Hi, how y'all doing? So, this is a little something I've been thinking about doing for awhile now, and today got a bout of inspiration and decided to run with it. Basically, this is a collection of short fics that are often ridiculous in premise and focus on humor with other themes shining through on occasion. However, for the most part, the focus is humor, and anything else takes a back seat.

A lot of these are funny what if scenarios: "What if Felix due to bad eyesight mistook the Teleport Lapis for Dark Matter and gave it to Sunshine, who then forged it into a weapon, making the Warriors of Vale unable to teleport to Mars Lighthouse and save the world in time?" or "What if Saturos accidentally threw the Jupiter Star into the Mercury Lighthouse beacon?" Silly premises like that.

So, rather than have a mass of one shots, I'll have a collection of out-take whenever I feel like writing something short but funny, I'll post it here. The word limit per entry is tentatively around 2,000 words, as these are really meant to be short little drabbles, nothing in depth.

So, a lot of misdirection, poking fun at game mechanics, poking fun at characters, crack ships… basically a lot of crack. Most of my regular stories have a fair amount of humor to them as well, but not to this degree. Anywho, I'll be quiet now. The first insert is some very interesting Spirit Shipping action!

Mmmmmm, Tasty

Matthew grinned at the beautiful sight before him. He had been waiting for this day for what felt like forever, even if he had only known Sveta for a few months. There was nothing like the first time, and he was going to make it count. He didn't know if anything else could look as wonderful as what was spread out before him, dripping in delectable juices and simply beckoning him in. He leaned towards it, his jaw dropped in awe.

Sveta eyed him with uncertainty, seemingly unsure as to what thoughts were running through his head. His expression was one of complete focus, but it was hard to tell whether or not he was excited, shocked, or frightened.

"Are… are you excited to taste it?" She whispered hopefully with a blush. This was her first time, after all.

Matthew brought himself even closer, and breathed in deeply. Even from this distance, the scent was thick and enticing. He felt his lower regions quiver in anticipation, and stifled a moan.

He knew how worried Sveta had been about this day: she had fretted to him often about all the things that could go wrong, whether it be her claws being too sharp for the delicate actions needed, or the inevitability of her fur getting in the way. No matter how hard she tried to remove it, she knew there was going to be some there, and she had worried that it would ruin the experience for him.

Of course, he had scoffed at all these ideas: he had not been thinking with his head, but rather another part of his body. A part of his body which craved what was in front of him now with an unstoppable and all-consuming lust.

His breathing became ragged. This was torture. He gazed up at her, his eyes pleading with hers, silently begging her to give him permission.

She smiled: so he was excited after all. However, she denied his request with a look of pure seduction, and whispered, "I know how many you've tasted in the past. Karis told me you were particularly fond of hers, actually. I've sampled hers as well, and concur. I hope mine will be just as delicious."

Matthew briefly, in his hunger, wondered whether or not it was Sveta's lips or what lie before him that had spoke. With a quick shake of his head, he broke out of it, and whispered, "Oh, Sveta… nothing could compare to yours. It's the pinnacle of any I've seen… please, don't make me wait any longer."

She giggled. "Oh, Matthew, you're hopeless. But I'm anything but cruel, and I can't help but feel warm and fuzzy inside at your kind words. So, please… take it."

He breathed in preparation, and closed his eyes. He opened one and, looking at her once more in order to feel complete confirmation, whispered, "I can have noms?"

She blew him a kiss, and purred, "You can have allll my noms."

He groaned, and unable to bear another second of waiting, grabbed what was in front of him and brought his mouth to it.

OH SWEET VENUS, Matthew thought as the taste overflowed his entire mouth, nearly bringing him to his knees. THIS IS THE BEST DAMN SANDWICH I'VE HAD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. He ripped off a good piece of the fine sandwich Sveta had lovingly and painstakingly made for him, chewing it with ecstasy before swallowing.

Sveta giggled once more as her beloved let out a moan that was garbled by his mouthful of food. He had been so patient while she crafted it, never once taking his eyes off of it as it had begun to take shape. Sveta had, admittedly, never really made a sandwich before Matthew had brought it up a month ago, and was beyond relieved that he was enjoying the experience so much.

As royalty, she had very rarely prepared her own food, and even once she had begun to travel outside the castle and go on long trips, bread was often hard to find, so she had never made a sandwich.

Karis had quickly informed her that Matthew's favorite thing in the world was sandwiches, and that she had made him more than she could count over the years. He had become obsessed with them as his mother had fed him one for lunch nearly every day of his youth: in short, Matthew appreciated nothing more than a good sandwich.

He had been as understanding as possible when she had told him she simply didn't know how to make them, and even had gone as far to say that, if she didn't want to learn, she didn't have to.

But Sveta loved Matthew, and loved making him happy, so she had quickly gone to Karis for advice, and within a month of training had perfected the art of the sandwich. Karis had even told her that Sveta's were the best she had ever tasted!

Still, she had been worried: she had to be very careful and mindful of her claws, lest she cut the sandwich without intending too. Not to mention the fact that she shed heavily, and no doubt the entire sandwich would be filled with her hair. No matter how delicious it was, nothing was worth eating if it induced a hairball afterwards; she was quite familiar with the little balls of death, and believed her decision to switch to showering (as odd as it had been the first two times) from self-cleaning to be one of the best decisions she had ever made.

In regards to the sandwich, she had gone all out this time: every kind of meat on the ship she could find, eighteen different spices precisely measured to give just the right flavor, four delectable sauces, and finally piles of fresh and well kept produce all held together by fresh homemade bread. She licked her lips; she would have to make one for herself shortly, watching him eat it was making her own stomach jealous.

And so, she watched him with adoration in her eyes as he ate like a complete fool, eating slowly, yes, but with plentiful amounts of drool and sauce dribbling down his chin and cheeks, and with his eyes wide with pleasure.

Matthew, meanwhile, was having the time of his life. Karis's sandwiches had rocked his world, but this was the absolute peak of sandwich-dom, and he was starting to lose control of himself. He needed to hold onto some piece of dignity though; he didn't want to turn into a sandwich eating maniac in front of his beloved.

It took him another five minutes of chomping and chewing, and five glasses of orange juice the beast girl had graciously poured, but finally, Matthew swallowed the last bite, and let out one last moan.

He turned to her, love pouring out of his eyes like gushing waterfalls of adoration, and whispered, "I loooooooove you."

Sveta smiled, then moved over to her love and wiped off his face with a towel in order to rub her pointed nose against his, and then give him a peck on the lips. However, he brought his hands around her head and deepened the kiss, letting her taste the heaven he had just consumed. Their tongues met, and Sveta's felt her taste-buds dance in pleasure; she made one hell of a sandwich.

After a minute of tasting his sandwich graced saliva, they parted, both breathing heavily. They spared a moment to look deep into each other's eyes, and smiled.

"That was the best sandwich I've ever eaten," Matthew groaned. Sveta smiled and gently rubbed his belly.

"My, someone is certainly full… I hope though," She whispered, leaning into him and bringing her lips to his ear. "That you saved room for desert." He gasped. Could she possibly mean?

She brought her head back, batting her eyes lids as her hand snaked down, wrapping around and pulling down… on the covering of the strawberry shortcake she had baked this morning.

Matthew's jaw dropped, as he alternated staring at the morsel in front of him and the girl who had just made his stomach hastily begin to find room for more food. "Sveta… if I had to spend the rest of my life with you in a kitchen, I would be the happiest man on all of Weyard."

"Don't forget the milk, dear," She said with glee, handing him a cold pint, along with one for herself. Matthew smiled, and took a sip: it was cold and delicious. However, as he set it down, he simply continued to stare at the cake with a warm grin on his face.

"Matthew?" Sveta started, her ears drooping in worry that perhaps he didn't want it, or was too full. "Aren't you going to eat your cake?"

He turned his grin to her, and gently placed his fingers behind her ear, rubbing it softly. She bit her lip to keep from moaning; she loved it when he rubbed his ears. "Of course I am," he whispered, scooping a piece of the beautiful desert and raising it in front of his face. "But rather than eat it myself, I'd like to share it with you."

She blushed as he gently guided the spoon into her mouth. As soon as he removed it, he quickly replaced it with his lips, and wrapped his arms around her as their tongues met once again. They kissed long and softly, and the only thing that was sweeter than the strawberry goodness they were sharing was the warm love they felt for one another.

As my first attempt at comedic misdirection (Sailing the High Seas of Love) was a little lacking in my opinion, I'm proud to say this story was probably my favorite out of everything fan-fiction I've written so far, and I had a kick writing it. It also has the best moment I've written yet, in my opinion: THIS IS THE BEST DAMN SANDWICH I'VE HAD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

You'd think making a sandwich sound like a vagina would be difficult, but it was surprisingly easy. So easy I was actually hesitant on the T rating, man the innuendos just kept coming.

I don't know how it ended up actually being romantic, but somehow it did, and I actually enjoyed the romance too. This is apparently the first Matthew/Sveta I've written (despite hinting at it twice… well, they were in one in a cameo role as a couple, but still), and I can see why people get hooked on this pairing. Even as a complete crack-piece, somehow I think the romance ended up feeling natural.

This is actually really humorous to read a second time through. I did it (because of editing), and I got a few good laughs. Which is odd considering I wrote it. Laughing at your own jokes, first sign on insanity, and I've been doing it for years.

So, two questions: did the build up to the reveal he was actually eating a sandwich work, and did their romance at the end seem real and not out of place? Cheesy is fine, but still.

Man I had fun writing this. I haven't had this much fun writing since the first chapter of More Than Just a Third Eye. Well, I'm going to halt my ranting. Reviews are welcome as always, and thank you for reading. I'll probably never be able to look at a sandwich the same way again.