He was falling. He was thinking. He was thinking about falling. Damn. Where the fuck was Bellatrix, and why wasn't she levitated by her ankle in front of him. Snivellus comes up with one good spell and when he used it as he dived to the side, she got away from it. Wait a minute, he was still falling. And just where the fuck was Bella anyway? "Oh Shit," he shouted, most unhelpfully, "where the fuck am I?"
"You're dead Padfoot," said James, helpfully.
"Urp," Sirius bleated, completely surprised to hear his best friend's voice.
"Disturbing feeling isn't it Sirius?" asked Lily
"I can't be dead. I can't. I haven't even given Harry the sex talk yet."
"At least you got to see him grown up before you showed up here Padfoot. We would never trade our time with him as a baby, but we want to know, what kind of kid did he grow up to be?"
"Are you kidding? He's the best. Doesn't give a fuck for the rules, only cares about people. In fact, he saved me from the dementors and was on a rescue mission to save me tonight; at least that's what his Ministry badge said. He believed the crap that Kreacher pulled on him…Oh shit, I hope I haven't gotten him killed."
"Well he's obviously not dead or we'd have him in the loop here... I'm sorry you've joined us," Lily was crying.
"Why are you crying Lily? Reunions should be happy!" Sirius beamed at two of his best friends.
"Don't you get it yet Padfoot? You are dead. You're not pinin', you've passed on. You're no more, you have ceased to be. You've expired and come to meet your maker. You're off the twig, shuffled off the mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined our choir fucking invisible. Do you get it now, Sirius? You are stone fucking dead!"
"Yes, but Harry isn't, so we have at least that to be happy about. Besides that, even though I'm dead, and I feel that it is a loss to the living world, I get to see you again. By the way, is there any way to stop this falling thing?"
"Stand up. Goddammit Sirius, just stand up. Too many years in Azkaban for you, from what word we get here behind the veil," Lily looked daggers at Sirius. "I'd hex you, but there's no point, us being dead."
"Wait a minute, why couldn't I at least be a ghost? I've got about a half million things that I should have done, more than a metric tonne of lists of things I could do even dead!"
"Because you are too good for that Sirius. You know that only the mediocre become ghosts." Lily smiled at him sadly. "And we all know how brilliant you were, no matter how much you tried to hide it with cheap pranks like turning everyone's pumpkin juice into mice."
"Cheap? Cheap? Do you have any idea just how fucking much that many mice cost? I paid a fortune to pull that one off! Not to mention, house elves may not want to get paid for working, but they have no problem charging an arm and a leg to be bribed. I never believed that Minnie would ever get over it, but she did. She's as stern as ever. Even backs up Snivellus when he gives Harry a hard time."
"So it's true. Albus popped his cork and hired Severus. I had a hard time believing it." Lily looked pensive. "Despite all the warnings I gave him. Maybe if you guys hadn't been so mean…"
"Come off it Lily, Snape was born bad. You and I both know that the whole feud was started when he hexed me even before the sorting." James looked like he was in actual pain from his wife defending his worst enemy.
"And Bella who snapped the picture,' snarled Sirius, with a finality that he felt made it seem that he had just added an incontrovertible proof to a syllogism.
"He said you pantsed him." Lily rebutted.
"I didn't. It was McNair, under orders from Lush brain." James parried, "And, again, it was Bellatrix Lestrange who snapped all the pictures. If you don't think they had it in them, think of the time you were framed for stealing McGonagall's answer checking quill."
Sirius chuckled. "Looks like death didn't stop you two from having lover's tiffs!"
"Damn Padfoot, I always thought you'd take your death in stride. And I was right."
"Yes, Prongs, you usually are. Is there anything we can do to Snivellus from this side?"
"No, Sirius." Lily shook her head. "Not that James didn't try after that horrid Quirrell character showed up a few years ago. And yes, we know about Voldemort. I just wish we could help."
"Wait a half," Sirius looked like he was about to bust. "Is there any way to grab a shifty at Harry and see how the battle is going?"
"Nope. We wait and see if anybody else shows up. That's about it. Mind you, we knew before you did about Voldemort. You should've seen Bertha when she showed up. I hadn't seen anybody so pissed since you charmed Regina Bell's knickers a foot to the left in third year."
"Dammit, I did not do that!" Sirius screamed, "It was Remus, he's the one that fancied her. Why doesn't anyone believe me that his so-called love for rules was just part of his cover? I mean, just by pretending to be a goody two shoes, he's gotten away with more shit than he-who-should-have-been-spanked-as-a-kid."
James lost it. "Should-have-been-spanked," he snorted between gasps of laughter. "It sucks that you're dead, but at least I'll get a laugh or two now."
"Your laughter will be the highlight of my afterlife."