brushed my thumb over her nipple again and she trembled.

"Please, Jellal. Don't do this to me. You know my hormones are all over the place at the moment. One more touch and I'll drag you into the toilet myself. That new sink still hasn't broken yet." She raised her eyebrow at me, as if in challenge. I would accept that fucking challenge any day of the week.

I was about to answer when the doorbell rang. I placed my head on her shoulder and groaned. "Oh fuck. I forgot they were coming over."

Erza slapped me. "You play nice, Jelly-boy. You know they're still a little sore, especially mom."

My eyes widened. "Erza, it's been ten fucking years and almost three children later! You think she would have tried to find it in her heart to forgive me by now." Well, Erza's mom is not really fond of me. Said, I am no good for her daughter, a criminal that might tarnish her daughter's light and pure smile. You see, I had illegal businesses before. Anyways, I don't blame her, I know she only wants the best for her daughter. And I also understand where she's coming from, having Erza as her only daughter, and raising her by herself, after her bastard weeny husband left them. But dare she say, now, she's also madly in love and married to an ex-convict. Guess, the scarlets are a sucker for blue-haired bad boys - turned good boys.

I groaned again. "Come on, babe. Give me Zeref any day, but not this. Please." Oh, Zeref was my business partner turned nemesis before, he used sabotage one of my business operations with Crime Sorciere in the Tower of Heaven, one of the illegal casinos I owned. I took her hand. "I'll give you anything you ask."

She looked at me, shaking her head. "Don't joke about that, Jellal. It's not funny."

I very nearly pouted. Me? Fucking pouting? I must be getting old and soft. "I'm sorry, Scarlet." I gave her a smile that I knew would get me away with anything. She was a sucker for my smiles and whenever I call her Scarlet.

Her lips curved up and I knew I had her. "Okay, okay, but you go answer the door." She walked away and her hand slipped from my grip.

I groaned again, but dutifully did as my adoring wife asked of me. I opened the front door and relief immediately washed over me. "Laxus, thank fuck. I thought you were the wicked witch of the–" Laxus moved out of the way and my heart sank.

Fuck!

"Lady Irene, how lovely to see you again." I think my balls shriveled up and died. One look from her was all it took. It didn't help that Laxus had this shit-eating grin on his fucking face. What I wouldn't give to wipe that off right now.

"I'm sure," she grunted. "Are you going to let us in?"

As if from nowhere, Acnologia, and a very pregnant Mira, Laxus' wife and Erza's best friend, appeared. How the fuck did that happen? Did Laxus purposely hide them all from me? I was going to have words with him later.

I moved out of the way. "Sure, come in." As soon as I moved, I heard a squealing Rosemary running down the stairs.

"Rosey!" Irene shouted.

Saved by my ray of sunshine. Hopefully the pressure was off me now. Maybe now would be a good time to hide in the corner somewhere whilst Erza's mum thought of the next potion she could stir in her cauldron. I guess now I have another fucking ten years of hard work. Great. Just fucking great.

"Grandmommy!" Rosemary shouted and rushed to Irene. Irene carried her, and giggled. Rosey kissed her grandmommy's cheeks, and Irene blushed. Her cheeks are like the color of their hair. She smiled and kissed Rosey's forehead.

I also saw Acnologia's bright smile. He was just as much a sucker for the Scarlet women as I was. I looked over at Irene and when our eyes met, I saw her scowl.

Well, maybe not all the Scarlet women.

Rosemary rushed into her arms just as Sieg came down the stairs. I gave him a Please, help me look, but all he did was smile and shake his head. Do I not have any allies in my own home?

Just as I thought this, Erza came up from behind me and laid a gentle hand on my back. I immediately relaxed when I saw her smile. She was beautiful. Sieg appeared behind her and walked towards his grandparents.

"Aha! There you are!" Acnologia exclaimed and brofisted Sieg. "How are you, little dragon?" Sieg flashed a sheepish smile showing his canines as he heard his nickname. "I could bite you, Grandpops." Acnologia shuffled Sieg's hair. "Oh, feisty, just like Grandmommy." Irene put Rosey down, and kissed Sieg's forehead as well.

Erza smiled brightly and gave Irene a kiss on the cheek. "How are you, honey?" Irene smiled. "Fine, thank you. Getting bigger by the day, but fine." She looked over at her best friend, Mira. "Mira, look at you."

Mira shook her head. "Please don't mention it. I feel like a house. I just want them out of me already. Laxus failed to mention the part about his grandmother, the old geezer's wife, being a twin." She glared over at him and Laxus almost cowered. I raised my eyebrow at him as if to say, Yeah, it's a bitch, isn't it?

But where would we be without them?

"Have you brought presents?" Rosey asked, excitedly.

"Rosemary, don't be rude. They've just got here." Erza laughed and Irene shook her head.

"That's okay." She bent down to take Rosey's hand. "Now, why would we be bringing presents today?"

Rosey swayed her hips back and forth, making her little frock sway. She was quite the girlie girl, but the tough and stubborn one as her mother at times. She wanted all the latest fashion…shoes, dresses, you name it. And when she wants it, she'll get it, little Erza. She was costing me a bloody fortune, but she was worth every cent.

"It's my birthday!" she cried.

Irene gasped. "No! Is it really?"

Rosey jumped up and down. "It is. It is!"

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Acnologia walk out the door, pick something up, then came back in. "It's a good thing we brought you these then." In his hand were about six presents. They were so big, he could hardly fit through the door. It would seem everybody was putty in Rosey's hands.

Rosey squealed and clapped her hands. "Yay! Daddy…Daddy, look!"

Her look was so animated, I couldn't help but smile. "I know, Rosey. You're a lucky girl." I winked at her and she turned her attention back to the presents.

Acnologia laid them on the floor for her, but Rosey hesitated. "It's okay, honey. You can open them now." Irene smiled, but Rosey was now focused on the task in hand. The only sounds were her ripping the paper off. She was practically shredding them.

"So how's business, Jellal?"

I smiled at Acnologia. He was friendly towards me now. I didn't know how much of that was just tolerance, or whether he was actually warming up to me. He should be, we almost had the same history, if only wasn't the influence of the witc- I mean Erza's mom, or her wife that he worships.

"Doing good, thank you. We're expanding to Bosco, all-in-all, it's not bad at all."

Acnologia smiled and it looked genuine. "That's great news." And Irene rolled her eyes, but I caught her little smirk. I bet earned a few points.

My property business had somehow taken off. I think the market recovering helped. I'd set up a little goldmine. Not that I needed to. Erza and I were set for life. I also work in my council duties, probably, running for Chairman next year, I guess I'll focus in it in the following years. But there was no need for us to ever work again.

Erza still did, though. She is devoted to her job as a lawyer, but for now, she's in maternity leave. It worked well for us because she worked with me in Era. At times, whenever we're in court, me as a representative of the council, and Erza defending her client, goodness, she was just so hot. I can't help but get a boner from bossy confident Erza. Sometimes, we get the chance to sneak in, and do it in my office. Our office job hours were also when the kids were at school. So I suppose, despite the fact we didn't have to work, we both needed to.

But Erza and I never had to worry about a thing. Our kids never had to worry about a thing.

"And Erza… How is work?"

Erza smiled. "Good, Dad." She was about to elaborate, but Rosemary squealed.

"Mommy! Daddy! Look!" She held up the latest fairy doll with scarlet wings she always wanted. They were hard to get. According to Erza, she couldn't find it anywhere.

Erza looked shocked. "How did you…?"

Irene tapped her nose with her finger and winked. "The best grandmommy in the world never reveals her secrets."

Later on that evening, Erza was inside the house with Mira, Sieg, Rosey, and her parents, whilst I sat drinking a beer with Laxus, my best friend, in the terrace overlooking the pool.

I took a swig. "So, how's Mira with her pregnancy?"

Laxus sighed with a smile. "It's a fucking bitch, man. Every time I touch her, she practically growls at me. It's fucking scary."

I laughed, thinking how similar Erza and Mira were. I guess I was lucky because she was only in her second trimester and she wouldn't leave me alone. Hell, who would complain about that? I knew it wouldn't last, though. She would eventually get heavier and more uncomfortable, but I would be there. All I could do was hold her hand and pray that she wouldn't cut my dick off. Even thinking about it made me wince.

"What the fuck's wrong with you?"

I shuddered. "Nothing… I just had an unwelcome thought, that's all."

Laxus laughed. "Women are fucking scary, aren't they? Give me a little chump beating all levels of crap out of me any day, but Mira?" Laxus shuddered.

I laughed. "I said something similar after you knocked on the door, but that was about Erza's parents."

"What about Erza's parents?" Mira was standing in the doorway, Erza right behind her. Both looked eager for my answer.

I straightened up. "Nothing."

Erza walked out and came to sit on my lap, Mira did the same to Laxus. She wrapped her arms around me, snuggled her head into my neck, and bit me.

Fuck me, she was a little vixen. And, as per usual, my dick reacted. Erza obviously noticed because her eyebrow rose. She was in so much trouble later. And, to be honest, I wouldn't have it any other way. Life was just as it should be right now.

"That's not what you were telling me earlier." Laxus raised his eyebrow.

I was going to kill him. In fact, if Erza wasn't on my lap and Mira wasn't on his, I would have wrapped my hands around his fucking scrawny little neck. God, we're so pussy-whipped.

I glared at him and he shrugged. "Hey, if I'm going down, I may as well bring you with me."

Mira stared at him. "What is that supposed to mean?"

I laughed and winked at Laxus. He was dead.

Laxus made a kissy sound at Mira. "Nothing, sweetheart. I love you."

Mira placed her hand on his face and pushed him back. "Please."

I laughed even harder.

"Bitchface," Laxus sneered at me.

"Douche fag." I retorted.

"Arse licker."

"Knob jockey."

"Dick breath."

"Turb burglar."

Erza covered my mouth and sighed. "Would you two cut it out!"

We all laughed, as I snuggled my head into my Scarlet's neck. I was the happiest fucking man alive.

Anyways, I don't own my profile picture, but it got the owner's watermark anyways. :)

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