Breakable
I was sick in the head. I knew it had to be that. Why else would I be standing here with my hands shoved so far into my pockets that half of my forearms were missing? My feet were twitchy, and if it could have, my heart would have been racing a hundred miles an hour.
I was itchy all over. Restless.
I didn't know if the words would come out of my mouth, but I hoped like hell they would. I'd been practicing them all day, feeling out the way I reacted to my own ears hearing them.
Swallowing hard, I brushed back my rain-dampened hair and knocked roughly on the door. The sound echoed behind the heavy oak door. I waited for the telltale sound of feet in the hallway. It took what seemed like hours, but soon there they were, heading towards the door.
"Sorry," she started, opening the door. "I was, uh-" She stopped dead, obviously surprised by my presence. "Oh, hey, Jasper. Come in." She glanced around his shoulder, checking for anyone else. "Just you?"
I nodded and followed her inside. "Yeah, Edward was washing the cars and running a few errands today."
"Oh. Okay." She led him into the kitchen and opened the fridge. She was nervous. "You want anything?" She caught herself. "Sorry."
I chuckled. "It's alright. I'll take a glass of water, how about that?" I wanted to calm her nerves without forcing them into submission.
She nodded meekly and pulled a glass down from the cabinet. She filled it with ice from the freezer and topped it off with water from the tap. "Here you go." She set it on the table, obviously afraid of touching me. I took a sip and looked at her from the corner of my eye. "So, ah, what can I do for you?"
I set the glass down and turned to her. "Do you mind if we take a seat in the living room?"
She scrunched up her eyebrows, trying to read my face. I guarded my thoughts well and shut my eyes in one long blink. "I guess." She started towards the living room but pause. "Is everything alright?"
I nodded. "Everything is fine."
She returned the nod.
The living room was homey, just like he had imagined it to be. Bella took a seat in an old La-Z-Boy, and I took the couch for myself. I took a quick moment to look her over. She was on the edge of her seat, afraid of what I was going to say.
Her petite frame was engulfed by the chair. She looked so fragile, so... breakable. She was soft, warm, but very, very breakable. It was obvious that today was a "lounging" day. Her navy blue sweatpants were faded from multiple washings. She had a white v-neck t-shirt on over a lightly colored bra. Oh, god. My mind was going to a place I didn't want it to.
Or maybe I did. I shook it off. Not right now.
There were so many emotions that I wished I could have coursing through my veins right now. Anything to make me feel alive.
The only thing I felt was the tug of her scent at my nostrils. I had been holding my breath for the last five minutes, and I took quick sniff. It stirred within me in a strong maelstrom of bloodlust.
I cleared my throat afraid to start, but I did anyways. "Bella." Her eyes jerked to mine in a bewildered gaze. "I'm afraid I haven't always been completely honest with you."
Her face lost color, turning paler than it already was. "About what?"
"My feelings for you." I hesitated, waiting for her reaction. Her mouth opened slightly, but her face remained blank. I continued, "It's not just my bloodlust that calls me to you."
Her eyes flickered from dark to light. "What?"
My mind stuttered and I lost my composure. "I, ah…" I couldn't the words out. They were stuck in my throat, choking me. "Um, I… have deep… feelings for you." They spilt out recklessly. Way to go.
I saw her swallow hard, the lump in her throat was blinding.
"I should, uh, go." I started to get up, but a small hand stopped me.
She pressed it into my chest. The temperature was something I wasn't ready for. I didn't expect her to touch me or get even close to me. I just wanted to get it out, the feelings that were eating at me like a parasite. "I don't…" she whispered; her voice was gritty and unsure. I was afraid of what she would say next. Time seemed to be spaced irregularly, lengthened with anticipation. Would she turn me down flat? Leave me with a cold chill in my body for rest of my existence. Her eyes were directed at my chest, afraid again. Nervous… and I could have sworn I felt something else. "Know what to say."
Lust.
My voice was caught in my head as I recognized the emotion. I shut my eyes and let her gentle touch expand through my body with a living warmth.
"I thought you hated me," she whispered. "I would… never have thought that it was something…"
I shook my head. "I hated what you did you to me when you were around. How riled up you made me feel. Almost alive again." It was all magnified here. But there was one problem.
"Edward." She let the name slide from her lips as if it was poison.
I drew in a long breath, capturing her scent again. Lovely… and such a disaster.
"We're getting married." I felt the heat rise in her, anger. She shoved back against me, only causing her to stumble backwards. I caught her biceps and pulled her to her feet. "Why did you wait so long?!" Her tone was emasculating, embarrassing.
"I couldn't face my own fears about loving you. I blamed everything on my weakness for human blood and inexperience."
She broke down so suddenly. I didn't have the chance to catch the rusty scent of sadness she emitted. The tears spilled down her cheeks in a saline waterfall. Her sobs were so loud, I worried the neighbors would call the police… and worst yet, Charlie.
I pulled her into my hard chest, smothering her mews. "Oh god, Bella." I brushed her hair with my nose, taking it all in. "I'm so sorry."
The scent had me off balance as she rushed upward into my lips. They crashed into one another. Her arms wrapped around my neck, and she pulled me down into her. We fell back into the couch, her small body hanging over mine. Her legs fell to either side of my hips, as she straddled me greedily.
I groaned loudly as she pressed against my growing erection. "Shit." I wanted to sink my teeth into her, drain her of what made her so fragile. Selfish. It was selfish of me to take what I wanted from her and leave her… undead, just so I could have my way with her.
Roughly, she shoved me back into the sofa. I allowed myself to be overtaken by her weak force. From the first time I glanced into her eyes across the cafeteria, I knew she was the one… even though her eyes didn't return my gaze. She was already enamored with Edward. Luckily, Edward didn't catch a whiff of my thoughts. He was too caught up in the curiosity that was before him.
She tackled me with more kisses, her fingers stringing through my hair and taking hold.
"Oh, god, Bella."
She moaned as I bucked my hips up under her, pressing my hard length into her side. She gasped. "I don't know what I'm doing. I didn't think…"
"What? You didn't think what?"
She stopped writhing against me and looked me directly in the eyes. "I was this attracted to you."
"It doesn't matter now." I lifted my head and caught her lips in the first try. My hands found the edge of her shirt. We had to disconnect for a second to lift it over her head. I took the break to remove my white sweater and toss it aside.
She was so humanly imperfect that she was perfect to me. Her light pink bra held back some modesty that was soon forgotten as I bit through the lacy front connecting the two cups. It fell open, and her sweet pink nipples were revealed to me.
"You're so… perfect." I brushed my lips across her chin and down the front of her neck. I placed a long kiss on her sternum as she rub hard against my hips. My lips slurred across her skin with the movement, leaving traces of a glistening mixture of saliva and venom. I moved across the soft skin of her breast to the hardening nipple. I was afraid to take it into my mouth, afraid that the flesh inside my mouth would be too much of a temptation. Instead I kissed it lightly and returned to her lips.
"I think…" Her breath was ragged and her voice was hushed, "We should… move…"
I nodded and scooped her up in my arms.
So fragile. Soft and sweet. I could eat her up. Nibble at every inch of her flesh.
Her bed was smaller than the one I was use to with… Alice. I shook at her name. She invaded my thoughts unexpectedly. I hoped she hadn't seen a vision of this. The love we had wasn't what I felt now. It was a marriage of convenience and nothing else. We had both known for sometime, but it still killed us to realize it.
It took some time to push her away from my thoughts, but Bella's kisses and searching hands brought me down quickly. I lifted off the bed and rested on an elbow. I towered over her, kissing her. I rubbed my hand over her bare breast and down her side to her hip. She slithered under the direct contact of my cold hand. But she loved it.
Her hand moved abruptly to my crotch. I hissed as she grabbed hold of it. Without hesitation, she unzipped and jerked my pants off over my hips.
"Shit, Bella." I could sense her hunger. And I wasn't a gentleman like Edward; I'd give her what she wanted.
I kissed her hard, my lips hitting her like a stone wall. She didn't cry out in pain. Instead her body arched against mine. I could barely control myself. I wanted to slam into her, hard and fast. But she was only human. So vulnerable… breakable.
I slid her pants off and revealed a pair of cotton panties. Simple and white. I purred at the sight of them. Leather and lace had never been my thing.
She tugged at them and slid them off over her small feet.
I groaned. "So soon? I really liked those."
She smiled. "Sorry."
I brought my face down to hers and whispered, "I want to be inside of you."
She didn't say anything. Her eyes just shined back up at me, eager for what I could give her.
Our hidden lust was electrifying as I slid over her body and placed my hips between her thighs. I didn't want to hurt her. I wanted her completely relaxed and at ease. "Don't be mad at me for this."
Her face was clouded, but soon understood as a calm fell over her. A calm she would be grateful for in just a moment. I kissed her gently under her chin and rubbed a hand over her belly. She arched up at me with the sexual intensity of a tropical storm. The heat reached up over me, covering me in her lust.
I slid my hand over her lower abdominal and into the heat between her legs. She moaned loudly as her hands grappled at the sheets.
Her wetness was beautiful, a sweet delectable scent that had my nostrils buzzing. I primed myself with a bit of her softness and slid the tip of my length towards her.
She was so warm. An illusive feeling I hadn't felt in years.
Slowly, I slid into her. Her tightness was enough to make my body shudder in violent tremors. All the self control I had was fleeting. I felt an urge to thrust forward, completely engulfing myself in her.
I had to turn my face from her beautiful nudity and give myself a good reality check with a solid fist.
"Jasper," she gasped, watching the fight.
"It's alright." I found the solidity in the punch to work to my benefit. I closed up the animal inside, locking it into my mind's cage. "I'm alright." I pressed down into her slowly, avoiding any other urges.
She muttered, slightly pained. I strained to keep the room calm, to keep the veil over her. She smiled and pressed her fingertips into hips. She nodded.
I leaned over her and pressed another kiss into her rosy lips. Sweet like sugar, soft like rose petals.
Love was a strange concept for me. None of it made sense, there was no destiny involved. It was about having the gall to tell the truth and listen to what your heart tells you.
For her, it was like meeting your knight in shining armor, not meeting his lame sidekick in chainmail. There was nothing in the fairy tales about what had just happened between us. No morale to the story. Really, it wasn't much of story, just a happy accident.