Information: Dan suffers from bad epilepsy. "It's my fault" is basically about different episodes involving this subject. ALL THE PARTS ARE 100% INDEPENDENT OF EACH OTHER!
Prompt: "For It's My Fault, could you write about the first time Phil had to deal with one of Dan's fits alone? Like, Dan's told him all about what he has to do and whether to call an ambulance or not etc but Phil completely panics and forgets it all and ends up calling Dan's mum it something to tell him what to do? Confused and panicky Phil is fucking adorable :3"
Someone asked for this^^ Of course. Here we go! (I got another one quite like this. So this is for you to other person) (Phan oneshot)
A/N: If you have an idea for a possible knew part, please let me know!
Contains: Fluff, angst, chronic illness.
Warnings:
Phan status: 2009
Words: 2.908
POV: Phil
It's my fault part 3
PHIL'S POV!
"Does it hurt?"
"What? Having a seizure, or just in general?"
"Both, I guess."
"Depends on how I fall, but having a seizure doesn't hurt really." Dan smiled and turned his head a little on my lap. "I have headaches a lot though."
"What if you hit your head when you fall?" I asked nervously. This was the first time Dan was visiting me after we'd talked on Skype for months. I knew he suffered from epilepsy, but I'd never had to deal with anyone who has it. Dan was convinced it wouldn't be a problem even if he had a seizure—that I would handle it perfectly—but I wasn't so sure. It was making me really nervous.
He blinked at me. "Then you take me to the hospital," he said simply. "But that's highly unlikely because I have some serious plans of staying in this bed all week." Dan smirked and moved away from me, just to sit properly on my lap with one leg on each side of me.
"The most important thing is that you don't freak out. That won't do any good in case you have to take me to the hospital." Dan looked down at my shirt and lazily started playing with the hem.
"And what should I do if, y'know…"
"I've already explained it, Phil..."
"Then do it again. I don't want you to get hurt," I said. I grabbed his hands so he could focus instead of getting distracted by my t-shirt.
"Just, you know, roll me on my side…" He smiled shyly.
"It's not just rolling you over if you have a fit, Dan. I get that much." I locked my gaze with his.
"Okay. Let say…" Dan turned his head to look around my room. "I drop over there." He pointed at my desk. "Then you move the chair and anything on the table with chance of falling down if one of us knocks into it. Just move things out of the way so I can't hurt myself on any of them." He paused briefly, making sure I was following his explanation. "Try to get me on my side—it's easier once I've stopped seizing because then I won't move. Don't get scared if my lips turn blue or something—I hold my breath when I'm having a fit, but I'm not in any pain, don't worry. Sometimes it happens that I bite into my cheek or tongue or something and then I might bleed..."
"Yeah, okay." I swallowed hard and just hoped we'd be able to get through this week seizure-free.
"If it lasts more than a few minutes, I have to go to the hospital. There might not be anything wrong, but just in case. I'll most likely fall into a deep sleep when I'm done, but you can try to wake me up. Most of the times I'm really confused when I wake up because it all happens so fast and I don't know what's going on. But I'll be fine, just really, really tired." Dan assured me with a little smile.
"Should I just let you sleep on the floor or wherever we happen to be?" I asked, gently brushing his soft hair out of his face.
"You can try to take me to bed if you want. But good luck." He smiled. "But there's one thing that might happen that I haven't told you about…" he muttered as he got off of my lap to sit beside me on the bed, leaning against the wall.
I turned to face him, confused from his sudden behavior. "What?"
"Well, I have no control over my body because I'm unconscious and cramping, and that means that I…" He nervously trailed off and sighed softly.
I turned fully around on the bed. "What?" I asked again, looking questioningly at him.
Dan looked down at his hands and mumbled, "It's embarrassing…"
"You can tell me, Dan," I whispered. I needed to know everything about this. "Nothing is embarrassing," I assured him.
"There's a chance I might… wet myself," he muttered on a low voice, nearly impossible to hear. "Just so you know…" He sighed deeply and looked back up, giving me a small, embarrassed smile.
I smiled back in the most caring way I could to show him it was okay and not something to be ashamed about.
"Can you feel it before a major seizure happens?" I asked quietly.
Dan nodded slowly. "Only sometimes… It's like, I get really irritable and uncomfortable. I can't feel it myself, but people tell me that I'm really annoying to be around. Just everything is frustrating, y'know?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I get it."
"Great. You'll do fine if something happens, Phil. I'm sure." He smiled to me.
"Do you feel fine now? I mean... I'm sorry for asking, I just want to make sure you're okay." I sat fully up beside him so I could get a proper look at him as he sat against the wall.
"Yeah. I'm really, really tired though," Dan breathed, leaning his head back to rest on the wall.
"Should we sleep?" I asked him, quickly glancing at the clock. It wasn't that late, only 11pm, but we were in our pyjamas anyway.
"You can do what you want, but I'm exhausted. Sorry."
"Don't be sorry. It's fine. We can sleep," I assured him with a wide smile.
He crawled underneath the covers and muttered, "Sleep makes it better."
"Then I won't stop you," I whispered as I lay down behind Dan. I slowly wrapped my arm around his side to hold him close from behind. Just as I did, his whole body went rigid but only to relax again shortly after.
I immediately let go of him and lifted up the duvet to see what was happening.
"Don't worry, Phil. This just ha—" I watched as his whole body did it again and his movements cut him off. "—happens sometimes."
"You sure it doesn't hurt?" I asked, confused. It sure looked like it did, and I wasn't used to be dealing with this.
"I'm s… sure. Fuck!" he breathed out in frustration. "It's just annoying. Let's sleep and it'll go away."
"Yeah…" I sighed. I felt so sorry for him. I didn't like this at all; he seemed so uncomfortable.
"Can I hold you?" I asked shyly.
"Of course. That would be nice," Dan responded sleepily.
I wrapped my arm back around him and pressed his whole body against mine, hoping it would make him feel better in some way.
X
"What do you want? Toast or pancakes?" I asked happily. I turned around on the floor to face Dan, who was sitting on a chair at the table.
"I don't care, just something. I'm kinda hungry." Dan rose from the table and stepped closer to me. "But I need to take my medication before we do anything else. I'm already half an hour late." He smiled.
"Oh yeah, shit! I'll find it, stay there," I assured him. I ran out of the room to look through Dan's bag for it.
While I was searching through his toiletries, I heard I loud 'bang' come from the kitchen. Not wasting even one second, I sprinted down the stairs and back into the room where I'd just left Dan. He was standing in the middle of the floor, slowly rubbing his forehead, while a glass of milk was smashed into pieces on the floor next to the pan.
"I'm sorry..." he muttered through clenched teeth, his eyes closed. "I wanted to start, but I zoned out for a second. And then I banged my head against the cupboard."
"Let me see," I said moving up to him. I grabbed his wrist and gently pulled his hand away, giving me a better look. "The skin didn't break. It's a little red, but nothing to see." I smiled and looked him in the eyes. "I have your pills here. Just get a glass of water—I'll clean this."
He nodded in response and I let go of his hands.
I bent down to pick up the broken glass from the floor, but only to see another glass crash to the ground out of the corner of my eye.
"Fuck!" Dan burst out. "Oh God, I'm so sorry. I'm just breaking your house aren't I?" he said nervously.
"It's okay. Don't think about it," I tried, picking up the new shards of glass. "Just sit down, I'll bring you another glass," I told him as I mopped the floor clean with a cloth.
"Make it a plastic glass..." he groaned into his hands as he sat down. "At least I can't break it then."
"It doesn't matter." I smiled as I handed him a plastic cup.
He grabbed it and quickly downed the pill.
He was just about to place the cup back on the table when his whole body went completely rigid, sending him out of the chair and straight to the floor. I froze in shock. I stood in front of him, just looking at him, before he started cramping violently. I threw everything I was holding away and knelt down beside him. The sudden shock made my mind go blank and I couldn't remember what to do first.
I started panicking. I was just watching him, seizing. Just staring as his body as it moved around on the floor. Unable to do anything about it because I was so shocked.
He bumped into one of the chairs that was standing the beside the table and then it hit me.
"E-e-everything out of the way," I said out loud, slightly breathless because I guess I'd been unintentionally holding my breath. My hands were shaking almost as much as Dan was, making it hard to do anything, but I managed to push the chair and table away a bit.
"Don't p-panic," I told myself, just as Dan had explained. But I was failing that one miserably. "D-don't panic," I repeated as I searched through my mind for a way to handle this.
I couldn't do this; I didn't know how to.
I quickly picked up my phone, dialed Dan's mum's number, and prayed to God that she would pick it up, fast.
"Hello?" a woman's voice asked.
"He's having a seizure!" I yelled into the phone without even explaining who it was. I was too confused and scared. I know he told me it wouldn't hurt, but the sight of this made me doubt him, which made me even more scared.
"Phil?" Dan's mum asked confused.
"Yes! Dan's having a seizure! He's…" But just as I was about to explain what was going on he stopped and went completely still in front of me.
"Is he still seizing?"
"N-no. He just stopped." My breathing started to speed up. I had completely forgotten everything. It all happened so fast—I wasn't prepared for this.
"Calm down, Phil. Deep breaths, okay?" she said in a calm voice. "How long did it last?"
"About a minute, maybe two. I don't know!"
"Turn him on his side if you haven't yet. Make sure his airway's clear," she explained in a loud, clear voice to make sure I'd understand.
I did as I was told and slowly pushed him around to get him to lying in a safe position on his side, lifting up his head slightly so it would be easier for him to breathe.
"How's his breathing?"
"Steady," I told her. "I guess. I don't know. Eeh, slow?" I said nervously.
"Is it like he's sleeping?" she asked me calmly.
"Yes. Just like he's s-sleeping," I answered, carefully looking Dan over.
My heart dropped to my stomach as I watched his body turn tense again but then relax just as quickly. "He's cramping again," I hurriedly told Dan's mum.
"Is it all the time or just momentarily?" she asked, suddenly more serious.
"Momentarily," I responded shortly.
She sighed softly in relief. "Don't worry about it. It'll stop in a minute."
"What should I do now?" I asked, confused. "Does he need to be taken to the hospital?"
"No, I don't think that's necessary. He didn't hurt himself when he fell, did he?"
"No, I think he's fine. He only fell from a chair." I sat fully down on the floor right beside Dan so I could get a proper look at his head. The red mark from before was still visible, but nothing knew had appeared.
"He'll probably be sleeping for a while and be very confused when he wakes up. Don't leave him before he's conscious. But everything should be fine." I could hear the relief in her voice.
"No. No, of course I won't. Okay thanks…" I let out a deep breath.
"You did it perfectly, Phil. Don't worry."
"Yeah. I just got so shocked." I breathed out and ran my fingers through my slightly messy hair. It was barely nine in the morning.
"That's understandable. You did right by calling me if you were confused, it's fine," she assured me.
"But thank you. I'll get him to call you when he wakes up so you're sure he's fine."
"Yeah, that's alright. Thank you. Goodbye."
"Bye."
We hung up and I turned my attention back to Dan, who hadn't moved at all. I took a few deep breaths and leaned back against the cupboard, trying to calm down. This was not how I'd expected this morning to go. But this could happen out of the blue. He told me once that it was worse in the morning, but no one could predict when a major seizure like this would happen.
Now I just had to wait for him to wake up. I really wanted to get him into a bed or at least on the sofa. He didn't look very comfortable on the floor, lying like that.
Maybe I could try to wake him up. He'd said it was hard, but not impossible.
"Dan?" I quietly asked, gently nudging his shoulder. No reaction. I did it again. "Wake up," I tried, a little louder this time. I hated waking up him when he looked so peaceful—completely different from before.
After the fifth attempt, I gave up. He would have to wake up by himself.
I got up from the floor and ran as fast as I could back to my room to grab my pillows and my duvet. Once I had them, I hurried back to the kitchen and carefully pushed a pillow underneath his head, making him lay a bit better.
I lay down beside him on the floor and made it so that my duvet was covering us both before I rolled on my side to face him. The new angle made it possible for me to gently stroke my fingers across his cheek. Dan didn't react at all to the moments, so I just kept on going, letting my fingers touch his beautiful skin. I couldn't help but smile.
After watching him sleep for another 15 minutes, he began nuzzling his head into the pillow.
I moved my hands to his hair and ran my fingers through it, trying to wake him up bit by bit, not wanting this to be a too stressful for him.
"Five more minutes, mum…" Dan mumbled into the pillow.
"Take your time," I whispered.
He slowly opened up one eye and stared confusedly at me. "W-what happened?" he asked anxiously.
"You had a seizure," I explained. "Everything is fine."
He closed his eyes back together and murmured, "No…"
"I'm so t-tired..."
"That's okay," I assured him. "Do you want to get up?
"N-no…" he whined and hid his head under the covers. "Let me stay."
"You're lying on the floor, Dan. Sure you don't want to get up? We could go to the sofa and watch a movie?" I suggested, pulling the duvet down.
"I just want to sleep," he sighed.
"Let me look at you."
Dan slowly opened his eyes and glanced around at his surroundings confusedly before his eyes landed back on me. "What happened?" he asked again.
"You had a seizure," I repeated, a bit louder and clearer for him to understand.
"I'm sorry..." he whispered.
"How can you be sorry?" I asked as I moved up to rest on my elbow. "You can't control it, Dan. Don't ever be sorry." I looked seriously at him.
"I could have planned this better…" he sighed.
"I know you couldn't. It's okay." I smiled caringly. "Now let me help you up. We can't stay here all day." I pulled the duvet off of us and got to stand.
Dan sat up slightly. I walked around him and grabbed him underneath each arm so I could pull him off the floor and get him to stand too.
"Not so fast," Dan complained, grabbing tightly onto my upper arm for support. "Not so fast, Phil."
"Oh, sorry."
"It's fine. I just need a second," he mumbled as he clung onto me. "It's just, when I get up too fast it all spins around."
"Yeah, I understand. Sorry. I'm learning."
"You're doing good." Dan smiled and let go of my arm, but just so he could wrap his arms around me in a hug. "Thanks."
"Any time," I whispered into his neck.
"I'm sorry for scaring you."
"I'm just glad you're okay."
thend
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