Author's note: I wrote this story last autumn but considering the circumstances I finally decided to translate it into English. Dedicated to all GinKira fans not satisfied with the "official" version (though Gin still may be alive in canon and to that I hold). And, erm, better grab some tissues, you may need them…
Hero
He was dying. He would have never expected that he was going to die a hero's death — but it seemed that fate had finally smiled at him. Even if it was a smile as misleading as his own.
There was a battle still going on — yet he felt safe. How else could he feel in that warm embrace, enveloped in reiatsu he knew so well?
Soul Society would be saved, the world would be saved — and he had his more than fair share in that. The Gotei13, though with some resistance, had been willing to listen to him and to believe him — they must have been quite desperate by now. And so, at the appointed time they had come to put an end to this madness. Sousuke Aizen was finished — it was only a matter of time now.
And he had joined them — his Shinsou aimed at his former 'superior'.
'Ya know, I've always thought of myself as of the Third's captain.'
A stupid, theatrical gesture — yet he needed those words. He needed that little demonstration to prove — to himself and to others — which side of barricade he had been standing on for all these years.
He made a mistake, but he hadn't realized that until he noticed that Aizen wasn't looking at him.
He was looking at…
A flash of pale gold in the midst of shinigami's black uniforms. Not to be mistaken for anyone else.
Izuru!
The slightest hint of blue light between Sousuke Aizen's fingers.
He had to react. He had to make it in time before it would be too late. Before Aizen from his plain desire for revenge was going to destroy everything most precious to Gin.
And in that very moment he understood.
The prophecy had been fulfilled. The pillar had finished his task. He was no longer bound by destiny.
At last his life belonged only to him.
At last he could do what he most wished to.
At last he could protect Izuru as much as he had ever wanted.
It was so simple…
For a moment he felt lighter than the air surrounding him — though never before had he been more focused.
So simple — as two shunpo steps and one smile.
He knew he was going to make it.
Pain, for a moment — for the whole eternity — obscured everything. His own smile reflected in the blue of Izuru's eyes.
Darkness — and then warmth of these familiar arms. And the soothing presence of reiatsu of someone dearest to him.
He was paying with his life — but right now it had absolutely no meaning. Izuru was alive. Only that mattered. Only that was truly important. He smiled. There was no price too high for that.
Izuru. His lieutenant. The only one he had ever wanted by his side. So brave yet so fragile, so talented and sensitive. Always so loyal, always so selflessly devoted — even with doubts filling his heart, even betrayed and left behind. Izuru…
He had promised to himself to protect him — and yet he had caused him more suffering than anyone else. He had promised to always stay by his side — and yet he had left, he had deserted him without as much as a word of explanation. Only today he had finally got the chance to make up for the wrong done.
He was happy. He could never have dreamt of a better death.
A hand touched his forehead gently, brushing aside his hair. It was trembling — and then he felt a change in Izuru Kira's reiatsu. It became more… determined?
Gin opened his eyes. He noticed, forcing his vision to cooperate, the pale green glimmer in his lieutenant's blue gaze.
He understood — and he felt a pang of regret. Izuru was a good healer, but right now his efforts were all in vain. Gin Ichimaru knew that death was close, he didn't even feel the pain anymore. There was no need for the boy to overexert himself like that…
'Izuru…,' he barely managed to whisper. The melodic accent he always spoke that name with was gone now. 'Enough… Izuru.'
There was no answer. Izuru was still trying to fight the inevitable, even if there were tears already filling his eyes. And yet, even now he refused to give up.
'Izuru,' repeated Gin patiently, his smile comforting. 'Please…'
The healing kidou glowed for another moment before it finally faded. He saw Kira closing his eyes, the tears streaming down the boy's cheeks.
It hurt — it hurt even more in the face of all the joy filling his heart right now. He didn't want Izuru to cry. He didn't want him to suffer again. He only wanted him to live — and he was ready to die a hundred times, if only to ensure it to him.
He tried to lift his hand and dry those tears; to show Izuru that here and now there was no place for sorrow. He failed, his body not willing to obey him any longer. Yet his mind was clearer than ever. He was not going to leave without a single word.
Not this time.
'Izuru,' he whispered once again and was surprised at how weak his voice sounded. Even more surprisingly it turned out to be enough for Kira to open his eyes and look at him. The tears were still glazing his gaze — yet the only thing Gin was able to feel now was immense gratitude.
He had been able to save him. To protect him. Just like he always wished for…
But it was not only fate he should be thanking to…
Izuru. His haven. His consolation. His hope in the world filled with betrayal, intrigue and lies.
Izuru.
He was looking at the boy's face intently, trying to remember every little detail of it — as if he wanted to take the image of his lieutenant wherever he was going.
He saw sensibility, where other could only see diffidence. He saw gentleness and reason, which others called cowardice.
He saw…
Others would have called that infatuation — but they only noticed Kira. Never Izuru.
Never before, up to this moment, had he done anything to deserve him — and yet he was repaid with kindness and trust. Izuru had always been right next to him — and for him.
How couldn't he be grateful to him?
A muffled sob broke him out of his reverie. Summoning all his will Gin managed to move his hand, taking a weak hold of the boy's fingers. There was anticipation in Izuru's eyes — but there was also growing fear lurking in their depths.
So much to say — and so little time. Too little to look for the right words…
'Thank you, Izuru. Thank you for being here with me… for always being with me…'
So little — and yet so much. Not enough to express how much he meant for him. Just enough to say goodbye — and to be honest with himself at least during these final moments.
He felt the boy's fingers tightening their grip on his hand. The sun was shining on Izuru's face, painting his hair with gold, shimmering in his teary eyes, making him look like if he was woven of pure light.
He was pure light. Innocence. Redemption.
He deserved to live more than anyone else — and more than anyone else he was worth dying for.
That was the greatest and the simplest of truths.
If he could only somehow stop his tears… If he could only share his own happiness with him…
Izuru looked at him with pleading eyes — the only plea Gin wasn't able to fulfill. Despair filled the boy's reiatsu.
'Don't leave me…' A soft, trembling whisper changing into a hoarse, painful cry. 'Don't leave me again…!'
Gin felt his heart once again clenching in pain. He had to leave. He had to abandon him once more. He didn't want it. He didn't want Izuru to cry because of him.
He wanted him to live.
He wasn't sure how he managed to lift his other hand and to touch the boy's cheek, wet with tears.
'I'm sorry…,' he whispered with his last breath, smiling gently. The first and the last honest apologies of Gin Ichimaru.
I'm sorry, Izuru. Don't cry. Live.
You…
…must…
…live.