Many ideas came to mind for my first column here in Cosmo. When I was hired, my editor told me 'oh, Emily, just write about what does it means to be a woman in 2022'.
I'm pretty sure she meant sex tips.
And while this might be relevant, I don't believe it is what I really have to offer to my readers. That is not to say I don't have quite a few tips about more… light, engaging subjects, but I have other plans for my debut.
I am going to tell you about what it means to have a relationship with an older man.
Today, I'm the happiest I've ever been. The age gap is 28 years - I know, it seems very scandalous. I finished high school and went straight into university. I met Dorian Delacroix while I was on my sophomore year. He was developing a project near my home, and if I'm being really honest here, I hated his balls so bad when I first met him. Everybody says he has a creepy aura around him, and I agree.
It took quite some time, and a lot of insistence on his part, for me to be able to look past it, and I am glad that I did. I would be lying if I told you Dorian is sweet or loving, but he is intense. Everything he does, he takes to the last consequences, and there is something enthralling about his approach to life, something powerful, virile.
During the beginning of us living together it felt as though I was a ghost in his home; he would be busy with work, yelling on the phone and I'd just be trying to zone it all out, but now whenever we're together, he answers the phone and tells people he'll call them right back and that he's with someone very important. I love that, especially because Dorian doesn't stop for no-one. And here is my first tip: older men usually already have a life plan. While he will make room for you if he loves you, he's not really going to change his ambitions and goals for a relationship.
Families might pose a difficulty. Dorian's son, Sebastian, and I were college colleagues and we did not see eye-to-eye most times. We were starting to get along on my sophomore year, but when I started dating his father, it all went down, fast. We fought, and we said some nasty things about each other, but at the end of the day, we both wanted to make it work, make us work as some kind of weird family. And it did.
It was with him I learnt the second lesson of the day: There's a big part of his life you missed, and he might not tell you much about it. Okay, you don't know if you should know every detail of his past, but you're curious. It's natural. But remember you just got into his life, sometimes things run deeper than you realize. You can ask and pry, but when in doubt, let sleeping dogs lay.
Older men usually are seen as a father figure. When we go out, on more than one occasion someone asked if I was his daughter. This comment might make him and even you feel insecure. The important thing is how you two feel about one another and the good times you share. And don't call him an "old man," even if you're joking; it will only make matters worse!
Speaking of the past, it's safe to assume he's dated and hooked up with a lot of girls. This comes with age. My man was always a bit of a horndog, himself, so it was a bit of a challenge for me. But, eventually, you realize that they are the past and you are the present, if you let yourself be. You might not want to dig up the archives, though.
And I couldn't forget to mention my father's look when I told I was dating Dorian! I hid from my family as long as I possibly could, but eventually they came over for a surprise visit on the last day of my junior year. The problem was, they went to my old house, with my former housemates that weren't all that happy with me.
Since disaster never comes alone, that day happened to be one Dorian got off work for an out-of-hour 'celebration', so when my parents came knocking, he answers the door on his underwear and a robe. I think my father narrowly escaped a stroke that afternoon, perhaps out of sheer willpower, a murderous rage against what he called 'a pedophile trying to corrupt [his] daughter'.
After a long shouting match, and some time not speaking with each other, me and my parents made up. Dorian's not holding his breath for a Christmas invite, but we all managed to be civil.
In those cases, my only advice is to persevere. Take it in stride. I know it is annoying, but your folks say what they say and do what they do because they care for you. You don't have to listen but try not to ask too much of them. Include them into your life whenever they feel comfortable, and don't feel hurt when they aren't.
And, when they inevitably say: 'But you are so much younger than him!', pretend to do the math and answer, perplexed, 'You're right!'. The 'fuck you' face your mother's going to give you is priceless.
I am sad to say, however, that my friendships did not fare well in face of my boyfriend choices. Honestly, I take the blame for that. I was on a semblance of a relationship when I met Dorian.
Me and my ex knew each other from freshman year, and we had built quite a life together, including an extensive friend circle. And if me and my ex had broken up properly, if I had waited for a while before I eloped with Dorian, perhaps our friends could get used to the idea, perhaps I could have saved us the heartbreak.
But Dorian is a man of action. I am sure that if I did not call him when I did, he would storm into my house to confront me, and that likely would end very worse. Older men are like that. You will know who he is and what he wants right from the get go. He knows what he likes and doesn't like, but he is open minded enough to go with the flow. His ease and confidence will be a breath of fresh air.
Though, to be fair, for all his decisiveness, I struggled for making him put a ring on it. He had just ended a long marriage, and he wasn't about to make it official with anyone else. That might be a challenge you face, when you come across an older man and learn he's single, have you ever found yourself saying to your friends, "There's a reason he's alone and still single"? There's always a reason, but the best thing is not to push. If it's meant to be, it will be. For now, have fun and see where it might lead.
Now, you might ask, what about the sex? That's okay, if you follow my example and find your own experienced partner in life, you should beware this is usually the first question people ask.
I'm not going to lie: it's different, and it might get some getting used to, but it is always mind-blowing. For a younger guy, you'll likely be just another notch on his bedpost, somebody that can be the love of his life just as likely as some one-night stand. With Dorian, however, every quickie seems to be a passionate session of lovemaking. And man, I thank my stars every night because Dorian have a super-human sex drive. And stamina.
And it takes a lot less preparation. They don't mind the bush.
As tricky as it can be at times to maintain your sanity in a relationship with someone older, if you love the guy as a person then it's worth it. Not only has it taught me patience (which isn't easy), but I've always been free to express myself and simply be me. He's accepting.
Plus, it's opened me up a whole network of people I wouldn't have met and experiences I wouldn't have otherwise had, which I feel has matured me a bit too. That's not to say that I don't act my age (trust me, my friends have the Snapchats to prove it), but I like that my relationship allows me to grow into the person I want to be.