-Monkey McCartney-
Brian Denton tapped the end of his pencil on his desk; he had a severe case of writers' block and was having a time trying to think up the next line in his editorial. I wish I had a chicken leg about now, he thought angrily, shooting a glare at the pad of paper in front of him. Oh, if looks could kill...but the paper wasn't alive, and that was what bothered Denton.
He sighed in frustration. Just when he was about to discreetly leave his desk and sneak out to Tibby's, a mail carrier burst into the large office. "Mail!"
Loudly, he called out the names of those in the room who had a letter, as well as the return addressee. Bitterly, Denton thought, Yeah, and once again, I don't have anything. Denton sighed heavily again.
"Brian Denton! No return address here," the mail carrier mused, turning the letter over and upside-down and sideways as if the address would magically appear if he shook it just right.
Denton sat there in shock for a moment; he had a letter! Finally! Suddenly, he jumped up, rushed toward the mail carrier, and made a mad grab for the letter, crumpling it in the process. He looked at the crumpled envelope in his hands miserably, the way a small child looks at a toy he's just broken. With a mad glance toward the mail carrier, he growled, "Look what you did!"
The mail carrier rolled his eyes as Denton gingerly opened the envelope. "My very own letter!" he exclaimed under his breath excitedly.
As he pried the envelope open, the strong scent of a woman's perfume hit him in the face. From a lady? Denton grinned excitedly as he pulled the letter from the envelope. This letter was printed in ginger handwriting on a light pink sheet of paper. It said simply, "I have my eye on you, Denty."
Denton reddened and giggled, bringing strange looks from everyone in the room. "Sorry," he announced, grinning from ear to ear. He had a secret admirer!
Denton was in the clouds for the rest of the day. When he got off work, he headed straight to Tibby's. Several of the newsies - namely, Jack, Race, Blink, Mush, and Specs - were there for dinner. "Heya Denty!" Jack called, waving him over to the table.
"Hey fellas! How 'bout supper on me?" he asked, pulling up a chair and sitting in it backward.
"So, ah, Denty, what's the news? You're in a good mood today," Mush asked.
"Fellas...I have an announcement," Denton began excitedly.
The boys sat, staring at him. Finally, Denton leaned in and whispered, "I have a secret admirer."
Jack raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really?"
"Sure it ain't a stalker?" Race asked, flicking his cigar on the table. Mush looked at the ashes disapprovingly and used his shirtsleeve to sweep them away.
"Even if it was a stalker, Denty'd still want her," Specs cracked, pushing his glasses up on his nose. This raised a chuckle from the other guys.
"Yeah, yeah, very funny, Specs. You're just jealous," Denton scoffed.
"Whatever you say, Denty," Specs muttered. He leaned toward Blink and whispered, "For all he knows it could be a man or somethin'."
Blink burst out laughing. Denton knew better than to ask; he probably didn't want to know, anyhow.
"Wonder if it's Medda," Jack mused. "She's had her eye on ol' Denty for a while now."
"Yeah, could be her, eh?" Mush said to himself.
"Medda Larkson?" Denton shuddered. "She's too old, and definately not my type."
"Hey, how would Denty know his type, anyway? He ain't never had a girl," Race whispered to Mush, who shrugged, grinning. "One thing's for sure, she's gotta love chicken legs," Mush whispered. Race snickered.
"Hey, guys, cut it out! If you're going to say it, say it out loud," Denton whined.
Race saluted him. "Whatever you say, gov."
For the next week Denton continued to recieve the mysterious letters from his so-called "secret admirer".
Day 2: "I admire you from afar every day."
Day 3: "You look so handsome in your new bowtie."
Day 4: "Let's go out for chicken legs."
Day 5: "I long to meet you, Brian."
Day 6: "We could have a beautiful life together."
Day 7: "I followed you down the street yesterday. Why didn't you say hello?"
Day 8: "Meet me at Tibby's on Tuesday at seven o'clock sharp. With love, your admirer."
Denton giggled. It was Saturday; he had three days to plan for his date with his admirer. "Whaddya know," he whispered to himself, "my first real date."
The rest of the day, Denton pondered exactly what he would wear. He decided on a soot-gray suit with a orange and green bowtie (*a/n* How typical...). On Sunday, he consulted the newsies on what he would do and say.
"Well, just be yourself, Denty," Jack told him.
Blink snickered and Mush elbowed him in the ribs. Race started to grin but he rubbed a hand over his face to keep it straight. Specs keenly studied the napkin in front of him to keep from looking at Denton. He didn't want to laugh at the ridiculousness of the whole situation.
"Well..." Denton began, standing up and sticking his chest out like a peacock, "I guess I need my beauty rest. Thanks, fellas."
"Anytime, Dent," Jack called after him as he strutted to the front door, swung it open, and strutted out.
"Poor guy thinks he's got somethin' special," Blink forced out before laughter drowned out his words.
"It's probably some old lady that saw him doing an edi...edi...a story," Specs mused.
Clicking his tounge, Race shook his head and sighed before a huge grin broke out on his face. "Fellas, this is too funny. I mean, it can't be any normal girl, can it? Who in their right mind..." He shook his head again.
"I dunno, Race, but I vote we come and watch through the windows Tuesday night at seven," Mush proposed slyly.
Jack grinned. "Good idea, Mush. Tuesday night at seven, boys. On the dot."
"How's this dress?" a high-pitched voice asked from the closet of the dark room.
Seitz stepped closer. "No, no, no, it doesn't work for you. Try something else."
A sigh could be heard before the rustling of dresses commenced. This is gonna be great, Seitz thought to himself. It'll teach that stupid journalist not to interfere with the Cheif's paper.
"Seitz, this had better work. I am not putting on any more dresses after this," the voice called.
Let's hope not, Seitz thought. "All right, come on out. Let's see your dress."
Jonathan sheepishly stepped out of the dark closet and spun around in front of Seitz. He wore a baby blue dress tied off at the waist with a big navy ribbon. "This is so embarassing," he cried, looking to Seitz with pleading eyes. "Do I have to do this?"
"'Course, Jonathan. You look lovely," Seitz joked before bursting into laughter. "Let me get that wig," he muttered to himself, leaving the room for a moment.
He returned, a blonde wig with a blue ribbon and ringlets in hand. "Let's try this."
Seitz put the wig on Jonathan's head and snickered.
"Remember, it was your idea. I just went along because I'm the only one who'll fit into Joe's daughter's dresses," Jonathan muttered.
"Joe doesn't have a daughter," Seitz informed Jonathan.
"Well, they aren't his wife's, are they?" Jonathan asked.
Seitz shook his head. Jonathan pondered for a moment. "Well then why would there be dresses - "
"That's a scary thought, Jonathan. Let's just keep our mental images of the Cheif like they already are, agreed?" Seitz jumped in.
Jonathan cast a sideways glance toward the wall. "Too late," he mumbled.
Seitz wrinkled his nose. "Eww, Jonathan!"
"It isn't my fault!" he protested, walking over to the mirror to check his wig. "My mustache might be a problem."
"No, that's staying. I can't wait to see the look on Denton's face when his 'secret admirer' walks in with a mustache!" Seitz almost doubled over laughing.
"Yes, I suppose I do look rather amusing," Jonathan said, grinning. "But never ask me to do this again. You owe me big, Seitz. Maybe you might put in a good word for me with the Cheif? I could use a pay raise."
"Whatever you want, Jonathan," Seitz laughed, clapping Jonathan on the back. "This is gonna be great!"
Denton adjusted how bow tie and smiled to himself. Tonight was the night he was to meet his destiny! He picked up his bowler hat, sat it gingerly on his head to avoid messing up his hair, and fastened his pocket watch to his pocket. Picking up the red roses he had bought for his admirer, he strolled out the door of his apartment, locking it behind him.
Denton whistled a tune as he walked down the street, smiling at everyone who passed by. Today's my lucky day! he thought to himself as he swung open the front door of Tibby's and strutted in, taking a seat in a back booth to await his love.
About that time, Jack, Specs, Mush, Race, and Blink arrived outside the building and all crouched down beside the side window. "There he is!" Jack whispered.
"What, she ain't showed?" Mush asked.
"It ain't seven yet," Race answered after hastily checking his pocket watch.
"We're early," Blink mused.
Specs looked over at Blink. "Really? We didn't know."
"Well, I'm glad I could help ya out, there, pal," Blink returned cheerfully. Specs shook his head.
Mush looked around, trying to be the first to spot Denton's secret admirer. "Hey, what's Seitz doin' here?" he asked, seeing the white-haired man standing on the corner, whistling.
"Whatever he's doin'," Specs answered smartly.
"Real funny, Specs," Mush muttered, sighing.
"Hey, look, I think that's her," Jack hissed, pointing past Seitz. There was a thin woman in a light blue dress that was tied off with a navy blue ribbon. She held a parasol in front of her face, but closed it as she stepped through the door.
Mush's eyes widened. "Jack! Denton's admirer is the Bearded Lady!"
The guys snickered. Race elbowed Mush. "That ain't a beard, it's a mustache."
Mush shrugged. "Same difference."
Inside Tibby's, Denton's heart was beating wildly. There she was! But when she turned around, he gasped in horror. She had...a mustache! Oh well, physical flaws can be overlooked. Appearance isn't everything. Maybe I can show her how to shave.
Shakily, Denton stood. She turned around and smiled. "Brian Denton!"
That's funny. She sounds like...like a man! "Yes, that's me. And you are?"
"No time for names, I'm famished!" she exclaimed, grabbing his hand and leading him to the booth.
She touched me. Denton cleared his throat. "What would you like for dinner?"
"Oh, anything. You pick for me," she smiled.
Jonathan was about to go mad. This is so embarassing, he thought as he continued to play woman. I've got to get out of this. Seitz told me to wait a while before I reveal myself, but I don't want him to get too attached. Why couldn't he be the one to dress up?!
Denton was ecstatic. Never mind the fact that she wouldn't tell him her name and that she had a thick mustache - she was his one true love! He smiled from ear to ear as he ordered them both large platters of chicken legs.
Jonathan groaned inwardly. He hated chicken. Just a few more minutes. Maybe I can get out of here before I eat those chicken legs and make him think that I really am the one for him. Seitz is crazy. He should be trying to get a girlfriend for me, not dressing me up as a girl and trying to get me a boyfriend.
Outside Tibby's, the guys were laughing so hard they thought they would die. "I know who it is!" Mush had exclaimed only a moment earlier. "It's Jonathan!"
"Pulitzer's Jonathan?" Race asked, his eyes wide.
"It IS!" Jack had exclaimed before collapsing into a fit of mad laughter.
Back inside, Denton was making small talk with his date. My bride-to-be, he thought wistfully to himself. I'm in love.
The waiter emerged from the kitchen with the two platters of chicken legs. Jonathan groaned. As the waiter set them on the table with a smile, Denton asked, "Tell me, my love, what is your name?"
"I...I have a confession." She stood.
Denton looked up expectantly at her, hoping that she would confess her undying love for him.
Slowly, Jonathan removed the wig. "I hate chicken."
"AHHHHGH!" Denton screamed, jumping up. She hated CHICKEN?!
Every head in Tibby's turned, slack-jawed, to ogle the cross-dressed man. You only saw that late at night in the alleys.
Jonathan turned red. "This is so embarassing." With that, he ran from the restaurant, Seitz catching up with him as they raced toward the World building, laughing so hard they knew that they'd have to change pants when they got back.
Outside Tibby's, the newsies were laughing so hard they were crying. "Get up, get up, we gotta run!" Jack choked out. Still rolling with laughter, the other guys stumbled to their feet and lit out toward the lodging house.
Back at World building, Seitz and a still- in-drag Jonathan sat in Pulitzer's office, drinking some brandy and gloating over their joke on Denton.
"You were perfect!" Seitz laughed.
"I'm never doing that again," Jonathan proclaimed, taking a sip of his drink.
Seitz threw his head back and drained his glass. All of a sudden, the door crashed open and a frantic Pulitzer stumbled in, looking around. He spied Jonathan. "Jonathan! What are you doing wearing my favorite dress?!"
Seitz and Jonathan shared a disturbed look and hurriedly left the room.
The next morning, a downtrodden Denton trudged into work. "How'd the date go?" one of his co-workers asked. Denton grunted. He was not in the mood for a conversation.
"Well," his co-worker said, "there are plenty other fish in the sea."
This comment brightened Denton, and he went about his daily routine. He'd get over it. He was just still disappointed that she hated chicken so much.