Who Says?
You made me insecure
Told me I wasn't good enough
But who are you to judge
When you're a diamond in the rough
I'm sure you got some things
You'd like to change about yourself
But when it comes to me
I wouldn't want to be anybody else
She was not sure what was worse about the doorway to this building. It could be a lot of things that resided in what seemed to be a pool of despair. Her pool of despair. It could have been the laughter, the laughter she would never be a part of, coming from the group of students of whom many inflicted pain on her on a daily basis , both mentally and physically. It could have been the dread. The dread of what would come when she entered the doorway to the building. The stares, the humiliation, the isolation, the pain, the words that always culminated in a deep pool of angst and regret that resided in her very stomach. She struggled everyday, every minute, just to stay invisible. Only it never worked. They were always there, waiting to make her life a living hell. They always found her. They tortured her... for fun. Even when she left the building at a half past three on each week day, where the only happiness in her life came from the phone calls of her best friend who lived across the country, they followed her in her dreams... in her nightmares. The cruel words of despair were her fault, they must be. It was that very reasoning that led to the marks, the cuts on her wrists, that left a permanent reminder of the torture that she was being put through each day, that is if the words had not already permanently burned themselves into her brain. The words may have been the worst, for the bruises that they inflicted on her always faded into her pale complexion. Then again, maybe the worst part was that no one knew. They couldn't know. Not the teachers, not her parents...not Demi. Not anyone. Selena Gomez would have to keep the secret. She would have to hide her self-inflicted marks. She would have to hide what she was going through, even from the person who she had loved, known and trusted since they met at seven years old. She would have to , and had, hid it from Demi for ten years now. There was no other option. Selena Gomez had been bullied for ten years , with no sign of the torture stopping , and no one could know. But for now she must do what she always does. Regardless of whatever awaits her through that doorway she must go in there. For without this building, this supposed establishment, there was no hope for a better future. She needed to graduate and get away from this place. She wished so much that her parents had allowed her to go on tour with Demi. But they didn't know what she was going through so why would they let her go? The fact was that ,at seventeen years old, Selena Gomez hated her life and the only bright spot in it was making money touring the country and living her dream. And really, Who was Selena to stop that? So, with thoughts of despair on her mind, Selena Gomez entered the school as the first taunts of the year reached her ears. Six months until graduation.
It had become a skilled practice, really. Home at half past three. Her parents out and Demi not scheduled to call for another hour. All of this pain and angst bubbling inside her from yet another day of torture, ready to be let out. It was so easy to pick up the razor and to make yet more of the cuts that were now commonplace on her skin. To clean away the blood. To cover the scars with make-up and pretend like nothing had happened. She engaged in the same routine each day, and today was no different. By the time Demi phoned at exactly half past four the scars were covered. Demi, innocently oblivious about the pain her best friend was going through, babbled on about her day and the little girl she had met that reminded her so much of a younger Selena. Selena figured it was a good thing that Demi hadn't seen her in her hometown for a few months. For at that moment Selena was sure the pain was written across her face. She hoped the little girl didn't turn out to be like her. No one deserved this life she was living. And if Demi had seen her friends face in that moment, she would have known. For there was no hiding the amount of heartache that could be so clearly on Selena's face in that moment. She thanked God that Christmas holidays were in two weeks. In two weeks she could escape, at least for a little while. It appeared Demi had noticed that Selena's mind had drifted away from their phone call.
"So, Uh, Lena. I have a surprise for you." Demi's voice was high pitched, showing her excitement at the surprise that she was about to reveal. Selena let out a small smile. Very few things in life were more adorable than an excited Demi.
"Yeah?" She laughed out, allowing herself a brief moment of happiness at her friends excitement.
"Well, you know, your Christmas break is in two weeks and I have a break in my tour right around that time. Anyway, I asked my parents and they said I could come and spend Christmas break with you. Isn't that great? And I figured you could introduce me to some of your friends from school..." Demi continued on but for once Selena was not worshipping every word that came out of her best friends mouth. Demi could have been saying anything, for Selena's mind had gone into a panic, spinning her once more into that dark pool of despair. Demi could not come here. She just couldn't! The possibilities of what could happen whirled around in her mind and none of them were good. Demi would find out about the bullying, about the cutting. If Demi found out, her parents would find out, and those that she loved and cherished would never look at her the same again. They would think she was a freak. They would label her exactly what her school 'friends' had labelled her ever since she had met them. By this time Demi had obviously realised that her friend was not paying attention to her excited rambling. As soon as Demi spoke her next words Selena knew what she had to do. It would hurt both of them and destroy any shred of happiness in her life but it was far better than the alternative. And so , Demi asked,
"Selena, Aren't you excited? This is going to be amazing..." Demi took a deep breath to continue her rambling but Selena cut across her. With a tear slipping down her face Selena broke her own heart.
"Demi? I don't want you to come." The silence on the other end of the phone was deafening and Demi's shocked gasp could be heard clearly.
"What? I don't ... We're best... Why wouldn't you want me there?" Demi was clearly confused but Selena knew a clean break was best and so spoke her next words with a heavy heart.
"We're not friends Demi. It was exciting for a while, pretending to be friends with a rock star. There are a lot of perks but I don't want you here, interrupting my Christmas break for the sake of my little scheme. But hey, it was nice knowing you. " Her voice was laced with a fake hate, barely disguising the anguish that she was feeling. With a deep breath Selena put the phone down on the only friend she had ever had, and quite possibly her soul mate.
Selena's life only got worse from there. In the two weeks between the phone call and the start of Christmas break she spiralled further down into despair. Everything was the same in theory. Those at school continued to taunt her and she continued to take it out on her skin. Except in those two weeks there was no brief spot of happiness that came with a daily phone call. There was no longer a best friend to talk to. Demi hadn't made any attempt to contact her and Selena didn't expect her to. She had been horrible but the idea of Demi thinking she was some sort of gold digger and a fake was far better than Demi knowing about the scars that tainted her skin, thinking she was some sort of freak. In those two weeks Selena continued in her silent despair and, if anything, the cuts became deeper and the scars more defined. She became even more secluded than normal. It was hard not to miss the looks of concern exchanged between her parents each day as she sat silent at dinner before crawling back to her bedroom. She was a shell. A shell of her former self, of the person that had been Demi's best friend, able to smile at the thought of just one phone call. In some strange, masochistic, way she came to enjoy the routine that came with her daily torture. The bullying she faced had become the norm and , at least since the phone call , it had become the one steady routine that existed in Selena's life. She avoided the television and magazines and even took the gut wrenching decision to stop listening to Demi's music. Anything to avoid seeing what affect her cruel words had taken on her , now former, best friend. She immersed herself in schoolwork. Even if she no longer had Demi in her life she would make the most of what little she had. It was in the times when there was no more schoolwork to be completed or anything to work ahead on that Selena found herself drifting into thought. She recalled the audition that she had first met Demi at. The Barney audition had caused the two of them to become bonded for life (or so she had thought at the time) and after they had both booked the part and then completed their roles they had both auditioned for Disney. Both had been excited but then came the news. Selena hadn't got a part...Demi had. And so the best friends had separated. Selena staying in Texas and Demi heading out to Los Angeles to live the dream. What if Selena had been good enough to book that Disney audition? There would be no bullies. She and Demi would be living it up in Hollywood. With a sigh Selena resigned this thought to her dreams.
It was on the first morning of Christmas break that it seemed Selena's parents had decided to take action against their daughters silent behaviour. Selena found herself being woke up at eight am on a Saturday morning by her mother shaking her awake. Her bleary eyes took in the blurred forms of her mother, Mandy, and her step-father Brian, who stood grimacing next to her bed.
"Selena, I think it is time we had a little chat." Her mother spoke softly. Selena sighed softly and stood from her bed. Together the family of three made their way downstairs to the dining table.
"We received an interesting phone call from Dianna and Eddie this morning. " Brian spoke with caution. Selena gulped. Why would Demi's parents be phoning? Surely Demi wanted nothing more to do with her. Unless...Something had happened... A look of fear crossed her face. Demi had to be fine. The fact that there was a chance Demi had been able to go on without their friendship had been what kept Selena going over the past two weeks. It seemed Brian and Mandy had understood the fear crossing their daughters features.
"Nothing has happened." Mandy assured her before continuing in what had clearly been a planned discussion. "It seems that Demi's parents were under the impression that Demi would be getting on a flight here this morning. Only she didn't. According to her, you two are no longer friends. She didn't say why. So , Selena, why exactly have two girls who have been best friends for ten years suddenly stop talking?" Although Mandy's tone was soft it held a hint of warning. Lying would definitely not be appreciated. Yet Selena knew she could not come out of this conversation unscathed without lying. With a sigh of resignation Selena tried to come up with a lie. Demi obviously wasn't talking so anything should be fine. But as Selena opened her mouth to spin her tale Mandy threw in one last comment.
"Demi, did say, that you were never really her friend. It was all one big lie apparently. One big...scheme." It was at that moment Selena knew she had been fooled. Demi had told her parents everything...or at least everything that she knew about the destruction of their friendship. Selena panicked, trying to find away to hide her lies. They couldn't find out about her darkest secret. They just couldn't. Brian laid one hand on her arm.
"Don't bother lying anymore Selena. We have an easy solution to clear this up. After finding out Demi didn't get on her scheduled flight this morning Dianna and Eddie booked tickets for they, Demi, Dallas and Madison for the later flight. You and Demi will just have to work this out. I know it isn't what you told Demi. You'll just have to tell the truth. They'll be here within the hour so I suggest that you go and get dressed. " Brian's voice held authority which made Selena scramble for the stairs, doing exactly what she had been told to do. Demi was going to be here soon. And somehow she would have to find a way to deal with that and keep her secret exactly that, a secret.
Once she was ready she paced around her room, trying to think of an escape. Just when she had decided to climb out of the window and literally escape the doorbell rang. Demi was here. It was too late. Her bedroom window could be seen clearly from the driveway and the front door. Any escape was past its due date now. She heard a mix of voices enter the house yet did not detect the one that really mattered. It led her to wonder, had Demi become as secluded as she? Selena doubted it. Demi had always been the outgoing one, by her very nature. The rock star, the celebrity. The role model. There was no way that Demi would have acted the same way as Selena, silently brooding. In fact, Selena thought, Demi was far more likely to destroy rooms in a fit of anger rather than be silent...or cry. But Selena didn't want to think about Demi crying. Time passed as Selena became immersed in her own thoughts and before she knew it a voice had interrupted the thoughts.
"You are a Liar." It was a voice that Selena knew only too well. With a pain filled gasp she turned to face her. Demi. At the sight of her best friend Selena knew she had to at least try to continue the facade. The pain in Demi's eyes was clear... and unbearable. Selena knew it would only become worse if Demi discovered the scars. Selena put a smirk on her face, trying not to think about how much she was hurting her best friend.
"We established that on the phone. It was fun, wasn't it? " Her cruel words rang around the room. Selena watched as Demi closed her eyes in pain. The slightly younger girl crossed the room and sat on Selena's bed. Selena stood by her desk and watched as the girl who had always been there for her fell apart.
"NO! No! The phone call was the lie. I know you, Lena. You're my best friend. No matter what you say. No matter what I told my family. The past ten years have not been a lie." Demi's confidence in their friendship nearly broke her but she knew there was no other option. Selena's hands shook as she walked towards the bed, the new cut that had formed not an hour before stinging her wrist. She made sure not to get too close to Demi, surely even a touch from the girl she loved would unravel her.
"You don't know me. I made everything up, just to get closer to the money, the fame. I didn't get the Disney audition so why not live vicariously through the one that did? I ended up getting an acting job anyway. Like I said the perks, the pay, is great." In that moment Selena knew she would have booked any acting audition. She refused to look at Demi. She could hear the other girls sniffles. Suddenly she held in a painful gasp as Demi reached out and clutched the wrist that was stained with the fresh cut. The cut which had no make up covering it, only a thin fabric that made up the sleeve of her top. It was in that moment, as Demi pulled the sleeve back, eyes widening, that she knew the secret was out. Demi knew. Soft hands caressed the scars before Selena found herself engulfed in a tight hug.
"Oh Lena. I knew something couldn't be right. As soon as I mentioned coming here and meeting... Why Lena? Why did you do it?" Selena gave up. There was no hiding now. She fell apart and collapsed into Demi's arms.
"I'm a freak. That's what they tell me and have told me every single day. They torture me Demi. I couldn't take it anymore. So I took it out on myself. And when you suggested coming here... I didn't want you to know. I'm ashamed. Of what I am. Of who I am. They bully me at school. They never go away." With each word of her confession Demi's hold on her grew tighter. The two best friends clung to each other. Slowly, Demi laid a kiss on the corner of Selena's mouth.
"I love you Selena. You are not a freak. They are the cowards. I understand Selena and I'm going to do everything I can to make it better. I love you and I think that you love me back."
Selena allowed herself to smile. Demi understood. Demi was going to help. Demi loved her.
Who says
Who says you're not perfect
Who says you're not worth it
Who says you're the only one that's hurting
Trust me
That's the price of beauty
Who says you're not pretty
Who says you're not beautiful
Half an hour later the two best friends, or now more than that, sat before their families. Demi clutched her girlfriend's hand as she spoke of the torture that she had gone through for the past ten years. They hugged as Selena's wrists were shown to the room. And then, screamed in joy as the parents decided between them that Selena would be going with Demi as she continued her tour. There would be no separating them this time. A friendship that had started ten years ago was still there. A love had evolved that would last a lifetime. Selena knew that the bullies could not touch her now, could not hurt her now.
Friends were stronger.
Friends would help her now.
Demi would help her now.
Who says
Who says you're not star potential
Who says you're not presidential
Who says you can't be in movies
Listen to me, listen to me
Who says you don't pass the test
Who says you can't be the best
Who said, who said
Won't you tell me who said that
( Yeah, WHO SAID! )
Who says
Who says you're not perfect
Who says you're not worth it
Who says you're the only one that's hurting
Trust me
That's the price of beauty
Who says you're not pretty
Who says you're not beautiful
Who says?