Disclaimer: I don't own Eva. Nor do I own any of the said Mary
Sue's in this fic, except for the few I made up, due to the
lack of actual ones for me to kill. :) I wish I owned Eva, but I
don't. Don't sue me. This fic isn't for the faint of heart, I
have a penchant to get very violent when angry, and nothing angers
me like a Mary Sue... well, not much does anyway.
Shinji Vs. The Uber Mary Sue - First Edition.
Writen by ShinRyuKen
Deep within Central Dogma, there exists a place few know about.
In this place, exist the remains and rejects of creatures even
more monsterous and horrid than the Evangelions. They were created
purely to satisfy man's sick little fantasies, at the expense of
other's reading pleasure. They are the Mary Sue's...
Shinji Ikari. The Third Child. Usually the key victim of these
sick, twisted, almost godlike humanoids. Sometimes they take his
place, because of how increadibly great the are, other times they
kill him, or even make it so he had never existed. Shinji Ikari
had had enough, he was going to put an end to these monstrosities
once and for all, even if it meant a martyr... his father ofcourse.
Shinji let everyone in Tokyo 3 know, he was going to destroy the
evil, known as Mary Sue once and for all!
Asuka Langly Sohryu. The Second Child. Also is one of the key
victims when it comes to Mary Sue's. With their much feared
Aura of Smooth, they somehow manage to turn this great Eva
pilot into a lovesick heap, who wants nothing more than to
get some from said Mary Sue. The second she heard the news,
she signed up - after yelling at Baka Shinji for not telling
her first, naturally - Asuka put on her battlegear, loaded
her arsenal, and made sure her Evangelion was nice and sparkly.
Revenge would finally be hers!
and Rei Ayanami. The First Child. Much like Asuka, Rei is usually
a key victim in this Mary Sue's twisted persuit to get laid
by every single female member of the Eva cast. They would
seduce her, and should would somehow gain emotions out of no
where - how that one works she is still trying to figure out
- so Ayanami signed up aswell, knowing the world will be a
better place without these horrible creatures. Plus, she
secretly wanted revenge - ofcourse, she didn't tell anyone
else that - She was more than just some doll that you
could screw and then leave, and god dammit, there was going
to be serious HELL to pay!
Later that evening, the entire population of Tokyo 3 was
seated in the newly built stadium inside the Geofront, complete
with its own hotdog stand and fully licensed bar! Major Misato
Katsuragi had front row seats and was cheering like there was
no tommorow - "GO SHINJI! YOU KICK 'SHUM MARY SHOE BUTT!" - as
usual, she was drunk. Beside her sat Ritsuko, who had recently
shaved all her hair off. Why? God knows, it's Ritsuko, since
when does she need a reason to do anything? Up afew more rows
sat the great Touji Suzuhara, Class Rep Hikari Horaki, and
the obsessive otaku, Kensuke Aida. Oh, and Penpen, who was
seated on Hikari's lap.
"Hey class rep, is still don't see why my and Penpen can't swap
seats." Touji said with a sly grin.
"Hentai." Hikari muttered, turning her head to hide her reddened cheeks.
Up above the arena, hidden by one way glass, sat Gendo Ikari, the
heartless, cold, manipulative bastard. What's that? I'm going too
easy on him? Pffft, fine. The heartless, cold, retarded, evil,
manipulative son of a fucking bitch. Better? Good. Personally I
don't mind Gendo but - OWWW! - piss off dammit! Jesus... Standing
behind Gendo was Kozou Fuyutsuki, someone who can actually pass
himself off as a decent human being. Most of the time.
Inside the ring Shinji, Asuka and Rei were setting up all the
Mary Sue's and equipment with the help of Maya, Hyuga and Shigeru.
It looked like it was going to be one messy night too, there were
rows of firearms, knives, fireworks and other small but nasty
explosive devices. There were also many other secrets build into
the stadium, but you'll find out about those later. Just as they
finished setting everything up, Asuka grabbed the microphone off
Shinji and run to the center of the ring.
"Hi everybody!" Asuka said to the audience, "I'd like to thank
you all for coming, we really appreciate it. Yes, even wondergirl
does!"
Asuka grinned before tossing the mic to Shinji, who was dressed
in jeans and a red T-shirt, and was begining to sweat from all
the hard work. He got up and looked around. He began to sweat
bullets when he saw how many people turned up.
"Uh... Hi everybody." He almost fell over when he heard the
screams of adoration and love coming from the audience.
He grinned with renewed confidence, "Who wants to see us kick
some Mary Sue ass?!"
The crowd roared with approval and Shinji laughed. This was
going to be fun by the look of it. As Rei looked around at
the crowd, then watched as Maya and co. dragged in the first
Mary Sue victim, her red eyes seemed to sparkle, and she smiled
for the first time in the fanfic, and probably the last time,
since we all know how often Rei smiling happens! When Asuka
saw this she quickly pulled out a camera and took a picture.
"Wow, wondergirl knows how to smile afterall!" She said with a
cocky grin, "Maybe you aren't just a stupid doll."
"I am NOT a doll." Rei III replied, the smile quickly fading
from her face.
"Okay wondergirl, don't blow a fuse."
"Calm down you two, we're here to kill Mary Sue's, not each other."
"Ikari is correct."
"Yeah whatever wondergirl..."
Asuka scowled and crossed her arms while the Mary Sue was being set
up for torture. Asuka glanced to see who it was and grinned. The
Mary Sue known as Morgan from the fanfiction Evangelion Densetsu was
being chained up in the corner of the ring. Asuka walked over to
the table and grabbed a katana and started to walk towards Morgan
when she was intercepted by Shinji Ikari, who was weilding the latest
and greatest in burning technology - The TommyRude Type Flamethrower.
"No Asuka, she's mine. She took my place and did better than me!"
Shinji looked furious.
"Shinji, if that's the case, you're going to get to kill all of them.
What about me Shinji?! What about Wondergirl?!" Asuka tried to stay
calm, something she didn't exactly excel at.
"Don't call me wondergirl." Rei frowned.
Asuka scoffed at Rei, then returned her attention to Shinji, "Come on
Shinji, you don't need to kill all of them, do you?"
"I guess not, Asuka." Shinji sighed and looked down.
"Jesus Christ baka, get some balls." Asuka shook her head in disgust.
Shinji steps out of the way, "You can have this one. I'll take the
next one."
Asuka smirks, "Yeah, it figures Shinji wouldn't have enough balls to
hurt a woman. Even if she is a stupid Mary Sue."
"God dammit Asuka, shut up!" Shinji yelled, then opened his eyes and
saw Asuka's death glare and promptly ran out over and hid behind Rei.
"Oh well, I may aswell get this over with." Asuka shruged.
She looked Morgan over. She seemed to think she was some kind of uber
elite, unstopable military chick who knew Kung Fu. Well, now it was
time for Asuka to have some fun. She grabbed a set off throwing knives
and lined up Morgan's limbs. Within afew seconds, Asuka had thrown two
knives into each arm and each leg, Morgan didn't seem too feel it however.
'Dammit.' Asuka thought, 'Her Aura of Smooth is strong! Time for extreme
measures...' Asuka grabbed the katana she had earlier and runs a thumb across
the blade, accidently cutting it.
"Shit! That hurt!" Asuka stuck the thumb in her mouth and sucked the blood
while Shinji snickered from behind Rei.
Asuka scowled and quickly spun the razor sharp blade in a semi circle, and
nothing seemed to happen for afew seconds, all were silent. Then suddenly
Morgan's left arm fell off and blood sprayed everywhere, and the crowd roared!
Oh yes, she definetly felt it now. If she wasn't gagged, the arena would be
filled with her screams of pain and agony. That being said, Asuka removed the
gag from Morgan's mouth.
"AAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Morgan screamed at the top of her lungs.
In the audience Kensuke watched with a grin, "Sweet! This is just like Ninja
Scroll!"
"Get over it Kensuke." Touji said with a smirk as he used the age old 'stretch out
arm while yawning and put it around the girl' trick on Hikari, who didn't seem to
mind.
Misato had passed out in her chair, her head falling onto the lap of the man she
was also seated next to; The dashing, the amazing, the water melon growing, Kaji
Ryouji! Okay, so maybe that isn't all that suprising... eh. Deal with it. Who's
the author here, me or you? Yeah... Anywho, back to the story. The Arena was
filled with Morgan's cries for mercy until Asuka smacked her around the face with
a baseball bat, shattering her jaw.
"Sheisse! I knew it would be annoying, but I didn't think it would be THAT
annoying!" Asuka said, tossing the baseball bat aside.
"Whoa... Asuka's vicious." Mumbled Shinji, "I'm glad I didn't kiss her that time
when she was asleep. I like my jaw as it is..."
"Did you say something Ikari?" Rei raised an eyebrow at Shinji, who imeadiately
shut his mouth and just shook his head.
After throwing away the baseball bat, Asuka pressed a bunch of crosses against
Morgan, laughing as they burned her unholy flesh. Shinji watched with horror
as Morgan's skin began to melt off, revealing a horrid, ugly monster who would
make any man want to throw up their intestines. Infact, it looked like something
from the movie Aliens, only much, much worse.
"Oh my god, it's horrible!"
Asuka screamed and grabbed the TommyRude Type Flamethrower off Shinji and blasted
Demon-Morgan until said flamethrower ran out of gas - keep in mind this is a TR
Type Flamethrower - nothing remained of Morgan, even the little dusk particles
hadn't survived the TommyRude wrath. Asuka smiled smugly, very satisfied with herself,
and handed Shinji back the flamethrower. Shinji blinked as Asuka brushed off her yellow
sundress, mumbled something about blood stains being impossible, and then walked out
of the Arena, tossing the microphone to Shinji aswell.
"... Well, that was - err... interesting." Shinji said into the microphone.
As he did this he motioned to Maya and Co. to get the next victim. They did so, quickly
running offstage and coming back with someone who Shinji grinned when he saw. Being
dragged along by Maya was none other than DJ Croft, the NGE Antichrist himself, gagged
and tied up with thick adamantium chains, which seemed to be straining under the pressure.
Rei began to feel all lovey and quickly yelled out in horror, instead hiding behind Shinji and
covering her eyes, sobbing quietly. He had attempted to use his Aura of Smooth, fittingly
called a DJ Field, on poor, innocent, Rei. What he had done was worse than any mind rape. And now
Shinji was going to avenge her, and every other woman who DJ had ever Aura of Smooth-ed.
It was going to be a one on one match - with DJ chained in place and weaponless, and Shinji
possessing every weapon known to man, and afew ones never heard of before.
This was gonna get real messy, real fast. Above the arena, Gendo sat in his trade mark position.
"Everything is going according to the scenario."
At that very moment, half way across the world in the hidden Darkscribes bunker, Lord
Deathscythe, The Dark Lork of the fics, was watching everything on his 68 inch TV. He too
was sitting in the trademark Gendo position.
"Everything is going according to the scenario."
------------------------------------------
Well, that went well, didn't it? If you read this, please be kind enough to review. Even if it
is just to flame me to hell. Thank you.
-- ShinRyuKen/ToujiSuzuhara
Sue's in this fic, except for the few I made up, due to the
lack of actual ones for me to kill. :) I wish I owned Eva, but I
don't. Don't sue me. This fic isn't for the faint of heart, I
have a penchant to get very violent when angry, and nothing angers
me like a Mary Sue... well, not much does anyway.
Shinji Vs. The Uber Mary Sue - First Edition.
Writen by ShinRyuKen
Deep within Central Dogma, there exists a place few know about.
In this place, exist the remains and rejects of creatures even
more monsterous and horrid than the Evangelions. They were created
purely to satisfy man's sick little fantasies, at the expense of
other's reading pleasure. They are the Mary Sue's...
Shinji Ikari. The Third Child. Usually the key victim of these
sick, twisted, almost godlike humanoids. Sometimes they take his
place, because of how increadibly great the are, other times they
kill him, or even make it so he had never existed. Shinji Ikari
had had enough, he was going to put an end to these monstrosities
once and for all, even if it meant a martyr... his father ofcourse.
Shinji let everyone in Tokyo 3 know, he was going to destroy the
evil, known as Mary Sue once and for all!
Asuka Langly Sohryu. The Second Child. Also is one of the key
victims when it comes to Mary Sue's. With their much feared
Aura of Smooth, they somehow manage to turn this great Eva
pilot into a lovesick heap, who wants nothing more than to
get some from said Mary Sue. The second she heard the news,
she signed up - after yelling at Baka Shinji for not telling
her first, naturally - Asuka put on her battlegear, loaded
her arsenal, and made sure her Evangelion was nice and sparkly.
Revenge would finally be hers!
and Rei Ayanami. The First Child. Much like Asuka, Rei is usually
a key victim in this Mary Sue's twisted persuit to get laid
by every single female member of the Eva cast. They would
seduce her, and should would somehow gain emotions out of no
where - how that one works she is still trying to figure out
- so Ayanami signed up aswell, knowing the world will be a
better place without these horrible creatures. Plus, she
secretly wanted revenge - ofcourse, she didn't tell anyone
else that - She was more than just some doll that you
could screw and then leave, and god dammit, there was going
to be serious HELL to pay!
Later that evening, the entire population of Tokyo 3 was
seated in the newly built stadium inside the Geofront, complete
with its own hotdog stand and fully licensed bar! Major Misato
Katsuragi had front row seats and was cheering like there was
no tommorow - "GO SHINJI! YOU KICK 'SHUM MARY SHOE BUTT!" - as
usual, she was drunk. Beside her sat Ritsuko, who had recently
shaved all her hair off. Why? God knows, it's Ritsuko, since
when does she need a reason to do anything? Up afew more rows
sat the great Touji Suzuhara, Class Rep Hikari Horaki, and
the obsessive otaku, Kensuke Aida. Oh, and Penpen, who was
seated on Hikari's lap.
"Hey class rep, is still don't see why my and Penpen can't swap
seats." Touji said with a sly grin.
"Hentai." Hikari muttered, turning her head to hide her reddened cheeks.
Up above the arena, hidden by one way glass, sat Gendo Ikari, the
heartless, cold, manipulative bastard. What's that? I'm going too
easy on him? Pffft, fine. The heartless, cold, retarded, evil,
manipulative son of a fucking bitch. Better? Good. Personally I
don't mind Gendo but - OWWW! - piss off dammit! Jesus... Standing
behind Gendo was Kozou Fuyutsuki, someone who can actually pass
himself off as a decent human being. Most of the time.
Inside the ring Shinji, Asuka and Rei were setting up all the
Mary Sue's and equipment with the help of Maya, Hyuga and Shigeru.
It looked like it was going to be one messy night too, there were
rows of firearms, knives, fireworks and other small but nasty
explosive devices. There were also many other secrets build into
the stadium, but you'll find out about those later. Just as they
finished setting everything up, Asuka grabbed the microphone off
Shinji and run to the center of the ring.
"Hi everybody!" Asuka said to the audience, "I'd like to thank
you all for coming, we really appreciate it. Yes, even wondergirl
does!"
Asuka grinned before tossing the mic to Shinji, who was dressed
in jeans and a red T-shirt, and was begining to sweat from all
the hard work. He got up and looked around. He began to sweat
bullets when he saw how many people turned up.
"Uh... Hi everybody." He almost fell over when he heard the
screams of adoration and love coming from the audience.
He grinned with renewed confidence, "Who wants to see us kick
some Mary Sue ass?!"
The crowd roared with approval and Shinji laughed. This was
going to be fun by the look of it. As Rei looked around at
the crowd, then watched as Maya and co. dragged in the first
Mary Sue victim, her red eyes seemed to sparkle, and she smiled
for the first time in the fanfic, and probably the last time,
since we all know how often Rei smiling happens! When Asuka
saw this she quickly pulled out a camera and took a picture.
"Wow, wondergirl knows how to smile afterall!" She said with a
cocky grin, "Maybe you aren't just a stupid doll."
"I am NOT a doll." Rei III replied, the smile quickly fading
from her face.
"Okay wondergirl, don't blow a fuse."
"Calm down you two, we're here to kill Mary Sue's, not each other."
"Ikari is correct."
"Yeah whatever wondergirl..."
Asuka scowled and crossed her arms while the Mary Sue was being set
up for torture. Asuka glanced to see who it was and grinned. The
Mary Sue known as Morgan from the fanfiction Evangelion Densetsu was
being chained up in the corner of the ring. Asuka walked over to
the table and grabbed a katana and started to walk towards Morgan
when she was intercepted by Shinji Ikari, who was weilding the latest
and greatest in burning technology - The TommyRude Type Flamethrower.
"No Asuka, she's mine. She took my place and did better than me!"
Shinji looked furious.
"Shinji, if that's the case, you're going to get to kill all of them.
What about me Shinji?! What about Wondergirl?!" Asuka tried to stay
calm, something she didn't exactly excel at.
"Don't call me wondergirl." Rei frowned.
Asuka scoffed at Rei, then returned her attention to Shinji, "Come on
Shinji, you don't need to kill all of them, do you?"
"I guess not, Asuka." Shinji sighed and looked down.
"Jesus Christ baka, get some balls." Asuka shook her head in disgust.
Shinji steps out of the way, "You can have this one. I'll take the
next one."
Asuka smirks, "Yeah, it figures Shinji wouldn't have enough balls to
hurt a woman. Even if she is a stupid Mary Sue."
"God dammit Asuka, shut up!" Shinji yelled, then opened his eyes and
saw Asuka's death glare and promptly ran out over and hid behind Rei.
"Oh well, I may aswell get this over with." Asuka shruged.
She looked Morgan over. She seemed to think she was some kind of uber
elite, unstopable military chick who knew Kung Fu. Well, now it was
time for Asuka to have some fun. She grabbed a set off throwing knives
and lined up Morgan's limbs. Within afew seconds, Asuka had thrown two
knives into each arm and each leg, Morgan didn't seem too feel it however.
'Dammit.' Asuka thought, 'Her Aura of Smooth is strong! Time for extreme
measures...' Asuka grabbed the katana she had earlier and runs a thumb across
the blade, accidently cutting it.
"Shit! That hurt!" Asuka stuck the thumb in her mouth and sucked the blood
while Shinji snickered from behind Rei.
Asuka scowled and quickly spun the razor sharp blade in a semi circle, and
nothing seemed to happen for afew seconds, all were silent. Then suddenly
Morgan's left arm fell off and blood sprayed everywhere, and the crowd roared!
Oh yes, she definetly felt it now. If she wasn't gagged, the arena would be
filled with her screams of pain and agony. That being said, Asuka removed the
gag from Morgan's mouth.
"AAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Morgan screamed at the top of her lungs.
In the audience Kensuke watched with a grin, "Sweet! This is just like Ninja
Scroll!"
"Get over it Kensuke." Touji said with a smirk as he used the age old 'stretch out
arm while yawning and put it around the girl' trick on Hikari, who didn't seem to
mind.
Misato had passed out in her chair, her head falling onto the lap of the man she
was also seated next to; The dashing, the amazing, the water melon growing, Kaji
Ryouji! Okay, so maybe that isn't all that suprising... eh. Deal with it. Who's
the author here, me or you? Yeah... Anywho, back to the story. The Arena was
filled with Morgan's cries for mercy until Asuka smacked her around the face with
a baseball bat, shattering her jaw.
"Sheisse! I knew it would be annoying, but I didn't think it would be THAT
annoying!" Asuka said, tossing the baseball bat aside.
"Whoa... Asuka's vicious." Mumbled Shinji, "I'm glad I didn't kiss her that time
when she was asleep. I like my jaw as it is..."
"Did you say something Ikari?" Rei raised an eyebrow at Shinji, who imeadiately
shut his mouth and just shook his head.
After throwing away the baseball bat, Asuka pressed a bunch of crosses against
Morgan, laughing as they burned her unholy flesh. Shinji watched with horror
as Morgan's skin began to melt off, revealing a horrid, ugly monster who would
make any man want to throw up their intestines. Infact, it looked like something
from the movie Aliens, only much, much worse.
"Oh my god, it's horrible!"
Asuka screamed and grabbed the TommyRude Type Flamethrower off Shinji and blasted
Demon-Morgan until said flamethrower ran out of gas - keep in mind this is a TR
Type Flamethrower - nothing remained of Morgan, even the little dusk particles
hadn't survived the TommyRude wrath. Asuka smiled smugly, very satisfied with herself,
and handed Shinji back the flamethrower. Shinji blinked as Asuka brushed off her yellow
sundress, mumbled something about blood stains being impossible, and then walked out
of the Arena, tossing the microphone to Shinji aswell.
"... Well, that was - err... interesting." Shinji said into the microphone.
As he did this he motioned to Maya and Co. to get the next victim. They did so, quickly
running offstage and coming back with someone who Shinji grinned when he saw. Being
dragged along by Maya was none other than DJ Croft, the NGE Antichrist himself, gagged
and tied up with thick adamantium chains, which seemed to be straining under the pressure.
Rei began to feel all lovey and quickly yelled out in horror, instead hiding behind Shinji and
covering her eyes, sobbing quietly. He had attempted to use his Aura of Smooth, fittingly
called a DJ Field, on poor, innocent, Rei. What he had done was worse than any mind rape. And now
Shinji was going to avenge her, and every other woman who DJ had ever Aura of Smooth-ed.
It was going to be a one on one match - with DJ chained in place and weaponless, and Shinji
possessing every weapon known to man, and afew ones never heard of before.
This was gonna get real messy, real fast. Above the arena, Gendo sat in his trade mark position.
"Everything is going according to the scenario."
At that very moment, half way across the world in the hidden Darkscribes bunker, Lord
Deathscythe, The Dark Lork of the fics, was watching everything on his 68 inch TV. He too
was sitting in the trademark Gendo position.
"Everything is going according to the scenario."
------------------------------------------
Well, that went well, didn't it? If you read this, please be kind enough to review. Even if it
is just to flame me to hell. Thank you.
-- ShinRyuKen/ToujiSuzuhara