Why me?

A/N- the first two chapters are going to be the set up so it'll mostly be flashbacks.

Summary- Rose is in prison for the murder of the queen what no one knows is she is pregnant with a mini comrade. They prison break is still there, but the big question is what will Dimitri do when he finds out the truth?

A/N- So this chapter may be pretty long so sorry but I tried uploading this before but it wouldn't take my second chapter so I put it in the first to sorry to people who have already read this part.

"Ugh I hate this" I say, as I take my head out of the toilet. How did I end up here sitting on the cold cement floor of one of the courts jail cell? Oh yeah, that's right. I was arrested for killing Queen Tatiana. Which I didn't; that's totally not my style. God and lets not forget the fact that Dimitri threw himself in front of me to protect me from the guardians. Oh I don't even want to get started on him he is so confusing that man but all that does is remind me of the last time he had me this confused.

~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~~

Dimitri had just told me "love fades, mine has" then abruptly gotten up and left. I sat there shocked for a moment then got up snarling.

"Oh no, you don't!" I stormed out of the church and looked around to see him power walking toward the woods.

Once I got far enough away from the crowds and stores I started yelling at him. "Dimitri, get your ass back here so we can talk!"

But he kept going like I'd never spoken. He kept walking until we got into the woods, so I followed him.

Anger flared inside me at the pig headed, childish actions. I couldn't believe he had ever criticised my behaviour for being childish.

I screamed at him in fury" Dimitri, stop your ass right now! Stop acting like a ten year old and fucking talk to me!"

That seemed to get his attention because he stopped abruptly and turned to look at me with a frown on his face.

" Am I really? I'm not the one chasing someone who doesn't want to talk to me!"

Oh he did not just go there. I gave him the meanest glare I could and it actually seemed to work a little because I saw him flinch slightly.

"Don't give me that, Dimitri, you know we need to talk about this and trying to get rid of me to avoid the conversation isn't going to solve the problem."

I saw his face go from firm and angry to soft and guilty, proving me right.

"You really thought I would fall for that, Comrade?" I asked in a softer, quieter voice.

His head snapped up at that.

"Fine, I'll talk to you but can we please do it somewhere more private then the woods." He said in an almost exasperated voice. I felt a little twinge of pain at his tone but all I could think of right then is that he agreed to talk to me.

"Okay, why don't we go to your room so they don't start to worry." I suggested

By "them" I meant his guards. He gave me a slight nod and headed towards his room. We walked there in silence not once looking at each other. When we got to the door he took his key out and opened it, standing back to let me in.

Once we were in his room I took the opportunity to take a look at it. It was quite small. He had a little table, a kitchenette, and then an arch way that lead to the bed, with two doors across it. I guessed it was the closet and the bathroom.

I sat down at the little table directly across from the kitchen where Dimitri was leaning against the counter.

We sat there looking around. Well I did. Dimitri seemed to be more interested in the pattern in the carpet. I started to open my mouth to say something when Dimitri finally spoke.

"Rose, I won't lie to you. I didn't mean what I said earlier but we still can't be together."

At first all I could think was how relieved and happy I was that he had admitted he was lying. Then it sank in and I realized what he had just said.

"Wait, why not?"

I was so confused. He told me he didn't mean what he said, yet we still can't be together.

Why not?

" Because I still can't forgive myself for what I did to you in Russia" His face was soft but sad, as if he was reliving the events.

"Why not?! I have forgiven you, I want to move past it!" I all but yelled.

Why couldn't he understand it?

"How can you forgive me after I put you through all that pain?!"

He looked mad now. He was starting to go to that place. The darkness of his past.

"Because I know that wasn't you back then. I know you wouldn't do that now."

"How do you know that? How can you be so sure?! "

He was yelling now. I started to remember why I had always called him a God.

"Because if you were a monster like you keep thinking are, you wouldn't feel this remorse." I yelled back. He just kept quiet, eyes fixed on the ground.

I forced down the frustration and tried to keep my voice level, resisting the urge to shake him.

"Dimitri, look at me please. "

He kept quite still and silent, not meeting my eyes.

"Dimitri, I love you please just talk to me. I need you."

What he did next took me by surprise. He moved so fast that I almost didn't see him and grabbed my face roughly in his hands and kissed me with so much passion it made me dizzy.

Dimitri soon pulled away but kept his forehead to mine as we both struggled for breath.

I want lemon scene here.

Can't help you there, I'm afraid. Struggling enough with doing one for my own story. :P

I looked into his eyes and saw the same lust and love I was feeling. So I grasped his face in my hands and kissed him with all I had. With all the anger and grief I had felt. With all the love and passion I was feeling and he did the same.

That night I had sex for the second time in my life. As I lay there in his arms spooning next to his naked body staring at the wall across from me, I thought about us, about all we had been through and all I wanted to come after this.

Fearing he would wake up and try to deny our feelings again I got up quietly and started looking for my clothes. I soon heard Dimitri getting up from the bed and walking up to me from behind to grab my waist.

"What are you doing? "

"Getting dressed." I said in a obvious tone.

Why? Why don't you come back and lay with me?" That was when I had enough and I whirled around so fast he barely had time to register it.

"Because I am tired of this game we are playing, of this back and forth. I am afraid you're just going to turn away from me because you still don't forgive yourself. I don't want that I just want you and you wont let me have that!" By the end of my speech I am yelling and out of breath.

"I wouldn't do that to you, not after tonight. I couldn't do that to you" His voice is soft and quiet and he was looking me straight in the eye almost like he was looking into my soul.

"Fine, then I have one question for you... Do you forgive yourself?" I looked him dead in the eye, not wanting to hear the answer, fearing what I know he is going to say. He looks at me with a hesitant face then replies with the answer I feared most. "No..."

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"You see that's why I can't be with you, not until you forgive yourself. I have already forgiven you, now its your turn." I said with a determined yet sad voice. He looks at me pained and sad.

"Will you stay with him until then?" I know who he's talking about but decide to play dumb.

"Stay with who? " I asked

"Oh, I don't know? Your boyfriend Adrian?" He sounded angry and all I did was let out a deep sigh.

"No, I will not stay with him " I said. I saw the hope in his face and suppressed my smile.

"But that doesn't mean I will be with you either " I saw his smile slightly falter when I said that. I turned around and started getting dressed. Once I started pulling on my shoes I realized that Dimitri still hadn't moved yet.

"Are you going to stand there all day or are you going to say something" I said in my smart-ass tone.

"So you're going to break up with him? " I heard that hope in his voice again and couldn't hide my smile this time.

"Yes, I am going to break up with him."

"When? " He asked in a curious tone.

"Sometime in the next day or so." My voice grew quieter, sadder almost. I was going to have to break the heart of one of my closest, best friends ever. Oh shit this was going to be hard. Dimitri walked up to me and rubbed my shoulder.

"It'll be okay we can do this" He said in a determined voice.

"What's this we you're talking about? There is no we, not till you forgive yourself. I do have conditions here." I said in a very serious tone. I see Dimitri's nervousness at my words but he shook his head to tell me to keep going.

"Well first of all this.." I said pointing from me to him then to the bed. "Can't happen again. Second, we won't speak again till you decide because I don't want you making rash decisions because of me," I said.

I saw he was about to argue so I put my hand up as a sign for him to shut it. "Thirdly when you think its time to talk again you text me and well meet at that little cafe okay?" I asked in a hard and serious tone. He just shook his head. Then he decided to say something.

"Fine I agree to your terms but you have to agree to mine too." I was about to say something when he cut me off and continued talking.

"You need to break up with Adrian within the week and you can't be with anyone else the way you were with me tonight." I wanted to argue but then he spoke again,

"Please just this one thing for me that's all I ask." He asked in a pleading voice and I just couldn't refuse.

"Fine, I agree to your terms." I said and I with that I left abruptly. Before I could go he grabbed my arm, turned me around and gave me one of the most passionate kisses I have ever had.

"I love you Rose remember that." He was dead serious and it made me lose my control to the point where I kissed him again.

"Good I love you too but don't do that or I might stay and I don't know how much control I have left." I said it with a big smile on my face.

"Oh Roza, I could make you lose control in seconds." With that I push him back inside for round two.

While pushing him back to the bed I said. "This will be the last time in a very, very long time"

I was on my way back to my room when I ran into the person I least wanted to see right now...

"Hey little dhampir, what's happening" All could do was look in shock why did he have to show up now of all times? I know I said the next time I saw him I would tell him but I hadn't thought I would see him for days. At least that was what I was hoping.

No. I promised Dimitri I had to keep that promise to him. Plus I owed it to Adrian to tell him the truth. He was my friend and I loved him, I didn't want to see him hurt but this would be best in the long run. I was just about to say something when Adrian beat me to it.

"You okay little dhampir?"

I realized then I hadn't talked in a while, he probably had been calling my name. "Well I wouldn't say I was doing badly exactly...but Adrian"

"Wow, I have never seen your aura so bright before! I don't know what took me so long to see it but it is glowing like the sun. I mean there is still a ring of black on it but its so minuscule compared to the brightness... there's also something else but its hard to see under all that yellow..." He had started rambling so I knew I had to cut in.

"Adrian we need to talk." I had said it with some sharpness I hadn't meant to be there but it seemed to get him out of his trance.

I started walking toward a bench in the garden. It was quite pretty with scrolling iron work. As I sat down I could sense Adrian had sat down beside me and I could see his feet because I had kept my head down the whole time looking at my hands with great interest.

"What is it Rose?" Oh god he said my name, he could tell there was something going on.

"Well..." I didn't know how to say this. Maybe I should just be straightforward but at the same time I wanted to let him down gently..

"Its him isn't it?" It wasn't really a question but I felt I had to answer.

"Yes, it is him.. but you have to understand, Adrian, I do love you.. Its just, I don't love you the same way I love Dimitri, with him its like I can't breathe without him, like I am half the person I could be without him...Do you understand what I am trying to say?" I finally looked up at him and I saw in his eyes hurt, understanding, and sadness.

"I understand but you have to understand this still hurts so I would like to be friends but it will take some time. Do you understand?"

The sadness in his voice and face almost broke my heart but knew I had to do this for both him and for me.

"Yes of course I understand. I just hope we can return to being friends in the future."

"So do I, Rose, so do I." With that he got up and left.

It had been a couple of weeks since then. I hadn't seen or heard from Adrian in a while. I had seen Dimitri and though it was hard, I kept to my promise. I didn't talk to him, though I did wave and smile to him.

I also told Liss what was going on. She had been kept in the dark for too long before, I didn't want to do the same now. She was happy for us and agreed with the whole letting him forgive himself first thing.

Today was Wednesday and I had been having a wonderful dream about a certain Russian on the beach... naked ;) When I jolted awake by the sudden feeling of wanting to throw up. Not the kind that involves strigoi. No, the normal kind. I ran to my bathroom and started throwing up . That's when I felt hands hold my hair back. I jumped but didn't do anything because I was to busy heaving over the toilet. When I finally stopped and turned around there stood my father wearing his normal outfit of a suit with bright blue scarf and handkerchief. It looked very well on him with his dark skin tone and dark hair.

"Kid, are you okay?" He looked so worried. I had never seen that look on him before but it reminded me he was my dad and he really did care.

"I am better now thanks old man.. but what are you doing here?" He gave me an exasperated look, and that's when it hit me we were supposed to have a bonding day today.

"Well, I came to hangout with my daughter today but it looks like I will be having to take her to the clinic instead." He gave me an amused look which I did not return.

" NO, I am fine now.' I protested though really my stomach was still turning.

"Too bad. Its not common for Dhampir's to get sick so this is my final word. You're going." He gave me this look that told me not to mess with him. Not many people scared me and he was one one of those few.

" Now get dressed and we'll leave." I listened to him and went to my room and changed into some skinny jeans and a blood red tank top with some grey converse.

"Okay I am done, old man." But what I didn't know was that I would never be ready for what happened next.

Taryn