A/N: By my calculations, which were never actually calculated, this is the Prologue of one of my N&I stories. Oh yeah, if you find anything glaringly wrong don't be afraid to mention it. Seriously, tell me so I can fix it. I had to edit this half blind cause I broke my glasses.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Naruto.
| "Speech" |
| 'Thought'|
| -Jutsu-|
Story Begins
We come to find ourselves in an endless and empty void. Well except for the floating figure of one Harry James Potter. You see our Harry is a very strange individual. Not just because he might float for all eternity, or what what we perceive it to be anyway, but because he was a wizard. Yes, you read correctly, a wizard. Even though he didn't have that cool beard, awesome staff, or bad-ass hat. However, that does not matter.
Harry had led a pretty strange life. Here's a quick summary.
Harry was born to a Witch and Wizard. Lily and James Potter respectfully. Harry was born in the midst of a war. Well kind of a war, as there were no explosions. The war was over blood purity. Wizards who could trace their family's line back to several generations were called Pure-bloods. Those who suddenly acquired magical powers were known as Muggle-Borns. An insult for that term was Mud-Blood. Not much of an insult. I would have called them freaks. Just like my role model, Vernon Dursley
Anyway the war was concluded in one decisive night. You see the leader of the Pure-Blood faction was named Lord Voldemort. He wasn't named this by his parents however. You see his mom date-raped his dad. She got pregnant. He was like 'nah, I'm not ready to raise a child'. He left her preggers. She had the baby and died in child birth. With her last breath she named the child after her victim.
He was born in an orphanage, which is pretty sad. Who gets born in an orphanage. You get born in the school bathroom, and left on the doorstep of a church*. He was bullied by the other children like many children are. He however had powers. Like Jedi powers. He tormented his previous tormentors. Just think of the movie 'Orphan'* but with powers. Also there is no attempted seduction.
Anyway Voldy heard a prophecy that a child would be born with the power to vanquish him. So he was going to kill it along with its parents. Go figure. So he approached their magically protected home. Broke down the door, Law Enforcement style, and killed James quick, fast, and in a hurry.
Our Lord went upstairs and saw, the now widowed, Lily Potter. Here is their conversation:
"Begone insolent woman." Voldemort, our resident dark lord, hissed.
"No you snake faced, uh, arse." Responded Lily Potter, our resident insolent woman.
"Ah, well. Die." Lily was promptly killed. It was moderately sad. Our Dark Lord approached the crib of the child he targeted. The child had a tuft of black hair and, like all babies, was slightly chubby. He then proceeded to cast the killing curse, which left no trace, upon the baby.
However, the spell was rebounded back unto him. This left Harry with only a scar, from a spell which left no trace, to his name. Oh, and millions of gold coins, but who needs those? People you say? He has compassion so who needs money
Harry was given to his magic hating relatives where he resided for 10 years. He entered Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (No difference between the two) at the age of 11. Here's his school life:
Harry Potter's first year of Hogwarts was started off with a magical train ride, that led to the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry where a talking hat stood waiting for him. Harry went to Magic classes and learned how to use a flying broomstick. Potter fought a troll and played in Quiditch*. During a Quiditch match Harry almost died, he succeeded in smuggling a dragon and got detention in the Forbidden Forest. Along with all these happenings Harry had to take the most dreadful enemy one could face, school exams. Harry also went through a near death experience to get the Sorcerer's Stone, a crimson stone that makes you immortal.
Our Protagonist's, Harry Potter, second year of schooling started off a little differently. He was accosted by an unknown elf, before being locked in his room for what should have been the rest of his summer break. He was rescued by his best friend, Ronald Weasely, and was whisked off to his home. School started without much fanfare, except for the crashing of a car into a psychotic tree. He was able to escape punishment, only to be roped into attending a Death Day Party. Sometime later Harry stumbled upon a cat, which was hanging from a torch holder. After attacks began terrorizing the school, Harry decided it was the work of a 12 year old. He was, even with such a... strong conviction, wrong. After hard months of work Harry found one of the most kept secrets of Hogwarts. The Second Floor Girls Bathroom(Yes, it does have to be capitalized). With much effort he was able to save the school and a little girl. Who ever said books can't hurt you was wrong.
Now Harry's third year is where the plot begins to thicken. Apparently students are allowed to leave the castle at random intervals that aren't really expanded on besides non-vacation Holidays. They have to get permission from there guardians, because Hogwart's 'One Grave Injury a Year'* is not covered by your insurance policy. After brokering a deal with his uncle, Vernon Dursley, Harry was all set to be miserable for a month. To make a long story short, he blew up his aunt. But it's not what you're thinking. They weren't related by blood, so that makes it fine. After threatening his uncle with a stick(not even a pointy one) Harry escaped to the park. After having a bit of teenage angst Harry fell down, I mean was tripped... by the ground. After that lethal attempt on his life Harry was almost run-over by a bus of the night. Let's just call it the Knight's Bus. After assuming the identity of one of his Dorm-Mates Harry was taken to a Leaky Cauldron.
Upon arrival at the Cauldron of Great Leaks, Harry met our most esteemed Minister of Magic; Cornelius Fudge. Minister Fudge, having no lack of social skills, informs Harry that giving a relative a debilitating injury is fine and that he should have lie-down. The rest of summer was a blur of ice-cream, homework, and staring at Broomsticks. I mean, examining top of the line racing brooms. Harry eventually was reunited with his two best friends and, uh, friend stuff was done. They made their way to school and was accosted by a Soul Sucking Monster(You know the answer)* Harry fainted from exposure to aforementioned monster. After being examined by the school nurse, Harry was given a treatment of chocolate.
Nothing really happens this year. Harry goes to classes, does horribly, doesn't get the girl, loses the sport, and gets told on by Hermione*. harry is taught how to ward off the effects of the SSM's, and actually excels at it. He and co. follow a giant dog into a tree, without good reason(Who cares about the whole kidnapping Ron?*), and comes face to face with Sirius 'Hide Your Daughter' Black.
They talked, got interrupted, talked some more, was interrupted again, then MAGIC. And harry went home with the knowledge that his godfather was okay.(Yes, I did that. Got a problem with it, mail a complaint to 000 Drink Bleach Lane)
Fourth Year was long and boring, with an over-complicated plot for a simple plan. The thing was, Voldemort is a boss. Dumbledore is a boss. Harry wants to be a boss. Conflict from that situations. Voldemort comes back. Oh and tournaments r something like that, I don't remember.
Fifth Year was full of angst and stupidity from everyone. No one has common sense in the slightest. Magic must be what they traded it for, because I hate every character but Voldy now. At least he's just a soulless killer.
Sixth Year was the dumbest yet. At least the good guys start dropping like flys and are being chewed on like a bone. Does this give them that edge to win? That unteachable drive? They act exactly the same, go to the same places, and are still bitches in general.
Seventh year wasn't even spent in school, it was spent traveling from random place to random place. Nothing was found through the info Dumbles gave, it was luck. Luck and help from EVERYONE. Should have named it: The Whole Fucking World and the Deathly Hallows.
And then Harry got awesome and started kicking ass and being a boss. Who needs family when you got awesome coming out the butt-hole. It went something like:
Fame, Debauchery*, World traveling, Debauchery, Food, Debauchery, Sports, More fame, Old age, Debauchery, And death.
After death, we come to find Harry Potter floating in space. Like a planet, except he doesn't have a sun. Poor no-sun-having Harry, wouldn't you agree?. After a few centuries Harry went insane, he found insanity to be fun.
"I spy with my little eye something that is void... Maybe I'm in a coma... Tacooooooo... I wish I could fly... (Wouldn't he technically be flying? He is in space after all. )Why is eternity so long..." Harry was interrupted in his thoughts by a flash of light.
Harry found himself in what looked like an old fashioned Japanese housing site. It looked abandoned. Which sucked, because he was hungry. 'Did they have tacos here?' He saw a teenage boy staring at him. He looked to be about 15-16. He had crow black hair which was currently defying all laws of physics. His eyes were onyx, and were reminding Harry greatly of... Someone. He looked like Sirius's younger brother. He actually had a lot of the black family traits.
"Uh... yo?" Harry gave his usual greeting, which he only used in strange situations. The teen stared at Harry as if he were insane, which was true, but rude to express so openly. The pot doesn't call the kettle black unless he's not around. The teen, after studying Harry a great deal, spoke.
"Are you me from the future?" Said the raven haired teen 'Oh, this kid was insane as well. That must suck for one his age.' Harry thought sympathetically.
"No. You could never look this good." Harry emphasized his point by pointing to his face and various parts of his body. Veela* { Explain who Veela is } lusted after him dammit. "Where are we?"Questioned Harry. Harry was experiencing some serious hunger pains. Floating for eternity was hunger inducing.
"We are in the Uchiha District."said the teen Harry made the 'elaborate' gesture "Konohagakure no Sato." Same gesture was given "Hi no Kuni." Elaborate. " The Elemental Nations." Again. "The Earth." This is what Harry gathered: Nothing.
"Well that was a waste of time." Said Harry. Harry was going to look around the district when he felt a tug on his magical core. That was strange. He followed the tug back to the teen. Was he doing that on purpose? Harry did what anyone would do. He saturated the connection with magic. Then he 'yanked', for lack of a better term, all of it back into his body. This had the effect of the teen disintegrating and being absorbed into Harry.
Every aspect of the teen, now known to be Uchiha Sasuke was forcefully assimilated into Harry's mind. Since Harry had lived a long life some of his memory had faded. Sasuke's memories took over those weakened areas for themselves. Harry kept much of his life but good portion was Sasuke's. It was about 60% Harry and 40% Sasuke.
Damn. He was a ninja now. How cool was that. Yes folks, Sasuke was a ninja. There were thousands of them in his world. Ninja use a substance called Chakra. Chakra was the mixture of Physical and Spiritual Energy. They could use it for various things such as breathing fire, walking on water, and other marvelous things.
Well it was time to wake up. To infinity and beyond.' Harry amused himself too much
Deviatiooooonnn
Harry woke up to someone wrapped around him crying on his head. He was laying on the unnamed bridge of the Land of Waves. He was surrounded by the cheering of the now free citizens of Wave. Sasuke tried to stand. He failed. He couldn't really move at this moment. His body was still reorienting itself with being alive.
"Sakura. I'm alive. Aliiiiiive. Get off of me." As Sasuke spoke he began actively healing his body with magic. It was slow going as he had less magic than he did when starting Hogwarts. It must be do to the merging of their two minds.
Being able to use his magic, if only a fraction would be reason he could use magic and still have Chakra was simple. Magic was purely mental. Meaning 'Will and Intent'. Chakra was a mixture of that 'Intent' and the Physical energies of the body.
Sakura at hearing his voice broke down into even louder hysterics. She left Sasuke with ringing ears and a respect for Kiba, who had to endure this during the Academy.{Explain who Kiba and Sakura are}
"I'm so happy you're okay Sasuke-Kun." Sasuke blocked out Sakura's wailing easily. He entered his mind-scape to feign unconsciousness. He had some sorting to do.
Deviatiooooonnn
Sasuke woke up a few hours later after sorting through his mind-scape. Occlumency* had become much easier now that he wasn't as insane. He knew everything Sasuke knew along with the Knowledge of a three hundred and 5 year old wizard. The point is, he was going to be strong.
He went down stairs to find Tsunami and Kakashi. The former was preparing breakfast while the latter read his book, Icha Icha. Sasuke wouldn't mind reading himself, but he wasn't of sat down at the table across from Kakashi who barely cut his eye to him.
"How are you both doing this fine Wave morning?" Asked Sasuke/ Kakashi merely made a dismissive grunting noise. Tsunami, as she was setting breakfast on the table, answered.
"I'm doing fine Sasuke-San, Thank you for asking." She soon went to get the rest of the house hold so they may eat. As she left Sasuke addressed his Sensei.
"So Sensei. What are we doing today?" Kakashi sighed and closed his book. He thought that Sasuke was acting odd today.
"Well the bridge still has a few more days of building, so we will guard it from any remnants of Gatou's army." Sasuke nodded his confirmation before digging into his breakfast.
Break
It had been a week since the battle on the bridge and the reincarnation of Harry Potter. Sasuke spent the week getting comfortable with his new body.
Part of Harry's Magical Core had integrated with Sasuke's Chakra pool, thus tripling it. While his new found chakra pool was not as great as Kakashi's, or Naruto for that matter, Sasuke's chakra equaled that of a skilled Chunin This had the effect of destroying his Chakra Control. He had taken to the Tree Climbing exercise to improve it.
On the matter of body functions, he had been to practicing Sasuke's Taijutsu Kata. When he had spare time he sparred with Naruto or Kakashi. Naurto's clones came in handy with their number. He would fight Kakashi while using his Sharingan only to improve its effectiveness.
Sasuke, after reviewing the fight between Sasuke and Naruto vs. Haku decided that Sasuke was to slow. He thought about weight training but decided that was too tiresome. He had taken to doing his normal exercises in a chest-high river. It was really good resistance training.
Sasuke was being taught by Kakashi on using the Sharingan effectively. It was much better than any scroll could be. They would sit, in chairs, facing each other; Kakashi would constantly place Genjutsus on Sasuke and Sasuke would have to dispel them with just his Sharingan.
Break
Team 7 now stood on the complete bridge facing Tazuna's family, Tsunami and Inari, while the rest of Wave stood behind them. The Bridge had now been completed and Team 7 were about to depart for Kohona. Konohagakure, the Village Hidden in the Leaves, was the very peaceful and uh leafy home of our protagonist. Sasuke ignored whatever goodbyes going between Tazuna, Team 7, and Inari. It was most likely jut some tear felt goodbye between Naruto and the child. If Sasuke cared for such things he would made an impact on a person's life himself.
Sasuke apathy to the situation was disrupted by the arrival of Sinji. Sinji was one of the only still operating blacksmiths of wave. The rest had gone in to hiding or been killed by Gatou.
"Sasuke-Sama. I finished the task set upon me. I created the gauntlets as you requested." He handed Sasuke a sealing scroll as he spoke. Sasuke had almost forgotten. He had contemplated sending a Kage Bushin, which he had copied from naruto(though his limit was three), into Wave after they left if necessary. "I fashioned them from the sword you recommended." Said Sinji
"Thanks Sinji. You're a good man." Sinji accepted the thanks and re-entered the crowd. Team 7, after a round of tearful goodbyes, left the now liberated Wave. After hearing the cries of 'The Great Naruto Bridge' Sasuke contemplated being a hero, until he remembered he was a horrible person.
A/N: Sorry for the long wait, stuff happened. I'm trying to get in the groove of things. R&R. Anon reviews accepted. Don't forget this is a humor story.
*Quiditch: The only wizarding sport mentioned in the books. It is played on broomsticks, and is recognized by all wizarding factions.
*Death Day Parties is mostly in the name. It's a party for the date of your death.
*Death Eaters were the follower of the Dark Lord Voldemort, who wore smashing black dresses and masquerade ball masks. I personally never understood the 'eat death' analogy, and I don't feel like looking it up.
*It is perfectly legal to leave a child on the doorstep of a church or fire department. I honestly don't know why a fire department was included in that law.
*Every year that Harry Potter attends Hogwarts, someone is gravely injured. At the least one person. Also staying away from Harry woud be best as it does not differentiate between friend and foe.
*Hermione&Ron were his best friends
Debauchery is best embodied in Jariya
*Soul Sucking Monsters are monsters that suck your soul.