High Five for Going Boldly Where No Man Has Gone Before!
(Or, Six Times Kirk High Fived a Crewmember of the Enterprise, and One Time Spock High Fived Him)
Nefertiri's Handmaiden
Disclaimer: High five for having no ownership of Star Trek!
Author's note: In which Kirk gives out high fives like candy and Spock is having none of this bizarre human custom. Inspired by the Star Trek: 2009 gag reel in which Zachary Quinto and Chris Pine share an epic high five and low five.
"C'mon, Spock!" Kirk enthused. "Even you can't say that this was anything less than awesome."
Spock looked stoically unimpressed, as usual.
Kirk continued, unperturbed by Spock's lack of reaction. "I mean, we managed to save the colonists and disable the enemy ship in one brilliant streak of teamwork. That's a good day."
"Agreed," said Spock. "It does make for a 'good day', as you say."
"Right," said Kirk. "So high five for teamwork!" He raised his right hand, looking expectantly at Spock.
Spock looked at Kirk's hand, then back at Kirk's face. "I have seen humans use this gesture. However, Vulcans do not high five."
Kirk ignored Spock's comment. "Don't leave me hanging, Spock." Spock didn't move. "I'm not putting this hand down until someone high fives me, Mr. Spock," he said in his best captain-y voice.
Apparently, this was the cue that Sulu was looking for. In a flash, he was up from his chair. He high fived Kirk with vigor, the slapping sound echoing on the bridge. Kirk started laughing. "All right, Sulu! High five for high fiving!" Sulu high fived him again, and then returned to his seat. "See?" demanded Kirk to Spock, gesturing to Sulu. "This guy gets it. Good work, Sulu."
"Thank you, sir."
Spock turned away. "Perhaps Mr. Sulu will volunteer to fulfill your high-fiving requirements in the future. I trust you will not entreat me to do so again."
-ST-
"This is great work, Mr. Spock, Mr. Chekov. What a clever way to save energy until we make it to the next planet."
"Quite," agreed Spock.
"High five for efficiency." Kirk held up his hand.
Spock raised his eyebrows. "No."
"Really, Mr. Spock. I'm surprised at you. What better to high five about than efficiency?"
"Once again, Captain, I must remind you that Vulcans do not high five. More specifically, I do not high five."
"High five me, Spock."
"No."
"Sir, I vill high fiwe vith you."
Kirk looked despairingly once more at Spock, who didn't even blink. "Proceed, Mr. Chekov."
The slap that resounded from the force of Chekov's hand hitting Kirk's was so impressive that everyone on the bridge turned to stare and Spock's eyebrows shot up.
"Hot damn!" said Kirk loudly, rubbing his palm to alleviate the sting. "That was a hell of a high five, Pavel!"
"High fiwing, it was inwented in Russia."
-ST-
"Captain, Lieutenant Uhura and I wish to speak with you," Spock intoned as he and Uhura came to a halt before Kirk's desk.
"Very well, Commander. Please, go ahead."
"Pursuant to Starfleet regulation 66-dash-24-point-1, the Lieutenant and I wish to inform you that we have mutually decided to alter our relationship paradigm with the addition of a permanent commitment element. Additionally, we wish you to be involved in the traditional acts that cement the change."
Kirk looked baffled. "Um. What?"
Uhura, practically bouncing on her toes with happiness, clarified: "We're getting married and we'd like you to perform the ceremony."
Kirk smiled widely. "I'd be delighted, Commander, Lieutenant. Congratulations." He rounded his desk to clap Spock on the shoulder and kiss Uhura on the cheek.
"Thank you, sir."
Kirk leaned back against his desk and grinned at them a moment more, happy for his friends. He raised a hand. "High five for marriage!" Spock merely stared at him. "Oh, come on, Spock. If not now, when?"
"Never," stated Spock.
Quick as a flash, Uhura stepped forward and high fived Kirk. "Awesome!" he shouted.
Spock looked at her, one eyebrow raised. "Hey," she defended. "You don't have to high five, but I'm a human and I'm excited, so I'm getting a high five for my engagement."
Spock inclined his head. "Very well. Proceed."
Nyota smiled. "One more time, Kirk!"
"Yes!"
-ST-
"High five for saving the ship from destruction!"
"Absolutely not."
"Ugh. Fine. Scotty!"
"Aye, sir?"
"Get over here and high five me!"
"Aye, sir!"
*Slap!*
"Well done, Mr. Scott."
*Slap!*
"Keenser, I didn't know you high fived, too!"
"Yep."
-ST-
Kirk surveyed the banquet room. On the floor lay several Romulan terrorists who had been foiled. Around them stood his security team, led by Lieutenant Cupcake, and what remained of the Vulcan elders, including Sarek. The terrorists had meant to destroy what was left of Vulcan. Kirk was satisfied with the work: the threat had been eliminated and no one other than the terrorists had been harmed.
He looked at Spock, opened his mouth, and then closed it again. He raised his hand. "Cupcake!" he shouted, not taking his eyes off of Spock. "High five!"
Lieutenant Cupcake didn't smile as he walked up to Kirk and high fived him, but even Spock could tell he was pleased. "Excellent, Lieutenant. I'll buy the drinks tonight."
"Thank you, sir."
-ST-
"Damnit, Jim! I'm a doctor, not one of your frat boys!"
"Bones," said Kirk in a warning tone.
McCoy sighed. "Fine." He high fived Kirk, grumbling.
"All right!"
-ST-
"Captain, Spock and I need to talk to you," announced Uhura.
Kirk looked up fro his desk. "The last time you two wanted to talk to me, you were getting married."
"Correct," affirmed Spock. Kirk could tell he was struggling not to smile, which was exceedingly unusual. "On this occassion, we wish to inform you of an impending addition to your crew."
Looks of confusion and then shock crossed Kirk's face, and then he settled into a smile. He turned to Uhura, who was practically glowing. "You're pregnant, Lieutenant," he concluded.
"Yes, sir!"
"That's awesome!" He stood and rushed around his desk, hugging Uhura and then shaking Spock's hand. "Congratulations!" Then he frowned. "You've seen Bones about this, I assume?"
"Indeed, Captain. Doctor McCoy tells us that the child's growth is progressing within normal parameters and he or she is, as of now, healthy."
"Great! How long until we have a little Spock or Uhura underfoot?"
"I'm due in September," said Uhura.
Kirk counted in his head quickly. "Only six months. We've got to get you two into some bigger quarters so there's room for the baby."
"We have another request, Jim," stated Spock.
"Anything," said Kirk immediately.
"Will you serve as the child's godfather?"
Kirk was speechless. "I- Of course. Of course I will. I'm honored, Spock." Something that looked vaguely like tears welled up in his eyes, but he banished them quickly, forcing himself back to cheefulness. "I'm thrilled. And you, Spock! Good work! Way to go, you old dog!" He held up his hand for a high five, then looked at it. "Oh, sorry, I always forget that you-"
Kirk was cut off when Spock's hand slapped his. He and and Uhura stared at Spock in surprise.
"High five," said Spock as dispassionately as ever, "for the forthcoming birth of my child."