Hey Fanfiction peeps. First time posting a story. Especially under the nikita category. Um yeah. Hope you guys like it.

Disclaimer: I Don't own anything

March 21, 2001 was the day when my life ended. Or for me it did at least. It took every thing that had value for me. And that was my family. Money and all those materialistic things don't even get close to what a family can give you. Those feelings. Those experiences. Those... every things. They were just a part of my life that was very important to me but what did they owe? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. They had nothing to pay for. They didn't deserve it. They didn't fucking deserve any of it. They didn't deserve to fucking die out of the blue.

They had so much to live. So much to experience. And all Elizabeth ever did was love me unconditionally, all Hayley ever did was being my daughter. Are those a fucking crime? Up until this day I ask myself, was that their worst crime? Or their worst mistake? I still don't know. I guess I never will know. Having the opportunity to change just one minute of that day would mean everything to me. I would give everything I have to obtain just one minute and change everything. I would give my heart, my past, my religion, even my fucking soul.

And there's two things clearly printed in my head: I will never be able to change one second of that moment, and that if I had been more careful they would still be alive.

Smiling.

Laughing.

Breathing...

That one second in which the bomb wrapped them in an endless wave of red and heat was enough to destroy not only their life but mine. Just one second. All gone. Forever. To never come back. Even though my empty heart is still beating, it's as if my soul had been ripped away. And how can person be so full of life on the outside when in the inside they are just an empty shell?

You can't. You just can't.

As much as I tried to go on without them it was just...impossible. Everything reminded me about them. The best memories I had with them popped into my head at every moment. Every time I looked at my reflection on a mirror I said to myself

"Come on, Michael. You can do this. They would have wanted you to move on with your life and be...happy."

As much as I tried to smile or at least show any emotion other than lifeless eyes I knew deep inside me that I was lying to myself. Only to myself. Everyone around me could see I was not okay. Not o-fucking-kay like the My Chemical Romance song (XD). Who am I kidding, they thought I was a FUCKING ZOMBIE!

Every emotion possible was wiped out. All that was left behind were anger at myself and at life for taking away everything I ever loved. Sadness for not having them around me with their smiles and warm hugs, kisses, laughs. Pain deep inside me that was slowly and agonizingly spreading through every live part of me. Love? All the pain that I had inside me was enough to instantly erase it. No trace left. What do I need love for? To just store it in me so that it ends up rotting me inside out? No thank you. Having love and not giving it to others or at least feeling it deep in you heart would be selfish, wouldn't it?

All that blood that was spilled. All those tears that were shed. They were all because of me. Yes, because of me. Kasim gave me the suitcase containing the bomb and I took it. Stupidly enough , I did not check it to see what was inside.

How could I have known that the suitcase contained what would leave me lifeless and lonely?

Even though he was the one who planned everything out to perfection, resulting in the worst nightmare any one could go through, I still blame myself for everything. All the things I could had done to make a difference. All the things that wouldn't have been. And all the things that would have been...

My beautiful five year old Hayley growing up. Holding her hand through every face of life. Growing older with the woman I though was the love of life. Spending every breathing second with the only two people who made my day brighter and brighter. There were no words to describe what I felt towards them. I tried to say all those things to them all the time but I felt like it was never enough. I never thought I would lose them forever. My biggest mistake aside from being the fool I was for not daring to check the inside of that suitcase. I didn't express myself to them much, only because, just like everyone else, I didn't know what I had until I lost it.

I found myself alone. Truly alone.

Review! Part 2 coming soon!

-Heidy