Child of Grace
"It's over."
Linda sighed as the words repeated themselves in her mind and, in doing so, stole her concentration from the task at hand. Angrily, she threw down her pen and leaned back in her chair as she ran slender fingers through thick, brown hair.
"God, why can I not get over this?" she whispered in frustration. It had been two months, and she was still stuck. Her heart still broke for her lost innocence and the pieces of her heart she would never recover.
The phone rang, startling her out of her grieving. "Yes?" she answered, her shaky voice betraying the privacy of her emotions.
"Linda. What's wrong?"
Her features relaxed only slightly at the sound of a familiar voice. "Did you call me just to ask what's wrong?"
"No, I called to ask if you knew anything about choir practice tomorrow, but your voice tells me there are more important issues at hand."
Linda sighed again. Danielle always saw right through her – lying would be pointless. "I was just thinking about Jeff," she conceded.
"I see," Danielle replied understandingly. "Anything specific?"
"It's not even him I miss anymore; it's what I gave away. I feel… I feel like trash. I don't understand how God could forgive me for everything I did; it seems impossible."
"Nothing is too big for Him, Linda."
"But I don't feel–"
"Listen to me. Emotions don't change the truth, and the truth is that your sins are on the bottom of the ocean floor."
"Danielle, I did terrible things. I lied and told everyone he was Christian just so no one could hold me accountable. I gave my heart recklessly and shared my body with him and countless others. I threw my purity away."
"And God's power is limited to the point where He can't forgive you. Right?"
Silence.
"Is that right, Linda?"
"No, that's wrong," she finally said, her voice breaking.
"You're putting limitations on God. Jesus already paid the price for you. Linda, it's as if it never happened. You have to realize that forgiving your sin is not too big of a task for our God to handle."
"You're right," Linda said after a pause.
"Are you going to be okay tonight?"
"Yeah."
"Do I need to come over? That apartment of yours gets awfully lonely."
"No, I'll be fine. And choir practice is still on for tomorrow."
"Good, I'll see you then."
"All right."
"Hey, Linda?"
"Yeah?"
"Spend some time with God tonight, okay?"
"Yeah."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
"See you tomorrow."
"Bye."
Linda stared at her pen for a while before clicking off her desk lamp. Enclosed in darkness, she began to speak as streams of tears began to flow steadily from the corners of her eyes.
"Lord… help me."