Heyo! This is an entry for a challenge of a forum called Writers Anonymous which I definitely recommend for anyone reading this who also writes themselves, including original material.
Disclaimer: I do not own Happy Tree Friends, all rights go to Mondo Media. I also do not own the names of any of the papers.
Lindon Harold Thursday, February 12, 1948
Happy Tree Tragedy
Yesterday, an uncounted but numerable amount of citizens were seen fleeing our neighboring town of Happy Tree Town. While they all refused to talk to the press on what they were running from, an eyewitness, Scary, reported that a pink rabbit named Brave said that Happy Tree Town no longer lives up to its name.
"Friends were dying left and right! Even my child!" Brave reported in what Scary could only describe as a state of hysteria, "And the deaths appeared painful and too grusome for me to even think about going into details!"
Now, given that Happy Tree Town is a one-horse town, this didn't come so much with shock as it did with horror and grief. Scary expressed his sympathy and asked what happened. He expected, as likely you all do, an answer such as a fire, tornado, or even a mass shooting to be the cause.
Brave failed to calm down. "Just a boost of really bad luck! Machinery failing, tame animals attacking, even spontaneous fires staring! And it's like everyone turned into eggshells!"
Brave is being transported to Nashville Mental Facility. Her reports are inconclusive but we will be looking into what it is everyone is running from. We advise against any civilians entering the town until it's declared safe.
Lobelville TN Friday, February 13, 1948
Is The End Near?
It's only been three days and word of the rapid depopulation of Happy Tree Town has spread like wildfire, as well Lindon Harold's release of the interview of now ex-Happy Tree Town resident, Brave before she was sent to the Nashville Mental Facility. Both have raised many rumors and conspiracy theories, even some claiming that Brave's reports were correct and the town is supernaturally cursed.
Don't panic though; those who are creating such conspiracies have been locked up, just like Brave. Take that as both reassurance and a warning. Happy Tree Town was not cursed. We still don't know what has happened in Happy Tree Town, but we do know that it is not cursed.
Yesterday, a yellow beaver named Crafty came running through town shouting about zombies. Police caught him and brought him to the mental facility as well and started to question him.
When questioned, he gave nearly the same report as Brave, but claimed that everyone he saw die the previous day has come back to life, without a scratch on them. I will remind you all that zombies, like curses, do not exist.
As the Lindon Harold stated, do not enter Happy Tree Town under any circumstances. The citizens are clearly running from something and it cannot be considered safe.
For now, all efforts will be focused on tracking down the other residents who have fled and interviewing them. We will keep you updated on what they say and what the next steps will be.
Morristown Gazette and Mail Sunday, February 16, 1948
Running From Nothing
For four days, the talk of the state has been all about Happy Tree Town. There is nothing that we at the Morristown Gazette and Mail can stand less than the rumors, conspiracies, and especially the claims made by ex-Happy Tree Town residents.
These friends are obviously running from nothing!
Every claim by every citizen questioned is impossible, covering the stuff of fantasies such as curses and zombies. Any logical explanation should have spread past the border of Happy Tree Town by now and effected neighboring cities such as Lindon, which has remained completely uneffected besides the insane asylums across the state over-flowing.
Our logical explanation is that a mass agreement was made within the confines of Happy Tree Town, and nearly all the citizens agreed to literally run out of the town and spread such claims as to capture the attention of the rest of the state, and maybe even the country, to their area. The point of this would be to actually increase population as people would come to check the town out and the fleeing residents planned to return but weren't prepared to end up locked up as they were.
We can see this plot backfired, for though everyone is talking about Happy Tree Town now, most cities throughout the state are warning its citizens to not enter the town. This has successfully prevented anyone from crossing the town's border.
Unlike the other papers, we will neither discourage nor encourage the entry of Happy Tree Town.
The Tennessean (Nashville) Sunday, February 23, 1948
The Enigma That is Happy Tree Town
We have been recieving letters from throughout the state to cover the story of Happy Tree Town, from which many friends have been seen fleeing. Everyone the officials have been able to detain havemade the same claim that friends are dying in mass and then coming back to life because of a curse of bad luck.
The Tennessean will not encourage the belief of curses or zombies as such things are purely fictional. However, we do not have an explanation or evidence of what is really happening in Happy Tree Town.
We would considered Morristown's theory that this is simply a plot to grab more attention if it wasn't for the recent spotting of Happy Tree Town's mayor, Ruly, also fleeing the town. Ruly is a respectable moose and would never have abandoned his town unless it was in true turmoil.
The state regrets taking a respected mayor into the asylum but they say they had no choice as he was also making the same claims. More and more citizens from Happy Tree Town are being interviewed, and every single one of them has ended up in a mental facility. If this continues, they will have to be sent to other states.
New York Times Wednesday, March 10, 1948
Small Town Mystery
A month ago, no one had even heard of the small town of Happy Tree Town, Tennessee. Now, it's all anyone can talk about. Residents have been spotted all across Tennessee and in the surrounding states, desperately fleeing from what they claim is certain death- anything from cursed towns to zombies. Now they are in mental facilities across Tennessee and spilling into neighboring states.
We present a question that no one else seems to be asking: how could everyone in even such a small town be so insane? The mental state of those fleeing make Happy Tree Town sound like an insane asylum itself.
From this, we can only formulate one explanation: that Happy Tree Town has become a death trap of seriously bad luck. The claims of dead friends coming back to life as zombies are merely paranoid hallucinations after seeing all of the travesty.
We would like to remind you all that no one has came out claiming that they themselves have already died, which, if the resurrection claim is true, the previously dead would be fleeing as well, wanting to avoid another tragic fate.
Because of this situation, the government has declared Happy Tree Town an official danger zone and has forbidden anyone from entering the area.
The Daily Acorn (Happy Tree Town) Sunday January 9, 1949
Trying to Pick Up the Pieces
You may wonder what we're doing printing and releasing a newspaper when everyone around you, including yourselves, have been dying horribly.
Well, this has been going on for almost a year now, and I, Lumpy, son of our previous mayor Ruly, have decided that the town needs to get back to running on somewhat normal conditions and that means first resurrecting the newspaper so information of progress can be reported.
It has been found that only nineteen residents remain in town: myself, Cro-Marmot, Pop and Cub, Cuddles, Disco Bear, Flaky, Flippy, Giggles, Handy, Lifty and Shifty, Mime, Mole, Petunia, Russell, Sniffles, Splendid, and Toothy. As you all have already discovered, we can not leave after our first death without the curse following us and bringing us back to Happy Tree Town after our speedy death.
It may seem impossible to get back to normal life with such a small population. To make things worse, after all this time, it seems safe to assume that we are permanently dead to the rest of the world; this means no imports. And I'm sure no other friends will be visiting us. We're on our own.
All hope is not lost though, there is a plan to get everything back to normal as long as everyone (excluding Cub, of course) is willing to put in the effort. To cover all the work that needs to be done, all eighteen of us will learn how to do multiple different jobs and work on a rotation. With everyone's cooperation, we will get though this together.