Note: I'm reposting this because I needed to fix the spelling and grammer. It should (hopefully) be much better now! Other than that, nothing's been changed.
I WILL be REWRITTING the sequal, though, for those of you wondering!
In My Arms
Prologue
'You hate it.'
Tsuzuki frowned, his fist clenching as he gazed out of the window of the motel room in
which he was presently residing. He leaned his forehead against the cool glass, unable to
break his eyes away from the sight before him.
'You can't stand it.'
His eyes traced the familiar figure below, taking in the features of the person who had
come to mean more to him than he could ever describe. Hisoka, with his cold and sexy
eyes, his slender but elegant frame, his sharp wit and untouchable heart. A heart that
Tsuzuki had always longed to reach and warm and make his own.
'You hate him.'
Standing next to his precious one was another man, a man that had made his attraction
obvious from the moment he'd met the boy. Who had just reached out and brushed his
fingers down Hisoka's cheek, shifting his body even closer than it already was.
Tsuzuki inhaled a sharp breath, pain coursing through him.
As Hisoka smiled.
And accepted the caress.
Chapter 1
Tsuzuki slowly opened his eyes, blinking a few times until his
vision had cleared. He yawned, stretching himself beneath the
blankets that were wrapped around him. He smiled a little,
allowing himself to wake slowly. He'd had a very good night's
rest last night, and now he felt completely relaxed and more
than a little unwilling to leave the comfort of bed.
Rolling onto his side, Tsuzuki glanced over at the bed on the
other side of the motel room. It took him a moment to realize
that the person he'd expected to be there was not. Quickly
jerking to a sitting position, Tsuzuki's eyes tore around the
room. It did not take him long to spot Hisoka's form, slumped
over the table on top of their mission file, sound asleep.
Tsuzuki let his worry flow out of him, and scolded himself for
reacting like that. After their vacation, they'd had four
missions that had gone on completely flawlessly. There was no
reason to be so afraid for his partner's safety, although
Tsuzuki had been telling himself that every day for the last
month. Every time he was separated from the youth, something
at the back of his mind nagged and nagged that he should check
to make certain Hisoka was all right and unharmed. They had
arrived in Kyoto yesterday, mission file in hand. It was more
complicated than their last few had been, and so they'd begun
by renting a double room at a hotel and studying the facts
given to them over and over. Close to midnight, Tsuzuki'd had
enough. With a promise from Hisoka that he would simply finish
reading the last of the pages before going to bed, Tsuzuki had
gone to his own bed and almost immediately fallen asleep.
Obviously, Hisoka hadn't kept his promise after all.
Otherwise, he wouldn't be in his present situation. Getting to
his feet, Tsuzuki grimaced. Hisoka's back would be stiff and
sore, and that would make him even more grumpy than usual.
They'd actually managed to go several weeks without an
argument or sharp words. He already knew that that would not
be the case today.
Sighing, Tsuzuki pulled on a fresh pair of black pants and
light purple shirt. He then made his way over to Hisoka,
gently shaking the youth's shoulder. "'Soka-chan," he
whispered, not wanting to startle the sleeping figure.
A slit of green appeared before Hisoka's eyes popped open.
When he straightened, his confused expression became one of pain. "Ah," he
sounded, one of his hands reaching back to rest on the small of his back.
"Why didn't you sleep in your bed?" Tsuzuki asked, his tone
scolding.
Hisoka looked up at him, then glanced back down at the file.
"I found something, and I was studying to make sure I was correct. I must've
fallen asleep before even realizing it," he admitted, his face
still twisted in a grimace.
Unable to resist the opportunity that occurred to him, Tsuzuki
quickly hopped onto the couch directly behind Hisoka and began
lightly digging his fingers into the muscles of the other's
back. Hisoka gave a small groan, falling against his hands,
but the moment lasted barely a second before Hisoka tensed and
jerked himself upright.
"You don't have to do that," he said stiffly.
Tsuzuki looked up at the back of Hisoka's head, trying to
figure out if his words meant that he actually wanted Tsuzuki
to stop. Sometimes it was almost impossible to tell what
Hisoka really meant when he said something. Deciding to take
the chance, Tsuzuki continued with the massage. "Your back
hurts. And you need to tell me what you discovered, so I have
time to do this for you," he said as an excuse.
Hisoka was quiet for a long moment, then Tsuzuki felt his body
relax slightly. Not completely, of course, but enough that he
smiled and mentally did a little happy dance. It was so rare
that Hisoka would actually let him touch him. To tell the
truth, Tsuzuki was almost afraid to after the first time, when
he'd reacted as though he'd actually hurt him. He would never
forget the look of stunned pain on Hisoka's face when he'd
screamed and jerked away from his hand. As much as he wanted
to, Tsuzuki tried to avoid touching him. Partially for that
reason, partially for a completely different one. At moments
like these, however, when the touching would be purely
innocent, Tsuzuki couldn't help myself. He wanted to get close
to his partner. As close as he possibly could. And he'd found
that placing his hand on Hisoka, even on his back through the
fabric of his shirt, made him feel connected.
"The biography of all five victims has something in common.
It's a random fact, so I missed it every time we went over
them before. I only noticed it suddenly when... well, I just
noticed it," Hisoka stated.
"What's the connection?" Tsuzuki asked, leaning forward so he
could peek at the papers over the other's shoulder. He smiled
when Hisoka's familiar light scent came to him.
The youth took a moment to answer, shifting his hand over the
written part of the status sheet. "Hayashibara was sixteen when
he was in an accident, and received plastic surgery to cover a
bad scar he'd had on his face. Niimura had a rough childhood
and also had plastic surgery to alter his unusually-shaped
hands and feet. Smith was an American who, I'm guessing this
was his reason for it, was so obsessed with Japanese culture
that he had his features altered. Anyway, when he was twenty
three, he also had plastic surgery," he stated.
"And the other two had the same as well. So, the spirit we're
after might be hunting down these five people because of their
operations?" Tsuzuki asked, his brow furrowing.
"I doubt it has to do with the actual surgeons or the offices.
What I think we should definitely check out is the doctors.
The doctor who had arranged the surgery was the same for all
five. One Kusami Hiiro," Hisoka finished.
Tsuzuki nodded slowly, taking in the information. "So, we
should find him and see where it takes us from there," he
suggested.
Hisoka abruptly got to his feet and moved away, pulling his
small bag out from underneath his bed. "I suggest we go right
away. We can grab some breakfast, then start the search," he
replied, not looking at the other.
The brunette nodded once again, then quickly looked away when
Hisoka began removing his shirt, feeling his face flush a
little. They'd decided to get a double room this time because
it would cost less money, and they would have to spend most of
their time together anyway. The fact that he would have the
other so close to him all the time made his heart skip a beat.
But he knew better than to actually watch the other change.
Besides the fact it would piss Hisoka off royally, he had too
much respect for Hisoka to actually do something like that.
"Well, are you coming or not?"
Lifting his head, Tsuzuki quickly got to his feet when he saw
that Hisoka was already halfway out of the door. "Coming!" he
called, bouncing after the other.
Chapter 2
Hisoka frowned at the phone book in his hands. He and Tsuzuki had found a nice, casual
restaurant to have breakfast in, and he'd taken a moment to steal over to the payphone
that was inside. His hopes of an easy discovery were gone. There were no Kasumi's in the
book. The guy definitely needed a phone, but he'd kept his number unlisted. Since they
couldn't exactly go to the actual phone company to get the number, they would have to do
this the hard way.
After a quick glance in the commercial section, Hisoka made his way back to the table
where Tsuzuki was waiting for him. He sighed as he took his seat, shaking his head. "The
number is unlisted, and there are seven doctor's offices and five hospitals in this city."
"Looks like we'll have to go to them one by one and check it out," Tsuzuki replied.
Hisoka rested his chin on his hand, glancing out the window beside him at the busy streets.
In this early hour, there were many people on the roads, the traffic almost bumper to
bumper. There were people hurrying to work, dressed in suits with attaché cases in their hands.
Students, in their cute little uniforms, waiting at the bus stop that would take them to
school and their friends.
For a moment, a sense of longing touched him. Hisoka smothered it quickly, firmly
turning his eyes away from the view. He had a task at hand that needed his full
concentration. He was not going to let his mind wander to anything.
Tsuzuki was watching him with curious eyes. Hisoka scowled at him. He didn't like being
watched so closely. It made him very conscious of himself, and he did not enjoy that
feeling. He'd thought he might get used to it eventually. Tsuzuki actually watched him
quite often, as though Hisoka were a puzzle that he was always trying to solve. However,
Hisoka didn't want to be solved. He didn't want anyone to get to know him, to get close
to him. There was too big of a chance of getting hurt, a chance that he didn't want to
take. No matter how badly he wanted to.
"We should split up," Hisoka suggested. "Take six each. We'll find the addresses and
work out which are closest to which. We could meet back here for supper at seven."
The open expression on Tsuzuki's face turned thoughtful. Hisoka frowned, unable to help
but wonder what the other was thinking about. When they'd first met, Tsuzuki's strong
emotions had assaulted his mind. However, as the time had gone by, his thoughts and
expressions had become more and more closed off. Unless he was being obvious, such as
during one of his hyper stages, Tsuzuki was impossible for Hisoka to read. It bothered
him a bit, since everyone but Tatsumi was an open book to him, should he choose to take a look.
"I suppose that will work out the best. If you find him, however, come immediately back
to the restaurant. I'll do the same, and we'll wait for the other person to return.
Neither of us should confront him alone, until we figure out exactly how he's tied in with
the spirit," Tsuzuki replied.
Hisoka was going to protest, since he hated wasting time, but had to admit he saw the
point of Tsuzuki's words. There was a reason all Shinigami teams had to be pairs. Situations
like this, when you knew next to nothing about the enemy, having a partner was even more
important.
"Fine," Hisoka agreed, just as the waitress arrived with their breakfasts.
Hisoka leaned against the wall of a building across the street from the hospital, holding his
hand above his eyes to shield them from the sun. It was huge, stretching across the entire
street block. There was the main building, then five other branches coming off of it. This
hospital was the fourth out of his six stops, and he had to admit that he was beginning to
think they would never find the guy. Unless Tsuzuki had gotten lucky, it was unlikely.
The other four places he'd gone to were small practices, and none of the people working there
had ever heard of a Dr. Kasumi.
Shrugging, Hisoka made his way to the crosswalk and made his way to the other side of the
street. There were probably seven or eight doctors here. If he wasn't here, it was likely he
wasn't even in Kyoto. Either that, or he worked out of his home or some office hidden
away from people.
The youth was about to walk past the entrance gates when someone caught his eye. He paused,
looking over, and his eyes met those of the other. The man appeared to be in his early twenties,
his dark hair falling onto his face in a loose style. He was tall, not dressed as a doctor, but
wearing stylish black pants and a white dress shirt. His eyes were a piercing dark blue and
they'd been studying everyone who had walked by, including Hisoka himself. Those had
been what caught his attention first. Whoever this man was, he was looking for someone.
A long moment passed where neither of them moved. On a hunch, Hisoka approached the
man, pausing once he was a few feet away. "Are you Kisuma Hiiro?" he asked, his tone low.
The man's eyes narrowed. "If I am?" he returned.
Hisoka immediately went on guard. "That's all I wanted to know," he stated, prepared to turn
around and leave. However, there was something in the man's eyes that held him in place.
The man continued to look at him for a long moment, then smiled slightly. "I am not. My name is
Taitsugia Shouji. The fact that we appear to be looking for the same person is something to
consider."
"You're looking for him as well?" Hisoka asked, not dropping his guard. He tried to peek into
the man's mind, to find out if he was telling the truth about his identity. However, it felt as
though his searching thoughts had hit a wall. This man was on the defensive as well, a strong
one if even his thoughts were so focused on his guard that he'd actually created a mental
barrier. Most humans were incapable of doing so, considering the vast majority didn't believe
in empathy.
The man, Taitsugia Hisoka decided to call him for now, glanced around before motioning for
Hisoka to follow him. He began to walk across the grassy yard that surrounded the hospital. The
youth hesitated for only a moment before walking after him. He knew that he could be walking
into some serious trouble. However, if this man was telling the truth, then he might be able
to discover some more clues as to the location of the spirit.
They had not gone far when Taitsugia paused. Hisoka did as well, and heard the sound of someone
running after them. He turned, surprised when he saw Tsuzuki approaching. He looked
angry and worried at the same time, definitely ready to start casting spells if he had to.
"My partner," Hisoka informed, not wanting the man to get nervous and take off.
Tsuzuki reached his side then, standing protectively in front of him. Hisoka irritably pushed
him to the side, not wanting to look as though he couldn't defend his own self if necessary.
"This man claims to be looking for Kisuma as well," he informed his partner.
"I'm at a disadvantage, however. I have given him my name, but he refused to give me his,"
Taitsugia commented, his eyes slowly taking in Tsuzuki's form before obviously
dismissing him and turning his attention back to Hisoka.
"Hisoka," he replied shortly, then motioned to the man beside him. "And Tsuzuki. That's all you
need to know for now."
"Ah, you don't trust me. Smart idea, if you're involved with Kisuma. Listen, I knew a man named
Hayashibara Masato. Four months ago, he was killed. The police were unable to solve the crime,
so I took matters into my own hands. I began investigating on my own, but I came up with nothing
until the other murders began to take place. I knew Masato had remodeling done on his face and
it had been his family doctor, Dr. Kisuma Hiiro, that had suggested it. A hunch made me ask the
other families if the other victims knew him. It just came right out of the blue, but it proved
to be my only connection. I believe he works at this hospital, as I haven't been able find him
anywhere else, but I've been watching people coming in and out for three days and have had no
sight of someone who fits his description," he said, carefully watching both of the people in
front of him.
Hisoka glanced at Tsuzuki and he nodded. "We work for the police. The two of us have been
studying the cases, along with about half of the office. We made the connection last night, so
we were assigned to check out the lead," Hisoka told him. Although it was rare, they sometimes
needed to include humans into their investigations. The two of them had come up with a story to
tell, to put people at ease, where they were either police officers or private investigators.
That way, they wouldn't be too suspicious about either of them poking about or asking questions.
A surprisingly large amount of people would buy the story with minimal questions, a few without
any questions at all. It was, after all, close enough to the truth that Hisoka could of passed a
polygraph test if he needed to while using that line. Well, if he had a pulse that was.
However, at first it appeared as though Taitsugia was not going to fall for it. Finally, he
nodded and looked over at the hospital. "I don't know why the bastard is killing people. There
is a lot of what he is doing that doesn't make sense. Why now? Why not years ago when he first
suggested the surgery? Which leads to another set of questions. Why those specific people? Why
just the ones who'd had surgery, considering he hadn't even performed the task himself? I want
to find out the answers to all of these questions, and then I want him put in jail for the rest
of his life."
I wasn't about to tell him about the spirit. How could you tell a human that the spirit of a
human had not appeared for Judgment once the person had died? How could you tell him that the
spirit, which had once belonged to a man who had done similar killings, had been detected in
this area and that he and Tsuzuki were here to capture or destroy it? Neither of them really
had an interest in Dr. Kisuma himself, unless he proved to be directly involved with the ghost.
Still, it would be likely that Kisuma had been possessed, or was being used somehow.
Otherwise, Taitsugia was correct, and it really didn't make any sense. Of course, the surgery
part of it was something even they could answer.
"If you can give us any information, it would be appreciated. Having three investigators
would be more productive than one or two," Hisoka offered.
Taitsugia gave him an appraising look, then a slow smile. "I think we can work something
out."
Chapter 3
Tsuzuki clenched his teeth, trying to keep his anger from showing on his face. He'd
finished his rounds very quickly and had returned to the restaurant. Bored, and having that
same worry plaguing him once again, Tsuzuki had gone in search of Hisoka. He'd found
him quickly, having skipped the first few stops since he knew Hisoka would be finished
with them now. Unfortunately, he hadn't gotten there before Taitsugia had appeared.
He did not like the man. Yes, he thought that he was speaking the truth in what he had told
them earlier, but there was something that he was hiding. He was too guarded, his face
was too expressionless, and he seemed to dance around with his words quite a bit.
Worst of all, he was flirting with Hisoka!
It was subtle, though. Tsuzuki doubted that Hisoka had even noticed. The moment that
Tsuzuki had arrived, he'd become a threat and Taitsugia had made sure Tsuzuki knew that
he didn't consider him much competition. Unless it was necessary to speak to him,
Taitsugia had completely ignored Tsuzuki's presence. At the same time, he'd managed to
keep Hisoka's fixed firmly on himself. He spoke softly to Hisoka, his eyes constantly
roaming over Hisoka's face and body. He stood too closely as well, taking Tsuzuki's usual
spot beside the kid as they'd walked back to the restaurant in order to discuss what they
knew.
He was jealous, and he knew it. It wouldn't have been so bad if Taitsugia hadn't been a
gorgeous man, able to ooze sex appeal whenever he wanted it. Which, of course, he'd been
doing as much as possible. Tsuzuki wanted to shove him out of the way and grab onto
Hisoka, hold him close, and make certain that Taitsugia knew exactly who would be the
first one to win the affections of the beautiful youth.
Of course, he couldn't do that. Not only would it completely give away his feelings before,
he knew, Hisoka would be ready for them. It would also create even more friction
between the two of them and, whether he liked it or not, they needed his information.
Hopefully, his information would be useless and he would be out of their lives
permanently afterward.
Once they were seated and had ordered coffee, Tsuzuki turned his attention to the menu.
"Ah, 'Soka-chan, they have chocolate strawberries here," he said, eagerly looking up at his
partner.
He paused when he saw that Hisoka was intently listening to Taitsugia describing his
friend that had been killed. Tsuzuki's words hadn't even been heard. Pouting, Tsuzuki sank
his face behind his menu and stared at the symbols before him, not really seeing them. He
couldn't remember ever being so miserable. He didn't like being ignored, especially by
Hisoka. Usually, he would pester the other until he couldn't ignore him anymore.
Hisoka was annoyed whenever he acted hyper, Tsuzuki reminded himself. He knew this
was a fact, but sometimes it was the only way to get the other to pay attention to him. He
liked it, even if it was negative attention. However, in this situation, it would only make
Hisoka angry and make him look foolish. Besides, it was likely the youth would just turn
his attention back to the other person again and, if he was angry at Tsuzuki, the other's
company would actually be preferred. Firmly reminding himself that he had to keep his
attitude serious for as long as possible, Tsuzuki took a deep breath and lowered his menu.
"It happened in high school. We were in science class, doing experiments with acids. We
were being very careful with all of the different types, of course. However, Masato
slipped on something on the floor and fell while he was holding a beaker with a strong
acid in it. I don't even remember what kind it was, but it quickly began to burn through his
skin. It took a long time for it to heal, and he had a horrid scar afterward. People treated
him differently, a lot of his friends stopped hanging out with him, his girlfriend dumped
him. Masato became very depressed and locked himself in his bedroom, refusing to come
out. His parents took out a loan to pay for it, and he had the plastic surgery that removed
all of the scarring and replaced it with blemishless skin. He was like a completely different
person afterward, outgoing, fun-loving. He told me that it was like he'd had a nightmare.
Now the nightmare was over and he could go back to living the life that he'd dreamt of
during that year and a half he'd had the scar."
Hisoka listened to his words without comment, his sadness showing on his face. It was no
doubt, considering he knew what it was like to be rejected. Tsuzuki longed to reach over
and wrap his arms around Hisoka, to tell him that he would be with him forever, no matter
what.
He was about to say something, as the silence was stretching out, when Taitsugia suddenly
reached forward and touched his hand lightly to Hisoka's shoulder. "I'm sorry to tell you
that. I didn't realize that it would make you so upset," he apologized quietly.
Tsuzuki waited, but the hand was not shrugged off. After a few moments, Hisoka looked
up and shook his head. "I feel bad for him, of course, but I don't mind what you've told
me," he said, equally quiet.
Feeling as though he was going to die on the spot, Tsuzuki could only stare. Hisoka never
allowed him to touch him so easily. And whenever he even said the word 'upset' there was
always a sharp retort to be returned as to how Hisoka was perfectly fine. Who was this
man, and how did he have such power over Hisoka?
Tsuzuki's eyes narrowed as he gazed at Taitsugia. He would get to the bottom of this.
He'd find out exactly who this man was, before the day was through.
Chapter 4
Hisoka threw himself onto his bed, staring up at the ceiling as he slowly sank into the
blankets and pillows. It was quiet, although not a comfortable one when a person was used
to the noise Tsuzuki seemed to make even without trying. The older Shinigami had said
that he'd needed to investigate something, leaving so suddenly that Hisoka was shocked.
Tsuzuki had actually left before finishing the desert he'd ordered!
Rolling onto his side, Hisoka glanced over at the empty bed and frowned. Something
strange was going on with his partner. Although he hadn't paused to
think about it until he'd spotted the unfinished desert, reflecting on it had shown obvious
signs. All afternoon, Tsuzuki had been far more quiet than he
usually was, even during his brooding moments. Hisoka was used to him constantly
making scenes, reacting emotionally to every little thing. Tonight, he'd seemed very
withdrawn.
Well, Tsuzuki would tell him in his own time. It was still early in the evening, and Hisoka
didn't really have the time to lie around and think about what could be bothering his
partner. They had a case to work on, especially now that they'd had quite a few holes
filled in by Taitsugia.
Taitsugia...
Hisoka frowned as the name echoed in his mind. He was a mysterious man, someone that
couldn't be trusted fully. However, the look in his eyes was something Hisoka couldn't
forget. It was something Hisoka saw everyday in his own. A cold wall, begging to be
broken down, yet doubting that it ever would. Eyes of someone who had been wounded
during life. The eyes of someone who had existed through more pain than a person should.
Hisoka felt a connection to the man, something he'd never felt with another person. As
stupid as it was, it made Hisoka feel as though he wasn't alone. Whatever
Taitsugia had endured was different from his own torture, but the result had been the
same. To know that he wasn't the only one who had suffered so
greatly...
Everyday, he walked past person after person. Children playing, couples kissing, adults
conversing, the elderly having a peaceful moment to themselves as the fed the birds in the
park. Even those at Enmacho, going about their business, chatting happily in the break
room, complaining about heavy workloads. Even Tsuzuki, with the pain that he'd gone
through, can be happy and carefree. How could he, how could any of them, understand the
isolation that Hisoka felt? How could anyone understand exactly how secluded and alone
he was?
At times, he could almost pretend that he was part of something. This partnership with
Tsuzuki had confused his mind so that, on occasion, he would
look up at the other and a warm feeling would come and for just a moment he would
think, 'I belong here'. But reality always quickly set in. Truly, there was no room for
someone as shallow and cold as himself in Tsuzuki's happiness. Hisoka could dream all he
wanted, but he knew that, eventually, Tsuzuki would get tired of trying to break down that
impenetrable wall.
Taitsugia knew what it's like, to be trapped like this. In his eyes, Hisoka had seen part of
himself. He'd looked into them and been forced to admit that he
would never be able to force Tsuzuki to put with him forever. That, one day, he would
live to be as old as Taitsugia, and the wall would still be there. And
everyone else would be gone.
Sliding from the bed, Hisoka slowly unbuttoned his shirt as he moved over to the window,
gazing down at the people below. He knew that it was probably because of his train of
thought, but at this moment he'd never felt so apart from the rest of the world.
Hisoka glanced at his hand and frowned. He was such a child, no matter how long his
mind had been alive. He was small and insignificant, and would remain so forever.
Nothing more than one existence in a massive sea of life and death.
"Ah! Are you giving someone a peek?"
Hisoka broke from his thoughts and turned at Tsuzuki's enthusiastic tease. He scowled at
the older man and shook his head, resisting the urge to yank his
shirt back over his shoulders. This was his room too, and he had every right to change if he
wanted to!
Still, it didn't take long for the disturbing discomfort to settle in, as it always did, and
Hisoka gave in, pulling the shirt tightly back over his bared skin. "Don't be an idiot. I was
going to get into a nightshirt," he replied.
"It's only ten," Tsuzuki commented, glancing over at the clock before throwing some more
files onto the table.
Hisoka shrugged. "I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. I was tired," he replied, not wanting
to admit that he just wanted to get more comfortable. It
was something too... intimate to say.
Tsuzuki frowned, coming closer. "You fell asleep at the table last night. You should go to
be early today, so that you don't wear yourself out. There isn't
much to do besides compare the new notes with the old ones anyway."
Shaking his head, Hisoka made his way over to the couch, pulling the table closer so that
he was able to open the file. "I'd rather work than sleep. I'm
not lazy," he replied, with a pointed look at the other. Tsuzuki pouted at him. "Anyway,
what's this new information?"
"Well, since we've established that Kisuma Hiiro is definitely involved, I went to dig up
everything I could about the guy. I read it on the train ride over
here. It's actually quite boring. Raised in an average family. Was quite intelligent in school
and received a scholarship because of it. He went to
medical school with that, and so became a doctor. He had a regular childhood, with a few
close friends and three girlfriends. His family is quite large, with
only three that have passed away. Now, he works at several different clinics in Japan,
moving from one to the other. He's married and has three children,"
Tsuzuki explained.
"If he has a family, we should be able to find him at home," Hisoka pointed out.
Tsuzuki grinned proudly and displayed a piece of paper with the house address on it. "I
told Kanoe that we would head there first thing in the morning!"
"What's the rest of this?" Hisoka questioned, fingering the other folders below the thicker
one.
"Those are more in-depth descriptions of the victims and their lives. Because of the
information we received today, I figured it wouldn't hurt to dig a little
deeper into the other victims lives as well. I haven't read those yet though," Tsuzuki
replied.
Hisoka nodded, selecting one. "Then we'd better get started."
"Ah! But I wanted to go to sleep!" Tsuzuki whined, obviously not remembering that it had
been himself pointing out that it was only ten a moment ago.
Fighting back a small smile at his partner's incorrigible behavior, Hisoka fixed his eyes on
the first lines of text. "Too bad," he replied.
Chapter 5
Hisoka jerked his head back upright, determined not to fall asleep at the table once again.
Although the thought of receiving another massage was tempting; even he couldn't resist
all the pleasures in the world; he had to finish this file. He and Tsuzuki had divided them
up and were sharing the important points within once they'd completed reading. This was
his last file, as Tsuzuki was on his final as well, and he wanted to get it done.
"How far along have you gotten?" he asked, glancing over at his partner.
Tsuzuki's sleeping face greeted him. The older man had fallen back against the couch, the
papers scattered around his lap and feet, and looked dead to the world. Hisoka shook his
head at the other, but had to admit that he couldn't really say anything against the other
when he was having such a hell of a time keeping his own eyes open.
Shutting the file with a decisive thud, Hisoka struggled to his feet. They could finish the
final one in the morning. Truthfully, the in-depth analysis of the victim's lives hadn't really
revealed any new information anyway. There was no sense struggling to stay awake when
it was likely he wouldn't remember anything that he'd read the next morning. It was almost
four in the morning and, although they'd been planning to get an early start, Hisoka made a
mental note to make sure the morning alarms were turned off. Both of them had been
working hard, and even the best Shinigami needed sleep.
Gathering up the papers of Tsuzuki's file, Hisoka set them off to the side before nudging
his partner's shoulder. After a few attempts, Tsuzuki finally opened his eyes and looked up
at him with a fuzzy expression. "I don't want to work anymore," he whined.
Hisoka gave him a small smile. "You don't have to. Time to go to bed," he replied.
Tsuzuki's expression became one of confusion for a short moment, before he shook his
head and sat up. He seemed more awake, although Hisoka could tell he would probably
fall asleep once again any second. "Did you finish your file?" Tsuzuki asked.
Hisoka shook his head. "Neither did you. We can finish in the morning," he replied,
backing up so that the other could stand.
His partner nodded and got to his feet, swaying a little. Hisoka placed his hand on
Tsuzuki's arm in order to help him regain his balance. Violet eyes glanced at his hand
before turning their gaze onto Hisoka's face. The blond paused for a moment, something in
Tsuzuki's eyes seeming to hold him in place. They stood like that for a long moment and
Hisoka felt something inside of his chest warm as a strange shiver went through him.
'I can belong here. With him,' he thought, his eyes sliding closed and his body shifting
forward. He knew what he was doing, yet he couldn't seem to stop himself.
His cheek came up against a warm chest, and he felt arms slide around his body. Safety
and protection, that's what this meant to him. Hands that would never hurt him, a heart that
he knew cared about him even if he didn't understand why or how much. It meant more to
him than he could ever say, and he could only wonder if Tsuzuki had any idea how much
Hisoka cared for him, below the layers of protective walls and ice.
That thought stuck and echoed within Hisoka's mind and he pulled away, feeling his
cheeks heat and his hands tremble. Did Tsuzuki have any idea how much power he held
over Hisoka? Did he know that he could destroy the boy with just a few words? The
thought chilled Hisoka, and he felt the barriers lift once again. He allowed it, welcomed it.
Even for Tsuzuki, he wouldn't take the risk of being wounded. He knew that Tsuzuki
would never do it intentionally, but the fact remained that he could whether he realized or
not. Hisoka couldn't bare it if such a thing happened.
"Goodnight," he said stiffly, turning sharply.
He moved so quickly that he had his night clothing in his hand and had slammed the
bathroom door behind him before Tsuzuki even had a chance to process the abrupt ending
to a strangely wonderful moment.
Chapter 6
Tsuzuki turned onto his back and looking up at the ceiling. He didn't know if Hisoka was
asleep or not, but he didn't dare turn his eyes to look. It was strange, how tired he had been
just an hour ago, yet now he didn't feel tired in the least. The embrace still burned in his
mind, on his skin, as though the feel of Hisoka's body against his own had branded him in
some way. The slight body had fit perfectly against his own, the warmth filling his entire
being as he'd inhaled Hisoka's scent and memorized the feel of the other's contours against
his chest.
It was something that had never happened, and probably never would again. A single
moment where he'd felt true peace and happiness. Would he ever be able to tell Hisoka
exactly what he felt? Did it even really matter? No matter how much he loved Hisoka, he
could never change the fact that Hisoka would pull away every time they became even a
little close, whether it be physically or emotionally. Was there any way that he could
change things between them?
Maybe Taitsugia's presence was some kind of warning. If he didn't act now, he might lose
Hisoka forever. Maybe it was fate giving him a kick in the ass, trying to get him to work
past his own insecurity and take action. Still, what could he do? He'd been trying for so
long to get close to Hisoka, but it seemed as though he'd hit some kind of wall that was
even stronger than all of the ones that came before. It was something he had to move past,
but the task seemed to be impossible.
What could he do? What he was doing now wasn't working anymore. It had gotten him as
far as he could go, and now he had to do something else. In a normal relationship, the
pursuer would simply become more aggressive, more seductive and insistent. To a point
of course, but it didn't matter either way in this situation because all of those would likely
end up hurting Hisoka more than anything. He was such an extremely sensitive youth that
Tsuzuki didn't want to take the chance.
Giving into the temptation, Tsuzuki turned and met green eyes watching him. They both
turned away immediately, but Tsuzuki couldn't help laughing. "If you were awake, why
didn't you say something?" he asked.
"I was wondering how long you were going to sit there and mutter to yourself."
"Ah, you heard me?"
"No, but your mouth was moving and your hands were fidgeting."
More than a little happy to discover Hisoka had be secretly watching (although his sane
mind told him it really had no meaning), Tsuzuki couldn't help but grin as he sat up.
"Strangely, I'm not tired right now."
"Why don't we get something to eat?"
Tsuzuki raised an eyebrow at him. "You want to do something non-work related?"
Hisoka shrugged, getting out of bed. "I'm not tired either, but I think I need a break from
this case for a moment. We haven't done much besides run around the city and read files
for the last couple of days. It's gotten so that it is all I can think of. I need something to
distract me. Maybe I'll be able to sleep."
"And you don't mind me coming with you?" Tsuzuki asked, still a little surprised.
Hisoka gave him a look. "Don't be stupid. We're together more often than not anyway,
why would I mind now?"
There weren't very many places that were open this late. Most of the restaurants, including
the one inside of the hotel, had closed for the night. As Hisoka appeared underage, and
they didn't want to go to a crowded place anyway, they avoided going to a bar or
nightclub. They finally settled on a fast food restaurant that wasn't too far away from the
hotel. Tsuzuki wasn't about to complain, he certainly didn't mind fast food, and it was a
great chance to spend real time with Hisoka. It wasn't often when they could relax around
each other. Usually, they were bogged down with work and it was impossible to find any
private time. Even when they were between missions, there was always something that
needed to be done.
When they sat down, Tsuzuki realized he had no idea what to say. "Um... do you like
American style food?" he finally asked.
Hisoka gave him an odd look. "I don't mind it, except that it's a bit greasy. We've eaten
American food before, Tsuzuki."
"Yeah, I know. Except we're usually talking about work, so it's strange to try and talk
about something else."
Hisoka nodded slowly. "Well, how are you doing with that book you were reading?"
"It's interesting. Turns out that the kid has some kind of power connected to the sun. He
might have the ability to bring it back, but the Purifieds won't even consider the possibility.
Except the one of course, but his dad forced him to remain in his quarters and nobody will
listen to him."
"You're almost finished it?"
"Yes, soon. You can read it when I'm done."
And the conversation suddenly flowed as easily as Tsuzuki could've ever hoped. It wasn't
as though there were any remarkable revelations through the evening. However, as he
went to bed for the second time that night, the worries and frustrations were gone for the
moment. He was simply happy, and glad that he'd had this moment. It turned out that he
didn't know as much about Hisoka as he'd thought. And he knew that he still had chance.
Chapter 7
There was no chance.
Tsuzuki grit his teeth as he watched Taitsugia work whatever
magic he had, his hand placed on Hisoka's shoulder as he
suggested the easiest way to
introduce themselves to whomever answered the door of Kisuma
residence.
"Obviously, saying we're investigating him isn't the best way
to do things. Even if he isn't there, the person we speak to
may become defensive, or refuse to let us speak to him."
His interest in Hisoka was obvious. However, Tsuzuki was
determined to make certain that his little act didn't work. He
wasn't going to hand Hisoka over! He loved the kid, and had
for a long time. No one was going to come between them; he
wasn't letting Hisoka go without a fight.
Spurred by determination, Tsuzuki shifted forward and placed
his hand on Hisoka's other shoulder. Taitsugia's eyes met his
instantly, cool and thoughtful, and there was a sudden
tension. If he'd had any doubt of Taitsugia's intentions, it
was obvious now. He wasn't very happy about Tsuzuki's
challenge.
"Hisoka and I are leading this investigation. As three of us
may arouse suspicion, why don't you wait, and we'll meet up
later?" Tsuzuki suggested, keeping his tone as polite as
possible.
"I might not be working with the police, but you know I'm just
as involved in getting to the bottom of Kisuma's murders as
you are."
"We don't even know if he's killing them for certain."
"Don't let your dislike of me cloud your judgment. You're
being foolish, trying to exclude me from this. I'm good at
getting facts out of people."
"And just what is you're plan of action? Three of us going in
there and interrogating him? Even if we do have a cover story,
it's still suspicious."
"Then maybe you should be the one to wait."
Hisoka watched the exchange between the two men, not really
certain what to think. Some kind of competition had sprouted
between them, and he could feel anger growing in Tsuzuki.
Taitsugia's emotions were carefully blocked, but he seemed to
be on the same page Tsuzuki was. Dueling with polite words,
the two were having two fights at one time.
Even if he didn't understand, he'd had enough. He didn't like
the feelings of anger in his partner. They bothered him
deeply. Besides, they were both starting to squeeze his
shoulder rather painfully.
"Enough," he interrupted, cutting Tsuzuki off before he could
reply to Taitsugia's final barb.
Both men looked at him, and Hisoka scowled at them, shaking
both of their hands off of his shoulders. "Tsuzuki's right.
Too many of us is suspicious. Even more than one could cause
trouble. Tsuzuki's my partner, so I'm going with him, although
I don't know the wisdom in that decision, either. Whatever the
two of you are fighting about, you're acting like children,
and I don't want you behaving so stupidly in front of Kisuma."
There was a long pause before Taitsugia nodded. "If that's
your decision. I'll wait at the coffee shop we met at before,"
he replied. "However, this doesn't mean I'm backing down."
Hisoka didn't miss the pointed look toward Tsuzuki at these
final words. He made a mental note to himself that once this
particular task was completed, he would figure out what was
going on with his partner.
Chapter 8
"Which paper did you say you wrote for?" Kisuma asked, looking over the edge of his
coffee cup at them.
"Ah, Medical View. It's relatively new. It's only been in publication for about a year,"
Hisoka replied, trying to keep the pleasant smile on his face. He was trying as hard as he
could not to fidget with nervousness. He was talking face to face with the suspected killer,
but he had to keep his suspicion from showing. The time to ask the real questions would
come, but until then he had to keep up this friendly facade. Kisuma already suspected
something was up.
"You're working already? You don't look like you should be out of school yet," Kisuma's
wife commented as she came in with some biscuits, placing them on the table that
separated the two detectives from the doctor.
"Well, I'm actually doing an apprenticing-type course. Tsuzuki is the actual reporter; I'm
here to get some experience before I enter the field," Hisoka replied.
She smiled at him. "Well, I'll let you get on with it then," she said before making her way
into another part of the house.
Despite the evidence pointing toward him, Kisuma didn't seem like a murderer. His home
was pleasant and comfortable, obviously a place he'd settled into for life. His wife was
polite and happy, and obviously had no idea what could be going on. Their love for each
other was in plain sight, and she certainly doted on Kisuma.
Kisuma himself, although curious and a little anxious, seemed perfectly normal. He had
greeted them in the door and invited them in with a smile. He was nervous, but there
wasn't anything underlying that. Hisoka couldn't feel any honestly negative vibes from
him. It was like he was talking to a regular person, not a killer.
Realizing he'd been quiet a little too long, Hisoka continued with the interview. They
already had all of this information in their file, but since they were doing a 'Doctors of
Notice' interview, he couldn't act as though he already had all of the information. He ran
through basic questions, then turned to some more in-depth ones. Tsuzuki asked some as
well, taking down the notes in his interesting scrawl as Kisuma spoke. Hisoka also
happened to notice there were also many doodles all over the pages where they knew the
answers to the questions.
When the time to move on came, Hisoka leaned forward slightly, his eyes studying
Kisuma's face intently. "How do you feel about the killings of your patients?" he
questioned.
Kisuma started, his eyes widening. "I'm not sure what you mean," he replied.
Hisoka raised his eyebrow. "It's obvious that you do," he said.
There was a moment of silence in which he and Tsuzuki exchanged glances. Probably,
Kisuma would throw them out now. But they had to try, at least. The easiest way to get to
the bottom of things was to ask those directly involved. And since the others were dead,
Kisuma was their best bet.
"You can't put this into the papers. I don't know what happened, but I don't want to draw
attention or worry any of my other patients," Kisuma said quietly.
Hisoka was startled. He hadn't expected Kisuma to talk. "What happened?" he asked.
Quietly, the two of them listened to Kisuma's story.
"Do you believe him?" Hisoka questioned, looking up at his partner. They had completed
their investigation and were on their way to meet Taitsugia.
Tsuzuki's expression was thoughtful, and he was nibbling on his bottom lip. "He looked
honestly troubled. Reading about their deaths in the paper, knowing that he'd worked on
all five of the victims but having no idea what was going on... His worry seemed real."
Hisoka nodded, sighing and looking up at the sky. "His emotions were an open book, I
could feel them without even trying. As far as I can tell, he wasn't hiding anything. He's
genuinely frightened that his patients are being targeted. Although that explains why we
weren't able to find out who his other patients were."
"And this puts us back at square one," Tsuzuki whined, his shoulders slumping.
"Maybe not," Hisoka replied, casting him a sideways look.
Tsuzuki met his eyes quickly. "Oh?" he asked, sounding hopeful.
"We've dealt with demonic possession in objects before, haven't we? The only thing the
victims have in common is the surgery. If the doctor isn't responsible, then perhaps it's the
tools he's using."
"Demon skin grafts?"
"I'm being serious!"
Tsuzuki gave him a wide grin. "I know. It sounds a little farfetched, but we'll go to his
office tomorrow and take a look around."
"What will we tell him? Reporters don't usually inspect the instruments."
"How about we tell him the truth? Tell him we're actually investigating him. We don't
believe he's responsible anymore, but we have to check out his things anyway."
"What do we say if he gets angry? Plus, what if we do find something?"
Tsuzuki grinned again and shrugged. "We'll worry about it when we come to that."
Hisoka rolled his eyes. "I'm not going in there without a plan. There are too many risks in
this case, and I don't want one of us to screw up."
Tsuzuki threw an arm around his shoulders. "We're way too good to mess up. If you want,
we can work out the details when we get back to the hotel. For now, we have to tell your
friend that the investigation into Kisuma is finished, and we no longer need his help."
Hisoka heard the satisfactory tone in his voice and he recalled the earlier event. "What are
the two of you are fighting about anyway? And don't tell me it's some kind of alpha-male
complex, because I know it's more than that. You were ready to kill each other. I could
feel the aggression between you."
He could also feel Tsuzuki tense at his question, and the arm slipped away from his
shoulders. "I just don't like the guy," his partner replied evasively.
Hisoka stopped, putting his hands on his hips and glaring at Tsuzuki. "Why not? I admit I
don't like having to bring humans into this, but he's done nothing but help us. You're
usually eager to make friends."
"Do you like him?" Tsuzuki asked, not turning around.
A little caught off guard, Hisoka could only blink at his partner's back for a moment.
"Well, he was a helpful ally," he replied.
Tsuzuki turned and came over to him, and Hisoka's eyes shot open wide when Tsuzuki
grabbed onto him and held him tightly. "What are you doing?" he asked, feeling his cheeks
turn red. This was the second time in two days that they had hugged, and Hisoka felt his
mind spin as it had the first time. Tsuzuki's scent enveloped him, and the warmth of the
other's body was so comforting that he just wanted to melt against him and stay there
forever. Something was changing in both of them, something that made this okay when it
hadn't been before. As wonderful as it was, it still confused and frightened him intensely.
He didn't like being uncertain, and hated feeling like he was spinning around in circles.
"Would you rather have him as your partner? You get along with him better than you get
along with me," Tsuzuki said quietly into his hair.
Hisoka digested the words for a moment. Was that what this was really about? He hadn't
thought Tsuzuki would be insecure. Pulling away, he flicked Tsuzuki's forehead. "You're
being stupid again," he stated.
Tsuzuki blinked at him, but Hisoka continued before he could say anything. "For one, he's
not a Shinigami, so it's impossible for me to have him as a partner. Two, you and I get
along just fine, and you shouldn't think such things just because I meet someone else I get
along with. Three, life would be much more boring if I wasn't your partner, and as
annoying as you are, I don't mind being partnered with you."
"So you think I'm interesting?" Tsuzuki asked, his expression cheerful once again.
Hisoka rolled his eyes. "Insane is more like it."
"I'm glad you don't mind being partnered with me," Tsuzuki said quietly.
Hisoka paused for a moment. He couldn't deny something he'd already said. Besides,
perhaps it was time to open up a little. That 'something' required it of him, and as much as
it scared him, he wanted to know what it was more than anything. Perhaps it wouldn't be
as terrible as his nerves made it seem.
Giving his partner a small smile, Hisoka began walking once again. "Although, how I
manage to put up with you is beyond me," he commented airily. Once Tsuzuki couldn't
see his face, he let his grin show. He couldn't deny one thing; teasing his partner was fun.
Chapter 9
"Hisoka, can I speak with you for a moment, privately?"
Tsuzuki tensed, his teeth clenching at Taitsugia's question. He'd known
something was going on in the man's head when he'd asked to accompany them to
their hotel. They had determined Kisuma was not knowingly involved, Hisoka and
Tsuzuki adding a few white lies into their report in order to keep any demonic
involvement a secret. They had managed to convince the man that the answers to
his questions didn't lie with Kisuma. Taitsugia had promised to back away from
the investigation, unless it came back to Kisuma once again.
But with their business finished, there was no reason for Taitsugia to walk them
home, nor to speak to Hisoka any further.
"I suppose. Tsuzuki, I'll meet you up in the room," Hisoka said.
Doing his best to keep his jealousy from showing, Tsuzuki forced a smile. "All
right," he replied, quickly turning before he did something he might regret.
'How dare that jerk? Hisoka might not have known what was going on, but he still
chose me over him! How dare he keep pressuring, trying to take him away from me?
I love Hisoka more than anything, and I'm the one who's always been there for
him. He comes and expects Hisoka to love him after three days? Even if it was
possible, he has no right!'
Tsuzuki entered their room and slammed the door behind him, his mind whirling.
'What if Hisoka does return his feelings? He might've said all those things
earlier, but that doesn't mean he loves me. I was so happy to hear the words,
but I have to face the fact that Hisoka may not love me in such a way. What if
he really does care for Taitsugia like that? What if he just didn't have the
heart to tell me?'
Unable to stand it any longer, Tsuzuki swung on his heel and dashed over to the
window. The view showed him the street in front of the hotel. He could see them
speaking to one another, Taitsugia slowly moving closer to Hisoka like a bird
circling its prey.
'You hate it.'
'You can't stand it.'
His eyes traced the familiar figure below, taking in the features of the person
who had come to mean more to him than he could ever describe. Hisoka, with his
cold and sexy eyes, his slender but elegant frame, his sharp wit and untouchable
heart. A heart that Tsuzuki had always longed to reach and warm and make his
own.
'You hate him.'
Standing next to his precious one was another man, a man that had made his
attraction obvious from the moment he'd met the boy. Who had just reached out
and brushed his fingers down Hisoka's cheek, shifting his body even closer than
it already was.
Tsuzuki inhaled a sharp breath, pain coursing through him.
As Hisoka smiled.
And accepted the caress.
Jerking away from the window, Tsuzuki turned and shut his eyes tightly. He
couldn't stand to watch any more, to see Hisoka be won over by another man.
After all this time, after all that he had done, could he lose Hisoka just like
that? How could this stranger have reached the inner part of Hisoka, which
Tsuzuki had been struggling and failing to find for the past year?
Sullen and defeated, Tsuzuki made his way toward the table that contained their
files. He couldn't look again, couldn't watch even a second more. Knowing that
he'd lost Hisoka was the worst pain he'd ever felt.
"I never thought I would find someone like you. You and I, we are the same. You
can't deny what I see in your eyes. We were meant to meet each other," Taitsugia
said, reaching forward and placing his hand on Hisoka's cheek.
Hisoka closed his eyes and bowed his head a little, then took a step backward.
Taitsugia's hand fell away from his face. It had been cold, not at all like
Tsuzuki's warm grasp. He knew what the two had been fighting about, now.
Taitsugia may have been like him, but the man had no trouble stating his
attraction. Telling him that they were meant to be, as though they were kindred
spirits of some kind.
"I never thought there was someone like myself either. But we're not meant to
be. I don't know where you got the idea that you know me, just because we have
something in common. I have Tsuzuki in my life, and that's good enough for me,"
Hisoka replied.
"So, you love him? That's why no one else has a chance with you?" Taitsugia
asked, his tone speculative.
Hisoka felt his cheeks go red and he glared at the hotel doorway. "My feelings
don't come into it," he denied. "I have a commitment to Tsuzuki, an obligation
that began the day we became partners. I can't turn my back on that for any
reason."
Taitsugia crossed his arms. "It was easy to read him, to see his affections for
you. You, on the other hand, you were a mystery. But your feelings are obvious
now that you're speaking of him, whether you want to admit it or not. I guess I
had no chance from the beginning."
Sputtering, Hisoka glowered at him. He didn't know what to say. He knew that he
couldn't deny what Taitsugia was telling him. The words were too close to what
he really was feeling, even if he didn't want to put a name to it. And besides
that... How could Taitsugia see such feelings in Tsuzuki so easily? Hisoka had
worked next to him almost every day, and hadn't noticed.
Hisoka paused, realizing he had to face the truth within himself. He had
noticed. The looks and words and touches that Tsuzuki placed upon him. The
occasional flirting and teasing, the desire to be with him and please him.
Tsuzuki didn't really hide it all that well; Hisoka had just forced himself to
dismiss all of it. He hadn't wanted to believe such things were possible, even
with the evidence directly in front of him. What if he said something, and
Tsuzuki admitted to having feelings back, and wanted to have a relationship with
him? It would mean Hisoka would have to respond in some way, and despite the
fear and nervousness, he knew the answer wouldn't be 'no'. But he'd never felt
strong enough to face his own emotions.
"You have no chance," Taitsugia commented.
Hisoka jerked out of his thoughts and his eyes opened wide as he looked at the
other. "What?" he stammered.
Taitsugia snickered and narrowed his eyes at Hisoka. "You're too different. He
would never understand the pain you feel. He drags you about here and there,
making a ruckus wherever he goes. He doesn't understand the desire for solitude,
the feeling of hating everyone and everything around you. How long do you think
your relationship would actually last, when he remains so oblivious to your
desires? You may love him, but how could your relationship work with someone
like that? I, on the other hand, know exactly how you're feeling and thinking. I
would understand you."
The words angered him more than he could've expected, and Hisoka started
shaking. "It doesn't matter if he understands all of that! Tsuzuki has enough
pain in his own life, he doesn't need to be burdened with mine as well. All he
needs to do is care for me!"
"Then why aren't you together already?" Taitsugia questioned.
"I've had enough of this," Hisoka exclaimed, turning to head into the hotel.
"You can't blame me for trying, Hisoka. Anyone stupid enough not to catch you
the moment they meet you doesn't deserve someone like you. I had to make an
attempt."
Hisoka let the door slam behind him and made his way up the stairs with
determined footsteps. Tsuzuki hadn't needed to catch him. He'd been caught the
moment he'd looked into those deep amethyst eyes. How could anyone think their
relationship wouldn't last? They'd been together for over a year, and everything
had worked out just fine! Hisoka had loved him for so long, things had to work
between them!
Pausing on the last step before the landing, Hisoka stared at the door just down
the hall that held Tsuzuki behind it. He'd almost told him once before. The last
time they had seen Muraki... he'd nearly told Tsuzuki exactly what he meant to
him. However, as always, his fears had gotten the better of him. He'd suppressed
it the best that he could, pushing the feelings as far down as possible.
But he could only deny things for so long. He had to face facts.
Taking a deep breath, Hisoka closed his eyes. "I love him," he whispered to
himself, his voice barely audible even to his own ears.
With a second breath, Hisoka made his way toward the door. Tsuzuki was waiting
for him.
Chapter 10
Tsuzuki heard the door open, but didn't look up. He was afraid to turn around, afraid of
what he might see on Hisoka's face. What if the other told him it was over? That whatever
this was between them wasn't enough, that he'd found someone he could be happy with?
Even after the confessions a few days ago, Tsuzuki was trapped by his own uncertainty. It
was so hard to figure out what Hisoka was really thinking, he had no real idea as to what
was going on in his partner's head.
Silence reigned for a long moment before Tsuzuki finally forced himself to look up.
Hisoka was leaning against the closed door, worrying his lip between his teeth. The youth
was nervous, perhaps even afraid of something. Tsuzuki got to his feet and walked over to
him slowly, unsure of what he would do or say.
"Are you okay?" he finally asked.
Hisoka looked up at him like hadn't expected Tsuzuki to be there. "Yes, I'm okay."
"Mind if I ask what Taitsugia wanted?"
Hisoka looked away, his eyes narrowing a little. "I don't really want to talk about that. Just
be certain that we won't be seeing him again," he stated.
Tsuzuki's eyes narrowed as well. He hadn't watched the entire exchange. "Did he say or
do something inappropriate?" he questioned, ready to search out the guy and give him a
good punch to the face if anything had happened.
"No, it's not like that. I just... he made me think about something I wasn't really ready to,"
Hisoka replied.
Confused, Tsuzuki let his anger vanish and he put his hands on Hisoka's shoulders. "Do
you want to talk to me about it?" he asked softly.
Scared green eyes met his own and Hisoka stared at him for a long moment. "I don't know
if I can, Tsuzuki. I made the decision while I walked up here, but I don't know if I can
follow through. I'm so afraid of what might happen. What if things go wrong? What if it
all falls through and I can't do anything to fix it afterward?"
Tsuzuki shook his head. "We can work out any problems," he promised.
Hisoka slapped his hands away. "How can you say that with such certainty?" he
demanded, stepping past Tsuzuki and walking several paces away. "How do you know
things will work out? You don't even know what I'm talking about!"
"True, but I trust our friendship and our ability to work past complications. Whatever it is
can be figured out," Tsuzuki replied.
He was shocked when Hisoka suddenly burst into tears and fell to the floor. "Things aren't
that easy, Tsuzuki! As much as my heart wants it, my brain won't stop with its
insecurities! The words that I want to say get caught in my throat every time I say it, and I
can't stop thinking that what I'm doing might be wrong. What if I say them? What if you
say them back, but we can't make things work! What if we lose everything, our
partnership, our friendship, because of it? I couldn't live without having you near me."
Tsuzuki had already been on his way to comfort the other. When he would have hesitated
before, he didn't now as he pulled the shaking youth into his arm and held him tightly. His
mind was spinning from Hisoka's words, half disbelieving what he was hearing, even as
Hisoka said it. It was the closest thing to an admission of love that he'd ever heard, and
even while part of him was rejoicing, he still felt worried that he wasn't correct in his
assumption.
"I love you, Hisoka. Nothing will ever stop that," he said softly.
He felt Hisoka's sobs slowly subside and the youth finally looked up at him, his breathing
coming in shallow gasps. "You mean it?" he asked.
"Of course I do," Tsuzuki replied. "I'm not saying we won't have troubles, but I know that
we'll be able to work past them. If... you feel the same."
Hisoka looked down, then let his head rest on Tsuzuki's shoulder. "I just said as much,
didn't I?" he said with a sigh. "All of these problems I've been having, and I pretty much
blurted it all out anyway. I've denied it so long to myself, but I really can't anymore."
Tsuzuki held his breath, waiting. Finally, it came.
"I love you," Hisoka said softly.
The elation he felt couldn't be described. It had finally happened, the moment he'd been
waiting for so long. Tsuzuki was almost beside himself, his brain racing about a mile a
minute. He had to force himself to calm down, to take a deep breath and keep himself
from pouncing on the youth and smothering him with kisses.
"You don't know how long I've been waiting to hear those words," Tsuzuki said, putting
his hand under Hisoka's face and bringing it up so he could look into the other's eyes.
What he saw there took his breath away yet again. For the first time, the walls were gone.
The ice had melted, and he could see so much raw emotion there that it rocked him
slightly.
"He said we wouldn't make it. We were too different, that even if we both cared about
each other, it wouldn't work out," Hisoka confessed.
Tsuzuki shook his head. "He was being spiteful. We've gotten along relatively well for
over a year. Now, we can be true to each other, can be real. I want to show you that you
can trust me. I want to show you how much I love you, and I'll never allow you to regret
your feelings."
"I've never been in this situation before," Hisoka said softly. "I do trust you. But I don't
know if I can trust myself."
"There's only one way to find out, isn't there?"
Hisoka smiled softly and nodded.
Unable to help himself any longer, Tsuzuki leaned forward and let his lips press against
the other's for the first time. They were just as he'd imagined, soft and warm. Hisoka's
scent filled his nostrils and he inhaled deeply. It was only a moment before he felt the
other respond tentatively, and the kiss deepened slightly. Tsuzuki made sure it stayed
innocent, not wanting to scare him with too much intensity, but found that his head was
spinning and his body was heating anyway.
After a long moment, he pulled away, his breath coming in heavy gasps. "I think we'll be
just fine," he commented, then bent to kiss the youth again.