A one-shot I thought up out of nowhere. I had some strange impulse to just write it and get it over with, which has never happened to me before. Maybe it's because of the general idea. Please read and review for me.

-SawyerSeville19

Alvin mumbled under his breath as he balled up another piece of paper and tossed it over his shoulder. He stared down the blank piece of paper that taunted him, as though it was sure he wouldn't get his task completed on it like all the others he had ended up throwing somewhere in his room.

He was determined to write down what he wanted to write down. But with his high numbers of failed attempts, he was beginning to wonder if he should just give up. For the moment at least. He sighed and gathered up the unused papers and put them into his binder. He set his binder into his backpack and picked up all thirty of his attempts at writing what he was trying to write and recycled them.

He climbed back onto his bed and pulled a book out from under his pillow and stared at the cover. It was a red book with the words 'My Journal' written on it in yellow. He had it made, but none of his family knew about it. Alvin Seville does NOT own a diary or a journal! Not to them at least. He flipped to the last page he wrote on and drew a neat line under where it stopped and wrote the date for today.

With a sigh, he began to write.

I told myself a while ago that I would tell him how I feel. I tried everything I could. But he makes my confidence disappear every time we're close. I become some stupid little girl and I can't say anything at all.

I've recently tried writing it down. But I think I may have killed about five trees since that idea popped up. I don't know why I can write everything down in here I feel for him, and not in a note for him.

I really do care about him. And it's more than puppy love. I know it is. I love the way his nose wrinkles when he's thinking, the way his eyes move fast when he reads something in a book, the way he corrects people, his sarcasm and dry sense of humor. I love HIM. I know I do. And it's more than brotherly love.

We don't argue half as much as we used to. I think that's because I barely speak to him now. I've been worried I'd accidentally spill out my feelings to him. And even though I want to... I'm worried about the results. His reaction. His rejection.

'Alvin, we can't be together like that,' he'd say. 'It's looked down on. And I don't like you like that. I'm sorry...'

Maybe that's why I can't find a good way to tell him. Maybe he's not meant to know. I think it's the best way to avoid getting hurt. And causing weirdness between us. I shouldn't tell him. I'll love him from afar. Like I have been.

Alvin sighed as he read over his depressing entry. Not all of them were depressing. In fact, he did seem like a lovesick schoolgirl in some of them. Getting all giddy whenever his crush smiled at him a certain way. Or whenever their hands brushed together and he was overwhelmed with that shock.

He smiled at the thoughts. Maybe he could manage to keep it a secret. As long as those little moments didn't go away. He could live with his feelings untold.

Alvin smiled through the unbearable ache building up in his chest. He tried to concentrate on what his brother was telling him, but he couldn't hear anything but his heart shattering. Simon actually asked Jeanette out?

"Wow Simon!" Theodore exclaimed, genuinely excited for his brother. "That's great!" Simon smiled at his little brother.

"Thanks Theo," he said, ruffling his brother's hair. Alvin averted his gaze when Simon looked over at him. "Alvin, you've been awfully quiet."

Alvin really had to keep himself composed. He cleared his throat and looked at Simon. "I'm just shocked you beat me to it, asking someone out."

Simon smiled. "Yeah me too. You haven't really been social lately." Alvin shrugged it off.

"Oh!" Theodore intervened. "You guys have to try my newest dessert recipe!"

"Sure Theo," Simon said.

"I think I'll pass," Alvin said. Theodore looked at him with disappointed green eyes. "Sorry Theo. I'm just not up for sweets right now." Theodore nodded.

"Ok, Alvin. I'll save some for you in case you want some later." Alvin smiled.

"Thanks Theodore," he said. Theodore led Simon out of the room. Simon glanced back at Alvin before shutting the door behind him.

As soon as he knew they were gone, Alvin climbed into bed and pulled his journal out from under his pillow. He didn't hold back when he started writing in it.

It's been two weeks since Simon announced he and Jeanette were going out. Alvin tried to be happy for his brother. But seeing him happy with someone else made his heart ache. He wanted to be the one making Simon happy.

Day after day, Alvin wrote in his journal. Expressing his heart ache through his words. It didn't lighten up the pain, but it did give him a healthy outlet.

Every day he watched Simon go somewhere with Jeanette. He had to get his mind off of it. He decided maybe seeing how Brittany was doing would be a good idea.

He took his time walking to the Miller Residence, making sure this decision wouldn't backfire on him. When he got there, he knocked on the door. After a moment Brittany answered it.

"Oh. Hey Alvin," she greeted, clearly she was expecting someone else. Alvin sighed, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

"Hey Britt," he said. She arched an eyebrow at the tone.

"Do you wanna come in, Alvin?" she asked, moving aside so he can come in. "I have a few minutes before my friends arrive to pick me up."

"Actually, can we just sit out here?" he asked. Brittany nodded and shut the door and they both sat down on her front step.

"So, what do you think about Simon and Jeanette?" she asked. Alvin swallowed inaudibly.

"Uh…"

"I didn't think either of them had the nerve to admit their feelings for each other," she said.

"Y-yeah…" he replied. He didn't come here to be reminded of why he came here. He needed a distraction.

"Alvin, what's bothering you?" she asked. He looked at her in surprise. "I know you well enough to know when something's bothering you." He looked at his lap.

"It's complicated…" he answered. Brittany was about to press him for more information when a car pulled up and honked once.

"Come on Brittany! The mall awaits!" her friend in the passenger seat said. Brittany looked from her friends to Alvin.

"Alvin, why don't you come with me?" she suggested. Alvin looked at her.

"Seriously?" he asked in shock. Brittany smiled.

"Yeah, you seem like you need a little fun," she said and stood. She held her hand out to him and he smiled and took it.

Alvin did have fun with Brittany and her friends. He mainly followed them around, but it kept his mind off of Simon and Jeanette.

"Go on, Janice," Brittany urged her friend, who spotted a cute boy by the shoe store in the mall. "Go talk to him!" Janice hesitated.

"I don't know, Britt. What if he doesn't like me?" she asked. Brittany urged her friend ahead with a gentle push.

"You'll never know until you talk to him," she said. Brittany's statement bounced around Alvin's head. He knew he would have to talk to Simon soon.

A few days later, Alvin sat on his bed scribbling down hurriedly on a piece of paper. When he was done he set his pencil down and stared at the note. He had thought this idea through constantly. He may have overthought it, but he decided to go through with it.

He frowned at what he wrote and balled the note up. He let out a breath and began writing a new note, being more careful about it. Once he finished that, he reread it once more. He cringed at the words and moved to ball it up, but stopped. He would always think the way he worded it would sound stupid. But this was the best note he's written for Simon. He sighed.

He's got the note written. Now he has to give it to Simon. He groaned and lay back on his bed.

Simon smiled to himself as he made his way into the shared room of him and his brothers later that afternoon. He had a great time with Jeanette today. He set his backpack onto his bed and pulled the new library books he had gotten that day out when he noticed a note on his pillow. Intrigued, he went over and picked it up. He opened it and read the familiar, slightly sloppy handwriting of Alvin.

Simon... It took a lot of time and thinking for me to give this note to you. It took even more time to tell you what's in this note... Simon arched an eyebrow as he read. First I'd like to mention that I am not gay. I've realized that despite my feelings, I do like girls. Simon smiled, despite his confusion. Alvin would beat around the bush when it was something serious. But...Simon could hear Alvin's sigh in his head. I do like you. More than I should. Simon, I have a crush on you. That was it. That's all the note said. Simon was shocked, his eyes rereading the last three sentences. His world was crashing down around him.

Alvin was a nervous wreck. He knew Simon had gotten his note by now, but his brother didn't approach him all afternoon. Maybe I shouldn't have done this. What happened to loving him from afar? I am so stupid…

Before dinner, Simon approached Alvin. Alvin couldn't read the emotion in his brother's eyes and that made him worry. "Can we talk?" Simon asked. Alvin swallowed and nodded, following Simon upstairs and into their room. Once Simon closed the door, Alvin freaked out.

"Simon, I am so sorry!" he exclaimed, his chest constricting with his emotions. Simon let out a breath and went over to Alvin, folding his arms as he did so.

"Alvin, you know this can't happen," he said. Alvin looked away, biting his lower lip to keep his emotions in check. Simon sighed in thought. "Alvin, I really like Jeanette…"

"No, I know," Alvin insisted. Simon looked at him skeptically. "Simon, I know."

Simon pulled the note out of his pocket and looked at it. "What are we gonna do about this, Alvin?" he asked, looking at him. Alvin was busy keeping himself in check.

"I-I don't know, Simon…" Having him rejecting him was tearing Alvin up inside. He had really hoped he had a chance…

"Alvin, I don't like you like that. But I care about you enough to want to at least make sure you'll be ok," Simon said.

"I'll be fine, Simon," he said. No I won't… "It's just a little crush." No it's not. "It'll pass in time." That's unlikely. Simon smiled, pleased to hear it.

"I'm sorry…Alvin," he said softly. Alvin looked at him with sad and ashamed eyes.

"Me too, Simon…"

"Fellas, dinner's ready!" Dave yelled.

"I'll see you down there?" Alvin asked, determined to not let things get weird around them. Simon nodded. Alvin returned the gesture and left the room, his heart shattering into pieces.

Simon sighed as he reread the note once more before going over to his bed and putting it gently into his nightstand. He moved to leave the room, but something caught his eye. There was a red book sitting contently on Alvin's bed.

"Alvin…and a book?" he wondered aloud. He went and got a closer look at it and read the words 'My Journal' written in yellow print. "Wait…a journal? Alvin?" Simon eyed the book, curious but he knew better than to read something so personal.

He bit his lip, shocked he was actually considering it. He let out a slow breath and picked up the book and opened it to a random page. "Maybe this will help me understand…"

He began reading the first thing he eyes landed on.

He and I have been getting along lately. It's because I've been trying to not cause so many fights between us. I hate when he's mad at me. It feels good when we get along; I love when he smiles at me. It makes my heart race.

Simon bit his lip again and flipped through a few more pages. Was this whole journal about him? About Alvin's feelings for him?

He read another entry.

He and Jeanette are dating...Seeing them together rips my heart apart. But he's happy...and I'm happy he's happy. I just wish I could be the one making him happy.

Simon let out a sad breath. I thought he said it was a crush…He flipped the page.

I can't take this. Seeing him with her is killing me. I want him to be happy. But his happiness by being with her is breaking my heart. I can't help it...I love him so much...

Simon closed the book in shock and set it down. H-he's…in love…with me…

Sometimes things don't always work out the way we wanted it. And that's what this story was about. I wrote my first ever one-sided Alvon. Please review for me. Thanks.