Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

A/N: This is kind of like Ponyboy's perspective told to him after the death of his parents. Review!

You sit there, watching the square TV. Mickey Mouse is on and there you are with Two-Bit, as he cracks jokes and you laugh. Then you both laugh when Mickey Mouse does something funny on the TV.

You sit on the couch as your parents walk out the door, briskly saying 'Goodbye' to each other instead of the usual 'See you later' or 'See you at home.'

You didn't realize that would be the last time you said goodbye to your parents. And maybe if you had known, you wouldn't have told your mom a week before that it wasn't tuff to be kissed on the head anymore before she left to go somewhere.

Maybe if you hadn't told her that, maybe she would still be here, kissing you on the top of your head, or your forehead, and maybe your dad would be there to pat you on the back.

Or maybe you could've at least enjoyed your mom's kisses or your dad's familiar and comforting hugs for a week more.

--

You don't realize the seriousness of the situation when the fuzz show up at your place. After all, you are only a naïve twelve year old who's never been faced with such a tough situation. Two-Bit cracks a joke as you both fail to recognize that Darry's face has paled.

"America's Most Wanted: Dallas Winston," Two-Bit says and you laugh.

You think, what did Dallas do now that the cops were going to your house?

Then you see Sodapop go up next to Darry. You see Darry put an arm around him for support and that's when you know. Something happened.

And you know something terrible really happened when the cop pulls off his hat, bows his head and says, "I'm so sorry, but we need you to ID their bodies."

--

You stare at the door that Darry just exited out of, and you wonder when he's coming back. When he comes back and tells you this is all just a joke. He set the whole thing up and he was just trying to fool you and scare you. Then say, 'Hey, it's what big brothers do.' Then wink at you.

He comes back, and you see his bloodshot eyes and messed up hair that's sticking up in various directions.

Sodapop stands up and looks at him then says, "Please tell me it's a joke, Dar. Please."

You look at Darry's angular and toned face as Sodapop looks at you. His eyes are sad, pleading, and wise beyond his years even if only is fourteen. You barely even know what's happening but you still wish it is just a joke, a dream, a silly mistake.

But you quickly realize it's not as Darry says, "I wish I could."

You see Darry run over to Sodapop as Sodapop falls to the ground, tears running down his face. Darry doesn't cry, and you don't even realize that's the day that Darry becomes so protective of you. Because he doesn't want what happened to Mom and Dad to happen to you.

But you never realize that. And you barely hear the calls of the gang as you run out the door. You need to clear your head, forget, and pray to God to wake you up.

But God never woke you up. And you're still waiting.

--

You're scared when the social worker comes. Your parents haven't even had their funeral yet and already, the social workers are bothering Darry.

You don't understand why Darry doesn't send you and Soda to a boys' home. He has a good future with college and football and to be great. Why does he deal with all this stress and why is he giving up everything just for you?

But you can see it in his eyes, and you refuse to acknowledge it because you feel Darry doesn't understand you. Even if you ignore it, you can still see that Darry would do anything for you and Soda, that he loves you both, and in his words, "Family always sticks together no matter what."

And for now, that's all you really needed to hear instead of the social worker telling Darry, "I don't think you should do this," as she hands the paperwork and a pen over to Darry. Darry doesn't even look at her as he signs on the dotted lines. He looks at Sodapop, then looks at you, and you know that he knows that you need this. Because now that you lost parents, you didn't want to lose your two brothers too. And hell, you're thinking that Darry doesn't want to lose his brothers either.

But the social workers never really understood that.

--

It isn't until the actual day of the funeral that you cry. You're sitting next to Soda, who has been bawling since day one of what happened. You just can't help yourself. All of the gang tried mustering up their best clothes to look nice. Two-Bit in a suit. Steve in a leather jacket. Even Tim Shephard tried looking nice.

You start laughing, looking at everybody and yourself making fools out of themselves in these clothes, trying to look like Socs even though you guys were anything but, until the laughs turn into full on cries.

And that's when you know it; your parents are never coming back, never going to help you, or give you a pat on the back or a kiss on the head.