title: one more year
summary: Cross your heart and hope to die. Or, don't, actually. SasuSaku. AU.
pairings: SasuSaku, NaruIno, and others later on :)
inspired by: ohwhatsherface's TheCherryOnTop!
notes: The style may be similar to the aforementioned but the plot is all mine and this was just inspired by that. I had a lot of fun writing this and I hope you have fun reading it! :)
Also, this is humor and romance, but with a tad mystery shoved in and maybe whatever-other-genres-pick-up-on-the-way.
Enjoy!
Dear Ms. Sakura Haruno,
We regret to inform you that you will die in a year.
Please do contact us with your will—if you have decided on having one—and inform us of any particulars you'd like, when we plan for your funeral.
We hope you have a nice day!
-Konoha's Death Department
Dear Konoha's Death Department,
We regret to inform you that—NO.
I thought that I had finally gotten my invitation letter to Hogwarts, but instead I get my fucking death letter.
I regret to inform you—but not really—that I am well-versed in the language of fists.
This is bullshit and so are all your faces.
Sincerely, Sakura Haruno
Chapter 1
Death & all his Friends
To: Dr. Cherry
From: BlondesHaveMoreFun
Where are you, I thought we were on for shopping today, since it was both our days off?
Please. Save me.
Naruto went nuts with the ramen again and completely filled our fridge up with it and I think something leaked somewhere because now the house stinks of ramen and Ino is not happy, Ino wants to shop right the fuck now.
xxx
xxx
To: BlondesHaveMoreFun
From: Dr. Cherry
Sorry, sorry! I slept in, since I didn't have class, and my alarm didn't wake me up until about thirty minutes ago. I'll be at your place in ten, ok?
...how are you complaining about Naruto's ramen problem now? You've been going out with him for four years and I'm pretty sure he's kissed you with his ramen breath (can I say ew, I would never be able to do that, ugh.)
P.S. IgotalettertellingmeIwasgonn adieinayearwhat.
xxx
xxx
To: Dr. Cherry
From: BlondesHaveMoreFun
Come fast, the ramen is leaking, I repeat, the ramen is leaking.
Ha! He's tried to kiss me with his stank breath but Yamanaka ladies do not accept tongues that have not been washed out with bleach and are not as pristine as a glass of China.
Well, not so much on the bleach thing, because that would probably poison me, and I'd rather not be poisoned.
(Isn't it such a good thing that you're not in my position then.
Not that you two would ever look at each other like that.
Can I say ew at the thought of you two doing anything slightly romantic with each other? It's like thinking about a brother and sister, slobbering each other's faces. No thank you, incest.)
P.S...wHAT. YOU GOT WHAT. NO. NO FOREHEAD. ARE YOU SHITTING ME. YOU'RE SHITTING ME. WELL. I'D LIKE YOU TO KNOW THAT THAT IS NOT COOL AND I DO NOT APPRECIATE BEING SHITTED. OR SHAT. WHATEVER.
xxx
xxx
To: Dr. Cherry
From: BlondesHaveMoreFun
Sakura.
xxx
xxx
To: Dr. Cherry
From: BlondesHaveMoreFun
Sakuraaaaa.
xxx
xxx
To: Dr. Cherry
From: BlondesHaveMoreFun
SAKURA.
xxx
xxx
To: Dr. Cherry
From: BlondesHaveMoreFun
SAKU-FUCKING-RA.
xxx
xxx
To: Dr. Cherry
From: BlondesHaveMoreFun
SAKU-FUCKING-RA HARUNO.
ANSWER ME RIGHT NOW.
WHY ARE YOU IGNORING MY TEXTS.
xxx
xxx
To: FoxyRamen
From: BlondesHaveMoreFun
YOUR (practically) SISTER ISN'T ANSWERING HER TEXTS AND I NEED TO TALK TO HER, THIS IS AN EMERGENCY AND A REAL ONE, NOT LIKE THE EMERGENCY YOU HAD LAST WEEK, WHEN YOU FOUND OUT THAT YOU'VE BEEN BANNED FROM RAMEN FOR A MONTH.
xxx
xxx
To: BlondesHaveMoreFun
From: FoxyRamen
WHAT KIND OF EMERGENCY, I NEED DETAILS?
xxx
xxx
To: FoxyRamen
From: BlondesHaveMoreFun
I don't think you do, so you don't.
Just listen to me NOW OR I'M THROWING OUR ENTIRE FRIDGE AWAY.
xxx
xxx
To: Dr. Cherry
From: FoxyRamen
SAKURA-CHAN, I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON BUT INO'S THREATENING TO THROW MY FRIDGE AWAY, CAN YOU PLEASE ANSWER HER TEXTS?
Computerized Journal
….
Would you like to create a new entry?
[Yes] [No]
….
Dear Diary,
Ino—and, by association, Naruto—is now freaking out.
And I just find this entire thing fucking ridiculous.
I mean, I didn't even know that Konoha had something called a Death Department. What the fuck kind of name is that, anyway? It's like, okay, please sound like the most morbid shit ever.
But then they END THEIR LETTERS WITH A have a nice day?
This is so stupid. This is so fucking stupid. I do not believe this because it is completely stupid and ridiculous.
...should I be worried?
I want to have a long life ahead of me, diary. I haven't been able to do anything with my life, yet! I've spent all my life studying and now I'm finally in med school.
Does this mean I'll never be a doctor?
Does this mean that I'll never—oh god—fall in love?
Because I don't want to die yet, diary. I reaaaallly don't.
That's it: I'm gonna schedule an appointment and go to the hospital connected to my university tomorrow to get a check-up.
The world isn't getting rid of me so easily.
But first, sigh, shopping and confrontation with Ino!
...why the hell did I think it would be a good idea to tell her?
-Saku-bby.
….
Save Entry?
[Yes] [No]
I think it was a really Bad Idea to tell Ino about the letter.
Capitalized letters emphasized.
She slams her palm on a passing window and one of the employees looks up, startled, like she felt an earthquake. I smile apologetically to her because Ino's not likely to, what with her very indignant look and the promise of a long-winded rant in her tone.
"What the fuck. What the fuck?" she seethes, when we get to the signal. I'm surprised that she managed to keep control of it for that long, actually, because the look on her visage scared all the small children-and dogs-that had walked by, away.
"Maybe we should have taken my car," I replied nonchalantly. "Traffic seems way too busy today. Did you hear the radio report this morning?"
"Who cares about the goddamn radio report?" Ino demands, spinning around to glare at me.
I shrug in response. "You were the one who wanted to go shopping. Change your mind already?"
The anger in her face drains out to leave only incredulity. "That's not the point here, Sakura!"
"Suit yourself," I say, taking out my phone, and looking through my messages. I had sent an email to my professor this morning about my appointment at the hospital tomorrow. They had managed to pencil me in at around lunch but I didn't know how long it would take exactly, so I had informed the teacher on the fact that I may be late.
Just so, you know, they don't think I'm dead or anything.
Ino continues to mutter next to me. "How could this happen? I have never heard of anything like this happening before, so how the hell could this happen."
"Um," I say, glancing up. "The light's green."
"YOUR LIGHT'S GREEN," she screeches, rounding on me.
I blink. "Technically, I guess the light in my eyes are, since that's what color they are. Is that what you mean?"
"Oh my fucking god no. Why are you so calm?"
"Because," I say, glancing across the street again, where everyone is crossing because they are sane and cross the street when the signal is green, unlike Ino, who likes to stare down her best friend instead, "I don't know what's going on yet. The letter looked official and all, but, for all I know, it could totally be a prank from someone."
Ino's eyebrows furrow. "Who'd set up a prank like that?"
But as soon as I open my mouth to answer, she interjects with, "And it wasn't Naruto because he had no idea what was going on and I made sure it stayed that way."
"I wasn't going to say it was Naruto." C'mon, Ino, the signal won't be fucking green for long! "I have no idea who it is though. But I'm going to the hospital tomorrow, to find out if there is any truth in that letter, just to be sure," I say at her disapproving stare. "I like to be cautionary."
"If, by that, you mean you like to stress over every little thing because you so clearly have time for that, on top of your schoolwork, your internship, your part-time job, and your otherwise nonexistent life, then yes, you are."
"...I am going to punch your twinkly blue eyes in if we don't cross the road. Now."
Her mood seems to have gotten much better, as she smiles and motions for me to follow her across the street, of which the signal is still green, thank God.
It is as we are crossing the street that the phone in my hand slipped from my grip and onto the floor.
Now, I don't have very fast reflexes but if anyone, floor included, touches my phone, there will be murder in Konoha and a big ol' wanted poster with my name and picture on it.
(Just imagine.
WANTED: Sakura Haruno
INJUSTICES CAUSED: Threw a tantrum in the middle of the street and ended up traumatizing innocent passerby and killing them with her glare, when her phone broke.
PENALTIES: Who the hell cares? She already got her death letter.
Oh, oops, that doesn't sound as funny as it did when I first formulated it.)
I lunge as quickly as possible, but I don't reach it on time and stare in horror as it falls to its doom. Except it doesn't.
Because, all of a sudden, there is another, unfamiliar, palm there, which caught it quite wonderfully, and lifted my precious precious baby far away from the floor because it doesn't deserve to be anywhere but coddled in someone's hands.
I really spoil my phone don't I?
"Oh baby," I cry, reaching for it and not paying much attention to the person who had apparently caught it.
Instead, I take it and rock it back and forth slowly. Back and forth, back and forth.
"Oh, I'll never let you go again. Mama'll never let you see the light, don't you worry, my love—" It's at this point that I notice everyone near me staring, not including Ino who has apparently forgotten about me, already crossed the street, and was keeping at it, purposefully.
But definitely including the man who had saved my sweet sweet phone and was now staring at me like I was insane, except with this bemused little jump to the corner of his mouths.
"Thank you for that," I say whole-heartedly.
He looks surprised at that. I'm guessing he doesn't meet many woman who obsess, well, obsessively over their phone as much as I do.
It's then that I decide to actually look him up and down and see who exactly my baby's savior is.
And I proceed to realize that he's not only a Savior of Everything Good in the World but also that he is one fine piece of—
"No problem," he says with a shrug. "You should probably be more careful with that—," here, he gestures at my phone with his chin, "unless you wanna freak out on the street when you're in the middle of all these cars, daily."
His hair is really dark and so are his eyes.
I wouldn't mind running my hand through the former because it's spiky and running my hands through spikes sounds really good right now.
Also, he's fairly tall. Taller than my own average height, and tall enough for me to tiptoe and wrap my arms around his neck and—
"Hey?" he questions, bringing me out of my thoughts, which were probably headed in a dangerous direction anyway. "We should probably move out of the way..." His voice trailed off and I finally realized what he had been saying the whole time; that we were standing in the way of angry cars that were honking, because apparently the light was no longer green and I hadn't noticed.
Jesus, this is why pretty men are bad for my soul.
I'll probably end up run over one of these days.
I smile up at said pretty man. "Well, thank you, again! Sorry if I kept you..." The laugh I inserted at the end sounded kinda forced, so I let myself breathe out a little at the end and then realized that that made me sound like I was snorting.
FML, THERE IS NO WINNING WITH MY LIFE.
"No problem," the pretty man repeated and stared at me, his eyebrows furrowed, for a moment, like he wanted to say something. He shrugged as if to say what can you do? and said, "Name's Sasuke, by the way. In case, you…well. Whatever."
"I'm Sakura!" I replied brightly. I bet my face was shining brighter than a thousand suns
(Note to self: stop hanging out with Lee, he's starting to infect your thoughts.)
and then some. "My phone's name is Dr. Cherry!"
Sasuke seemed bewildered. "Isn't that a soft drink?"
"...that's Dr. Pepper."
"Aa. Cool. Well. I gotta go. Bye."
And then he left me, standing in the middle of a busy street, cars honking, angry drivers cursing me to hell and beyond and Ino screeching at me to not flirt so blatantly on the street and also that I really needed to get laid.
Computerized Journal
….
Would you like to create a new entry?
[Yes] [No]
….
Notes to Self:
-Find out more about this so-called Death Letter.
-Go get the check-up at the hospital during lunch tomorrow.
-Don't tell anyone (other than Ino, because she already knows) about it because they will, uh, freak out.
-Stop hanging out with Lee, because I have apparently started adopting his diction and that just isn't cool, okay.
-Find out more about Sasuke aka Mysterious Street Man aka Spikes aka Pretty Man aka…
-Don't die in the near future.
….
Save Entry?
[Yes] [No]
notes2: Thoughts?