Booshy Elections.
Summery- Now's your chance to vote for your favourite Boosh character to become the new Prime Minister Listen to their promises and mate your selection.
Disclaimer- I do not own the Boosh, and I hate politics. I just wanted to make them funnier this way
Author's Notes- I want to say thanks to ButtonsMagoo for all her help and ideas for this story, to be truthful she thought of most of it, so big big thanks to her
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Author- Hello and welcome to the first Boosh elections here outside the Velvet Onion in Dalston. I'm your host for the evening and I'll be asking our electionees what they would do if elected. So, we'll go inside now and meet them.
Inside the club, Vince, Howard, Naboo, Bollo, Fossil, Bainbridge, Saboo, Dennis, Kirk, Tony Harrison, the Spirit of Jazz and the Hitcher are sitting on a long table with microphones in front of them.
Author- I will now ask their promise from our first nominee, Vince Noir.
An enormous applause erupts in the club, as Vince sits up and bows. He is wearing black drainpipes, blue shirt and black jacket, but also a large squid mask on his head. He is also supporting a rosette saying 'Vote for Vince' on it made by Bollo.
Author- Welcome Vince, now first of all and it's not only me thinking this, but why on earth are you wearing that?
Vince- Come-on, this is genius. This is the latest in animal fancy dress wear, and I had to be the first to show it off.
Author- Right...now, tell us all what your promise is to get you elected?
Vince- If I get elected, flirtinis for all, continuous sales at Topshops across England, animals will get as much rights as humans, all jazz records will be locked away in a jazz offenders prison and electro music will rule above them all.
The audience claps and stamps their feet at the promise, as Vince bows once more before sitting down.
Authour- Now for our next nominee, Howard Moon.
Howard stands up and bows, only to get one person clapping, but they were really just trying to kill a fly in their vision. Howard is wearing his multi purpose tweed utility suit and a rosette saying 'Vote for Harold' that Bollo made by mistake.
Author- Welcome Howard, now is it true that can zip all the way down to trunks?
Howard- Why, yes it is. Want to see how?
Several people in the audience shriek in fright and hide their faces in their hands. The author holds up her hands in defence.
Author- No, I don't think that's really good for your voters to see. Now, what's your promise to get you elected?
Howard- If elected, jazz lovers will get to destory as much electro music as they wish and every home will recieve one of these multi purpose tweed utility suit.
He bows once more to the audience, where someone just coughs and a tumbleweed brushes past slowly. The man finally caught the fly and remembered where he was, muttering to his friend next to him 'Has that ballbag finally finished?'
Author- Right...Now, our next nominee, Naboo.
The tiny shaman stood up and bowed, his blue turban nearly slipping from his head. On his blue robes was a rosette saying 'Vote for Naboo'. The audienec went wild, but not as much as for Vince.
Author- Welcome Naboo, now tell us all about your shamanic life.
Naboo- It's mostly about getting stoned and getting out of shit really.
Author- Excellent, now what's your promise?
Naboo- Just that you ballbags shouldn't mess with me, because I'm Naboo that who. Anyone who dosen't, I'll turn my back on them.
The audience cheered once more as Naboo bowed again, Howard looking downcast and Vince looking over the moon.
Author- Now it's time for a break and for you to vote between our first three nominees. The winner of this election will go to a final along with the winners of the next three elections then you will get to choose who you want to be Englands PM! See you after the break.