A/N: So, all I can say about this fic is that I was very VERY VERY BORED. I actually began writing it when I was sick, and I'm finishing it now…when I'm not sick.

WARNING: Axel is a dumbass, a really really awesome dumbass.

Disclaimer: Heartache-chan does not own Kingdom Hearts.

ENJOY!

"Where the hell do you think you're going?"

I winced from my position by the window, plastering an innocent smile on my face before peeking over my shoulder. My best friend stood in the door way of my bedroom, a pissed off scowl on his soft gentle face. "Oh hey, Roxas!" I chirped, waving my hand with feigned naïveté. I used my few seconds of speech to pry the window open a bit more, all the while smiling at my favorite blond like a damn fool.

"Don't play dumb with me, Axel! What are you doing out of bed? And why are you opening the window?" Roxas demanded angrily.

"I…I can't do this anymore, Rox," I replied with a sigh, gesturing to myself then to the bowl of soup in Roxas' hands. Suddenly, his livid expression turned into a sad frown.

"A-are you friendship breaking up with me?" he murmured sadly. His pretty baby blue eyes stared at the floor firmly, a few locks of golden blonde hair brushing against his forehead.

"W-what?" I blurted. My loud voice jolted Roxas out his angst for a moment. "No, I'm not friendship breaking up with you! I mean, I can't stay here anymore! Day after day, lying in bed, eating soup, not being able to play video games…it sucks, Roxas!" A cough rumbled against my throat, but I fought against it, unwilling to release such an evil thing. "B-besides," I mumbled around the dry cough that was trapped in my lungs, "I'm feeling waaaay better!" I winked at Blondie, hoping the uselessly charming gesture would distract him. My fingers yanked the window open a bit more.

"Axel, do you even know what it means to be sick? It's only been two days, and just yesterday you were running a fever! You need bed rest, and I'm not letting you go anywhere." Roxas strode over to me and yanked the window shut, locking it with finality as he smiled at me brightly.

Maybe it was the illness taking effect, or maybe I was just crazy. But as I heard the lock click with that teeny tiny high-pitched snap, something in me panicked. I'm not letting you go anywhere. The words bounced against my skull, sending off warning bells and alarms, big blaring mental signs that screamed, "ESCAPE, AXEL, ESCAPE! GOT IT MEMORIZED?" Yes, brain. Yes, I do.

In a singular fluid motion, I leapt over the headboard, skipped across the bed, went flailing over the foot of the bed, landed on my feet, and used the momentum to slide to the door in my socks. Thankfully, I managed to move so quickly that by the time I reached the top of the stairs, Roxas was only just snapping out of his bewildered stupor and chasing after me.

I slid down the banister, once again using my quickness to slide across the hardwood floors once I was on the first floor. I sock-skated to the door and flung it open.

Well, what an unexpected surprise! It was fucking snowing! How long had I been sick? It was just seventy degrees TWO DAYS AGO!

Unless… Roxas gave me more cold medicine than I thought! That's it! I must have been so out of it that I was unconscious for two months! That sneaky little bastard…

A series of thuds drew my attention behind me, and I turned to see Roxas sitting on his butt, clearly having attempted sliding down the banister. Tsk tsk tsk, little Roxas! Even kitties like you don't always land on their feet, but Axels do!

Yeah, that made no sense whatsoever.

I smirked at my friend before turning back around and hauling ass. My unprotected feet propelled my through the snow. Admittedly, I wish I had thought to grab a jacket and some shoes before I decided to run for my life. The snow was super thick, at least a foot deep, and normally fast sprints were now cut down to an awkward shuffle-skip-jump sort of move. After awhile I resorted to cart wheeling through the snow – just for shits and giggles – but that only succeeded in getting my hands even colder.

About fifteen minutes into my desperate trek to who-the-hell-even-knows-where, I began hearing strange labored breathing. With a quick glance over my shoulder, I caught sight of a red-faced infuriated Roxas trudging behind me slowly. He was like the cute grim reaper trying to catch me to take me to my bed-ridden, soup-filled death. "Axel, get back here!" Roxas screamed at me. "I swear to God, when I catch you, I am cutting all of your hair! I swear I'll do it!"

ARE YOU GONNA TAKE THAT FROM A LIL MIDGET LIKE THAT? HE CAN'T TELL YOU WHAT TO DO! ONLY MOM CAN TELL YOU WHAT TO DO! GOT IT MEMORIZED? Yeah, random-voice-inside-my-head, you're right! That little shrimp can't threaten me like that! I'm Axel! I totally got it memorized!

I stopped in my tracks without turning around, and soon a cold hand was slapping my shoulder. "You damn jerk! I can't believe you just ran off like that! What is…"

Before he could even fully process the situation – I'm a boss at these surprise attacks! – I grabbed Roxas by the waist and tossed him in the snow. His wide blue eyes stared at me foolishly, and I kicked a little snow on him for good measure. Then I was off once more, doing my little shuffle-skip-jump with an extra hop at the end.

Oh yeah. I'm a boss.

A few unintelligible screams followed me for awhile, but I drowned them out by doing a cool voice-over monologue thingy in my head. The great smexy Axel, trudges through the snow like a badass, totally leaving his wimpier much less awesome friend in the snow. As he travels onward, getting closer to who-the-fuck-knows with each step, the blustering wind picks, blowing snowflakes into his dazzling emerald eyes. The snow storm intensifies, and soon our dashing hero has no idea where the hell he is.

I retrieved my Iphone from my pocket – yeah, I remembered that but forgot shoes – hoping that it could tell me where I am. I mean, there's probably an app for that, right?

If only there was an app for "Turn around, bitch, cuz there's an evil hobo behind you!" A mysterious gloved hand squeezed the back of my neck, hitting a pressure point. Just before I blacked out, I found myself thinking, This so better be a sexy chick about to molest me.

A/N: *le gasp* A cliffhanger! Bet ya didn't see that one coming!

Sooo, what's gonna happen next? Who just attacked Axel? Why the heck hasn't Roxas caught up yet? And why isn't there an app for that! 0_0 All of these questions and more will be answered in chapter 2 of This Sucks!

SEE YA NEXT TIME!