It was a truth universally acknowledged that Mrs. Celeste Snape was the wizarding world's greatest virago. She was formidable. Occasionally, the sole cause for terror in a small child. Severus knew this from experience.
Severus was exceedingly pleased that his mother lived in France, where she could interfere far less frequently with his life. Even now she tried to interfere, owling him, visiting occasionally (with no warning!), and always, always chiding him for his mistakes, his appearance, his… oh, whatever. Never pleased, his mother. If only his husband understood what his mother was like.
Not a chance. Harry, deprived of all parental love as a child, was almost entirely incapable of understanding someone not wanting to talk to their mother for years.
Then again, he hadn't met Celeste.
Severus' lip curled slightly. He realized he could make Harry understand what his mother was like. Quite easy.
Introduce the two. Harry was a powerful, domineering wizard. Absolutely formidable. The two would clash, and Harry would never want anything more to do with the woman. Excellent.
Plan conceived.
Time to put said plan into action.
He invited his mother to dinner. Check. He told Harry his mother was coming for dinner. Check. He told the house elves to prepare something elegant. Check. He dressed up smartly for dinner. Check. He made sure Harry did the same. Check. He took a strong calming draught before dinner. Check.
Harry fiddled with his robes and sighed. It didn't match Severus' tone in the slightest. Harry was actually excited about this. Lovely.
Severus reminded himself that after tonight, Harry wouldn't want to have anything to do with his mother again.
"There's my son!" Celeste cried as Severus and Harry entered the room. "It's wonderful to see you! You're far too thin, though. Have you been eating enough? And you're so pale. You should go outside more often. Ah, and here's your husband! I've wanted to meet you for so long. I am sorry about the wedding; I was in hospital at the time and simply couldn't make it!"
Severus meanwhile quietly distributed wine to the three of them.
She smiled. "To dinner! And I will be making sure you eat enough, Severus! You're no good to anyone half-starved, and I doubt it helps your sex life any."
Severus choked on his wine. "Mother!"
Celeste turned her attention back to Harry. "You, however, look wonderful. Not too thin, not too heavy. Excellent. Always knew Quidditch players were simply the model of good health. And you have such wonderful color. Can't you get Severus to eat more?"
Harry laughed. "I've been trying. He eats plenty at meals, but if I'm not around to check that he actually goes to eat, he's quite capable of forgetting all about lunch or dinner."
Severus scowled.
"Ignore him," Celeste suggested. "So, tell me all about you. Severus is always so terse in his letters."
Severus frowned. This was not going according to plan.
The virago was clearly unstoppable and looking for converts.
Virago – noun. 1. A woman of extraordinary stature, strength, and courage. 2. A woman regarded as loud, scolding, ill-tempered, quarrelsome, or overbearing. Word of the Day, February 16, 2008)