Hey y'all! It's me and I'm here with a new story! This will be my first ever song-fic, and for this special occasion, I have chosen "Stand" by Rascal Flatts. I really love this song, it's so emotional and real and it's just a great song. It has such a great message, for everyone. It really means something to me as it does to many people, and I hope by the end of this, it means something to you all too.
Oh, and I was going to put the lyrics in the story, but I couldn't figure that out so it worked, so I'm just going to put them at the end.
Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush, "Stand", or anything else you may recognize.
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but getting up every time we do." –Confucious
Logan Mitchell was done. Done with the pressures, the criticism, the requirements. He was done with always being second best, done with being a nobody.
His friends didn't need him to be successful. In fact, Logan was sure that his being there was just bringing the band down, he was single-handily destroying Big Time Rush. What kind of friend was that? He couldn't do this to his friends, he couldn't do this to himself.
He could just leave in the middle of the night, and no one would notice he was gone for days. Even if they did, it wouldn't make a difference. He couldn't do this anymore, he simply wasn't strong enough. He has never been strong enough. Logan was afraid if he was knocked down just one more time, he wouldn't be able to get up.
A lot of people might think just one big traumatic event led to this. Those people would be wrong. That day hadn't been different from any other day. The guys went to the studio, after a couple of hours there would go to school, and they went back to the apartment. No, it wasn't one huge thing that caused this, it had been all the little things that built up into something huge. Everyone thinking he would be kicked off Big Time Rush and Wayne-Wayne would take his place. All the little comments directed at him, meant to be jokes, but Logan took them much more seriously than anyone thought. Camille falling for Steve and forgetting all about him. Kendall being somebody. James being somebody. Carlos being somebody.
But Logan was a nobody.
He had nothing going for him. Sure he was maybe a little good looking, but he was no James. Sure he could get his friends out of a tight spot, but he was no Kendall. Sure he might be able to crack a joke or two, but he was no Carlos. Really, the only thing Logan had that was really his was his brain, and even that wasn't much. He cracked under pressure every time, and just ended up ruining everybody. He wasn't worth it. He had never been worth it.
It was time. Time to get out, time to finally do something to help his friends. Logan was at his breaking point, he knew that. As he grabbed a bag from the closet and started stuffing clothes in it, he let the tears out. He cried because he was mad, and he cried because he was being selfish. He cried because he always felt alone, and he cried for himself because if he didn't, no one else would.
It took Logan about half an hour to pack everything he needed. He wasn't proud of what he was about to do. He couldn't imagine what this would do to his friends, but he just kept reminding himself how better off they'll be in the long run. As Logan grabbed his bag, he took one look around his and Carlos' room, sighed deeply, and turned the knob on the door.
No one was home, Logan knew that. Mrs. Knight and Katie were in San Diego for the day, James and Carlos were at the pool, and Kendall was hanging out in the park with Jo. If he left now, no one would even see. Logan grabbed his wallet from the kitchen counter and walked over to the front door.
He was doing it. Logan was really leaving. But did he really want to? Could he really leave his best friends, his brothers, behind? Logan didn't think he would be able to live without them, but he couldn't think about himself now. He had to think about them. This was better for them. This was better for them. This was better for them.
Logan opened the door and stepped out. He took one step forward, then another, and another. When he was about halfway down the hall, he remembered something. How would his friends know what happened? Logan couldn't just leave without even telling them what was going on, they would probably think something was seriously wrong, like he got kidnapped or murdered. But Logan couldn't tell them straight to their faces he was leaving. He was too much of a coward to do that.
With a heavy sigh, Logan turned around and walked back to apartment 2J. Mumbling to himself, Logan unlocked the door and walked back inside. Logan grabbed the nearest piece of paper and pen he could find and quickly began to scribble down a message to his best friends. When he was finished, Logan looked over it before he put it down, just to make sure he didn't miss anything important.
Dear Kendall, James, and Carlos,
I'm so sorry I'm doing this, but I feel like I don't have any other choices. I can't deal with this anymore, I can't take all of this. I'm leaving. I know you probably all think I'm just being stupid, and I wouldn't be surprised because that's how I act all the time. Stupid. I'm bringing you all down, and I can't live knowing I was the reason why. Don't think it's your fault, it's mine. I'm not strong enough, and I'm sorry I can't even say goodbye in person. I'm too much of a coward.
I'll miss you,
Logan
Satisfied, Logan put the note on the kitchen counter where the guys would see it when they got back, and grabbed his bag again. He walked over to the front door a second time, and opened it. He was looking at ground as he took the first step, and was surprised to run into something. Looking up, Logan saw the three very confused faces of his best friends.
"What… what are you doing, Logan?" Kendall asked, unsure.
"I… I, uh, I," Logan stammered.
"What's with the bag?" James asked.
Logan just looked at them.
Kendall looked at Logan with his green eyes, his stare never faltering. Logan could feel his face heat up as James pushed passed him and grabbed the note on the counter. After scanning over it, they boy paled, put his head in one hand, and used the other to pass the note to Carlos. Carlos read through it, but not believing it, he read it again and again and again. Shaking his head, the boy handed it to Kendall. Kendall read it, but he remained expressionless. He looked up from the note to Logan.
"What is this about?" Kendall asked quietly.
"I'm sorry," Logan breathed out.
"Why?" James asked. "What did we do?"
"No! It wasn't you! It wasn't any of you!" Logan yelled. "It's me. I can't do this."
"Why not?" Carlos asked, clearly confused. "Why are you leaving us?"
"I'm just hurting you! I can't do that to you! I just have to get out," Logan said, looking to the ground again.
"So when things get rough, you're taking the easy way out?" Kendall asked. "Is that what we're worth to you?"
"Kendall," James said in a warning tone. Kendall getting mad was not going to solve anything.
Kendall looked at James then back to Logan. In a softer tone he asked, "Why are you doing this?"
"I told you. I can't let you guys down. I feel worthless, like I'm nobody. The pressure is just so much… I'm all alone. I'm nobody," Logan said.
"No you aren't!" Carlos yelled. "You are Logan Mitchell, and you're our very best friend in the whole world! You can't leave! We can't do this without you!"
"Carlos," Logan said, "you don't need me. I'm just ruining all of you. I can't do that to you guys. I'm sorry, but you'll be alright. You'll get over it."
"We will never get over it," James said firmly. "I will never get over it."
Shaking his head, Logan grabbed his bag from the ground and headed to the front door, but was stopped by Kendall.
"If you walk out that door, I will never forgive you," Kendall said.
"Kendall, I will never forgive myself if I don't," Logan said. "I can't do this to you. I can't do it to me."
"What exactly do you think you're doing?" asked James.
"I'm ruining you. I'm ruining Big Time Rush. James, if I stay, you might never get to live your dream!" Logan said, tears welling up in his eyes.
"If you leave, I will never live my dream! My dream is with you! My dream is with all of you!" James said. "If you leave, I'll have to go to. I'm not leaving you alone."
That's what caused Logan to lose it. He cried and cried, falling to his knees and put his head in his hands. James went to the ground too, holding Logan as he cried and trying to keep his own sobs inside. Carlos dropped to the ground too and held Logan with James. Kendall stared at the three on the ground, and he sighed. He too went to the ground, and he held Logan as he cried.
"Logan," Kendall said, his voice breaking at the simple word. "You mean the world to us. We wouldn't be able to handle it if you left. I wouldn't. I couldn't take it."
Logan looked up at Kendall. "But you're Kendall. You can handle anything."
Kendall shook his head. "I wouldn't be able to handle that."
James wiped the tears from his eyes. "Logan, I don't want this without you. I can't do this without you."
Carlos let out a sob. Tears were freely falling down his face. "Logan, I need you. If you left, you would be the other half of the Lucky Patrol? Or who would hunt ghosts with me?"
"And who would write songs or ruin sneakers with me?" James asked. "We need you here. Not just as the Logan from Big Time Rush, but we need you here as our friend."
"Our best friend," Kendall added.
Logan let out another sob. "But I'm so alone. I can't do it."
Kendall started crying then. This was his entire fault. He spent too much time with Jo, too much time focusing on other things. He got up from the ground and tried to get a hold of himself.
Logan watched as the strongest person he knew break down. He couldn't really mean that much to Kendall, did he? And if he actually did, wouldn't that mean he would mean that much to James and Carlos too?
"Logan, don't you see?" Carlos said. "You mean so much more than us than all of this. Don't you see that if you left, we would leave too?"
"Yeah," James agreed. "Whether you like it or not, you're stuck with us. We're brothers. And brothers are for life."
"It's not that I don't love you guys, because I do. I love you more than anything. But that's why I can't do this to you." Logan wiped at his eyes.
"Logan," Kendall spoke for the first time since he got up. "We need you. You're the final piece of the puzzle. If you leave, we'll all be incomplete. It'll be useless."
James got up and helped Logan up too. "Please don't leave us, Logan. Despite what you say, we would never get over it."
Logan looked around. "But I-"
"No, Logan. No buts," Carlos said.
"I-I, uh, I'll stay," Logan said quickly, but quietly.
Kendall, James, and Carlos immediately broke into huge grins. "Thank you, Logan," Carlos said. "Thank you."
James gave Logan a quick hug. "Thank you. For everything."
"You shouldn't be thanking me. I should be thanking you," Logan said.
"Logan. We have done so much for us. You will never know how much love you and how much you've done for us," Kendall said. "You will never know."
"But I'm still scared," Logan said, ashamed.
"Scared of what?" Carlos asked.
"Of being nobody, letting you all down. I'm scared of being alone," said Logan.
"Logan, you will never let us down," James said. "You are our brother, and we love you. When you love someone, they might do something wrong and you might get mad, but they will never let you down. We have all made our fair share of mistakes, but the important thing is to get back up when you fall. If you don't get back up, you'll never know what will happen."
"And you will never be a nobody," Carlos said. "Some people might not appreciate who you are, but we always will. You will always be our Logan, always be our friend. You're so smart, Logan, you know that? You are the smartest person I know, and someday you're going to do something great. But you have to keep going. If you don't, then you'll never achieve those things."
"And you could never be alone either," Kendall added in. "We will always be here for you, no matter what. Everyone in this world could hurt you, leave you, but we never will. We will be here for you no matter what happens, no matter what we will always be your friends. There are times you will feel alone, but it's not true. We're always here."
"Thank you, guys," Logan said. "You are all so amazing. I don't know what I would without you. I don't know what I was thinking. I should have known leaving wouldn't solve anything. I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize," James said. "This is our fault. But we won't let this happen again, ok? I promise you will never feel like this is the only way again."
"Yeah, you're never going to be alone," Carlos said. "Not ever."
Kendall smiled. "You're our best friend, and we're going to be with you till the end."
Logan smiled and Kendall and James wrapped him in a hug. Carlos grabbed Logan's bag from the ground and brought it back to their room. He unzipped it and put all of Logan's clothes back, one by one.
You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright, you'll be alright
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take.
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you stand, Then you stand
Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given before its gone
Start holding on, keep holding on
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend till you break
Cause it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand, then you stand
Every time you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place
Oh
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend till you break
Cause it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand.
Ok, and there we go! I really worked hard on this story, and I hope it shows. I hope it wasn't too bad, or rushed, or whatever. Please review! Tell me what I did wrong, tell me what I did right. Tell me something!