Okay you guys, I apologize for not updating "Regret" in a week or so. I intended for the last chapter I wrote to BE the last and final chapter, but forgot to mark it as complete, and you guys want another, so I will. I'm just facing severe writers' block when it comes to that story, but I promise it will be updated soon.
In other news, this story takes place after "Honor Roll" and focuses on the tension between Sam and Andy. This chapter is almost like a bit of a preface, leading into the actual story, so, as always, please read and review.
...
It was difficult. More so than either of them ever could've anticipated, simple as that. Trying to go back, to be friends, partners… disregarding whatever happened that night. They hadn't put a label on it yet. It was so hard, and now they were beginning to realize that.
…
Sam was struggling with his emotions, deciding how to conduct himself. He was angry and hurt, but he didn't want to show it. He thought playing it off as nothing would make the whole thing fade away for a little bit. That backfired.
…
Andy was confused and insecure. She had to choose between Luke and Sam. From a broader outlook, the choice was obvious. But, from her perspective, and her history, it wasn't that easy. She stayed with Luke because he was the safe choice. In a textbook world, he was the right choice. But her life is anything but textbook, and she knows that as well as anybody. She just refuses to admit it.
Being with Sam had made her feel something she'd never felt before. A burning, heated passion… an indescribable longing for him; he consumed her in his essence and she loved every second of it. No matter how much time permitted, Luke could never make Andy feel the way Sam had in less than five minutes.
…
The feeling was mutual. Sam couldn't understand how easily she'd gotten under his skin. But he didn't mind it, because he didn't want to get her out. As long as she was under his skin, she'd always be in his life. Removing her, figuratively, would mean that he'd forgotten about her and the way she made him feel, and the thought of that was gut-wrenching. He'd never want to forget her, as long as he lived, and truth be told, he never could.
…
So now, here they were. Trying to make things work, pretending to forget that night ever happened, and go back to "normal."
...
What was normal for them? When you think about it, the relationship they had was never normal. There was always a spark, a hidden flame between them, but now that it's been revealed, they can't pretend that they don't feel it any longer.
Therefore, they feel so much towards one another, that both of them are too afraid to give in, because they know damn well that they mean so much more to each other than just another girlfriend or boyfriend, and if it didn't work out, it would crush each of them individually.
…
Andy didn't give in to her emotions because she was scared. She knew that Sam meant more to her than he should, and the concept that she loved him, meant that he could easily break her heart, and she couldn't handle that.
…
Sam is damaged, broken. Past relationships failed, undercover ops blown, what was he doing? He didn't have a family to go home to at night. In fact, the only thing that actually mattered to him right now in life was Andy McNally. And she's dating this egotistical, callous, work-a-holic detective. The thought of them together made him sick to his stomach.
…
But, what could he do? What could she say? It was what it was.
And as much as Sam and Andy kept repeating those few words, trying to convince themselves of it, they would never just be able to dismiss it at that. He knew it. She knew it.
So now, the journey begins. Regardless if it's just as friends, acquaintances, or solely as partners… it's going to be one hell of a ride.