A/N: The evil plot bunnies attacked me at midnight and this is the result of having a song running through my head over and over… I normally only read this ship; it is the first time I am writing it and I know certain friends of mine will be highly disturbed by it. But Sirius was very determined to have his say. That said, I present my disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns Remus and Sirius, though I wish Moony were mine. Kelly Clarkson owns the song "Beautiful Disaster," it is off her CD, Breakaway. I took some slight liberties with the lyrics to fit Remus and Sirius, but I think the actual song is way better. Forgive my messing with the song. Now, on to the story—Russet
Touching Lyrics
"He drowns in his dreams/ an exquisite extreme, I know…"
Remus Lupin winced as he turned the page of his book. His house-mate and best friend, Sirius Black, had just begun to sing. It wasn't that Remus disliked his friend's voice, quite the contrary, but the song was way out of Sirius' range. And, if Remus was not much mistaken, the song was Kelly Clarkson's "Beautiful Disaster." It was a rather girly song for Sirius to choose to sing.
"He's as damned as he seems/ more Heaven than a heart should hold…"
Idly Remus turned a page in his book, but he wasn't really reading. He was finding it impossible to ignore Sirius' off-key singing. And Remus was certain, though he hated to admit that he knew the song, that the line was "more Heaven than a heart could hold."
"And if I try to save him/ our whole world will cave in/ Just ain't right…"
"No, it just ain't right," Remus thought along with Sirius' next line. "My," not "our" world will cave in. But Sirius seemed intent on butchering the song. Perhaps he was doing it to annoy Remus. It wasn't unheard of. For a nineteen-year-old wizard living in a time of war, Sirius could be very child-like, especially around Remus.
"Oh, and I don't know/ I don't know what he's after/ But he's so beautiful/ he's such a beautiful disaster/ And if I could hold on/ through the tears and the laughter/ would it be beautiful/ or just a beautiful disaster…"
Remus winced again at Sirius' vain attempts to hit all the high notes in the chorus. If only he would sing the song in a key to match his voice, Remus thought irritably. And if he would hurry up. I was just getting to the good part. The bookworm of the two was, of course, referring to the book resting limply in his lap as he listened raptly to Sirius.
"He's magic and myth/ Strong, but he can't believe…"
Remus had half a mind to go correct Sirius for such a blatant disregard of the actual lyrics, but the werewolf froze as his friend continued.
"A tragedy with/ more damage than a soul should see/ But do I try to cage him/ so hard not to wake him…"
The last two lines were so far off that Remus stood up, intending to set his friend straight. They were mistakes anyone could make; in fact, one of his friends had actually believed those were the original lyrics once. But the use of the words "cage" and "wake him" made Remus doubt that Sirius was mistaken. They reminded him of Sirius speaking about Remus' wolf.
"Hold me tight/ baby, hold me tight…"
Remus stopped to listen to the chorus again as he began to understand what Sirius was doing. Sirius wanted Remus to overhear him, even though he normally hated for anyone to hear him sing.
"He's longing for love and the logical/ but I'm only happy hysterical/ we're searching for some kind of miracle/ waiting so long/ waiting so long…"
Those three changes made perfect sense to Remus. Sirius was the hysterical one. Remus—no, anyone else, not me, he thought—was logical, compared to Sirius. Remus refused to put his name in for the "he" the song referred to. Sirius didn't, couldn't, think like that.
"He's soft to the touch/ but frayed at the ends he breaks…"
Remus' thoughts strayed, for a moment, to the full moon. Sirius was always there, no matter how awful Remus felt. Fur was soft, and Remus did break himself every time he transformed…
"He's never enough/ but still he's more than I can take…"
Sirius' voice paused, as if trying to get a deeper message across, a message that had everything to do with the mutilated lyrics and nothing to do with the actual song. Trust Sirius to never come at anything personal straight on, Remus thought bitterly. Sirius was the more open of the two, and yet, here he was, hiding behind words that someone else had written. Sirius had just changed them to suit his purpose, like everything else he had ever used.
"Oh, and I don't know/ I don't know what he's after/ But he's so beautiful/ he's such a beautiful disaster/ And if I could hold on/ through the tears and the laughter/ would it be beautiful/ or just a beautiful disaster…"
Remus winced at Sirius' last attempt at really high notes, and at the fact that, now that he thought about it, the song eerily fit him and Sirius. Even without Sirius' enlightening changes, the song fit. Sirius had just made it obvious to Remus. But Remus wasn't sure he wanted to know.
"He's beautiful/ Oh, he's so beautiful/ He's beautiful."
Sirius' voice stopped abruptly with the end of the song, leaving Remus to wonder if that was what Sirius truly felt. Remus knew that was how he, himself, felt. But what if he was reading too deeply into Sirius' seeming mistakes? Would it do either of them any good for Remus to acknowledge his feelings? For the first time, Remus was afraid of telling Sirius how he felt. The werewolf had never had any trouble showing his emotions to Sirius, but Remus had hid these particular feelings for years. He could have misinterpreted Sirius' meaning. He could have, though it seemed unlikely.
Remus heard Sirius' chair move and, still clutching his book, he hurried upstairs, denying that he had heard Sirius' singing.
In the living room, a depressed Sirius was left to wonder if Remus had even heard him sing. Sirius was proud of the way he had sung. Even with his changes he had not done too badly at the tune. And, most importantly, he had done it for Remus. It would be a long time, however, before Sirius knew that his lyrics had, in fact, managed to touch Remus' heart.