'It's a good thing to be foolishly gay once in a while.'
~Horace

"You're asking me to do what?" asked Reid, incredulity lacing his voice.

"Come on Pretty Boy, be a sport!" grinned Morgan, elbowing the young genius playfully.

"Who, who will be the-the other m-man?" stammered Reid, he was sure this wasn't part of the contract when he joined the FBI. Had there been a paragraph signing your soul to eternal damnation? He didn't think so.

"Well, the unsub is targeting men in their forties with toy-boy lovers. Rossi is, and I quote 'too old to be leaping over that fence again,'" Reid shuddered at this, "And I can't seeing I'm only at the wrong end of thirty-"

"Hotch! You want me to be his lover?" Reid's voice went up several octaves on the word 'lover'.

"Thanks for putting that image in my head man!" groaned Morgan, "No, not only would that scar both of you, it would give us all some pretty horrible nightmares. However, you will be expected to kiss, dance, and well do what other clubbing couples do."

"But I've never been clubbing before!" protested Reid.

"And I don't want to find out what it's like kissing Hotch so you're the sacrificial lamb," retorted Morgan, "It's tomorrow night, and I've asked Garcia to run you through the basic toy-boy clubbing lifestyle."

"But, but-"

"As Acting Unit Chief I order you to do this," said Morgan, barely able to hide his glee.

"Not fair," grumbled Reid, aware of how juvenile his response was. Seeing Morgan's smirk widen he couldn't even begin to care, let alone do anything to wipe it off his face. Moving out of the office, he made a mental list of why he was so unsuited to this job. He came up with two pretty good arguments, and one slightly depressing revelation. He was:

1) Socially awkward.

2) A geek. His nights normally consisted of Star Trek marathons, not playing Tonsil Tennis with his boss

3) Totally, and utterly screwed.

Passing Hotch, he saw the elder profiler was on his way to Morgan's office. Part of him wanted to laugh at this. Hotch's face when he found out he was not only pretending to be gay, but dating one of his subordinates who was almost half his age. Hmm, maybe Morgan hadn't thought this out as well as it had seemed.

"Face it Hotch, you can see the logic in it," said Morgan, trying to appease the man in front of him. Cold fury emanated from his body, rolling off him in waves, and making Morgan want to bolt from the room as fast as he could.

"Rossi's dabbled in this area before, why can't it be him?" asked Hotch, steel underlying the seemingly harmless words.

"He's too old, and before you say it I'm too young, you, however, are perfect," replied Morgan, resisting the urge to hide under his desk. With Reid it had been funny, now it was just downright scary. But he was a grown man, and he had to appear unfazed... somehow.

Hotch almost laughed at this. Perfect? But then he remembered that he never went out with the team much, and Morgan wouldn't have seen how bad his dancing skills were, let alone his seducing ones... No, he did not just think about seducing Reid, that was borderline paedophilia. Although, it was almost worth it seeing Morgan squirm. The agent had a fresh sheen of sweat on his forehead, and his eyes kept unconsciously flicking to the door. It was almost comical.

"I've never been to a gay bar before, and I'm assuming Reid hasn't either," said Hotch, trying to point out the gaping hole in the plan. The Scooby gang could have come up with something better... Yes, he had definitely been watching too many of Jack's cartoons, but he had to admit that one was entertaining. He couldn't help profile the characters, and had concluded that all the villains were in some sort of delusion where they could achieve their aims by dressing up as ghosts and monsters, and Fred was quite obviously gay. Hmm, maybe he could copy him? The image of himself with blonde hair, an orange neckerchief, complete with blue jeans and white jumper brought this idea to a halt. No, he was not modelling his gay persona from a kids show that his son watched.

Seeing Morgan had started talking, and not wanting to admit he had spent the last few minutes thinking about Scooby Doo, Hotch pretended to listen, vaguely catching the drift of what the younger man was saying. There was no way out. Period.

"- and Garcia can teach you and Reid what to do," finished Morgan.

"Garcia is going to teach us how to be gay?" deadpanned Hotch, vaguely wondering if Hell had an emergency exit.

"Yes, she's quite excited about it actually," said Morgan, grinning in spite of himself.

"I bet she is," Hotch all but groaned.

A/N: Explanation time! I really wanted to write another Hotch/Reid fic, and my other CM fic is getting kinda dark-ish so I also wanted to do a parody to cheer me up. After not a lot of soul searching I came up with this idea. I think you can see that this won't be slash, at best it's imitation slash, I'm more writing this for my perverse enjoyment, and I can't really see them getting together on a case like this. Other than that, I think this will just be a two-shot, three at best depending on where the muse goes, and the next chapter will be longer, I'm just setting the scene. Hope you've enjoyed it so far, and please drop me a review :)

Also I'm more than sure that the Horace quote meant 'gay' as in 'joyful' but cut me some slack.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Criminal Minds, but I do have Hotch and a can of chocolate spray paint, I will not hesitate to fire.

I apologise for any spelling and/or grammar mistakes contained within this chapter.