WISHES
A dream is a wish your heart makes, but it changes as the years go by and the events in your life transform around you. What are your deepest wishes?
Author's Note
There are a lot of things that are keeping me from updating my other stories, but hopefully this short piece will hold some of you off until then. The following is a little background:
In my English class, I had to write a piece with very specific structure and voice requirements. Each section is supposed to be a different age and what a person at that age would wish for. Originally, these sections were separate paragraphs, but I have split them up so they are easier to read. My friend enjoyed this piece so much she insisted I do something with it, and I couldn't think of anything better than sharing with you all. See if you can guess the age of each section. This is a modern AU with Tris as the speaker since she is the character I write with the most.
P.S.: There is one distinctive clue that gives away the age of each person in the sections.
Enjoy!
I really miss my mommy. I do not like school. Mommy is not at school. Sometimes I cry at school. Mom says not to cry. I try to be brave. I wish I didn't cry. I wish mom didn't work. She says to be friendly. Mom says to make friends. I want to have friends. Okay, mom, I'll make friends.
I like playing with my neighbors next door. We used to play all the time together. One day, they did not play with me. They climbed in a car and drove away. My friends were gone for a long time. One day, they came back to their house. Their mom wasn't with them in the house. They lived next to me with their dad. Now, they do not play with me anymore. We played together when their mom was there. My mom says that their mom moved away. I wish I could play with my friends. I miss playing with them in the backyard. I wish adults didn't fight with each other. I hope their mom comes back home soon. I want to play with my friends again.
I am confused; I wish I could jump into the future and see what will happen. I feel pressure around school because I have to make decisions about college and the future. I get so frustrated—every time someone asks me about it, I just want to scream! I absolutely hate when I do not know the answer, and I don't know this one. Sometimes I wish someone could just tell me what to do instead of figuring it out. I am supposed to decide what I want to do and who I want to be. But I don't want to make that decision right now; I've got more living to do. I don't want to move forward, because I'm scared I won't liking the choices I make. And everywhere I look, there's always someone watching me, analyzing and criticizing the things I do. I know I've missed out on different opportunities and I have made the wrong choices before.
Sometimes it is very, very hard to stay strong and keep moving, but I have to. Because being me sometimes sucks, and adults do not understand the weight they put on me. I'm treated like a kid but expected to live like an adult in an adult world. People ask if I'm okay, but that question feels pointless to ask and impossible to answer. I feel even more frustrated when I can't turn the thoughts in my head into words. I want someone to know and genuinely tell me that everything is going to be alright. That all the confusion will go away and all the everyday crap will not matter tomorrow. I want someone to believe that I have a chance out in the big, scary world. But here I am, stuck with people who do not understand and who expect too much.
Here I am trying to do this on my own because it's easier to be alone. It's easier, but it's lonely; I wish it wasn't my immediate defense when things get hard. But I can't just change in a second because I am stuck in this endless loop. I wish I could understand myself, then maybe find someone who can understand me, too. But no such thing exist, at least I don't allow myself the possibility of such a thing. I keep everything all bottled up inside myself so much that one day it'll explode. I will explode; I feel it now, I feel myself falling apart and breaking vulnerably open.
I scream for everything that has goes wrong; I scream for everything broken in my life.
It begins with a hello; a simple word that has the power to act as a hinge, revealing past wounds and former feelings from different times when we were young and wild. I feel a natural pull, like a magnate, bringing me closer to his ageless bright eyes; however, there is a repulsion that tells me to stay away, knowing the past we share. We promised each other that we would meet again when we were slightly older and our minds were less hectic—I would be right for him and he'd be right for me. During that time, I was chaos for his mind and he was poison for my soul, yet after all these years, it was meant to be because we found each other again.
I wish it would not exist, the fear that creeps in like an old friend and sends pulses of doubt wrapped in feelings of anger, sadness, and regret through my entire body. Somehow, I easily push it aside because I don't want to feel the emptiness that filled me when we parted ways that day all those years ago—I wish to be happy. I want to love like how we did when we were innocent and didn't know what the world could hold, and here it has come back to me with one word: hello.
He stares at me with blank eyes that neither recognize nor comprehend me standing next to him—I can see a battle taking place in his head—but the disease has taken over his whole memory and it hurts to know my own brother doesn't remember me; there is nothing I want more than to laugh with him over stories he no longer remembers.
I did it, mom; I lived.
Author's Note:
Thank you for reading! Like I said before, I chose to make it based off of Tris because I am so accustomed to Divergent fanfiction. Let me know what you think and feel free to guess the ages! (Clue: Look at the word count of the sentences.) Please review!
Be brave, everyone!